This isn't about bashing Samuel (sorry literally everyone except me) but it's about making fun of people criticizing him, because most of the criticism hurts to read. Enjoy!
The bash[]
> Sophie the Otter ~ You may be one of the heroes and have shown your good side most of the time in 4 Otters vs. Evil Bobbalu Men, my genderbent version, but you still behave unacceptably!
How dare you not always be heroic!
> Antonino Rossi ~ (Translation: You managed to annoy everyone, you annoying little fuck)
Look who's talking.
> Dietrich Fech ~ (Translation: You are a dumb prick!)
I know you are, but what am I?
> Tokiko Shako ~ (Translation: Meanie Head!)
Absolutely fucking destroyed him, Tokiko. I don't think he's ever gonna recover from that one.
> Sakura Shako ~ (Translation: DIETRICH TRIED TO TELL YOU HE WAS LACTOSE INTOLERANT! DID YOU LISTEN?! NO! AND FUCKOFF! SOPHIE SHOULD BAN YOU FROM GOING TO CONVENTIONS WITH US!)
He was trying to listen to the Grammy Award-winning 1999 hit "Smooth" by Santana feat. Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty off the multi-platinum album "Supernatural"! Don't judge!
> Ryou Shako ~ (Translation: Listen to me you mewling little worm, If I see you bully my little Kiko, feed Dietrich ice cream, and threaten Antonino with a penicillin needle, I will rip out your organs and make your corpse into otter meat!)
If you only do one of these things, I'll only make a few scars here and there.
> Nicole Birou-Jennings ~ This genderbent version of one of my allies acts annoying and like a jerk! Not only he will watch 1980's preschool shows, but he will also watch Barney, Teletubbies, Dora the Explorer, Super Why, Dinosaur Train, Boohbah, Curious George, Bubble Guppies, Blue's Clues, Dragon Tales, Caillou, Bob the Builder, Go Diego Go, The Wiggles, and other 1990s-present shows for preschoolers and toddlers.
Not preschool shows that nobody gives a shit about anymore! The horror!
> Marilou the Otter ~ You really act like you're a baby! You should watch Muppet Babies, The Berenstain Bears (1985 version), Popples, Kissyfur, Hello Kitty's Furry Tale Theater, The Care Bears (1985-1988), Kidsongs (1987-1989 episodes only), Ovide and the Gang, the first three videos of Barney and the Backyard Gang, the 1980's Sesame Street episodes, The KangaZoo Club, The Glo Friends, Katy and the Katerpillar Kids, The Wild Puffalumps, The Get Along Gang, Maple Town, Adventures of the Little Koala, The World of David the Gnome, Little Clowns of HappyTown, Pee-Wee's Playhouse, The Wuzzles, and other shows for little kids from the 1980's because you act like one big baby!
You can't forget that only 1987-1989 episodes of Kidsongs are allowed. Not any other Kidsongs episodes.
> Gemma O'Connell ~ Be a little baby and start watching Allsorts, Aubrey, Button Moon, Cockleshell Bay, Emma and Grandpa, Flicks, Get Up and Go, The Giddy Game Show, Let's Go Maths, Let's Pretend, Let's Read with Basil Brush, The Little Green Man, Maths is Fun (1988-1989 episodes only), Mooncat and Co., 1... 2... 3... Go!, Orm and Cheap, Playbox, Portland Bill, Puddle Lane, The Raggy Dolls, (seasons 1-3, season 1 aired from 1986-1987, season 2 aired from 1987-1988 and season 3 aired from 1988-1989. Also, three episodes from the 4th season aired in 1989 {The Terrible Storm, The Stolen Parrot & Crazy Golf}), Rainbow (from seasons 10-17, which aired from 1980-1989, also the 9th season aired 51 episodes in 1989 and the 18th season aired 16 episodes in 1989), The Ratties, The Riddlers (season 1 only, but only the episodes which aired in 1989), Rod, Jane and Freddy (1981-1988 version), The Rod, Jane and Freddy Show (1989-1991 version, but only the episodes which aired in 1989), Rub-a-Dub-Dub, The Shoe People, The Sooty Show (from seasons 5-14, which aired from 1981-1989), Tales from Fat Tulip's Garden, Telebugs, Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends (season 1 (which aired in 1984) & season 2 (which aired in 1986) only), Tickle on the Tum, Time for a Story, Towser, Tube Mice, TUGS, Tumbledown Farm, Victor and Maria, Wil, Cwac Cwac and The Wind in the Willows!
That's a long fucking breath there.
> Nicola Burns ~ You will receive bottom beatings if you are being bold, be fed with baby food and lots of lovely fruit and vegetables and be forced to watch The Adventures of Spot (UK version, but season 1 only, they're all aired in 1986), Animal Fair, Barney (1989 British cartoon), Bertha, Bric-a-Brac, Caterpillar Trail, Charlie Chalk, Chock-a-Block, The Family Ness, Fingermouse, Fireman Sam (season 1 (aired in 1987-1988) and 2 (aired in 1988) only), Gran, Green Claws, Henry's Cat, Hokey Cokey, Jimbo and the Jet Set, King Rollo, Little Misses and the Mr. Men, Mop and Smiff, Penny Crayon, Pie in the Sky, Pigeon Street, Pinny's House, Playbus (1988-1989), Play School (UK version, but only the episodes which aired from 1980-1988), Poddington Peas, Postman Pat (1981 version), Rupert (1985-1988), Stoppit and Tidyup, Storytime (1987-1989 episodes only), Superted, Willo the Wisp (1981 version), Wizbit, Words and Pictures (1982-1989 episodes only, which were hosted by Vicky Ireland) and You and Me (80s episodes only) by me and Lewis!
What's with these people and having superhuman lung capacities (That's my new band name)
> Kevin Sheldon ~ Hey Samuel, how about if you start liking the 80s episodes of Play School (Australian version) and The New Adventures of Blinky Bill?!!!! That'll teach you a lesson, mate!
Don't bring out the Australian 80s kids shows!
> Louise Strauss ~ I hope you'll enjoy being forced to watch the 80s episodes of Sesame Park, The Elephant Show and Polka Dot Door for as long as you shall live!
Amendement VIII: Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
> Sam Parkhurst ~ You should watch The Pumpkin Patch!
You just wrecked Samuel so bad. I don't think that he has any self-confidence anymore.
> Kim Tylers ~ START WATCHING THE 80s EPISODES OF PLAY SCHOOL (New Zealand version)!!!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT WE TELL YOU, THEN JON AND I WILL GET OUR OWN WEAPONS AND SMACK YOUR BACKSIDE!!!!!!!
Mad over the Internet.
> Ri Min-Li ~ (Translation: You fucking dumbass! I could give zero shits if you didn't join the team in the first place!)
Have you ever had a dream that, that, um, that you had, uh, that you had to, you could, you do, you wit, you wa, you could do so, you do you could, you want, you wanted him to do you so much you could do anything?
> Dmitry Volodin ~ (Translation: This fucking idiot doesn't pay attention to our orders of buying Marvel DVDs, and instead he buys porn DVDs!)
Still a better love story than you.