Juritin Family/Transcript

Joshua observation with Jo and June
Joshua: "Swear to god, you put me down right now or you're gonna see kung fu voodoo."

Jo: "I beg your pardon, young man?"

Joshua: "Hey, who's the kumquat? Is he a friend of yours?"

Jo: "Joshua, excuse me. That behavior is unacceptable,"

Joshua: "Do you watch me flex? Check it out." (straining fiercely)

June: "No."

Jo: "Josh's behavior was completely appalling. I mean, it is absolutely crazy that Mom puts up with such unacceptable behavior like this,"

Joshua: "Ohh, did that twerp just call me chubby?"

Jo: "My word, Josh. That behavior is completely unacceptable,"

Joshua: "Hey, (bleep). I'm a (bleep) teenager! Do you know what that means?"

Jo: "No, what?"

Joshua: "That means I can kick your (bleep) six ways from (bleep)!"

June: "No, do not do that, Joshua. Do not use that kind of language. It is not acceptable,"

Joshua: "Hey, Jose. How many squats can you do, huh?"

June: "I am not interested in this."

Joshua: "Exactly. Let me spell it for you. Babies digged by Joshua. Ain't that right, baby."

June: " I don't think this is a good idea, Joshua."

Joshua: "Oh, Jose. You're out of your league. You should hit a blueberry or something." (laughs)

Jo: "You may not insult your mother like that. Joshua, please stop it this instant."

Joshua: "Hey! Zip the lip, Onion Dip!"

Jo: " Do not talk to me this way."

Joshua: "You're right. You're a grape."

Jo: " I will not allow this to occur at any time. Do you understand me? "

Joshua: "Then, why are you so full of wine? (laughs) Ohh!"

Joshua observation with Edward
Joshua: "Yo, baby-baby Edward. Guess what?"

Edward: "I'm not a baby. Stop calling me a baby."

Joshua: "Knife." (pulls out a knife)

(Collin, Jo, June, Edward, and Zelda screaming)

Jo: "Hey. This is way too violent."

Joshua: "Psych." (laughs)

Collin: "That is not funny, man."

Jo: "What do you mean by knife?"

Edward: "Not cool, dude."

Joshua: "Why don't you stop being such a baby baby Edward?" (laughs)

Edward: "Arghh!"

Joshua: "You see what I did there, Jose? I called him baby."

June: "Do not insult your brother."

Collin:" Yeah, I agree. In fact, you should eat some Vanilla Cake."

Joshua: "Vanilla cake, eh? More like cream puff!" (laughs)

Zelda:"It's not funny."

Joshua: "Looks like you can't teach a 13-year old new tricks."

Jo: " Are you having this situation?"

Joshua: "You wanna see a trick? How about I make your face disappear, how about that?" (laughs)

Edward: "Whoa-whoa-whoa, just leave everyone out of this."

Joshua: "Go bite a bottle, baby Edward."

Edward:"How many times have I told you not to call me a baby?!?"

Jo: "Edward is right. You need to stop it."

June: " That is totally forbidden."

Joshua: "Zip em, lock em, and put them in the pockets, onion dips."

Jo: "You do not talk to us this way. That is very rude and disrespectful."

Joshua: "You're right. You're grapes from a grapevine."

Jo: " Excuse me?"

Joshua: "Then why are you being such a little winer? (laughs) Ohh!"

June: " We do not like your phrases since they are very hurtful. I find this unjustified, Joshua.

Joshua observation with Zelda
Zelda: "Joshua, what are you doing?"

Joshua: "Crush my back, Zelda, I dare you to."

Zelda: "No thanks."

Joshua: (sneering) "Oh, I get it. Maybe you're too CHICKEN!" (laughs) (starts clucking like a chicken)

Zelda: "Hey!"

Joshua: (starts clucking like a chicken)

Zelda: "That is not acceptable."

Joshua: (clucking continues)

Zelda: "Joshua, cut that out! MOM!"

???: "Hurry up, Joshua!"

Joshua: "Coming, Xandra!"

Xandra: "Come on! Your friends are waiting at the motorbike tournament!"

June: "No you won't."

Xandra: "(blows raspberry) Later, noobs!" (Xandra and Joshua laughing)

[Xandra and Joshua both leave]

June: "I think the trouble started when Joshua met a pre-teen crazy girl named Xandra. After hitting her by accident, they became friends. I can't believe my own son and her are boyfriend and girlfriend. Xandra is younger than Joshua but older than Zelda. Xandra's attitude is as poor as Joshua's. Not only that his friends swear, insult people by calling them fruits, talk back, and take dares, but they also blow raspberry. I'd say that Xandra is a bad influence to him."

House Rules
Jo: "All right everybody. I'd like to introduce to you, the House Rules."

Joshua: (scoffs) "Rules are for grapefruits, you know."

Jo: (ignores Joshua) "Rule number one: Everybody must speak politely. Does anybody know what that rule means?"

Zelda: "It means no swearing,"

(Joshua rolls his eyes)

Jo: "Rule number 2: Treat other people with respect."

June: "You hear that, Joshua? That means no calling people names."

Joshua's Friends Come Over
Jo: "When it was time for dinner, all of Joshua's friends unexpectedly came over."

June: "Who are these people?"

Joshua: "These are all my friends!" (laughs)

Joshua's Friends: "HI!!!!!"

Joshua: "Come in, guys!"

Xandra: "OMG! It's you, Joshua!"

Reflection Room
Joshua: "Jose, I'm about to take drugs."

June: " Please do not take drugs, Joshua, you will become ill and you will die."

Joshua: "I don't care, nobody will like you, Jose!"

June: "If you continue to act this way, I will instantly put you down to the Reflection Room. Plus, I will also take away your MP3 player."

Joshua: " You never (bleep) accuse me before!"

June: "OK. Move over to the room. I will count to ten to march directly to the room. One....Two...."

Joshua: "Don't count to ten; fruits don't belong in this (bleep) stupid room."

June: "This back-talk and attitude will immediately take you to the room and I will limit the counting to three.

Joshua: "How dare you! You are both a (bleep) grape and a (bleep) banana-head!"

June: "Three." (Moves Joshua to the Reflection Room)

June: " I have placed you there because of your poor attitude, disrespect and unfairness to me. I expect an apology as soon as your thirteen minutes are up."

Joshua: "You are a (bleep) jerk. I don't have the (bleep) guts to be in there anyway."

June: " If you continue to back talk to me, I will automatically double your time to 26 minutes. Do you understand me?

Joshua: "No way, Jose! How the (bleep) heck you have set up this rule? I don't (bleep) want to stay there for almost a million (bleep) seconds! What a (bleep) grape you are!"

June: "Now this will double your time period. If you get up at anytime, the time will restart. I am also taking away your MP3 Player."

[June confiscates Joshua's MP3 player]

Jo: "Joshua wouldn't give into the Reflection Room,"

Joshua: "Zip the lip, onion dip." (pees on the rug and laughs while doing it)

Jo: "And then, all of a sudden, he peed on the rug like a dog."

June: "Joshua, I want an apology. I want you to tell me you're sorry."

Joshua: "NO WAY, JOSE!"

June: "Alright. You refused to apologize, so your timeout will restart."

[13 minutes later]

June: "Joshua, you were in the Reflection Room because you were disrespectful to me and you were using profane language. I would like an apology from you."

Joshua: "Jose, I ain't apologizing until you turn into a grape!"

Zelda's 12th Birthday
Jo: "The next day was Zelda's 12th birthday, and she was having a spa-themed sleepover party with her friends."

[Jo puts up the lavender, chartreuse green, bright blue, white, and pink streamers]

[June provides a large sheet of poster board and markers for Zelda's guests to create a giant card for Zelda]

Zelda: "When my friends arrived, they each brought a robe, and we were all divided up into each 'spa station'; the nails, the facial, the foot soaks, makeup and hair. We all moved from station to station. We also created our own body glitter and bath salts."

Jo: "All of a sudden, Xandra took the birthday cake and left a message."

Zelda: "Hey, where's the birthday cake?"

Party Guest: "Look, guys! A message!"

Zelda: [reading the message] "You girls are stupid. Cake is not awesome!! XANDRA WUZ HERE! LOL! I TOOK IT BECAUSE I WANNA STEAL IT! I ALSO WANTED TO RUIN YOUR PARTY! ROFL!" [which actually says "You girz ar stupid cak is no awsom XANDRA WUZ HERE LOL I TOOK IT BECZUSE I WANA STEEL IT I ELSO WANTD TO RUEN YA PARTEEE ROFL]

Party Guest: "That is not a nice message. Xandra should've apologized!'

Zelda: "MOM!"

June: "What is it, dear?"

Zelda: "Xandra took the cake!"

June: "Joshua!"

Joshua: "(sneering) WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE THIS TIME?!"

June: "Do you know about your little friend Xandra taking the cake?"

Joshua: "No, I don't."

June: "Are you serious?"

Joshua: "YA, you silly grapefruit!"