Birou Family Revisited Again/Transcript

Arriving at Birou-Jennings Household
Nicole: Hi, Jo! Having Jake Birou-Jennings is a DISASTER! He gave me coal despite being nice, tore up the Naughty Pit because he believed it was for evil, got me arrested both for threatening to call Giuseppe Todaro if he acted up and because I called Todaro to get Brahm and Treat punished. Oh, and he cut off my right arm and my husband's left leg with a radial saw.

Jo: That's sad, but I never met him. Who's Jake?

Jake: I AM! Mommy, who's this?

Jo: I'm Jo, the Supernanny. You must be Jake.

Nicole: You see, he doesn't like spankings, always tells me that I'm the one who's sorry instead of apologizing and...did I mentioned he cut off my arm?

Robert: And don't forget he cut off my left leg. Oh, and Thestupidbeehivestate Canburntoashinanincinerator babysat one time and and had the police called for threatening him with the belt.

Jo: Well, you couldn't have forced me out of retirement unless he does really bad things. And you listed these bad things he did to me just now.

Family Meeting
Jake: Hey, Mommy, Daddy, what's up?

Nicole: We're having a family meeting.

Jo: And we decide the Calming Bottle should be used. If you feel like losing your temper, shake it until you calm down.

Jake: "Calming Bottle"?

Robert: There's no alternative, is there? And between you and me, that radial saw really hurts.

Nicole: I agree, it was a painful experiance.

First Test: Krystyna Halles
Jake: Hello, Krystyna Wystyna.

Krystyna: "I have rules. If you watch TV, watch Bratayley, swear, have fun, listen to pop music, or do bad stuff, you get spankings, hot sauce, cold showers, tape to wall, and banish to attic for 10 years!"

Jake: [begins shaking the Calming Bottle] Your rules stink! Why do you do this?

Krystyna: SHAKING THAT AWFUL BOTTLE WON'T SAVE YOU FROM BEING SPANKED!

[Jake drops his Calming Bottle and a giant Wheel of Dismemberment appears. Krystyna gets strapped to a table.]

Krystyna: HEY! LET ME GO!

Jake: You have to get past being hacked by my pet saw, Radial Rex.

[Jake spins the wheel and it lands on the word "arm".]

Jake: Arm it is!

[Jake approaches Krystyna.]

Nicole: Krystyna, I'm not gonna lie to you, this is really gonna hurt.

Krystyna: WHAT IS?

[Jake saws off Krystyna's Left arm.]

Jake: How does it feel?

Krystyna: OW! That hurts!

Nicole: Okay, Krystyna, you are NO HELP AT ALL! I'm gonna call the hospital to have you picked up.

Second Test: Giuseppe Todaro
Giuseppe: Only you and your husband can watch TV, Nicole.

Paula: GIUSEPPE! [to Nicole] Ignore him.

Jake: [shakes Calming Bottle] You can't tell us what to do, Bratuseppe Jerkaro!

Giuseppe: TOYS ARE FOR BABIES AND TV IS FOR ADULTS!

[Jake spins the Wheel of Dismemberment and it lands on the word "Ear".]

Jake: Let's see you get out of this!

[Jake saws off Giuseppe's right ear.]

Giuseppe: OW!!! That f***ing hurts!

Third Test: Everykidneedsto Gof***themselves
Everykidneedsto: YOU! CHORES! NOW!!!

Jake: [shakes Calming Bottle] You are not my mommy!

Everykidneedsto: I'm the best-

Jake: -AT BEING THE WORST!

[Jake spins the Wheel of Dismemberment and it lands on "Nose"]

Jake: Say goodbye to your sense of smell.

[Jake saws off Everykidneedsto's Nose.]

Everykidneedsto: OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, THAT HURT!!!

Jake: Thank you.

Fourth Test: Tellyznphonezfor Adultsonly
Tellyznphonezfor: What? Where am I? [sees he is strapped to the table] NO!!!!

Nicole: Jacob Birou-Jennings, all this hacking and slashing has to stop!

Robert: YEAH! WHAT SHE SAID! A GOOD TRIP TO THE MENTAL HOSPITAL OUGHT TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE!

Jake: After I cut off his ... [spins the Wheel of Dismemberment, which lands on...] arm!

Tellyznphonezfor: [as his right arm gets sawed off] NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Nicole: Okay, something is definitely wrong and we are going to find out what. Robert, call the hospital. Jacob, you put that radial saw down. We're going to the hospital this afternoon.

At The Doctor's
Doctor: Well, Jake had a bladder infection.

Nicole: Oh, man.

Jake: What will I do?

Doctor: Drink plenty of water. That should help.

Robert: What about the abusive people whose body parts Jake cut off?

Doctor: Don't worry, they should be fine. I hope.

Family Update
'''Nicole: Whew! At least Jake isn't as temperamental as he used to be. He still saws off abusive people's body parts, though. But only sometime they visit us now.'''

Everykidneedsto: YOUR SON IS A FUCKING BRUTE!

Giuseppe: I wish you invited my family, they'll take away your radial saw.