The Best Christmas/Transcript

Freddy
[We see the current opening logo of either Dreamworks (US theather and intl home video) or Columbia Pictures (Intl Theather and Us home video)]

[We see the words in a Times New Roman Font in Sky Blue under a snowy background "Dreamworks Presents" (or Columbia Pictures), followed by the title of the film]

Narrator (older Freddy): "I'm Freddy, As a young boy, I begged for joy and cheer of a wonderful holiday season a long time ago."

Narrator: "There I was, in front of a utopia of fun and playtime..."

[We see kids in front of the toy store window including Freddy]

Narrator: "I could not resist entering that store."

[The kids and Freddy run into the toy store while screaming in joy]

[Freddy catches an eye of a BB Gun]

Narrator:The moment I've been waitng for was the BB gun!

[We zoom up to Freddy;s face and the BB gun with back to back shots]

[Some kid pushes Freddy down]

Freddy: Josh, watch where you're going!

Narrator:

Do You Know What I Want?
[Freddy's family watches a NHL game with the Pittsburgh Penguins playing against the St.Louis Blues]

Dad: This is Mario Lemuiex's last game so this is a very important one to the Pittsburgh Penguins fans.

Reporter (on TV): "St. Louis Blues are beating the Penguins with a score of 3 to 0!"

Dad: "You can do this...."

(The St. Louis Blues score a goal)

Dad: "Oh! So close!"

Eliza: "Come on Weight!"

Josh:Doug Weight, you're stupid!

Orla: Poo-poo!

Narrator: "We were a dysfunctional family like the Simpsons when we watched the Penguins getting beaten by another hockey team we completely hated!"

Freddy:Marc Andre Fleury deserved that save!

Mom:Calm down and watch the game guys!

Freddy: "Let's go Sidney JACKASS!"

[We see the ST.Louis Blues scoring another goal)

[We see Freddy's family getting bored]

[The game is over and the Penguins lose]

(the family starts booing over the St. Louis Blues winning)

Freddy (to Dad): "I can't believe they lost! By the way, unlike when you grew up, Mario Lemiuex is shit!"

Dad: "Come on, kid. You can't say that but hey I got some free coupons in the mail from Wendy's let's see the offerings they have."

[Dad looks for the offerings and is impressed by the deal they have]

Dad:Hey guys raise your hand if you want Wendy's for lunch for lunch today!

[The kids all raise their hands for Wendy's]

Dad:Alright,Wendy's it is! Lets get in the car!

[The family leaves the house]

[The family is at Wendy's]

[We see the family ordering food at Wendy's]

Josh (to Freddy): You better not order chili Freddy because their might be a real finger in there! (snickers)

Freddy (to Josh): Cut that out, you prick! You're gonna get this place shut down!

Dad (to his sons):Hey hey stop that will you please? This is a public outing and were here to have fun not for you two to start an arguement. Josh no more CNN and Fox News for you ok?

Josh:What? I was only kidding.....

[We cut to the family eating already eating their Wendy's meals]

Freddy (to Mom): "Do you know what I want for Christmas?"

Mom: What?

Freddy: "I would like a BB gun! It's so cool!"

Mom:You'll shoot your eye out,son.

Narrator: "OH NO! The mom-block tagline for the B.B Gun!"

Mom:I've heard so many stories of kids getting BB Guns and months later they end up hurting themselves with it! I don't know what is so cool about those kind of weapons.

Freddy:Are they that dangerous Mom?

Mom:They're not deadly, but you may have pernament damage in one part of your body.

Josh (to Freddy):You want a Red Ryder BB Gun?! Herbert Warren had one of those and he accidentally shot himself in the arm with one of those!

Freddy:You mean the redneck kid in our school?!

Josh: Yeah! Are you trying to pull that Warren stunt that's why you want one?!

Freddy:No Shut up! I hate that kid! He fucking does wheelies on his ATV and dirtbike with his redneck gang in the neighborhood on Saturday nights and its really annoying!

Josh:WHy can't you ask for something else that isn't rednecky or dangerous like an Xbox 360 or a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey?! The Xbox 360 is the hype right now at my school! My friends are saying it's more eye-popping than the PlayStation 2!

Freddy: Because a BB Gun would be cool to have for self-defense and it would be awesome to use it as a shooting scene like in Medal of Honor! And why are you calling me out for wanting a BB Gun for Christmas when I see you playing Cabela's!

Josh:

Freddy:Whatever, I'm getting a free refill.

Josh (to Eliza):

Narrator: I was dreaming of myself when I got home of having a B.B Gun!

Daydreaming about the BB Gun
Narrator: "I was wishing for a BB Gun for years. In fact, I daydreamed about it while I was at school."

Mrs. Foxworth (Freddy's teacher): "Class, what is 15 times 9?"

[We cut to Freddy who is staring at the board and then the camera fade into his dream]

[We see Mom, Dad, Josh, Eliza and Orla hiding under the couch]

[We see bad guys such as Joker from Batman, Green Goblin from Spider-Man, Al Capone from Tintin in America and Lex Luthor from Superman]

Orla: What's gonna happen to us, mommy?

[We see Freddy in a Indiana Jones costume, barging down the door]

Freddy:What's going on here?

Mom:HELP! Al Capone is back!

Freddy:OK, I'll fight 'em and rescue you!

[Freddy goes out and sees the bad guys]

Joker:You'll never get us Indy! Hahahahahahaha! Why so serious?!

Lex Luthor: Yeah with your dopey Marshmallow gun!

Freddy:Now I have a secret weapon!

[Freddy shoots all the bad guys except for AL Capone]

Al Capone: I'll be back you retched bitch but I'll have new goons!

[Al Capone runs away]

Mrs.Foxworth:Freddy! Freddy!

Freddy:What?

Mrs.Foxworth:The period is over,now you may go to reading with Mrs.Robertson.

Narrator: Yeah, I was in to deep. Chickening out meant having LA suicide with Mrs.Robertson for reading and Mr.Day for English. Science suicide with Ms.Hayash and Social Sucide (really it's Social Studies) with Mr.Giles,the baldest and fattest teacher in the world.

[After school Freddy gets home]

[Freddy barges in the door]

Mom:How was school Freddy?

Freddy: Uh,it was fine.

Mom:Remember,we have to pick up Orla from preschool right after Eliza gets off the elementary school bus.

Narrator: Why???? Shouldn't I have stayed home and sneak up to watch Cartoon Network? Cartoon Network was my favorite channel. On Friday Nights me,Eliza and Orla would watch a show or movie on Cartoon Network, whether if it is Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Codename: Kids Next Door, or even Ed Edd n' Eddy.

Mom:After we pick up Orla from preschool,you and Eliza have the play tonight so get dressed NOW!

The Pageant
(We see the front of a school)

Kids singing: "Christmas tree, my Christmas tree, lit up like a star..."

Mom: Oh, my goodness. Look, dear. Freddy's solo is coming up. Tell Josh.

Dad: Josh, Freddy's solo on It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas is coming up. Tell Orla.

Josh: "Orla, Freddy's solo on It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas is coming up."

Freddy (singing): "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go. Take a look at the five and-"

(Freddy trips over the microphone wire with Eliza controlling the wire with her foot)

Eliza:GODAMNIT FREDDY!

(Everybody starts laughing except Freddy's family)

Kid singing (played by Lauren Durrant): "Christmas tree, my Christmas tree, lit up like a---"

(Freddy looks up at Eliza and smacks her in the face repeatedly and then takes a hard punch)

Freddy: "You'll shoot your eye out, bitch!"

(Everybody except Freddy falls on the stage)

(One person gets hit on the Christmas tree)

Dad: "FREDDY!"

(The curtains begin to shut down with surprised Freddy)

(We see a 5 second shot of Freddy's face)

Apology
Freddy: "Everyone, I'm sorry for what I did at the pageant today. Forgive me already, will ya?"

Mom:Well other than the apology you added 3+3=6 to the behavior chart which means you have to do an essay go to your room and you're grounded for a day!

Freddy:WHY?!

Mom: Because of your naughty behavior. You must learn your errors of your ways, young man.

Freddy: But I don't want to! This is so unfair!

Mom: DO IT RIGHT NOW!

[Freddy runs into his room]

Narrator: That was so unfair!

The Video Game Codes and the Writing Assignment
Narrator:When I got home from school the next day I wanted to turn on the radio to my favorite radio program "Cheat Coders Split". I was gonna listen to the cheats of We Love Katamari, Animal Crossing: Wild World which I got at GameStop which I got last week, Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, Batman Begins,Madden NFL 06, The Matrix:Path of Neo, Star Fox Assault, LEGO Star Wars, Medal of Honor: European Assault, Marvel Nemesis: Rise of Imperfects and Physchonauts."

Radio Annoucer: If you have a XBOX, PSP, GameCube, Nintendo DS and Playstation 2 you should do the following games in order to win $10,000,000, We Love Katamari, Animal Crossing: Wild World, Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, Batman Begins, Madden NFL 06, The Matrix: Path of Neo, Star Fox Assault, LEGO Star Wars, Medal of Honor: European Assault, Marvel Nemesis: Rise of Imperfects and Physchonauts.

[Freddy writes down the games immediatley as the radio annoucer says]

[Freddy goes downstairs in the TV room along with his Nintendo DS]

Narrator:

[Freddy turns on the Fat PS2]

[Freddy starts playing We Love Katamari, Batman Begins, LEGO Star Wars,The Matrix: Path of Neo and Physchonauts]

Dad: Turn off the TV, Freddy. It's Orla's TV time.

Freddy:I'M BUSY! DIDN'T YOU FORGET THERE WAS A TV UP STAIRS AND IN ELIZA'S ROOM?!

Dad: But the TV upstairs doesn't play Nick Jr.. It plays TBS,Comedy Central, TNT, and all the adult channels. Plus,Eliza's TV is her property now.

Narrator: I wished we never rearranged our rooms because over the summer some dopey Home Depot guys and Dad rearranged the bedrooms so now mine is upstairs with Mom and Dad, along with Josh.

Freddy (thinking):I wish I would turn off the TV, but I have to get the codes in order to win $10,000,000.

Dad: ORLA'S TV TIME IS NOW! FREDDY! YOU HAVE PEER!

Freddy:I'LL BE HERE IN AN MOMENT!

Orla: I WANT TO WATCH DORA!!!!!!!!!!!

[Freddy turns off the Fat PS2 and turns on the GameCube and plays Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, Madden NFL 06, Star Fox Assault, Medal of Honor and Marvel Nemesis]

Narrator:Great. Now it was Josh's TV time and I was at Level 3: Nanny for behavior. I had to get that special prize,I had to!

Freddy:Come on it's fast!

Dad:Get out it's Josh's TV time!

[Freddy turns off the GameCube and turns on to his DS to play Mario Kart DS and Animal Crossing: WIld World]

Dad: Come on! You're gonna be grounded if you don't come out in 10 minutes!

Freddy:I'm almost finished!

Dad:Get out now!

Freddy:In 1 minute!

{The game cheats are done but Freddy turns the Cheat Code Prize Machine on the computer but there is no $10,0000,000 dollar winner, just a boring prize (a space for cheats)]

Narrator:I thought anyone you get $10,000,000 but they meant first person who did that and I was second.

Freddy (to Josh):Now it's your TV time, idiot!

Josh: Ok.......

[We cut to Freddy's school]

Narrator:Back in school,I had English with Mr. Day, the coolest teacher in Pennsylvania. But this one went to far.

Mr.Day:Now class, we will do a writing assignemt that is.....

Students: Aw, man!

Mr.Day:What you want for Christmas!

Students:YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!

Narrator:My mind went "POP"! I was gonna write about the BB Gun that I wanted.

Mr.Day: I expect the writing assignment due on Friday.

Narrator: Aha!

[We cut to Freddy's room who is thinking of ideas]

Freddy:I want a BB Gun for Christmas.... It's cooler than an XBOX 360 or a LEGO set. You can shoot beer cans outside with it...everybody should have a Red Ryder 200-shot air rifle.

Freddy:

Freddy [writing]: I really don't care if Herbert was shot and appeared on the WTAE evening news with a BB gun. I think he was really shot because he breaks in into other rednecks' trailers and the redneck mustve shot his arm. Anyways, a BB gun is good for you to have protection.

[On Friday, we see kids in Mr.Day's class including Freddy handing out their assignments.}

Mr.Day: Thank you, and take your seat.

The Nutcracker
[We see Freddy and Orla watching Cartoon Network while Josh is taking the trash out]

Freddy: I feel like i'm in a Nickelodeon mood today. I'll watch Nick later when everyone's sleeping

Dad: (calling loudly to the children, except Eliza, from downstairs) "Freddy,Josh and Orla we are going to see Eliza's ballet so get dressed and be ready. "

Mum: "Your cousins and your grandparents will arrive shortly."

Freddy: "To h*ll with the Christmas jinx show..."

Dad: "I just received a call from Uncle Malcolm saying that he'll be there in 20 minutes and Uncle Miles is gonna be in the house 10 minutes later than Malcolm! Get ready right now!"

Freddy (mumbling): And oh my god, it's such an important performance even though it's been like the 100th time..

Mum: "And after you guys are dressed, your father and I will bring you downstairs for inspection!"

[Orla turns off the TV and Josh washes his hands after he has taken out the trash]

[Orla and Josh go upstairs]

Josh (to Freddy) :Get your lazy Saturday morning a*s out of the couch before Dad turns into a Incredible Hulk! (Laughs)

Freddy: Like I really have to dress up like Ralph Lauren just to watch a performance I've already seen before!

Josh (mocking Dad): No Playstation 2 and GameCube until 2006! (laughs again)

[Freddy angrily flips Josh off and chases him upstairs]

Mom: Hey, hey, hey! No running!

Josh:

Freddy:

Josh:

[Freddy gives him a angry look before getting dressed]

Narrator:

Mom:

[Josh, Orla and Freddy come downstairs]

Dad:

[We see Orla wearing a red sequined dress]

Mom:

Orla: Thank you Mommy

[We see Josh wearing a brown suit,a tie, khakis and dress shoes]

Dad:

Josh:

[We see Freddy wearing a VANS "Off the Wall" T-Shirt, shorts and Old Skool Vans]

Dad: Really?! That is not appropriate! Change that, you're not going to the X-Games, you're going to a formal ballet!

Freddy: Why do they not get to change but I have to?!

Mom:

[Freddy walks upstairs and rolls his eyes]

[We cut to the play]

[We see the admission line with Freddy's family, cousins, uncles and aunts in the line]

Cousin Liam: I'm so glad we're seeing each other right now! What do you want for Christmas, Freddy

Freddy: Well, I'm still think---

Josh; He wants a 200 bullet Red Ryder BB Gun!

[Freddy looks at Josh rudely]

Getting a Christmas Tree
[The family arrives via car to a tree farm called Uncle Paul's Pick-a-Tree]

[A the owner of the tree farm named Mr. Watson shows up]

Mr. Watson: (to Dad) "Good tidings, sir. How can I help you?"

Dad: "We are looking for the perfect Christmas tree we can afford."

Mr. Watson: "Go ahead. Pick one for yourself."

[The family wanders around many different Christmas trees]

[We have a couple shots of Dad smiling showing off a tree to see if his family likes it, but the family nods their heads to "No"]

[We have another shot of ELiza smirking at Freddy to get a 2 foot Christmas tree. Angered by her smirk, Freddy gives her the finger]

[We have a another shot of Josh showing Freddy a Christmas tree that is almost dead and Freddy angry at his joke, makes and throws a snowball at Josh's privates]

[Freddy looks up at an approximately 20 foot tall Christmas tree]

Freddy: "HOLY C***! IT'S HUGE! LET'S PICK THAT TREE!"

Mom: "Freddy, honey, I'm afraid we can't afford that tree. The price says that it's $1699. We don't have enough because we have a measly $760. Besides, that tree is too big to fit in our living room. Oh, how about we can buy this $600 7-foot-tall tree instead? We have that much money to pay for it."

Freddy: "I WANT THE BIG TREE!"

Orla: (to her other siblings except Freddy) "Guys, please don't tell me that Freddy is being like a boy Veruca Salt!"

Josh:See this boy is nothing but brainwashed by the Doom and Wolfenstein games!

Eliza:Yeah right!

Oh Fudge...
(The tree falls off the fence)

Freddy: "Oh...fudge..."

(Dad stares at Freddy)

Dad: "What did you say, Freddy?"

Freddy: "Fudge...."

(Dad and Freddy get in the car with the tree)

Dad:Get in while I fix it.

(Dad fixes it)

(Freddy goes in the car)

Mom:Why do you have a dope face?

Mom:8 minutes

Dad:Actually 5 minutes,you know why?

Mom:Why?

Dad: "Freddy said something that he shouldn't say."

Mom/Orla/Josh/Eliza: "What is it?"

Dad: "Ready Eliza,Josh,Orla, and Marie? 1...2...3"

(Dad whispers to everyone in the family except Freddy)

(Mom screams while Josh laughs at Freddy and Eliza and Orla gasp)

Freddy: "What's the big deal? I thought fudge wasn't a swear word."

Dad: "Son, it's close to one, however."

Soap and Ms.Short
[We see Freddy with soap in his mouth sitting in the kitchen table]

Dad:

Josh (in a rude tone to Freddy):Look who can't watch the Steelers-Bears game because he was being a bad boy!

Freddy (muffled because of the soap): Shut up Josh! You get away with more rebellious things like taking a shit in the urinal! Or taking a dump on the teacher's desk!

Josh:Oh because you're probably gonna be punished by not being allowed to watch the game, I'm gonna be wearing your Hines Ward jersey while I watch the game!

Narrator: My Hines Ward jersey! Josh would always try to wear my Hines Ward jersey whenever I was in hot water with my parents or siblings! This was unfair as he had a Ben Roethlisberger jersey he had received on his birthday!

Freddy (in a screamed muffled tone):

Dad:Josh quit bothering your brother! (then to Freddy) Freddy, where did you hear this word come out from?

Narrator:

Freddy (blurting):YOUR BOSS MISTER SHORT WHEN HE CAME OVER TO OUR HOUSE!

Dad: Oh, I see.

[Dad tries to call up his boss Mr.Short]

[Ms.Short answers the phone]

Ms.Short: Hello.

Dad:

Ms.Short:

Dad:

Ms.Short:

Dad:

[Dad hangs up the phone]

Dad:Hey guys! We just got invited by my boss wife to have a evening dinner with them. Let's get in the car and go the Short's house in 40 minutes!

[We see Freddy going upstairs to take a shower and change while Josh is watching a NFL game of the Pittsburgh Steelers against the Chicago Bears]

Reporter (on TV excited):

Josh (to Freddy as Freddy's going up to his room): Hey you're missing it man! Hines Ward just scored a touchdown for the Steelers! Where's your Terrible Towel at?

Freddy:

[Freddy sees Orla waving his Terrible Towel with Eliza encouraging her to do so]

[Freddy rushes to Eliza]

Freddy:OH MY GOD! WHY ARE YOU LETTING ORLA HAVE MY TERRIBLE TOWEL ELIZA!

Dinner
[Everyone is at Ms.Short's dining room]

Ms. Short: "Christmas dinner is served."

[We see many Christmas-related dinner foods on the table]

Blackout
[A large blizzard is blowing through the town]

[A stronger wind blows down a power line, eventually causing a power outage]

[Cut to: the Shorts' household everyone is screaming in the living room]

Orla: "I can't see, dad! I'm as blind as a bat!"

Ms. Short: "Remain calm, everybody. I will try and get out a flashlight."

[Ms. Short gets out a flashlight and tries to turn it on, but to no avail]

Ms. Short: "Oh dear, it must be broken. I will get a candle instead."

[Ms. Short lights a candle and walks back to the living room with it]

Eliza: "LIGHT!"

Getting Dressed
[We see a tracking shot of Freddy's room while Hit or Miss by New Found Glory plays]

[We see Freddy sleeping in his bed]

[The music slowly stops as we see Eliza with a video camera and Josh walking in Freddy's room]

[Orla walks to see what's going on]

Eliza: Shhhh. Orla turn on the lights.

[Orla turns on the lights with her Boots the Monkey toy]

[Eliza is recording what's happening]

Freddy:Huh?

Josh:HOP ON FREDDY!

[Josh jumps on Freddy's bed]

Freddy:OW! GET OFF! GET YOUR Ass OUT OF MY BED!

[Freddy and Josh wrestle each other while Eliza records it]

Orla: It go on Youtoo (YouTube)

Eliza:You mean YouTube,our new obsession.

Freddy:Get that camera off my face!

Dad:This is what is happening today,Mom had to work double shift today and my employee and I are going to Pittsburgh and will see a Penguins vs Sabres game at 7 PM and i'll be leaving in 20 minutes.Why don't you guys eat breakfast right now?

[Josh,Freddy,Eliza and Orla go to the kitchen]

Dad:Oh and one of you has to have cereal because there is only 4 Eggo waffles and 2 Pop Tarts left.

[Josh,Freddy,Eliza and Orla race to the toaster]

Orla:You cheated!

Freddy:Josh! I got here first!

Dad:

Snow Day
Mom: "Kids, wake up, time for fun in the snow!"

Josh/Freddy/Eliza/Orla: "YAAAAAAAAAY!"

[The 4 children race downstairs and get dressed in their winter clothing]

[They also get their sleds in the garage]

Freddy: "Last one to the snow is a poopy-butt!" (Blows raspberry)

[The 4 run to the snowy grounds and go up a hill to slide down it on their sleds and they stop at the top]

Freddy and Eliza: "ON YOUR D*** MARKS, GET SET, GOOOOOOOOO!"

[All 4 children begin sliding down the hill on their sleds]

Gingerbread House
Mom: "Let's make and decorate some gingerbread houses!"

Josh: "Cool! It's gonna be sweet, literally!"

Freddy:No! I want to see Goblet of Fire and King Kong instead of making crappy gingerbread houses!

Orla: Mama, I don't know how to make a gingerbread house.

Mom:You are making gingerbread houses with your sister Orla and that's final!

Dad: Oh! This year we better do not touch the leftover candy until December 26th because you will make a mess.

What the?....
[At 6:45 AM,everyone is awake. Josh gets ready for high school,Dad is preparing for work,Mom is making Pop Tarts and Eggo Waffles, Eliza is eating Apple Jacks, and Orla is watching a Dora the Explorer episode called ]

Dad:See you kids at dinner.

Josh:Hey Dad I need a ride to my rec basketball game. Can you please drive me to the my game today?

Dad:

Freddy (shocked):

[We cut back Mr.Day's classroom, seeing him passing back holiday essays.]

Mr.Day:"Class, your holiday writings will be passed back. I was disappointed in the punctuation, but other than that, it's good."

[Mr.Day hands Freddy, Freddy's holiday writing and Freddy is smiling to open it.]

Narrator:"Just when Mr.Day was handing back my essay, I was excited to open and see an A plus"

[Freddy opens his folder and opens up the Holiday Writing but sees he got a F with a Come see Me after class comment]

Narrator:

[Freddy sees another comment on the paper saying "Our country is going through a hard time with this issue on weapons"]

Narrator:Oh no! The thing I was reminded at the Nutcracker!

[Mr

Punished/Rec Basketball Game
[We see Freddy laying in his bed thoughtless because of his punishment of his writing assignment grade]

[Mom enters Freddy's room]

Mom:

Shopping
[We see Freddy's family in the car.]

Mom: Where do you want to go first?

Orla: The video store!

Mom:We'll go as a family,OK?

Freddy: Ma, can we get our own movies?

[The family parks at the Blockbuster Video parking lot]

Mom:Yes but GIVE ORLA CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS OR THE GRINCH! DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK, YOUR AT LEVEL 1!

[We see the children at Blockbuster]

Josh (in Kids section):Hey Freddy loookkk!

{Josh is holding movies and TV shows featuring Amanda Bynes on DVD}

Freddy:Christmas Movies Mom said!

Narrator:

Freddy:I'm giving Orla Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer for this year. What'yd you get?

Josh:Only the great Miracle on 34th Street.

Eliza:Camel-mouth. I've got Santa Clause in my hands.

Freddy:Well I have my favorites, Elf, Polar Express and Grinch with Jim Carrey.

Freddy:Let's check out our videos.

[The kids go to the check out, nobody's in line]

Video store clerk (portrayed by Khole Kardashian):21.00 please

Freddy: WOW you fri***n kidding me.

Video store clerk:Swearing is inappropiate.

Freddy: Anyway my mom has money for that and were on a rush because we are going Christmas shopping.

Video store clerk:Sir,you must put that $21.00 down or I will call the police

[Freddy runs but is approached by another clerk portrayed by Robin Williams]

[Freddy does a bowing posture and so does the clerk and then Freddy kicks him the n**s]

Freddy:Go to a orphanage with goofballed nuns!

[Freddy runs to the car]

Freddy:Do you have 21.00,Mom or Dad?

Mom:

Dad:

Freddy:Thanks

[Meanwhile the clerk looks at Orla. Orla points for no reason, the video store clerk looks and Orla kicks him in the n**s]

Orla:S****y-b**t!

[Freddy is in the store with Josh, Eliza and Orla and pays the movies]

Freddy:

Josh:

Freddy:

[The kids get in the car.]

Freddy:What else is new?

Mom:We are going to Target.

[The family arrives at Target]

[The family enters Target]

Mom:Let's go in the $1 dollar aisle

Freddy:But they have little kids stuff..

Dad:We don't want to hear it so let's go!

[Freddy sees a bouncy ball in his possesion with the name "Bobby" labeled on it]

[Freddy throws the ball]

[We see the family happy except Freddy who looking at stuff in Target]

[We cut to the toy aisle the parents are looking at to get for Freddy's cousins]

Dad:Why don't you get a RC toy for Liam?

Freddy:What? He told me he wants Need for Speed:Most Wanted on XBOX 360 with the console.

Dad:But that's too expensive. It's $299.99 dollars.

Josh (to Eliza):Let's creep Freddy for revenge by putting Trolli in his bed,and put Dum Dums one time.

Eliza:On Christmas?

Josh:No New Years Eve

[We cut to the toy aisle with Freddy and Dad]

Freddy:I DON'T WANT THE RC CAR!

Dad:But that's 30 dollars. Plus,the Xbox 360 and Need for Speed together is 360 dollars.

Freddy:I DON'T CARE!

[Freddy walks to the electronic section with a weight lift he got from the Sports section]

Dad:Get back over here!

Freddy:WHY? I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST GAMER! I GOT MILLIONS OF HITS IN GRAND THEFT AUTO! GAMING IS SO IMPORTANT!

Dad:Get back and put away the weight lift!

Freddy:YOU WANT YOU'RE WEIGHTLIFT?! I'LL GIVE YOU THE WEIGHT LIFT! HERE'S YOUR DAMN WEIGHTLIFT

[Freddy throws the weight lift targeted at the Xbox 360 section but misses and hits the DVD aisle]

[The crowd seeing it is laughing at Freddy]

Josh:Way to go Bobby

The BB Gun
Dad: I forgot to buy my boss a fishing set so we'll go to Bass Pro Shops as the last stop.

Narrator: Aha! Bass Pro Shops!

Freddy:Hey Dad, can I come with you?

Dad:

Parade
[We see Freddy's family at a local Christmas parade]

[Red and green confetti and streamers flutter down from the air]

[Cheering from people can be heard in the background]

[We see characters like Dora the Explorer,Scooby-Doo and Shaggy,Jojo from Jojo's circus,Spongebob,the M&M's mascots,Thomas the Tank Engine,Pikachu,Snoopy,Kermit the Frog,Mickey Mouse,Buzz Lightyear and Woody and Power Rangers from S.P.D and Dino Thunder]

[We see Freddy's family in excitement except for Freddy who is really annoyed and impatient of seeing Santa]

Freddy:Dad when can we see Santa?

Dad:Until this parade is over! Now watch it or else you're not gonna see him!

Freddy (whining):But the store is gonna close!

Mom:Just watch it and behave!

Josh (to Orla):Look Orla! It's Dora!

Orla (in excitement): Dora!!! And Boots!!!!

Eliza:Mickey Mouse!

Josh:Kermit the Frog!

Freddy (sarcastically to Eliza and Josh):Oh my god there's Pikachu and Spongebob!

Dad:Please don't ruin the fun Freddy!

Freddy (complaining to Dad):But this is the same as last year except for that Jojo clown and the S.P.D Rangers......

[We see a jazz band doing a tune to Jingle Bells and a orchestra doing a tune to The Polar Express]

Dad:Did you hear that last year?

Freddy:NO!

Dad:Every year this parade is getting a little better.

Josh/Eliza/Orla/Mom/Dad (singing):It's a magic carpet on a rails Never takes a rest Flying through the mountains and the snow You can ride for free and join the fun (You can ride for free) If you just say yes 'Cause that's the way things happen On the Polar Express!

Freddy:Shut up already! This is more annoying than Jesse McCartney and Ciara!

Josh:Here comes the grand finale everyone!

[We see Santa on a sleigh with motivated reindeers and is waving to everyone]

Freddy: Finally!(x5) Can we go see Santa now?!

Dad:

[The family leaves the parade]

Eliza (to Josh): I think Freddy needs to appear on Maury Povich for wanting a gun for Christmas

Josh: Nah not Maury Povich, the Channel 4 breaking news over a simple s**t over the redneck gang!

[The family leaves the parade]

Seeing Santa
Freddy:Look guys,their's Santa but quick because the store's closing.

Narrator:

[Josh, Freddy,Eliza and Orla run to see Santa and think the line is short]

Man with kid (played by Brad Pitt):If you are seeing Santa,the line's way back here.

[The kids see a very long line]

[5 minutes later]

Narrator:

Freddy:I wish I saw him right now.

[10 minutes later]

Freddy:Damn..... We haven't even gotten up the stairs yet.

Nerdy kid: HI Did you know that many historians believe that Jesus Christ was born in the spring and not December 25 like that's supposed to be Jesus' B-Day?

Josh: OK but me and my brother and sisters are seeing Santa.

Nerdy kid:So am I. I love Santa!

Eliza:The line's getting faster.

[20 minutes later]

Santa:

Elf 1:

[Josh goes up]

Santa: HO HO HO.....

[Josh punches Santa in the nuts and quickly goes down the slide]

Josh: GOTCHA B***H! ONLY CAME DOWN FOR THE SLIDE!

Elf 2 (whispers to Elf 1): S**T.... Didn't get to see his face...

[Eliza goes up]

Santa:

Eliza:

Santa:

{Eliza goes down the slide}

[Nerdy Kid goes up]

Santa:

Nerdy Kid:

Santa:

[Nerdy kid goes down the slide]

Elf: Come on kid!

Elf 2: Come on up!

Santa:HO,HO,HO! What's your name little boy?

Freddy:Uh,Freddy

Elf 1:Hey kid! Hurry up! The store is closing!

Kids that are waiting:Yeah kid. Aw come on!

Freddy (to kids):Aw,SHUT UP!

Kid 1:YOU SHUT UP! LET'S GO!

Freddy:NOW SHUT THE JERKED MOUTH OF YOURS!

Santa:What would you like for Christmas?

Santa:How about a nice football?

Narartor:What? A football? Not that!

Santa:Get that kid out of here.

(One of the elves try to put Freddy on the slide but Freddy gets on the top of the slide)

Narattor:Why a football? I had to remember. Wake up dummy. Wake up!

Freddy:No, No I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle, a DMX CD, Happy Gilmore,South Park: Bigger,Longer,and Uncut and Call of Duty 2:Big Red One! (Freddy smiles)

Santa:You're too young for those presents and you'll shoot your eye out when you get the BB Gun.

(Santa kicks Freddy in the eye)

Santa:HO! HO! HO!

(Freddy goes down the slide)

Freddy:NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Toy Train
[The family is at Toys R Us the next day on Christmas Eve]

Dad (to the kids):

Josh/Eliza/Freddy/Orla:OK

[They go in different directions]

[Eliza and Orla are in the Barbie aisle]

Eliza:

Orla:

Eliza:

Orla:

Eliza:

[Eliza gets a Barbie doll off the shelf]

[We see Josh and Freddy at the video game aisle looking at what game to buy their cousin]

Freddy:Let's get him Shadow the Hedgehog

[Josh throws it as it goes thourgh halfway of the store]

Josh:Go get it

Freddy: Josh what the hell is wrong with you?!

[Freddy runs]

[We see a 4 year old boy playing with a R/C Thomas Train and then when sees Freddy he uses the train to try to run him over]

[Freddy is finding where the game has landed]

[Freddy sees the R/C train but ignores]

Freddy:It's just some kid playing it...

[Freddy realizes the train is following him and decides to run away from the train]

[Freddy runs across an aisle to get away from the train and sees his dad]

Freddy (nervous laughs):Hi Dad!

Dad: Why are acting all so jittery for Freddy? Did you gulp out too much hot cocoa?!

At Church
Freddy (in PJs):A nice night to watch Elf and The Polar Express.

Narrator:"I was all relaxed in my PJs and was in my bed hoping Santa could come but my Dad said..."

Dad: "Freddy, are you dressed yet to go to church?"

Freddy: "I'm in my PJs."

Dad: "Then get dressed. I am expecting you to be dressed in 30 minutes."

Narrator:I didn't want to put away my PJs. But I had a brilliant idea.

[Freddy puts his clothes on top of his PJs}

Freddy:I'm dressed!

Dad:"Good, now get in the car!"

{Freddy runs in the car]

Mom:All set.

{Dad starts the car and drives]

[Freddy sees a sign that says Mass at High School 6:00]

Freddy:Mom, there's mass at the high school. Can we go to that one?

Mom:NO way!

Eliza:Why is your eye puffed up? (laughs)

Josh:Oh I think Santa booted him in the eye! (laughs)

Freddy:Shut Up....

Mom:Behave yourselves kids but here we are!

[The family pulls up to the church]

Dad:Now let's get in.

[We see the inside of church]

Choir (singing):

[We see the family walk into the church looking for an available pew. We have back to back shots of Freddy's POV of people looking disgusted at him because of him sweating]

[We see Nerdy Kid waving and smiling at Freddy, but then two seconds later looking disgusted and confused at him, Freddy tries to be the first person in the family to get to the pew]

Josh: How the heck are sweating so much?! Did that running at Toys R Us give you one h**l of a workout?!

[We see Freddy's family sitting at the pew. All the family is serious except for Freddy who is sweating becuase he has PJs under his church clothes]

Josh (whispering to Freddy):Did you forget your deodorant? Because Drake Bell's girlfriend is at the mass! (laughs)

Freddy:Shut up! I'm trying to listen to the mass!

Josh:Oh look, it's your chick Amanda Bynes! She's probably thinking of how you smell like sh*t in church! Looks like you can't give her any cheek kisses! (laughs hysterically)

[Freddy's face turns red]

Freddy: Will you stop it you jerk?

[Freddy shoves Josh]

[Dad begins to notice his sons quietyl arguing]

Dad:

I got the BB Gun and PSP!
Freddy: "YES! I GOT THE BB GUN AND THE PSP! WOO-HOO!"

OH NO!
[Freddy goes outside with his BB gun]

How it went
[We see the family at a formal restaurant]

End
[The kids go to bed with their presents with Freddy with his BB gun not loaded, Josh with his new hockey stick, Eliza with a nutcracker doll and Orla with a Babo and Ox Uglydoll plush]

Freddy (to Josh):Do you think your Christmas was the best this year?

Josh: "Um, the best one was probably when I was your age.

Freddy (chuckling): "Well wait till Christmas 2006.

Narrator: "After all, my brother may not agree with me, but I still think it's The Best Christmas. And that wraps up my story on this real experience."