Everyf***ingkidonthisplanet-Valor Family/Transcript

Before the Revolving Line of Credit
Announcer: “Tonight on Supernanny...”

Iwillstrangle: “JOSEPHINE, YOU BETTER GET YOUR A** OVER HERE BEFORE I STRANGLE YOU!”

Josephine: “How about you shut the f*** up, you b******?”

Announcer: “Jo travels to Nova Scotia to meet an out-of-control family.”

Nicholas: “Me, Daniel, and Serena barely get any free time because our dad makes us work all day.”

(Ivy bites Lucy, making her scream)

(Vincent throws a vase at Daniel)

Iwillstrangle: “DANIEL, YOU BETTER CLEAN THIS D*** MESS UP RIGHT NOW, OR I WILL STAB YOU!”

Daniel: “Fine...(starts cleaning)”

Vincent: “Ha! Loser!”

(Chad eats all of the candy from the pantry)

Trevor: “Chad, you motherf***er! I’m going to whoop your a**!”

(Trevor kicks Chad, making him cry)

Abigail: “SUPERNANNY IS SUPER F***ING GAY!”

Jo: “What on earth?”

Introduction
(Jo opens the door to meet Fiona)

Fiona: “Thank goodness you’re here, Supernanny!”

Jo: “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Fiona.”

Fiona: “Come on in, and I’ll show you the kids.”

(Jo and Fiona walk in to the living room, where the kids are watching TV.”

Fiona: “These are my kids, Melvin, Geoff, Hannah, Josephine, Trevor, Ronald, Vincent, Lucy, Chad, and Abigail.”

Jo: “Wait a second, where are Nicholas, Daniel, and Serena?”

Fiona: “Despite the fact they are well behaved, my husband makes them do chores all day long, like cleaning, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, moving furniture, unclogging the toilet, and other things.”

Geoff: “Oh crap! Dad is coming!”

Jo: “Hm?”

(Iwillstrangle storms into the living room)

Iwillstrangle: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING, ALL OF YOU? YOU BETTER GET OFF OF THE TV RIGHT F***ING NOW, OR ELSE I WILL LOCK YOU IN THE ATTIC!”

Ronald: “Why should we, you f*****?”

Iwillstrangle: “OH, THAT F***ING DOES IT!”

(Iwillstrangle drags the kids up to the attic and locks them in there)

Iwillstrangle: “THAT WILL TEACH YOU! TV IS FOR ADULTS ONLY, NOT KIDS!”

(Iwillstrangle leaves)

Fiona: “Don’t worry! I have the key to the attic, and I’ll let you out!”

(Fiona unlocks the door to the attic and lets out the kids)

Fiona: “My husband thinks that TV is for adults and toys are for babies, for some reason.”

Ivy: “Whenever Daddy comes in the room and we’re playing with toys or watching TV, we have to hide the toys and shut off the TV.”

Observation begins
Serena: “Our dad is currently out of the house, and our mom doesn’t make us work, so me, Daniel, and Nicholas have free time.”

Abigail: “Hey Ivy, shake my hand!”

Ivy: “Okay!”

(Ivy shakes Abigails hand. When she looks at her hand, she notices a brown stain on it.)

Ivy: “AAAAAAAH! WHAT IS THAT?”

Abigail: “Surprise, motherf***er! I just smeared s*** all over you hand! What are you gonna do now, huh?”

(Ivy screams at Abigail and tackles her. Abigail slaps Ivy, getting the feces on her cheek)

Fiona: “Abigail! You do not put poop on your hand and spread it on a person! And Ivy, you do not attack your little sister!”

Abigail: “F*** you, mom!”

Jo: “Wow. Such bad behavior...”

Fiona: “Kids, Dad is almost home.”

Vincent: “Hey Nicholas, guess what?”

Nicholas: “What do you want, Vincent?”

(Vincent grabs a plate and smashes it in front of Nicholas.)

Nicholas: “Oh crap...”

(Iwillstrangle opens the door)

Vincent: “Dad! Nicholas broke a plate!”

Iwillstrangle: “NICHOLAS, THAT IS SO F***ING IT! CLEAN THIS PLATE UP RIGHT NOW, AND THEN GO STRAIGHT TO THE CREEPY ZOO!”

Nicholas: “Vincent, this is all your fault!”

Vincent: “Ha ha! What are you gonna do about it, s***head?”

Trevor, Ronald, and Vincent watch TV
Ronald: “Hey bros, let’s go watch some TV!”

Trevor: “F*** yeah!”

(Ronald, Trevor, and Vincent go up to Ronald’s room to watch TV)

Vincent: “What should we watch?”

Trevor: “Let’s watch Gumball!”

Vincent and Ronald: “YEAH!”

(The boys turn on the TV and change the channel to Cartoon Network)

Iwillstrangle: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU BOYS DOIN’?”

Ronald: “We’re watching TV, you gay s***!”

(Iwillstrangle slaps Ronald across the face)

Iwillstrangle: “YOU F***ING KNOW BETTER THAN TO WATCH ADULT SHOWS LIKE THE AMAZING WORLD OF GUMBALL, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, ADVENTURE TIME, REGULAR SHOW, THE LOUD HOUSE, STEVEN UNIVERSE, GRAVITY FALLS, DUCKTALES, HENRY DANGER, TEEN TITANS GO, BIG CITY GREENS, VOLTRON, HARVEY BEAKS, HARVEY STREET KIDS, MECH-X4, POKÉMON, AND OTHER ADULT SHOWS!”

(Iwillstrangle shoots the TV and then throws it out of the window)

Ronald: “Hey! My TV!”

(Ronald kicks Iwillstrangle in the private area)

Jo: “My word, this is a very aggressive family!”

Iwillstrangle: “WHY YOU LITTLE!-(punches Ronald)”

Iwillstrangle: “NOW STAY HERE WHILE I GO GET THE HOT SAUCE!”

'''Ronald: “Dad tortures us a lot. He makes us eat hot sauce, take cold showers, go into the Creepy Zoo, eat grass and sand, stay in the attic for hours, and he also whips us, spanks us, punches us, kicks us, strangles us, throws us around, hits us in the nuts, and pokes us in the eyes.”'''

Naughty Pit
Abigail: “Hey Hannah, wanna see something really f***ing neat?”

Hannah: “Shut up, Abigail.”

Abigail: “Well, like it or not, here ya go, you w****!”

(Abigail takes Hannah’s pet clownfish out of her aquarium, stomps on him, and then burns his remains)

Hannah: “WHAT THE F(Beep)”

Jo: “Abigail, we do not kill other people’s pets and burn them! Go to the Naughty Pit for 3 minutes!”

Abigail: “I hope you hang yourself, SuperB(Beep)!!!"

(3 minutes later...)

Jo: “Abigail, say sorry to Hannah for killing her fish.”

Abigail: “Fine. (scoff) I’m sorry.”

Jo: “No, say it like you mean it or else you are staying in the Naughty Pit.”

Abigail: “I’m sorry, Hannah, for killing your fish.”

Hannah: “You deserved that punishment, motherf(beep)er!!!"