Keaton Family/Transcript

Before the Revolving Line of Credit
Announcer: "Tonight on Supernanny...Jo meets a single mom who is in desperate need for help."

Polly: "Slut!"

Helga: "Whore!"

Joelle: "Bitch!"

Announcer: "She has girls who have gone wild!"

Bernice: "Everyday it becomes a battle!"

Submission Reel
Jo: "You are now with me in Louisiana. I wonder who we got here this time? Let's take a look and find out,"

???: "Hi, we're the Keaton Family! I'm Bernice, and I'm a jewelry consultant."

Bernice: "As a single mother, I have 4 daughters."

Bernice: "Helga who's 8, Joelle who's 6, Polly who's 4 and Belle who's 2. I have been a single mom since my husband Jared, who, was in the army in Iraq, was abducted and beheaded by terrorists about 1 1/2 years ago."

Observation Begins
Bernice: "Come on, everybody. Into the van! We're going to the mall to look for a present for Belle's birthday!"

Jo: "Later on, Mom took the kids to the mall to shop for Belle's birthday present."

Helga: Didn't you get her present on Amazon?

Bernice: “Helga, I tried to get it online but it won‘t deliver in time

Calling Nicole-Birou Jennings
[Nicole is watching Jaws on TV]

[The phone rings]

Nicole: "Hello, this is Nicole, how may I help you?"

Naughty Log
Bernice: "Polly, don't say a bad word to mommy. Say it again and you will be going on the Naughty Log."

Polly: "Oh, you son of a bitch!"

Bernice: "Let's go, you're gonna sit on the Naughty Log."

[Bernice deposits Polly on the Naughty Log and confiscates her Blue's Clues Blue plush toy]

Polly: "You are a donkey."

Bernice: "Mommy doesn't want those bad words because they hurt other people's feelings. Now you have to stay here for 4 minutes. Now your Blue is in toy jail!"

Polly: "No! Donkey is a big thumbs up!!!!!!"

[Bernice leaves Polly on the Naughty Log]

[Polly escapes from the Naughty Log and darts into Bernice's bedroom and watches her Blue's Clues: Arts and Crafts VHS on TV]

[Bernice uses a screwdriver to unlock the door and enters the room]

Bernice: "Why does Polly always try to escape from the Naughty Log every time? It is so exhausting."

Bernice: "Hey. You cannot watch Blue's Clues. I am asking you to sit back down on the Naughty Log."

[Bernice turns off the TV, confiscates Polly's Blue's Clues: Arts and Crafts VHS and puts Polly back on the Naughty Log]

[Polly takes the said VHS out of the "Toy Time-out Box" returns to Bernice's room, inserts the VHS into the video tape door and continues watching what she is watching]

Bernice: "Polly, when I say 'no video,' I mean 'no video,' now let's go back to the Naughty Log."

[Bernice confiscates the VHS and puts Polly back on the Naughty Log and walks away]

[Polly returns to Bernice's room and continues watching the Blue's Clues VHS on TV]

Bernice: "Polly, I'm not kidding. You still need to stay in timeout."

[Bernice confiscates Polly's Blue's Clues VHS, locks it in the portable safe, and puts Polly back on the Naughty Log]

[Polly leaves the Naughty Log and tosses the safe containing her VHS to the ground]

[The safe remains unbroken]

Polly: "I will choose another video to watch my show."

[Polly quickly grabs her Blue's Clues: Story Time VHS out of the drawer and dashes into Bernice's bedroom, inserts the VHS into the videotape door and watches it on TV]

[Bernice is on her computer checking her e-mail]

Bernice: "I wonder what she is doing right now."

Jo: "Let's check your room again."

[Bernice and Jo walk into Bernice's room]

Jo: "Polly, you are currently in timeout. There is no need to watch Blue's Clues. Come back right now. I am not joking nor playing games with you."

[Polly throws a pillow at Jo]

Jo: "Polly! You do not throw a pillow at Jo-Jo! That is not acceptable. Now your timeout is automatically 8 minutes long! Go back to the Naughty Log immediately! Now that is the second Blue's Clues video that needs to be in the safe!"

[Bernice confiscates Polly's Blue's Clues video and locks it in the safe]

[Jo puts Polly back onto the Naughty Log and walks away]

[Polly gets out of the Naughty Log once more and picks up her Blue's Clues: Magenta Comes Over VHS, dashes back into Bernice's room, inserts the VHS into the videotape door and begins watching it on TV]

[Bernice enters the room once more]

Bernice: "I am going to turn off Blue's Clues now and I am going to take away all of your Blue's Clues videos and lock them in the safe."

Polly: (whines) "BUT I WANT TO WATCH BLUE'S CLUES!"

Bernice: "Too bad. You have lost them all for the whole day. Sorry."

Polly: "No one likes you, Stinky Butt!"

Bernice: "YOU KNOW WHAT POLLY? YOU'RE STAYING ON THAT LOG FOR 12 MINUTES FOR TALKING MEAN TO ME!!!!!

[Polly grabs Bernice's hair]

Bernice: "DO NOT PULL MY HAIR POLLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Trash Talk
Bernice: "If I ever hear a naughty word, a rude insult or hurtful name calling of any kind come out of your mouth...this is what will happen, we take down a mouth from the trash talk chart next to your name. Each week, you girls get 10 mouths, that's it.

Polly: "Bitch!"

[Bernice makes Polly go and take down a mouth off the trash talk chart next to her name]

Bernice: "Don't swear anymore and you won't have to lose another mouth, okay?"

Polly: This is what I think of the stupid trash talk chart! (Yanks the chart down in a sheer rage)

Bernice: Polly, this is your warning. If you don't put that chart down, you go to timeout. Do you hear me?

(Polly angrily chucks it across the room)

Jo: "Put Polly straight into timeout."

[Bernice places Polly onto the Naughty Log]

Jo: "Explain why she's there."

Bernice: "Polly, you have been placed on this log because you did not listen to me."

Belle's Birthday Party
Jo: "The next day was Belle's birthday party and it took place in the Keaton backyard."

[Belle is dressed in a frilly Cheer Bear costume]

Bernice: "Belle, you look absolutely perfect. Let's get the headband on, and you're all set."

Bernice: "Belle loves Care Bears so I had a Care Bear-themed party. All of her friends from her ballet class were there. We had a Care Bear bounce house, a magic show, a scavenger hunt, face painting, a coloring page station, a Flower piñata, played plenty of games, and there was a Care Bears birthday cake with 6 colorful layers. I even hired a Care Bear to come to the party."

Bernice: "Helga, Polly, Joelle you look absolutely perfect! Let's go outside and join your sister."

[Helga is dressed in a Tween Care Bears Cheer Bear costume, Polly is dressed in a handmade Good Luck Bear costume sewn by Bernice, and Joelle is dressed in a Wish Bear costume, also sewn by Bernice]

[On the buffet table are rainbow fruit kabobs, Rainbow Munchies, Care Bear tators, macaroni & cheese, Honey bear punch, watermelon, rainbow fruit parfait, Rainbow Pringles, sunbutter and jelly sandwiches, Care Bears Punch, Rainbow goldfish crackers, spaghetti, and Care Bear burgers]

[Bernice is dressed in a Sassy Grumpy Bear Adult Plus Costume]

[On the ice cream bar table, there is a variety of different ice cream toppings (gummie bears, rainbow rocks, marshmallow creme, cherries, rainbow sprinkles, marshmallows, etc.), vanilla ice cream, Sauces (Coconut ice, passion fruit, chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup, etc.) cups, spoons, waffle bowls, and whipped cream]

Bernice: "Look, Belle. Your little friends Anjalee, Norah, Jennifer, Megan, Madison, Jessica, Wendy, Carrie and Jenny are here."

[On the dessert table are Care-A-Lot Jello, cotton candy, Caring Cupcakes, cake pops, a lollipop tree, Care Bear sugar cookies, rice krispie treats made of Fruity Pebbles, whoopie pies, a Rainbow Care Bear cake, milk bottles, skittles, Care Bear Cookies, marshmallow pops, and caramel duds]

[Carrie's mom is dressed in a Sassy Bedtime Bear Adult costume]

Belle: "Hi, Carrie!"

[Carrie is dressed in a Deluxe Plush Grumpy Bear costume]

Carrie: "Happy Birthday, Belle!"

Jennifer (dressed in a deluxe plush Cheer Bear costume): "Happy Birthday, Belle!"

Norah (dressed in a Champ Bear costume)

Jenny (dressed in a Funshine Bear costume)

[Jenny's mother is dressed in a Sassy Cheer Bear Adult costume]

Megan (dressed in a Tenderheart Bear costume): "I'd like to wish you a Happy Birthday, Belle!"

Bernice: "Okay, everybody. Whose ready to have fun?"

Kids: "Me!"

Bernice: "Let's have Anjalee be the first to have a turn on "Pin the Rainbow Belly Badge on Cheer Bear, then Norah, Jennifer, Madison, Megan, Jessica, Belle, and then the rest of you."

Jo: "They played games including 'Care Bears Go Round', 'Pin the Rainbow Belly Badge on Cheer Bear', 'Care Bear Blanket Toss', parachute, Lim-Bo-Bear, freeze dance, Musical Care Bears, Unbearable Knots, and Find the Birthday Bear."

[The living room ceiling is decorated with crepe paper rolls (colors: yellow, blue, red, purple, green, hot pink, and orange)]

Bernice: "Good try, Anjalee! Okay, Norah. Your turn."

Joelle: (angrily) "Fuck YOU, CARRIE, YOU STUPID slut!" (rips out of her costume)

Helga: "Yeah, Carrie. You look stupid in that Grumpy Bear costume!"

Carrie: "Really? But mommy says I look really nice."

(Helga and Polly take off their costumes and all their clothes off)

[Helga changes the Care Bears music to "On Fire" by "Lil' Wayne"]

Norah: "Oh, no!"

Helga: "GUESS WHAT?! I'VE ACTUALLY BOOKED AND WE WANT KANYE WEST, EMINEM, AND LIL' WAYNE!"

[The "Drop the World" song plays]

Bernice: "I thought I blocked those off the playlist!"

[Joelle knocks over the 'Care Bears Go Round']

Bernice: "Joelle, oh my god!"

Jo: "And then all of a sudden, the older girls, Joelle, Helga and Polly took off their costumes, Helga changed the background music and Joelle knocked over one of the party games."

[Belle and her friends ignore the song by Li'l Wayne and go into the Care Bears Bounce House]

Bernice: "Girls, you go back inside and put your clothes and costumes back on."

[Jo changes the background music back to the Care Bears music]

[Bernice takes Joelle, Helga and Polly back into the house]

Bernice: "Girls, your behavior at Belle's party is unacceptable. It is a celebration. It means so much to her."

Jo: "You deal with this Bernice, I'll take care of Belle's party."

Bernice: (to Polly, Joelle and Helga) "You do not spoil a celebration for anybody because that behavior is unacceptable. Do you understand?"

Bernice: "Helga, We cannot play that music at the party because it contains explicit language, Polly, your behavior was unacceptable and you refused to put your costume back on, Joelle, you do not knock one of the party games over! I think you need a little break."

(Bernice puts Helga, Joelle and Polly in a melt-down zone to cool off for a while)

Bernice: When you three calm down, then you can rejoin the party. Deal?

back at the party

Jo: "Okay, who's ready to sing Happy Birthday to Belle? The cake is here!"

[Bernice lifts the metal pan off to reveal the birthday cake]

Onward
[Polly bites Bernice]

Bernice: "DO NOT BITE ME POLLY!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bye Bye Jo-Jo
Belle: "Bye bye, Jo-Jo. I love you."

Helga: “So long Jo Jo.”

Joelle: “Bye Jo.”

Polly: “See you soon Jo Jo.”

Family Update
Bernice: ”We are now a happy family.”