Horne Family/Transcript

Reflection Room
Jo: "Later that morning, Michaela started whining about the current state of the house. Kathryn didn't like it."

Michaela (whining): "I don't like the current state of the house."

Kathryn: "Why don't you like it Michaela?"

Michaela: "I just don't."

Kathryn: "Michaela tends to whine a lot in order to get my attention."

Michaela: "This house is so gay!"

Jo: *to Kathryn* "I'd like you, in a very firm voice, to tell Michaela to stop saying bad words. That's her warning."

Lose What You Like Chart Part 1
Jo: "Later on, Kathryn was trying to get Sam to turn off the XBOX 360 and eat his lunch, but he was having none of it."

Kathryn: "Sam, it's time for lunch, so you need to turn off the XBOX 360."

Sam: "(bleep) OFF!!!! I AIN'T TURNING IT OFF!!!"

Kathryn: "Then I'm gonna have to take it."

Sam: "WELL, YOU (bleep)ING AREN'T!!!"

Kathryn: "Yes I am!"

[Sam pushes his mother into the door and punches her in the arm twice]

Kathryn: "You cannot act this violent, Sam!"

Sam: "(bleep) OFF!!! I (bleep)ING HATE YOU!!!!"

Kathryn (to Jo): "What do I do now?"

[Sam kicks his mother in the stomach]

Jo: "You do NOT attack your mother like that! That is unacceptable Sam!"

Sam: "(bleep) OFF! I WILL PUNCH YOUR (bleep)ING GUT IN 1 SECOND IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR (bleep)ING MOUTH!"

Jo: "That back-talk will discipline you!"

[Sam punches Jo's gut]

Jo: "You do not punch my gut. It's One-Strike-and-You're-Out, mate!"

Sam: "WHO YOU CALLIN' MATE?!"

Kathryn: "Sam had really crossed the lines to the extreme limits."

Jo: "Out of the room!"

[Sam stomps his feet out of the room victorious and slams the door]

Sam: "(bleep) OFF! IF YOU CAN'T GIVE ME MY (bleep)ING CHANCE TO PLAY XBOX 360 FOR MUCH LONGER, THEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET CHOPPED IN HALF WITH MY (bleep)ING CHAINSAW!"

Kathryn: "Sam, don't you dare threaten me! Just you wait til your father gets home!"

[Sam smashes the fish tank with an aluminum baseball bat. All the fish move around and the water hits the kitchen]

Kathryn: "Oh, my poor babies!"

Jo: "All of a sudden, Sam brutally smashed a fish tank, and all of Kathryn's koi flopped around the floor in the kitchen."

[Allyson hides in her room from her brother in fear while finishing her 3D swan jigsaw puzzle]

Allyson: "When Sam gets like this, I just hide in my room. He is really violent."

Jo: (to Kathryn) "Since he broke the fish tank, you're going to remove a privilege from the Lose What You Like Chart."

Kathryn: "Because of what you did, you are not playing XBOX 360 for the rest of the day."

Allyson: "Finished!"

Jo: "Allyson finished her 3D swan jigsaw puzzle, but what came next was absolutely shocking."

[Sam destroys Allyson's assembled 3D swan jigsaw puzzle by smashing the swan creation into pieces with his fist.]

[Allyson screams in horror]

Kathryn: "What happened?"

[Allyson arrives to where her mother is at]

Allyson: "Sam destroyed my jigsaw puzzle! My swan is ruined!"

Kathryn: (to Sam) "Right! Now I'm going to remove another privilege from the Lose What You Like Chart! That means no Facebook for 5 weeks!"

Jo: "Why? What just happened now?"

Kathryn: "Sam just destroyed his sister's 3D swan jigsaw puzzle that she had just finished,"

Sam: (scoffs) "Who cares about a dumb old (bleep)ing puzzle anyway?"

Jo: "OUT of the room!!!"

[Sam stomps victorious out of the room with an evil laugh]

[Allyson breaks down in tears]

Allyson: "I've been working so hard on that puzzle ever since I bought it in Japan on my family vacation. That was my favorite puzzle."

Jo: "Sam's assembly of violent deeds was epic."

[Sam then breaks Kathryn's favorite CD by getting a pizza cutter and slicing it in 32]

Kathryn: "Oh, no! Not my Beatles album!"

Jo: "Remove another priviledge, Kathryn."

Kathryn: "Now you've lost your TV privileges, mister!"

Sam: "Don't care!"

Jo: "And to make matters worse, Michaela started to kick off!"

Michaela: "I can't take it anymore! You are a bunch of losers!"

Kathryn: "Just go out, Michaela!"

Micheala: "Fine, I will!"

[Michaela leaves]

Jo: "Then, he threw a very expensive item out the window."

[Sam continues his protest by throwing Kathryn's Revlon cosmetic kit out the window]

Kathryn: "Ack! No, not my cosmetic kit! That was so expensive!"

Sam: "Too bad!"

Kathryn: "That's four privileges lost now! You're not playing basketball with your friends today!"

Sam: "(bleep) you!"

Jo: "It kept going on and on. He even started to carry on with more violent deeds!"

[Sam then beheads Allyson's Yoshi doll]

Allyson: "There is no head on my Yoshi!"

Sam: "Too late!"

Kathryn: "You now lost your iPod Nano for the rest of the day!"

Sam: "DROP DEAD, (long bleep)!!!"

[Kathryn confiscates Sam's 10th generation iPod Nano]

Jo: "Sam never stopped."

[Sam tries to rip up the Lose What You Like Chart]

Jo: "Sam, stop!"

Sam: "(bleep) off! You are a mother(bleep)ing jerk! Someday I'm going to (bleep) you, you mother(bleep)ing (bleep) face!"

Kathryn: "All right, that does it! You now lost your cell phone for the rest of the day!"

[Allyson is in her room reassembling her 3D swan puzzle]

[Sam snatches his sister's 3D swan puzzle pieces and hides them]

Allyson: "My brother took away my swan puzzle!"

Kathryn: "Right! Now, I'm removing all of your privileges! That means you're staying in your room for the rest of the day and it's going to be like a Reflection Room. And there will be no computer time for you, mister!"

[Sam throws a bag of Crystal Meth at Allyson]

Allyson: "Mom, he has something in this bag!"

[Allyson shows Kathryn the Crystal Meth]

Allyson: "Look at what he's got!"

Kathryn: "SAMUEL TAYLOR HORNE!"

Sam: "(bleep) OFF!"

Announcer: "Coming up on Supernanny...Sam pushes the limits to the extreme,"

[Allyson hides in her room in fear as she is doing her homework]

Announcer: "Abusive limits."

Allyson: "Please, please make it end!"

[Sam force-feeds Allyson tobasco sauce]

Allyson: "Sam, stop! I can't take it anymore! Mom, help!"

Lose What You Like Chart Part 2
Jo: "Later on, it was time for Allyson's birthday party. Allyson turned 9 that day, and she was having a garden tea party with all of her friends from school."

Kathryn: "Look, Allyson. Your friends, Leslie, Yuki, Sabrina, Olesia, Natasha and Lydia are here."

Kathryn: "Yuki is one of her friends who was adopted from Japan and can speak English perfectly."

Lydia: "Hi, Allyson. Happy Birthday!"

Allyson: "Leslie, Sabrina, Lydia, Natasha, Yuki, Olesia! I'm so glad you came to my party!"

[On the beverage table, there is Iced tea, lemonade, and fruit punch with sherbet and fruit]

Kathryn: "I used potter plants with pretty flowers to set a garden theme for Allyson's party. Jeff helped out by using floral table cloths, napkins, plates, cups, everything! We also pinned and taped paper ribbons around the edge of the table, with bows tied every few inches for effect. Jo helped out too."

[On the refreshment table are finger foods, including cucumber tuna, egg salad on pinwheels, California Rolls, sushi, cream cheese on date bread, celery and carrot sticks, fresh fruit skewers, cubed cheese, pepperoni, crackers and ham]

Allyson: "Oh, it looks so beautiful!"

[On the dessert table, there is a cupcake tower, a cake decorated with flowers, ice cream (scooped into muffin cups, decorated with flowers and then frozen), small cookies, chocolate dipped fruit, pretty wrapped candies and chocolates.]

Sabrina: "I can't wait to dress up and stuff, Allyson!"

Lydia: "Isn't your brother Sam invited to the party, Allyson?"

Allyson: "Oh, no. No boys allowed at this party, especially my mean brother Sam, who destroyed my 3D swan puzzle and cut off the head of my Yoshi doll."

Olesia: "That's not very nice of him, Allyson."

Kathryn: "Allyson, your Yoshi's surgery is finally finished, and he's now recovering."

Yuki: "That's wonderful!"

Allyson: "Oh, Yoshi! Thank goodness your okay!"

Jo: "What happened next was absolutely, positively, 100% shocking. Instead of staying at home and finding something nice to do, he comes out of the house and puts a bottle of tabasco sauce in his sister's mouth."

[Sam comes in the party with a bottle of tabasco sauce]

Allyson: "Please! Please, make it end!"

[Sam force-feeds Allyson tabasco sauce]

Kathyrn: "NO SAM!"

[Kathyrn pulls Sam away from Allyson while Allyson and her friends run away]

Jo: "Since he fed his sister tabasco sauce, you're going to remove a privelege from the Lose What You Like chart."

Kathryn: "This birthday party means so much to your sister, and she's looking forward to celebrate it with her friends and all the girls in her family. Because of what you did to her, you're not playing basketball with your friends today."

Sam: "(bleep) OFF!!!!!!!!"

[Sam knocks the dessert table over]

Allyson: "Oh, no! Not my dessert table!"

Jo: "Remove another privelege, Kathryn."

Kathryn: "You've now lost computer time!"

[Sam punches his mother in the stomach and force-feeds her tobasco sauce]

Jo: "When I saw what Sam was doing to his mother, I stepped in. And for the first time ever, I screamed and I mean, REALLY screamed at a child."

Jo: "YOUNG MAN, YOU DO NOT FORCE FEED ANYBODY TOBASCO SAUCE BECAUSE IT BURNS THEIR MOUTHS, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Kathryn: "Now you've lost TV time."

[Jeff picks up the dessert table and makes sure that the cake, the cupcakes on the cupcake tower and other desserts are sealed and covered properly]

Jeff: "Don't worry girls. The cake, cupcakes, and other dessert are okay. Hopefully, Sam won't bother you anymore. In the meantime, help yourselves to some iced tea, lemonade or punch over there."

[Jeff points over to the beverage table]

Allyson: "Thank you, daddy it will get the tobasco taste off my tongue."

[The girls help themselves to the choice drinks]

[Sam then smashes the cake in Sabrina's face]

Kathryn: "NO SAM! That is not nice!"

Sam: "TOO BAD!"

Kathryn: "That's four privileges lost now! You've lost your iPod Nano for the rest of the day!"

[Sam then dumps buckets of flowers at Natasha]

Allyson: "Sam, stop! I can't take it anymore! Mom, help!"

Kathryn: "You're not playing Xbox 360 for the rest of the day!"

[Sam comes back with the tabasco sauce and force-feeds it in Olesia's mouth]

Olesia: "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

[Sam slaps Olesia's cheek and pushes her face to the flowers]

Kathryn: "That's two privileges lost at once! You've lost your cell phone and iPod touch!"

Jo: "Remove just one privilege."

Kathryn: "He did two things. He fed a guest tabasco sauce and dumped her face to the pot of flowers."

[Jeff takes the Tabasco sauce off of Sam]

Jeff: "I better go take it inside and lock it up. Sam, you're coming inside the house, young man."

[Jeff escorts Sam into the house]

Jo: "I'll make you a new cake while mom gets things tidied up."

Natasha: "I'll help!"

Sabrina: "Me too!"

[12 minutes later, Jo comes out with a newly baked and iced cake decorated with flowers]

[Yuki, Lydia, Allyson, Olesia, Leslie, Sabrina and Natasha have finished redecorating the table, with Kathryn's help]

Jo: "Okay, ready to sing Happy Birthday?"

[Jeff emerges from the house on cue]

Kathryn, Jeff, Jo and party guests: "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Allyson, Happy Birthday to you..."

Jo: "Make a wish, Allyson!"

[Allyson blows out the candles]

Jeff: "Beautiful. Nice work, Allyson! Now, who wants cake and ice cream?"

Guests: "I do!"

[Sam gets out of the house, but this time, by bedroom window, with three live robots, and their respective parachutes]

[Sam aims the hose at all party guests]

[Kathryn turns off the hose]

[Sam deposits fireworks to the cake]

[Jo quickly removes the fireworks from the cake and immediately disposes of them]

[Sam smash-punches Lydia]

Kathryn: "NO SAM!"

[Sam punches Kathryn in the face]

[Sam sprays tabasco to all food and drinks]

Jo: "Samuel, how did you get out? You know you were supposed to be in the house."

Jeff: "All right, everybody. Who's ready for peppermint ice cream?"

Lydia: "I am!"

Allyson: "I am!"

Olesia: "Me!"

Leslie: "Me!"

Yuki: "I am!"

Sabrina: "Me!"

Natasha: "I am!"

Jeff: "All right, here you go, girls."

[Jeff serves the girls their molded ice cream]

[Sabrina takes her first bite of the ice cream]

Sabrina: "OW! IT TASTES LIKE TABASCO!"

Olesia: "No, it doesn't." [bites her ice cream] "OW! TABASCO!"

Allyson: "What's everybody talking about? This is peppermint ice cream."

[Allyson takes a bite of her ice cream, and then her eyes widen]

[Closeup of Allison's eyes]

Allyson: "OW! TABASCO SAUCE!"

Yuki: "OW, OW, OW, OW!"

Lydia: "AAH! It burns!"

Leslie: "My mouth is on fire!"

Natasha: "Who could have done such a thing?"

Jeff: "Here girls. Have some water."

[Yuki gulps down some cold water]

Jeff: "How can the peppermint ice cream taste like tabasco? I think that Sam sprayed tobasco to all the buffets."

Jo: "Remove another privilege, Kathryn."

Kathryn: "Sam, you now lost your iPad! Now go to your room!"

[Kathryn sends Sam to his room]

[Sam comes out of his room by bedroom window]

Jo: "Things went from bad to worse. He started to carry on with more violent deeds!"

Kathryn: "Sam, you're supposed to be in your room. Go back in there and stay there!"

[Kathryn sends Sam back to his room]

Jeff: "I think he got out by his bedroom window. How can we stop him?"

[Sam comes out of his room by bedroom window and destroys the buffet table]

Kathryn: "Sam, how did you get out your room? Get back in there!"

Jeff: "Now you're going to write a 300-word essay about the errors of your ways, mister."

Sam: "RIGHT NOW, THE WAY YOU ARE ACTING LIKE IS (bleep)ING (bleep)ING ME OFF! YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! AND WHO'S (bleep)ING WELL RESPONSIBILITY IS IT THAT ALLYSON'S (bleep)ING BIRTHDAY PARTY IS GETTING (bleep)ING RUINED?!?!?! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE IT!!!!! YOU ARE THE MOST UNGRATEFUL, HIDEOUS-LOOKING BRATS I'VE EVER MET! SLEEP WITH THE RATS IN THE CELLAR FOR A MONTH!!!!!!"

Jo: "But I was livid! I had to get very tough with him. Instead of calming down, collecting his thoughts, apologizing, and doing what he was told, he blows off his top and makes the family and me very very very upset!"

[Sam destroys the teacup by throwing it on the ground]

Kathryn: "Oh, no! That was our wedding present!"

Jo: "Remove another privilege, Kathryn."

[Sam sets Allyson's room on fire]

[Allyson screams in horror]

[Sam comes back with a sledgehammer and chases after Lydia]

[Lydia screams in horror]

[Sam finally grabs Lydia and is about to hit her in the head with a sledgehammer]

[Kathryn stops Sam from hurting Lydia]

Kathryn: "SAMUEL TAYLOR HORNE!"

Lydia: "Let me go!"

Sam: "Very poor choice of words, Lydia, SHUT THE (bleep) UP!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Sam uncontrollably hits Lydia with a sledgehammer]

Lose What You Like Chart Part 3
[Sam destroys the teacup by throwing it on the ground]

[Lydia screams in horror]

Sam: "Very poor choice of words, Lydia, SHUT THE (bleep) UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Sam uncontrollably hits Lydia with a sledgehammer]

Kathryn: "LYDIA MAY HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE NOW!!!"

Lydia: "I'm okay, Mrs. Horne, I'm fine."

Kathryn: "No need to be formal, darling, you can call us Jeff and Kathryn, it's all right!"

[Kathryn hugs a sobbing Allyson and a frightened Lydia]

Lydia: "Kathryn, I'm scared!"

Kathryn: "Don't worry. It will get better."

Olesia: "Kathryn, it's Michaela and Yuki. They have been lacerated by Sam!"

[Yuki and Michaela are sobbing uncontrollably]

[We see Kathryn on a black background, followed by Jeff on a green background, and Jo on a purple background. They turn on, one by one, revealing Kathryn, Jeff and Jo, with pissed off looks at their faces]

Kathryn, Jeff and Jo: "SAMUEL TAYLOR HORNE!!!"

Jeff: "Maybe we should move Allyson's party somewhere else so that Sam won't bother them,"

Kathryn: "Sounds good,"

Jo: "Allyson's party was relocated elsewhere in order to prevent anymore interruptions by Sam."

Jeff: "So, Allyson, where shall we move your party?"

Allyson: "How about far away as possible?"

[Jeff, Kathryn, Allyson and the guests leave]

[Jo is extremely livid with Sam]

Jo: "HOW DARE YOU RUIN THAT CELEBRATION FOR YOUR SISTER? WHAT YOU DID WAS VERY SELFISH! YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER WORKED VERY HARD AND WENT THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE TO MAKE IT VERY SPECIAL FOR HER. YOUR FATHER SAYS THAT YOU HAVE TO WRITE A 300-WORD ESSAY, EXPLAINING WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND WHAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CAUSED! IT HAS TO BE DONE BY DINNERTIME, OTHERWISE ALL OF YOUR PRIVILEGES WILL BE GONE FOR 2 YEARS!"

Sam: "Leave me alone."

Jo: "That was not very nice."

[Jo puts out the fire, but only 75% of Allyson's room, is destroyed by the fire]

[Jo loses it and raises her voice extremely super mega louder]

Jo: (very, very, very hyper furious): "THIS IS THE FINAL F**KING STRAW! EVERY SINGLE F**KING PIECE OF ELECTRONIC YOU BLOODY B**STARD WILL BE DESTROYED, ALL OF YOUR G, PG, AND PG-13 MOVIES, WILL BE REPLACED WITH R, NC-17, AND X RATED FILMS, ALL THE SNACKS YOU ATE WILL BE DISCONTINUED AND DEFUNCT, YOUR FRIENDS ARE GONNA MOVE AWAY FROM THE SOLAR NEIGHBORHOOD, YOUR ROOM WILL GET DESTROYED, AND YOU LOST YOUR F**KING PRIVILEGES WILL BE GONE FOR 291749143619463916439613936191931063104637193604637953619416031957590874013659561097610795107501708916094736510641965147196719691603718659743809746175027418615903157916409184371904701956310419035619047130946109561047140710414619437804107014701703750171098461395619407130473186501974107310965091640917530916410573019604163091643019560196401696096109164190609651965930160951609146309564096410961340961919556195690560956091609161965093163069016016491630916490136410946414601640194605964096504601596109460491309 MOTHERF**KING BLOODY SH*TTY A** GODDAMNIT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Sam writes an essay under Jo's supervision]

[Sam's essay says "You're out of ideas. Dad and Mom spent weeks and they wasted their good money on a c***py girly party for Alyson. I decided to spoil the fun because I am bad to the bone, baby! I don't know why, I did it, but I will probably do it again! It felt pretty good to wreck a party!"]

[Cut to: Allison's party is moved to a park]

[We see Allison and her friends at the park]

Jeff: "Now that that's taken care of, would you like to open your presents, Alyson?"

[Alyson eager opens her presents]

Allowance Chart
Jo: "I'm now going to introduce the Allowance Chart today. The kids earn up to $15 each week, and whenever they swear or break something, or anything else that's unacceptable, we will dock 25 cents from their pay. For example, since Sam swore about 24 times and broke 7 things, it will cost him $7.75 and he will have no more than $7.25 for the week."

Sam: "Oh that's not fair!"

Jo: "Fair is fair, Samuel. You should have thought of that before breaking things and swearing."

Kathryn: "Besides, you should be paying way more than $7.75 for the stuff you broke."

[Sam sighs]

Sam: "I must admit it, I do get angry sometimes, but I don't know how to express myself."

Kathryn: "Michaela, she whined about the current state of the house, and acted up, so there, she will have double the amount Sam will get, which is $14.50."

Allyson: "What about me?"

Jo: "You did nothing wrong, and you scored a perfect $15."

Kathryn: "It didn't have to be that the younger they are, the more they make."

[Michaela grumbles to herself]

Michaela: "I do miss my friends back at my old school, and I just don't know how to tell my mum how I feel about this. I also miss being at the old house; it is where Sam and I grew up."

Michaela: "This is absolute [bleep]!"

[Michaela storms into her bedroom and slams the door]

Jo: "Kathryn, I would like you to address that situation because slamming doors is not okay."

Jo: "Michaela needs to realise that she can't be slamming doors everytime she doesn't get her way. So, I wanted Mum to address that situation by giving her a warning."

[Kathryn knocks on Michaela's bedroom door]

Kathryn: "Michaela, open the door please."

Kathryn: "Michaela is a total diva."

Michaela: "GO AWAY!"

Kathryn: 'Michaela, if you don't open the door I'll be taking away a privilege."

Michaela: (crying) "YOU'RE MAKING THINGS WORSE!!! THIS IS STUPID TOO!!!!!"

(Kathryn is about to break down in tears)

Kathryn: "$14.50, that's still very close to Alyson's perfect $15! And as for Sam, at least he is not in debt! He should be in debt! Instead, he's getting paid!"

'''Jo: “I can’t believe Michaela called the process stupid. She needs to be her mother’s friend and realize who’s in charge of the situation. She would even already be missing out on another perfect $15.”'''

Onward
[Alyson heads off to school]

Alyson: "Bye Mom, I'm off to school!"

Kathryn: "Bye, honey!"