Teavee Family/Transcript

Before the revolving line of credit
Announcer: "Tonight on Supernanny..."

Kyle: "I DON'T WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

Announcer: "Jo travels to Dallas in Texas to meet the family of a stay at home single divorced dad."

Announcer: "With two wild brothers that are acting out."

[Kyle pours his legos on the floor, smirking]

Announcer: "Can Jo put this family back together again?"

Submission Reel
Jo: "Here I am in Texas ready to help a single divorced dad who needs my help. Let's take a look and see who we got, shall we?"

???: "Hi, we're the Teavee Family! I'm Mike and I'm a stay at home single divorced dad. I have three children, 11-year-old Hannah, 7-year-old Matt and 4-year-old Kyle."

Mike: "My only daughter, Hannah is a million percent well-behaved and she will be having her 12th birthday party in a few days time."

Mike: "My former wife Sharon lives in another town."

[We see a picture of Mike's former wife Sharon]

Mike: "I got a divorce over a year ago."

Mike: "For Matt and Kyle, I tried Military School, Therapeutic Boarding School, Boot Camp, Behavior Modification Camp and Residential Treatment Center, but they didn't work."

Mike: "Matt encourages his younger brother to do bad deeds."

Matt: "I like to get my little brother to misbehave because I want him to be naughty like me."

[Footage of Kyle spilling a tub of legos on the floor]

Mike (franticly): "Kyle, you can’t spill..."

[Kyle grins mischievously]

Mike: "Put them back in."

Kyle: "No!"

Jo Arrives at the Teavee Doorstep
[Jo rings the doorbell]

Jo: "Hiya!"

[Mike smiles and tries to shake Jo’s hand]

"Mike: "When I saw Jo, I felt so pleased."

Jo: "I'm here today..."

Mike: "OK..."

Jo: "...to observe and to watch how your family works. So just go about your day as normal, and, um, I’m gonna be a fly on the wall and I'm gonna step back and watch you guys go on with your day!"

AM Morning
Mike: "Okay guys, your breakfast is ready on the table and so you have to be ready for school."

Hannah: "Okay, dad!"

Kyle: "NO!!!!"

Matt: "That ain't gonna happen!"

Mike: "If you boys aren't dressed, then you're going to school in your pajamas!"

[Mike brushes Hannah's hair]

PM Noon
Jo: "Whilst the children were at school, I sat down and had a chat with Mike."

Jo: "So Mike, tell me about your divorce with your wife."

Mike: "Sharon moved back with her parents to Denver in Colorado where she was born and raised in."

Jo: "Has any holiday been ruined by your sons?"

Mike: "And then Thanksgiving was really frightful because Matt and Kyle threw a football into the creamed corn and knocked it onto the floor, showed very bad table manners, made very crude comments, told everybody that I was 'gay' even though that they did not know what the word meant, burned Hannah's centerpiece in the fireplace, repeatedly asked when it would be Christmas and they also knocked over the table."

Jo: "My word."

Mike: "Christmas was totally ruined while we went to my daughter's school play, where she played the role as the Spirit of Christmas Past in A Christmas Carol and the boys were very disruptive during the performance because they were bored. While we were at my parents' house in Marble Falls, Arizona to spend the holidays with them because Matt and Kyle were shoplifting from the mall. They gobbled up all the fudge and cookies. This was the first Christmas we've celebrated as a family since Sharon and I got divorced. On Christmas Eve, the boys were very rude at the Christmas Eve service in church; they yawned and mimed with their gestures, as if to say that they were going to throw up. Then on Christmas Day, those bad boys recieved nothing but coal and sticks in their stockings and they each got notes from Santa as their only Christmas presents and I told them as a result of being put on Santa's Naughty List, they have now lost all of their privileges and for a year. And then they decided to attack Hannah for being the only one who got presents and she screamed and cried for help and I came rushing to her side. Later, they stole presents from their cousins and claimed them as their own. And then they ruined Christmas dinner made by my mom by starting a huge food fight with their cousins."

Jo: "I can only imagine."

Mike: "What's worse, Easter was a sheer nightmare! We were having an Easter Party at my sister's house. It got off to a bad start when Matt and Kyle threw eggs over Hannah's head and doused purple egg dye all over her white dress, which was expensive and dry-clean only. The eggs and the dye are for decorating. It cost me a lot of money to get the stains out at the local cleaners. They also attacked the Easter Bunny in the private area. I just don't know where they get it from."

PM Afternoon
[After school, the kids go home]

Mike: "Hi, sweetie! How was school today?"

Hannah: "It was good, Dad."

Matt: "Go Kyle! Go Kyle! Play it!"

[Kyle starts playing Call of Duty]

Mike: "Matthew Christopher, don't encourage him to play Call of Duty! You boys are way too young for that game!"

Kyle: "Die, die, die!"

Matt: "But Dad...you always like violent games and TV shows as a kid, right?"

Mike: "That was a long time ago."

Jo: "A long time ago? What do you mean?"

Hannah: "In science we watched a film on the animal kingdom..."

Matt (telling Kyle what to do): "Throw something down the stairs, Kyle."

[Kyle takes Hannah's Hello Kitty plush from her bedroom and throws it down the stairs whilst Matt is encouraging him]

Mike: "Matthew Christopher, what have I told you about encouraging your brother to do bad things?"

The Phone Call
[Nicole ]

Nicole: "Hello, who's calling?"

Mike: "This is Mike Teavee, a single divorced father calling from Dallas in Texas. I have three kids, 11-year-old Hannah, 7-year-old Matt and 4-year-old Kyle."

Nicole: "Is their any problems with your kids?"

Mike: "My only daughter Hannah is the only one who is a million per cent well behaved and her 12th birthday is coming up, but as for Matt and Kyle, they're...far from it."

Nicole: "How so?"

Mike: "Well Nicole, they ruin the holidays and special occasions, swear, talk back, spit, bully Hannah and they show a complete lack of respect for authority."

Nicole: "Okay Mike, if Matt and Kyle swear, give them a Green Smoothie and for being naughty boys, Matt will go on the Naughty Platform for 7 minutes and Kyle will be on the Naughty Chair for 4 minutes. You got it?"

Mike: "Sure thing!"

Nicole: "Okay, best of luck to you, Mike."

Mike: "Thanks a bunch Nicole."

Naughty Platform
Jo: "It wasn't long until Matt kicked off because he encouraged Kyle to hit Hannah."

Jo: "Mike, I'd like you to give Matt a warning."

Mike: "Matthew, we do not encourage people to hit. That is not nice, if you do that again, then you will go into time-out on the Naughty Platform."

[Matt ignores Mike and continues encouraging Kyle to hit Hannah]

[Mike places Matt on the Naughty Platform]

Mike: "Matthew, you are now on the Naughty Platform because you did not listen to me, therefore you must stay on this platform for 7 minutes."

7 minutes later

Mike: "Matthew you were placed on the Naughty Platform because you encouraged your brother to hit Hannah."

Naughty Chair
'''Mike: "Now that Matthew had his Naughty Platform. I now needed to send Kyle to the Naughty chair for hitting his sister."

Green Smoothie
Matt: "(bleep) off, you stupid (bleep)!"

Matt and Kyle talk to Jo
Matt: "I miss Mom, but I'm afraid to ask dad if I can talk to her."

One day till Hannah's Party
Mike: "Okay, Hannah, what theme would you like this year, sweetie?"

Hannah: "Mmmmmm....how about a mall scavenger hunt this year?"

Mike: "Great choice! I'll call the stores at the mall in advance."

On the day of Hannah's Party
Hannah: "Oh dad, this party is gonna be awesome!"

Mike: "I think so too, honey."

[Hannah's friends, Miley, Sally, Sydney, Macey, Penny, Ruby, Lisa, Vivian, Lindsay, Jeannie and Josie arrive]

Hannah: "Mall scavenger hunt, here we come!"

Mike: "All right, ladies. We'll divide 12 people into 2 teams. I've got your scavenger hunt lists right here. Here are the rules: There is a 10 point bonus for the first team to arrive at the mall meeting place. 5 points will be rewarded for each item teams bring back, but no two items may be from the same store. Salespersons initials are required on all items. 5 points are rewarded for a picture of each item. Receipts are required for the $10 hunt. Remember, there is also a point deduction for every instance of running, screaming or rude behavior towards salespeople or other shoppers and a 1 point deduction for every minute teams are late to the mall meeting place. The first team to finish their list, make it back within the time limit and has the most points, wins. Good luck, ladies. Ready... set..."

[Mike blows a whistle]

Matt and Kyle vs. the Babysitter
Jo: "I decided to take Mike out to spend a day at the opera. So the kids stayed home with a young babysitter named Jane Dumais."

Jane: "I have my babysitting notebook with me as always."

Mike: "Okay. Now, Jane, I'd like to show you something new here that Jo has given me."

Jane: "Okay."

Mike: "If Matt and Kyle are naughty, give them a warning and if they continue, Matt has to go on the Naughty Platform for 7 minutes and Kyle must sit on the Naughty Chair for 4 minutes."

Jane: "So where are they."

Mike: "I'll show you."

[Jane writes down all the information in her babysitting notebook]

Mike: "If those boys carry on swearing, then they'll have to drink a Green Smoothie. So I'll give you this thing here."

[Mike hands Jane a copy of the recipe for the Green Smoothie]

Mike: "I wrote the ingredients for the Green Smoothie and I added the places in the kitchen where you can find them."

[Mike hands Jane a long list of emergency numbers]

[Kyle, Hannah and Matt are watching Tom and Jerry: Robin Hood and his Merry Mouse]

Matt: "Wow, look at Robin Hood! There's good old Tom and Jerry!"

Mike: "Okay kids, I don't want to be late for the opera so I'll not have time to see Robin Hood."

Kyle: "You used to watch television as a kid, right?"

[Mike leaves]

Matt: (sulking) "No fair!"

Jane: "What shall we have for dinner?"

Family Update
Mike: "Since Jo was gone, I think my life has been improved."