PiPi Family/Transcript

'Note: This transcript is an abstract, experimental, avant-garde transcript. Please keep this in mind as you read it.'

Submission Reel
Gloria: I'm in Lexington, Kentucky to meet the PiPi family. What an odd name.

MiMi: I'm MiMi, and this is my husband PaPo.

PaPo: We have six kids. SuSa (17), LeLa (15), KaKu (10), SaSo (8), MaMu (5), and TiTa (3)

MiMi: SuSa and LeLa are the big amok runners. They do all kinds of crazy stuff.

PaPo: KaKu won't eat anything that isn't cake. He's gone through days without eating anything.

MiMi: SaSo is a spoiled girl. She doesn't appreciate what we have.

PaPo: MaMu has autism and has meltdowns.

MiMi: TiTa also uses her tablet to watch inappropriate videos on YouTube.

PaPo: Please come to our house Supernanny. We need you.

Gloria: I'm on my way!

First Day
MiMi: Welcome to the house!

PaPo: These are the kids.

SuSa: You must be a nanny.

LeLa: Guess what? You won't change us!

Observation Begins
[SuSa and LeLa beat up KaKu]

KaKu: OW!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!

[KaKu gets tied up and gets lots of spankings]

KaKu: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MiMi: You do not spank KaKu. Go to your room right now.

SuSa: Me and LeLa love to wreak havoc!

[SaSo dreams of a mansion]

SaSo: We live in a big, stinky dump. Let's move to Beverly Hills.

MiMi: This isn't a dump. This is a nice house.

SaSo: No! Everything needs to be golden like in Beverly Hills!

PaPo: You're so ungrateful. Why don't we take you to a homeless shelter?

SaSo: No!

[MaMu has an autistic meltdown]

[SuSa and LeLa spank MaMu with bats]

MiMi: Go to your rooms! You do not spank MaMu with a bat!

'''Gloria: The house is very chaotic. How do MiMi and PaPo manage?'''

Observation Continues
[TiTa is seen watching a gory horror movie]

PaPo: Turn it off right now!

TiTa: NO!

[A woman gets brutally killed in the movie]

[PaPo turns off the tablet]

TiTa: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

MiMi: Do not curse.

'''Gloria: Mom and dad were speaking like robots. "Do not curse" and "Go to your room". They were emotionally drained.'''

[KaKu thrashes his ravioli]

MiMi: Do not trash the ravioli.

[SuSa and LeLa flip the table and smash the windows]

PaPo: That's it! We're leaving!

[MiMi and PaPo flee the house]

[MiMi and PaPo go to a spa to recover]

LeLa: Mom and dad are scardey cats!

Family Meeting
Gloria: Things were so chaotic, you fled the home to go to the spa!

MiMi: It was too much.

PaPo: We want our lives back.

Gloria: Don't worry. I will help you.

Rules
Gloria: The first rule is no yelling, no tantrums, and no meltdowns.

[MaMu throws a meltdown]

[SuSa and LeLa scream]

[TiTa throws a tantrum]

Gloria: Stop this behavior! The second rule is no tying people up.

[SaSo ties up Gloria]

[MiMi and PaPo untie her]

Gloria: Do not tie me up. Do it again and there will be a consequence.

[KaKu ties up his parents]

[KaKu runs away]

[KaKu arrives at the park]

[KaKu plays at the park]

Gloria: KaKu, you do not tie up your parents, run to the park, and play there! Go back in the house!

[KaKu goes back to the house]

[TiTa makes a fake phone and fake computer]

MiMi: TITA! OH My GOD! you made a fake computer a fake phone and also you even sneak into my computer and watch YouTube videos this is BS! i am riping your fake phone/computer.

Gloria: No one was taking this seriously, so I have to get brutally honest with them.

Gloria: You need rules. Otherwise, you will be criminals. Nasty criminals. You can also get kidnapped and never see your parents again. You can even kill someone without rules, and that is never okay!

SuSa: We don't care!

LeLa: PISS OFF!!!

[MiMi and PaPo leave out of shame]

Gloria: This was gonna be a tough cookie to break.

Timeout
[The six all run amok by trashing the room]

MiMi: Stop this.

Gloria: This is your warning. Keep this up and you all will go to the Super Duper Naughty Pit.

TiTa: Can we bring our tablets in the Super Duper Naughty Pit?

Gloria: Yes and no.

TiTa: Okay.

[TiTa smashes the Xbox]

[Gloria sends her to the Super Naughty Pit]

Gloria: I downgraded the Super Duper Naughty Pit to the Super Naughty Pit. Stay there for 3 minutes.

TiTa: I'm about to have a Super Temper Tantrum!

[TiTa throws a Super Temper Tantrum]

[TiTa runs to the playground]

[TiTa sets the playground on fire]

[TiTa runs to Walmart]

[TiTa shoplifts the Nintendo Switch version of the Elinor Wonders Why game "Elinor's Insect Discovery", along with some candies and toys]

[TiTa runs to McDonald's]

[TiTa steals the ice cream machine and eats all the ice cream]

TiTa: BRAIN FREEZE!!!

[TiTa runs back home]

Gloria: You do not run away from home, set the playground on fire, shoplift candy and toys and an Elinor Wonders Why game from Walmart, and steal the ice cream machine from McDonald's and eat all the ice cream and get a brain freeze. That is so it! Go back to the Super Naughty Pit right now!

[TiTa brings her tablet to the Super Naughty Pit]

PaPo: I will take this.

[PaPo takes the tablet and smashes it with the broken Xbox]

TiTa: BUY ME A NEW TABLET RIGHT NOW!!!

PaPo: No. You also don't get your Elinor Wonders Why: Elinor's Patriot Parade DVD for two weeks!

[TiTa destroys the Super Naughty Pit]

Gloria: I am now upgrading this house to the Super Duper Naughty Pit.

TiTa: I HATE THE SUPER DUPER NAUGHTY PIT!!!

MiMi: Too bad.

[TiTa stays in the Super Duper Naughty Pit for 5 seconds before destroying it]

Gloria: I will now upgrade it to the Super Duper Mega Naughty Pit. This one has iron in it, so it is harder to destroy.

TiTa: FUCK!!!

[TiTa stays in the Super Duper Mega Naughty Pit for 3 minutes]

TiTa: I'm sorry for everything. I will now turn myself in to the police.

[TiTa goes to jail]

'''Gloria: I don't understand this family. The fact that they think it's a good idea to send a three-year-old to jail is beyond me.'''

In Church
MiMi: We're going to church. Put on your good clothes.

[The six kids are dressed like Varg Vikernes]

PaPo: Don't be silly and put on your good clothes.

[The six kids are dressed like the Nostalgia Critic]

MiMi: Don't be silly and put on your good clothes.

[The six kids are dressed like Jeffy]

PaPo: This is getting ridiculous. Put on your good clothes now.

[The six kids are dressed like Fred Durst]

MiMi: This is getting ridiculous. Put on your good clothes now.

[The six kids are dressed like Mike Wazowski]

PaPo: Do it again and you're grounded.

[The six are dressed like Jo Frost]

MiMi: Do it again and you're grounded.

[The six are dressed like Masonna]

PaPo: You're grounded.

[The six are dressed like Tommy Wiseau]

MiMi: You're grounded.

'''Gloria: Oh... my... word... it was like being in The Room movie!'''

[The family is in church, only the kids swapped out their good clothes at the last minute and are now dressed like DaddyOFive]

PaPo: I'm not even gonna question it.

[The family is in church, only the kids swapped out their good clothes at the last minute and are now dressed like Lil Baby]

MiMi: I'm not even gonna question it.

[Church starts]

LeLa: We will kill the pope.

[LeLa throws a book at the pope]

[KaKu rages and flips the floor]

[SuSa smashes the Bibles]

[TiTa goes on her tablet and plays Nirvana's "Rape Me" very loud]

MiMi: OFF THE SUNDAY SCHOOL YOU GO!!!

[The six kids go to sunday school]

SaSo: Fuck sunday school!

Teacher: Now now now...

[The six destroy the classroom]

PaPo: SUSA! LELA! KAKU! SASO! MAMU! TITA! BLAKE RIRIE! OH My GOD! you made a fake computer a fake phone and also you even sneak into my computer and watch YouTube videos this is BS! i am riping your fake phone/computer.

Blake Ririe: What is it?

In a Restaurant
'''Gloria: The family was going to eat at a restaurant. But things weren't going well.'''

PaPo: Because you all misbehaved in church. You have to eat steamed ham.

[The six flip the table]

[The six tie up the waiters]

[The six smash the foods, tablets, Xbox, and Blake Ririe]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[The six shatter windows]

[The six make the customers cry]

MiMi: SUSA! LELA! KAKU! SASO! MAMU! TITA! OH My GOD! you made a fake computer a fake phone and also you even sneak into my computer and watch YouTube videos this is BS! i am riping your fake phone/computer.

Gloria: No! Stop saying that! We will be taking them all to the Super Naughty Pit!

[The six go to the Super Naughty Pit]

Gloria: You're in the Super Naughty Pit because you ruined the restaurant.

[The six smash the Super Naughty Pit]

Super Naughty Pit: OW!!! DON'T SMASH ME!!!

SuSa: WE DON'T CARE!!!

[The six smash the Super Naughty Pit]

SaSo: BLAKE!!!

Blake: Which Blake? There's Blake, Blake 2, and Blake 4.

SaSo: I'm talking to Blake 3.

Blake 2: Blake 3 is not here.

Blake 4: Blake 3 is at home.

SaSo: BLAKE, BLAKE 2, AND BLAKE 4! GO HOME OR ELSE i am riping your fake phone/computer.

[Blake, Blake 2, and Blake 4 go home and SaSo didn't riping your fake phone/computer.]

MiMi: (crying) I hate these kids...

PaPo: (crying) Why are they so random?

Gloria: There there. I will help you both.

Gloria is Away
[While Gloria is away, Blake Ririe arrives]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

KaKu: Let's go play on the tablets.

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[KaKu and Blake Ririe play a shark game on their tablets]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[SuSa and LeLa tie up KaKu and Blake Ririe]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[SuSa and LeLa beat KaKu and Blake Ririe up]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[MiMi and PaPo upgrade the Super Naughty Pit to the Elvis Presley Michael Jackson Otis Redding Emily Montes The Beatles Blake Blake 2 Blake 3 Blake 4 Blake 5 Blake 6 Blake 7 Blake 8 Blake 9 Blake 10 Super Duper Mega Megadeth Thrash Death Pit]

[MiMi and PaPo take SuSa and LeLa into the Elvis Presley Michael Jackson Otis Redding Emily Montes The Beatles Blake Blake 2 Blake 3 Blake 4 Blake 5 Blake 6 Blake 7 Blake 8 Blake 9 Blake 10 Super Duper Mega Megadeth Thrash Death Pit]

DVD Meeting
KaKu: Let's go play on the tablets.

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[KaKu and Blake Ririe play a shark game on their tablets]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[SuSa and LeLa tie up KaKu and Blake Ririe]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[SuSa and LeLa beat KaKu and Blake Ririe up]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[MiMi and PaPo upgrade the Super Naughty Pit to the Elvis Presley Michael Jackson Otis Redding Emily Montes The Beatles Blake Blake 2 Blake 3 Blake 4 Blake 5 Blake 6 Blake 7 Blake 8 Blake 9 Blake 10 Super Duper Mega Megadeth Thrash Death Pit]

[MiMi and PaPo take SuSa and LeLa into the Elvis Presley Michael Jackson Otis Redding Emily Montes The Beatles Blake Blake 2 Blake 3 Blake 4 Blake 5 Blake 6 Blake 7 Blake 8 Blake 9 Blake 10 Super Duper Mega Megadeth Thrash Death Pit]

Gloria: What was all of that about? Why is it that everytime "Blake Ririe" is mentioned that he says what is it?

Blake Ririe: What is it?

MiMi: We don't know.

PaPo: He may have autism like MaMu.

Gloria: Well it's so annoying. Let's say Blako Ririo instead.

Reinforcements
Gloria: Today I will work on your speech.

MiMi: We have good speech.

Gloria: But you speak like robots and weird things keep happening! We will work on your speech.

PaPo: What speech?

KaKu: We have good speech, Blake Ririe?

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[SuSa and LeLa tie up Blake Ririe, beat him up, and lock him in the basement]

Blake Ririe: What is it?

SuSa: Let's continue.

TiTa: Nah. I'd rather watch a movie.

[They all disband]

[They all run to the park naked]

[They all play at the park while in tuxedos and dresses]

'''Gloria: Oh my word. I have officially entered the subconscious of the subconscious. Everything is so avant-garde with this family and I can only handle so much of it!'''

Gloria Leaves
Gloria: I was not able to tame the six. You must get another nanny or something.

SuSa: FUCK OFF, SUPERFUCKER!!!

LeLa: More like Supernonsense.

KaKu: more like s superhoe.

SaSo: ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ sᴜᴘᴇʀᴄʀᴀᴘ

MaMu: 💣︎⚐︎☼︎☜︎ ☹︎✋︎😐︎☜︎ 💧︎🕆︎🏱︎☜︎☼︎☹︎⚐︎💧︎☜︎☼︎

TiTa: ₕₐₕₐₕₐₕₐₕₐₕₐₕₐₕₐ ₕₒ𝓌 ₜₕₑ Fᵤ𝒸ₖ ᵢₛ Cᵧᵦₑᵣ Bᵤₗₗᵧᵢₙ𝓰 ᵣₑₐₗ ₕₐₕₐₕₐₕₐ ₙᵤ𝓰𝓰ₑₜ ⱼᵤₛₜ Wₐₗₖ ₐ𝓌ₐᵧ Fᵣₒₘ ₜₕₑ ₛ𝒸ᵣₑₑₙ ₗᵢₖₑ ₙᵤ𝓰𝓰ₑₜ Cₗₒₛₑ Yₒᵤᵣ ₑᵧₑₛ ₕₐₕₐ

MiMi: Send the kids to Mars.

PaPo: We'll send them to Pluto.

Family Update
MiMi: We sent the kids to a special place.

PaPo: Now we have peace and quiet?

Cut to:

[The six are in Exmilitary]

LeLa: We need Blake Ririe to save us!

Blake Ririe: What is it?

[Blake Ririe helps the kids escape Exmilitary]

Blake Ririe: What is it?