Karen Breaks Into The Slater Family

Previously, we took a week to expose Jann Simmons' legalistic beliefs.

Jann: Crying people work for Satan. You are sinning!

Jann: What is this I hear about you becoming a Satanist?

Jann: HOW ABOUT I SET THIS VILE ALBUM ON FIRE!?!?!?!?!?

Jann: YOU ARE SPEAKING SATAN'S LANGUAGE!!!

Jann: It is my shameful duty to send this devil child when he belongs, for the sake of salvation, and for the salvation of others.

Me: Your hatred for people of other faiths is beyond me!!! Jann, YOU ARE AN AGENT OF SATAN!!!!!!!

Me: Your self-entitlement will be your downfall!

Jann: You have ruined my day. I deserve better treatment.

Jann: Shut up before I baptize you!

Jann: Apple White is very sinful!

Jann: You will be reciting the Lord's Prayer 100 times!

Jann: You will go to this closet, and pray for forgiveness. Then, you will do 200 rosaries! I can't believe you're been watching Harry Potter!

This week, the family members will be prepared to face one of the most entitled people on the planet. Meet the Karens.

???: Let me speak to your manager!

???: You better get out of my car, or else I will call the cops!

Mark Slater: She barely even touched you!

???: I demand compensation! I want a lawyer! Where is your manager? This is unacceptable!

???: I can do as I please, because I make the rules! You are trespassing on my property!

Managers, be sure your phones are charged, because there is someone ready for a fight!

???: You are blocking my area! Do you even have an ounce of respect!?

Our first Karen of this series is, ... Derek Armstrong!

(We go to the Slater family to find Mark listening to Morbid Angel's "Visions from the Dark Side")

https://youtu.be/lW-Zur-LcL8

Mark: Oh boy! I love jamming to some death metal after being stuck in my room because of that old bigot who tried to kill my little sister. It's her fault I got grounded by my stupid parents. If only they would actually understand my side of the story, we would not be in this situation.

(Cut to the living room, where Derek Armstrong barges in the door with a crucifix, a flyer to the CCOTD organization, and a guillotine)

Derek: HEY YOU!!!

Martha: Uh, sir, you were not invited here. Now, get out!

Derek (points to Mark, Bill, and Stacy): Are these your children?

Daniel: Yes! Is there a problem, sir? You can't just barge into our house uninvited!

Derek: The Concerned Citizens Of The Docks have been informed of your sons' involvement in the devil's music known as heavy metal. I demand that you get rid of your Satanic albums, or be executed!

Mark: Ugh! Here we go again! Another crazy self-righteous Christian who thinks heavy metal is the devil's music! You do realize that Robert Johnson also used Satanism in his lyrics, and he's a blues artist!

Bill: Just great! Now we have another religious bigot trying to control our lives.

Erek: All of you are blasphemers who worship Satan!

Mark: Listen up, you entitled ass! I am not going to give up my "satanic albums"! Who do you think you are!? We literally dealt with this crazy woman named Jann a while back and you're pretty much the male version of her! And before you ask, no, we are not Satanists!

Derek: Shut up! You better give up your devil-worshipping music before I call the police!!!

(The audience laughs hysterically)

Daniel: All right you delusional brat. You need to get out of our house right now, or we will call the cops on you.

(Stacy begins to have a violent meltdown over Derek's yelling, and she knocks Derek over to the ground)

Derek: Help! She just assaulted me! She punched me in the face, and is carrying a knife!!!

Bill: Aw great! Now my sister is having another one of her meltdowns again!

Derek: Get that devilish brat to a mental hospital! She is threatening to kidnap my children!

Mark: SHE BARELY EVEN TOUCH YOU, PSYCHOPATH!!!!!! She has nonverbal autism, for crying out loud!!!!!!!!

(Suddenly, one of the neighbors arrives at the house)

Neighbor: Sir, can you please stop harassing this child? You are disturbing me and the other neighbors.

Derek: NEVER!!! GIVE ME YOUR ALBUMS, NOW!!!!!! I can't wait for you stupid teens to burn for worshipping Satan!

Mark (screaming in a deep voice): YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT SATAN!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I WILL SHOW YOU THE DEFINITION OF DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!

(Mark blasts Gogoroth's "Incipit Satan" at max volume)

https://youtu.be/mxDiKSHqBIc

Mark: GOGOROTH! OH GOGOROTH! BLESS THIS HOUSE WITH YOUR HELLISH FLAMES!

(Derek gets out a guillotine)

Neighbor: HEY! DROP YOUR WEAPON!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!

Derek: Not until you kick this stupid beast out of here! He punched me in the face, and is carrying a knife!

Martha: Liar! My daughter just pushed you to the ground because you caused her to have a meltdown! My daughter have nonverbal autism, and is very sensitive to loud noise!

(Stacy destroys Derek's flyer, and guillotines some of Bill's DVD's)

Daniel: Stacy, no!!!!

Mark: YOU WILL REGRET THIS!

Bill: GET REKT!

Neighbor: That's it! Derek, I am going to personally escort you out of this house. Now, come with me, or I will call the police for trespassing and harassment!

Derek: How dare you treat me this way! I demand to speak with your manager! I am the leader of a Christian group, and don't deserve this deplorable treatment. HOW DARE YOU!!!

Bill: Shut up, Karen!

Mark: Yeah! The manager is not here! And nobody cares about your stupid organization. Religion is for weak pimps!

Derek: Fine, I am leaving, but I will be taking this family to court! I will get full compensation, and I will be able to possess this house! Mark my words!

(The scene ends)

'Notice: While Derek Armstrong is dead, this is an alternative universe where he is still alive. I usually create scripts in present time unount staated otherwise. This character will be used in my next series, where I expose Derek Armstrong's beliefs, like we did with Simmons.'

Coming up next, it's Nora Heart vs a McDonald's employee!

Employee: Madam! The food will be ready in five minutes.

Nora: BRING ME MY SANDWICH, NOW!!!!!!!!

Stay tuned as more mananers ste in the scene! :)