Eastern Family/Transcript

Before the Revolving Line of Credit
Kayla: "RIGHT, I'M TELLING YOUR GRANNY AND DADDY!"

Submission Reel
Annie: "I'm in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Ready to help an extremely young family."

???: "Hi, we're the Easterns. I'm Kayla and I'm a stay-at-home mom."

Kyle Sr.: "I'm Kyle and I'm a college student."

Kayla: "I still live with my parents, Eileen and Craig, my brother Rowan, my sister Leanne, and my great-grandparents, Linda, Nancy, Margaret, Cathy, Noah, Lucas, Duncan, and Malcolm who are not yet supercentenarians."

Kyle Sr.: "We have 3 children, Kyle and Jonathan who are 5, and Tess who is 3."

[Tess flips off Kayla while the twins run out of the house naked]

Kayla: "Our children drive us crazy by fighting, shouting, misbehaving at restaurants, coloring on anywhere except for the table, tearing each other's drawings, and punching."

Tess: "(bleep)!"

Annie: "Oh my lord!"

Kyle Sr.: "Tess also pees on things."

[Tess pees on Kayla's household binder]

Kayla: "Oh my god! Tess! No you don't pee on that!"

Kayla: "Supernanny, we need your help RIGHT this instant."

Tess: "SUPERNANNY MUST FAIL, IDIOT!"

Observation Begins
[We see a house that looks like a small cabin]

[Annie rings the doorbell]

[Kayla and Kyle Sr. gets the door]

Kayla: "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Kayla."

Kyle Sr.: "I'm Kyle."

Annie: "Nice to meet you,"

[Tess goes up and throws a toy at Annie]

Kayla: "Tess, don't throw toys at people."

Observation Continues
Annie: "I noticed that Tess started to act up,"

Kayla: "Tess, time for you to go to school."

[Tess ignores Kayla with no answer]

Kayla: "It's already 8:00. You hadn't finish your breakfast yet."

[Tess gets out of her bed and hits Kayla on the face]

Kayla: "NO! TESS! YOU MAY NOT SMACK YOUR MOTHER ON THE FACE JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ANGRY!"

Tess: "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!"

[Tess shows Kayla her fist with her middle finger extended]

Kayla: "NO! IT'S UNACCEPTABLE! YOU DO NOT FLIP MOMMY OFF! KYLE AND JONATHAN ALREADY ATE THEIR BREAKFAST AND THEY'RE GOING TO THEIR BEFORE SCHOOL ACTIVITIES!"

Tess: "I don't wanna go!"

Kayla: "I'm having a hard time dealing with Tess because she doesn't want to listen to me."

Tess: "When I'm mad, I always hit my mommy."

[Tess throws one of her Disney Princess dolls at Kayla]

[Rowan is riding his bike to school while Eileen and Craig are taking Leanne to school in Eileen's car]

cut to:

[Kyle Jr. and Jonathan are sitting next by their friends while they're waiting for their teachers to come]

cut to:

Kayla: "THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO TIMEOUT!"

[Kayla puts Tess in the Naughty Pit]

Tess: "MUMMY! GET LOST YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!"

[Tess gets out of the Naughty Pit and pushes Kayla around the house]

8:30

[Kayla puts Tess in her car seat and starts driving]

Rules
Annie: "I'm going to introduce you, Eastern Family Rules

Tess: "I don't like rules."

Kyle and Jonathan: "We'll make sure we will listen to mommy and daddy."

Annie: "Rule number one, No swearing"

Annie: "Rule number two, No punching, hitting, biting and kicking mom, dad or each other."

Annie: "Rule number three, Always listen to adults."

Annie: "Rule number four, Never act up in restaurants."

Annie: "Rule number five, Always color on paper and never rip each others' drawings."

[Tess snatches the pen from Annie and vandalizes the wall]

Kayla: "Tess, you need to give the pen back to Annie. If you don't you're going in to timeout."

Naughty Pit
Annie: I would like for the parents, grandparents, Rowan, Leanne, and the great-great grandparents to discipline Tess."

Annie: "This is the Naughty Pit, whenever Tess misbehaves, this is where she goes."

Naughty Log
[Kyle Jr. throws the log at his father while Jonathan throws it at his mother]

Teaching Continues
Annie: "This is Toy Confiscation."

Naughty Pit
Annie: "It wasn't long before Tess pinched Kyle,"

[Tess pinches Kyle Jr., causing him to cry]

[Kyle starts crying]

Kyle Jr.: "MOMMY!"

[Kayla runs up to Kyle Jr.]

Kayla: "What's wrong, Kyle?"

Kyle Jr. "Tess pinched me right over here."

[Kyle points to his private area]

Annie: "Kayla, I would like for you to give Tess a warning, and if she misbehaves again, then she would be in the Naughty Pit for 3 minutes."

Kayla: "Tess, this is your warning,"

Tess: "NO!"

[Tess punches Kayla]

Kayla: "You do not pinch others, especially any of your siblings. You're going to stay in the Naughty Pit for 3 minutes and-,"

[Tess bites her mother on the arm]

Kayla: "Ow! You may not bite me! It is not nice!"

cut to:

[Rowan and Leanne are working on a science project together]

cut to:

[Kayla deposits Tess to the Naughty Pit and confiscates her Dora, Diego, and Barney DVDs]

Kayla: "The reason I took away your DVDs is because you pinched Kyle and you punched and bit me."

[Tess escapes from the Naughty Pit and throws a chair at Jonathan]

Kayla: "6 MINUTES!"

[Tess goes to the kitchen to get a frying pan and smacks Kayla on the face extremely hard with it]

Kayla: "OUCH! YOU DO NOT HIT ME WITH A FRYING PAN! YOU'VE JUST GOT 12 MINUTES!"

[Tess goes out to her friend Tayla's house naked]

Kayla: "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAYLA'S HOUSE UNTIL YOUR TIMEOUT IS FINISHED!"

[Tess rips Rowan and Leanne's science project]

Eileen: "What happened?"

Eileen: "My granddaughter Tess can't stay in timeout."

[Eileen takes Tess back to the Naughty Pit and confiscates her Sofia the First doll]

[Tess goes out and meets a naked Tayla on the playground]

[Eileen, Craig, Annie, Kayla, Rowan, Leanne, Margaret, Nancy, Cathy, Linda, Noah, Lucas, Duncan and Malcolm and Kyle Sr. try to capture Tess]

Tess: "YOU ARE ALL POO-POO!"

[Tayla's parents Kelsey and Dave pick up Tayla]

Kelsey: "Tayla, Tess has to stay in timeout."

[All the great-great grandparents deposit Tess in the Naughty Pit and confiscate 8 of her toys]

Tess: "I HATE YOU ALL!"

[All the adults ignores Tess's comment]

9 minutes later

Kayla: "Tess! Please apologize to me!"

Tess: "I WON'T! AND I'M NOT GOING TO BED EARLY!"

Kayla: "Yes you are!"

cut to:

[Kyle Jr. and Jonathan are sleeping together]

Kyle Jr.: "Jonathan?"

Jonathan: "What, Kyle?"

Kyle Jr. "We can't sleep because of Tess screaming."

Jonathan: "So close the door,"

Kyle Jr.: "I'm afraid of the dark, can I come with you?"

Jonathan: "Of course."

[Kyle Jr. and Jonathan close the door]

30 minutes later

Tess: "I'M NOT SORRY! POO-POO!"

Kayla: "TOO BAD! AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAYLA'S HOUSE TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER BECAUSE YOU WERE A BAD GIRL!"

Tess: (screaming and crying at the top of her lungs) "YES!!!!!!!!!!! YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Naughty Log (Kyle Jr.)
[Kyle Jr. flips off Kyle Sr.]

Kyle Sr.: "Right! Naughty Log!"

[Kyle Sr. deposits Kyle Jr. in the Naughty Log and confiscates his Elmo plush]

Kyle Sr.: "You're in there for giving daddy the middle finger, plus your Elmo is in toy jail."

Annie: "I can't believe Kyle just flipped his father off with the middle finger! It's so disgusting!"

5 minutes later

Kyle Sr.: "Kyle, I want for you to owe me an apology because you gave me the middle finger."

Kyle Jr. "Sorry, daddy."

Naughty Log (Jonathan)
Jonathan: "Kyle, can you please hit her?"

[Kyle Jr. hits Kayla]

[Kayla deposits Jonathan in the Naughty Log and confiscates his Handy Manny doll]

5 minutes later

Jonathan: "Sorry mommy for encouraging my twin brother to hit you"

Kayla: "Thank you"

Eating at a Restaurant
Kayla: "Tess, I would like you to finish your broccoli."

Tess: "NO!"

Kayla: "Yes, broccoli is good for you."

[Tess eats the broccoli and spits it on Kayla's face]

Kayla: "Yuck! Tess, you do NOT spit food at mommy! It's very disgusting!"

Kyle Sr.: "Kyle, eat your salmon."

Kyle Jr.: "I DON'T WANT TO!"

Kyle Sr.: "You too, Jonathan."

Jonathan: "Why, daddy?"

Kyle Sr.: "Because you have to eat. You need to eat so you don't starve."

[The kids make up a fuss at the table while the other fellow people stare at the Easterns]

Kayla: "OK, we're going home!"

Tess: "WE WANNA COME BACK!"

[Tess rapidly attacks Kayla]

[The twins rapidly attacks Kyle Sr.]

Kyle Sr.: "I'm sorry, kids, but you were misbehaving at the restaurant."

[Annie and the Easterns leave]

[Tess starts kicking Kayla's seat]

[The twins punch Kyle's seat]

Tess (to Kayla): "I HATE YOU! DUMMY!"

Kyle Jr. and Jonathan (to Kyle Sr.): "WE HATE YOU, YOU UGLY DADDY!"

Kayla: "Children, it's not okay to distract us. If I can't see the road while you guys cause a racket, an accident would happen."

At home
Kayla: "This is the FINAL restaurant we are ever going take you kids to, Tessie Susan Eastern, Kyle Theodore Eastern and Jonathan Tyler Eastern! You all just lost your Barney, Diego, and Dora DVDs for over a year, your toys are gone for half a dozen, which means SIX! You are also banned from playing with your friends for 3 months! How dare you treat the waiters like that! Tess, you stay in this pit for 3 minutes, and as for you Jonathan and Kyle, you both stay on your own Naughty Logs for 5 minutes!"

The twins and Tess forfeit
Kyle Jr.: "I'm sorry Mommy and Daddy, me and Jonathan won't behave bad again."

Jonathan: "Yeah."

Tess: "Mommy, Daddy, I am sorry for what I did. I won't do any of that again."

Bye, Bye Annie
Annie: "Kyle, Jonathan you're going to be good boys from now on."

Kayla: "Bye!"

Kyle Sr.: "See you soon!"

Kyle Jr.: "Bye Annie!"

Jonathan: "Bye Bye Annie!"

Leanne: "Bye, Annie, Bye!"

Rowan: "Bye Bye!"

Eileen: "Annie, Bye Bye!"

Craig: "See you anytime!"

Tess: "Goodbye, Annie!"

Family Update
Kayla: "We're at Las Vegas, Nevada. All our kids have changed their ways."

[The family are at Las Vegas, Nevada]