Plank Family Goes to Watch Turning Red

Before Going Out
Hope: Today, we're going out to the movie theaters.

Maria: Really?! What movie are we gonna watch?

Valentin: The latest Pixar movie "Turning Red"!

Tyson: Oh, fuck that shit! Why do we have to watch it?!

Brooke: Because it's a nice movie.

Kim: Yeah! And I thought the red panda looked cute!

Blake: SHE LOOKED LIKE AN ASSHOLE!!!

Lois: Exactly! How about we watch The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild instead?

Hope: No because that movie was horrible and easily the worst movie in the Ice Age franchise! Now please behave when we arrive at the theater!

At the Theater
[The family van pulls up to the theater]

Valentin: 13 tickets to see Turning Red, please.

[The worker at the booth hands Valentin the tickets]

Worker: Enjoy the movie!

[Hope then goes to get the popcorn, candy, and snacks while the six troublemakers hack into the intercom]

Serena: (speaking through the intercom) Attention, asswipes! Do not go see Turning Red!

Larson: (speaking through the intercom) Yeah! Instead, how about you listen to this?

[Larson proceeds to play "To the Hellfire" by Lorna Shore on his phone through the intercom]

Hope: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU SIX DOING?!?!

Lisa: We're blasting Lorna Shore because their EP "...And I Return To Nothingness" is so much better than that shitty movie!

Lois: Yeah! Go take us to see the 1997 movie Lolita instead or else we'll force everyone in this shithole to listen to Slaughter to Prevail!

[Hope rushes to the six and turns off the intercom]

Hope: You six stop this right now! You're not gonna be blasting Lorna Shore nor Slaughter to Prevail because they're both horrible deathcore bands! Now you owe everyone an apology!

Tyson: Fine... we'll apologize...

[The six, however, flip the bird at everyone and run off laughing]

Hope: Ugh... I'm this close to taking them all home!

Valentin: Relax, Hope. I spoke with the manager, and he understood that it wasn't our fault. He's still allowing us to see the film.

Hope: Thank god!

[The scene cuts to the Plank family in the screening room, where the movie is about to start]

Hope: I need you all to be on your best behaviors.

Tyson: As if!

Hope: I'm serious! You six are lucky we didn't got kicked out because of your stunt! Now be quiet, the trailers are coming.

[The trailer for Air Bud plays]

Serena: Air Bud? More like Ass Bitch!

Tyson: (laughing) Good one, Serena!

[The trailer for North plays]

Hope: Why are they showing a trailer for North? That movie got extremely negative reviews from critics, and it is one of the worst films Elijah Wood starred in!

Blake: Shut your bitch ass up! That movie was amazing and even better than the Lord of the Rings trilogy!

[The trailer for Rio plays]

Lois: Rio is absolute ass, and the musicals were cringe and shit!

[The trailer for The Dark Crystal plays]

Lisa: Fuck off already! I want to get this piece of shit over with!

Valentin: Cut it out!

[Eventually, the movie starts]

[20 minutes into the film...]

Larson: This movies sucks harder than a donkey shitting out razer blades!

Serena: Yeah! Mei in particular is an annoying asshat who sounds like she eats ass and dick on a daily basis!

Blake: And why the fuck does this take place in Canada of all places?! It's not even a real country anyway!

Brooke: Will you six stop?

Kim: Yeah! I wanna watch the movie without hearing you commentate on every little thing in a rude way!

Tyson: We don't give a fuck! And the 4*Town band sucks ass too! Graveland, Wesley Willis, and Angry Aryans are far better than them!

Hope: They are not because Graveland is a horrible viking metal band whose members are racist, Wesley Willis is a horrible musician who makes stupid music that makes zero sense, and Angry Aryans are a Nazi band who have some of the worst lyrics ever!

Lisa: We don't care! We'd rather listen to those bands than those gay ass boys!

[45 minutes into the film...]

Tyson: Okay, fuck this shit.

[Tyson throws his soda at the screen, causing it to hit the screen and leave a huge mess]

Hope: TYSON!!! OH MY GOD!!! YOU DO NOT THROW YOUR DRINK AT THE SCREEN!!!

Lois: MAN, FUCK THIS SHITTY ASS MOVIE!!! I'M PUTTING ON SOMETHING BETTER!!!

[Lois begins to hack the screen and plays a music video for Cradle of Filth's "Babalon A.D. (So Glad for the Madness)"]

Hope: OH MY GOD!!! TURN THAT OFF RIGHT NOW!!! CRADLE OF FILTH IS A HORRIBLE BAND!!!

Tyson: TOO BAD, SO SAD!!! ENJOY SOME EXTREME GOTHIC METAL YOU FUCKING POSERS!!!

[The audience, who's disturbed by the music video, run off, only to find that the doors are locked]

Larson: NICE TRY, FUCKERS, BUT THE DOORS ARE LOCKED!!!

Serena: NOW DIE IN THE HANDS OF DANI-FUCKING-FILTH!!!

[The music is blared as the six attack everyone with popcorn, candy, and soda]

Valentin: HOLY CRAP!!! YOU SIX ARE GOING WAY TOO FAR!!!

Lianne and Lilian: TURN OFF THE SONG!!! IT'S TOO LOUD!!!

Tyson: FUCK YOU TWO!!! GO KILL YOURSELVES!!!

[Suddenly, the music video stops, and the doors open]

Serena: What the hell is going on?

[Suddenly, the manager arrives, and is visibly fuming]

Manager: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU SIX RAIDED THIS SCREENING FOR TURNING RED BY LOCKING THE DOORS AND ATTACKING THE GUESTS WITH FOOD AND DRINKS WHILE PLAYING A DISTURBING MUSIC VIDEO FROM CRADLE OF FILTH!!! YOU ALL GET OUT NOW!!! THESE SIX ARE OFFICIALLY BANNED FROM THIS CINEMA FOR LIFE!!!

Aftermath
Hope: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU SIX TERRORIZED EVERYONE WHILE BLASTING CRADLE OF FILTH ON THE SCREEN!!! THIS IS EASILY ONE OF THE WORST THINGS YOU ALL HAVE EVER DONE IN A THEATER!!!

Tyson: WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!!

Serena: EXACTLY!!! CRADLE OF FILTH IS AWESOME, AND THEY DESERVED IT!!!

Larson: NOT TO MENTION THAT TURNING RED SUCKED ASS, AND IS EASILY THE WORST FILM OF ALL TIME!!!

Valentin: IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU SIX DID, YOU GUYS ARE BANNED FROM THE THEATER!!! AND THE NEXT CLOSEST THEATER IS NEARLY 10 MILES AWAY!!! AND YOU SIX ARE BANNED FROM THE CINEMAS UNTIL YOU LEARN TO BEHAVE!!!

Lois: WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN IN OUR FUCKING LIFETIMES!!!

Blake: YEAH!!! WE'D RATHER WATCH THE WOLF OF WALL STREET INSTEAD!!!

Lisa: AND I'D RATHER LISTEN TO BEHEXEN'S "RITUALE SATANUM" THAN WATCH TURNING RETARDED INSTEAD!!!

Brooke: NO, BECAUSE THE WOLF OF WALL STREET IS TOO INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOU SIX!!!

Kim: AND BEHEXEN IS A HORRIBLE BLACK METAL BAND!!!

Hope: YOU SIX GO TO YOUR ROOMS RIGHT NOW!!!

[The six stomp into their rooms and then slam the doors shut]

Tyson: FUCK THOSE GAY ASS CUNTHOLES!!!

Blake: I AGREE!!! LET'S GO BLAST SOME SUFFOCATION INSTEAD TO PISS THEM THE FUCK OFF!!!

[The six get out their CD player and proceed to blast Suffocation's "Liege of Inveracity" at full blast]

Hope: YOU SIX BETTER TURN THAT CRAP OFF RIGHT NOW!!! SUFFOCATION IS AN ATROCIOUS BRUTAL DEATH METAL BAND!!!

Valentin: Hope, let it go. After all, Turning Red is available on Disney+, and we're gonna finish the rest of the movie in my room where you can't hear Suffocation.

Hope: I guess you're right. Come on, everyone. We're going to finish watching Turning Red in Valentin's room.