Mark goes to a Job Interview

Applying for a Job
Daniel: Mark you have to apply for a job.

Mark: Why?

Daniel: Because you're 17, and when you apply for college, having a part-time job can impress the college board.

Mark: Well I don't want to work there! I'd rather stay home and listen to my music!

Daniel: Well I want you to be a responsible person. After all, you're only one year away from becoming a legal adult!

Mark: Whatever!

[Mark goes on the Internet to find a part-time job]

Mark: Ooooh... I can work for the Extr3me Metal Record Shop! I've shopped there before!

[However, when Mark clicks on the job, it says it has already been taken]

Mark: Dammit! Where can I apply? And there's no way I'm applying for McDonald's! I'm not gonna be one of those cliches!

[Suddenly, Mark finds a part-time job as a cashier for ALDI]

Mark: I know! I can be a cashier at ALDI! I've been there before, and it's a pretty nice store!

[Mark creates a resume, and then submits his application]

Introduction
[The interviewer is Garfield Dawson, the manager of the ALDI store. Mark arrives at the back door]

Garfield: You must be Mark Slater, correct?

Mark: Yes sir! I'm here for an interview for the cashier job?

Garfield: Yes, but is that how you're gonna dress for the interview?

Mark: What do you mean? This is my formal wear?

Garfield: Formal? You have long hair that isn't even in a ponytail, you have face painting!

Mark: It's actually corpse painting, sir.

Garfield: Not to mention a leather jacket, a Morbid Angel shirt, casual pants, and black boots! You look like you're going to a heavy metal concert!

Mark: I know I'm not giving you a good impression, but you have to give me a chance!

Garfield: Look, I have 10 other kids like you who want to be on this job. If you want it, you gotta impress me!

Mark: I understand, sir.

Resume
Garfield: So let's look at your resume.

[The resume is crumbled]

Garfield: You should keep it as neat as possible.

Mark: Okay.

Garfield: So you're a student at Anacortes High School?

Mark: Yes.

Garfield: And you're average GPA is 4.0?

Mark: Actually, it's around 3.2.

Garfield: Then why would you say 4.0?

Mark: My little brother probably screwed it up!

Garfield: You might as well have said "my dog ate it" and it would've been more believable! Anyway, your previous jobs is at Burger King... and you've worked there for 10 years?

Mark: Yes sir! I basically make the food and take orders in the drive thru.

Garfield: How old are you?

Mark: 17.

Garfield: So you've been working there since you were 7?

Mark: Yep. I went to a prestige boarding school in Guam and knew everything about math and science!

Garfield: Well your current state seems to be a bit of a downgrade. Also, your experiences is at heavy metal history, jerking off? Why would have that on your resume?

Mark: Didn't you read it beforehand?

Garfield: No. This is literally the first time I'm reading this! Elizabeth is the one who does the job applications. ELIZABETH!!!

[Elizabeth arrives, looking like she just went sober]

Garfield: Were you drunk while on the job again?

Elizabeth: no...

Garfield: Just go! You're lucky you have a rich father who's threatened to sue my ass if I fire you!

Elizabeth: okay... (leaves)

Mark: What was that?

Garfield: Nothing. Anyway, your experiences is also on destroying stuff?

Mark: Yeah. Me and Bill like to smash things.

Garfield: Why would I wanna hire you if you're gonna end up razing the entire place?

Mark: Trust me, I won't.

Garfield: And your references are grandparents, Mrs. Gonzales, and Jordan MiKane.

Mark: I've worked on my grandparents farm, so they'll tell me I did good. Mrs. Gonzales is my English teacher, and I've been a fabulous student in her class, and Jordan is my friend and works at the Extr3me Metal Record Shop. I've been a good customer and I've even did a show there once. It was fucking awesome!

Garfield: Okay, please refrain from cursing.

Mark: Sorry. I meant to say fricking awesome.

Garfield: You can't say frick either.

Mark: Why not? Frick isn't that bad!

Garfield: Well suppose your boss doesn't like that word at all.

Mark: Then I won't say it.

Garfield: Okay. Now let's get to the questions.

Questions
Garfield: So tell me a little bit about yourself, Mr. Slater.

Mark: Well I am a fan of heavy metal if you couldn't tell, and I'm especially into death metal and black metal.

Garfield: I hate death and black metal, and I especially despise Morbid Angel!

Mark: I didn't knew you disliked it, sir. I won't come in with a Morbid Angel shirt again.

Garfield: Well we have a dress code, so you won't even be able to wear one while on the job anyway.

Mark: So as I was saying, I'm into heavy metal, and I also like to work around families.

Garfield: So if you came across a struggling family, what would you do?

Mark: Me and the kids would destroy everything! That's what we did on Halloween!

Garfield: God... next question: What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Mark: I know everything about heavy metal history. Does this job require some heavy metal knowledge?

Garfield: No. We don't sell music at ALDI.

Mark: Oh. And I also have a strength of screaming.

Garfield: What?

Mark: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Garfield: Geez, that was so loud!

Mark: It's good, because in case the store gets robbed, I'll distract the robbers with my scream, and the police will hear it and come here!

Garfield: That's nice, but what about your weakness?

Mark: I have none.

Garfield: You don't?

Mark: Nope.

Garfield: Well everyone has a weakness. One you have right now is the way you do job interviews.

Mark: Well one of my weaknesses is that my dick size is a bit small. I wish it was bigger so any girl would wanna fuck it.

Garfield: MARK!!! I don't need to know the size of your penis! Oh my goodness...

Mark: Well you said name a weakness!

Garfield: That's not what I meant!

Mark: Well my weakness is I can be a bit anxious at times.

Garfield: There we go!

Mark: And I can sometimes sing out a bunch of songs.

Garfield: Okay. Now how much money do you want to be paid?

Mark: For annual salary?

Garfield: Yes.

Mark: For annual salary, I wanna be paid at least $1,000,000 or more.

Garfield: As a cashier? Are you crazy?

Mark: Well I figured you'd need that in this economy.

Garfield: No. You can't get that here.

Mark: Well what can I get.

Garfield: $12.

Mark: $12 a year?

Garfield: No! It's $12 per hour. You get paid minimum wage.

Mark: Oh. Well for an 8 hour shift, that would be $96. That's pretty good.

Garfield: Now this interview is coming to an end. Do you have any questions for me?

Mark: Did I get the job?

Garfield: I can't say that. I need to check your references and stuff, and that would take a few days.

Mark: Oh. Well that's it.

[The interview concludes]

Did Mark get the job?
Mark: I got an email from ALDI.

Martha: Maybe you finally got the job!

[Mark clicks on the email]

Dear Mark,

''Thank you for applying at ALDI. Unfortunately, you did not meet the requirements for the part-time cashier job, so you will not get the job at all. You practically lied about your previous experiences, and you were acting inappropriately during the interview. At least dress decent in the interviews!''

-Garfield Dawson

Daniel: Really, Mark? You failed miserably because you interviewed wrongly!

Mark: Well when he said formal, I didn't think he'd mean a suit and tie!

Martha: Well still, you have to get a part-time job!

Mark: Fuck that shit! I'm not getting a job at all until I turn 21! Now goodbye!

[Mark kicks his parents out of his room]

Daniel: One of these days, Mark, you're gonna get kicked out of this house!