Clusturific Family/Transcript

Before the revolving line of credit
Announcer: "Tonight on Supernanny..."

Gavrilla: "RYUUNOSUKE NEVER LETS ME WATCH PB&J OTTER!"

Announcer: "Jo visits a very, very, very large family..."

Ladonna: "Lucy and Lacey, both of you bratty s***s are such a pair of awkward geeks!"

Announcer: "With five adopted sets of twins that misbehave..."

[Konstantin throws a potted plant at Aaliyah]

[Dima shakes Ryosuke's crib]

[Ryosuke cries]

Melora: "Mummy is a moron!"

Igor: "Mommy is a Poopie-head!"

[Ladonna spanks Melora and Igor with a wooden mallet]

Announcer: "And a stubborn and self-centered mother who brings out the wooden mallet..."

Ladonna: "YOU DO NOT SHAVE PARTS OF MY HAIR WITH A RAZOR, YOU RUSSIAN FOOLS!"

Announcer: "And a dozen well-behaved children..."

Gavrilla: "Mommy is a selfish Poopie-head!"

[Ladonna throws a rock in Gavrilla's face]

[Gavrilla cries]

Ladonna: "BE A CRYBABY ALL YOU WANT! SEE IF I CARE!"

Gavrilla: "But it hurts!"

Ladonna: "GOOD! IT SHOULD HURT MORE!"

Lacey: "We lost our baby brother Andrew to shaken baby syndrome six months ago..."

Submission Reel
Jo: "I'm in Mobile ready to help a very, very, very large family with a very, very, very stubborn mother who treats Lacey and Lucy like slaves, and a concerned and caring father. Let's take a look."

Lacey, John, and Lucy: "Hi, we're the Clusturific Family."

John: "I'm John."

Lacey: "I'm Lacey, age 16."

Lucy: "And I'm Lucy, age 14."

John: "My wife's name is Ladonna."

Konstantin: "Mommy is a big, big poopy-butt!"

[Ladonna throws a bottle of beer in Konstantin's face but misses]

Jo: (gasps)

[Lucy and Lacey help get their younger siblings ready for school]

Melora: "Stinky head!"

[Ladonna lays on the couch, drinking vodka and smoking cigarettes]

Lucy: "Our little brother, Andrew, died from Shaken Baby Syndrome."

[We see a picture of baby Andrew]

Lucy: "Andrew cried and tried to get Mom's attention while she was watching TV. She picked him up and violently shook him."

Lacey: "He was 7 months old when he died."

Observation begins
[The children's rooms are very messy]

[Konstantin trashes Ladonna's room, flipping the bed upside down]

Konstantin: "Mommy is a big, big poopy-butt!"

[Konstantin spits Ladonna's face and gets into her makeup]

Jo: "Ladonna's selfish attitude was the result of Konstantin's disrespectful behavior towards her and other people."

[Konstantin colors on the walls, including a picture of Ladonna with stink lines and a caption that reads "I AM A BIG, BIG SMELLY OLD POOPY-BUTT!"]

Observation Continues
[Ladonna, Lacey, Lucy, Melora and Konstantin are at the supermarket]

Konstantin: "I am sick of your selfish ****, Mom! You treat us all like ****, you stupid motherf***ing b****!"

Melora: "Yeah, you stupid, ugly, fat poopy-butt! All you ever care about and worry about is yourself! You are a big, smelly, fat b****!"

Lucy: "Melora and Konstantin are right, Mother."

Lacey: "Yeah."

[Konstantin and Melora cause a scene at the supermarket]

Melora: "I HATE MOMMY!"

[Czar, Dima, Gavrilla, Anja, Irina, Igor, Konstantin, Melora, Platon and Savva scream at the top of their lungs and throw tantrums]

Kimiko, Lacey, Lucy and Hada run away from Home
Hada: "I'm sick of mom's (bleep)."

Kimiko: "Yeah, I've had it with her."

Lacey: "She treats me and Lucy like slaves."

Lucy: "We're running away."

[Lucy, Lacey, Hada and Kimiko gather their things and run away]

Kimiko: "Where will we go now?"

Lucy: "As far away from that (bleep) as possible."

Lacey: "We'll leave town, and start a new life ourselves, I wish we had a new mom that isn't a pain in the a**."

Jo vs. Ladonna
Jo: "Lacey was crying because she didn't go to the party with Lucy because of Miss Ladonna. So, I decided to give Ladonna a piece of my mind."

Jo: "YOUR SELFISHNESS RIGHT NOW IS APPALLING!"

Melora: "Yeah, mommy is a stupid-head!"

[Ladonna throws a tennis racket at Melora, but misses]

Melora: "You missed! Stinky Butt! Stinky Butt! Na-Na Na-Na Boo-Boo!"

[Melora grabs her lunch, homework, her jacket and rushes outside to catch the schoolbus]

Jo: (gasps)

[Ladonna rolls her eyes]

Jo: "Why did you give me a dirty look by rolling eyes?"

Ladonna: "Cause you are nothing but an ungrateful jerk!"

Jo: "Well don't! You-"

Ladonna (angrily): "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE OR I AM CALLING THE COPS JO FATTY FROST!"

Lacey: "Jo-Jo isn't going anywhere MOTHER DEAREST!!! Besides, Dad is considering on divorcing you and have you thrown out unless you change your ways."

[Melora gets on the schoolbus and goes off to school]

Jo: "I am serious, Ladonna. You need a reality check for what you did."

Ladonna: "A F***ING REALITY CHECK?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Jo: "Of course! You need to come with me. We have to go to a homeless shelter to help out people in need."

Ladonna: "Oh, please..."

Ladonna gets a reality check
[Jo and Ladonna are at a homeless shelter]

Ladonna: "Yuck! I hate this. It is such a dump!"

Jo: "Excuse me?"

Jo: "I knew Ladonna was being selfish, but I didn't care."

[As Jo is talking to a divorced mother of twin sons, Ladonna is listening to the song "Wash Him Off" by Marydancin on her iPhone]

[The children, Abdukrahman, Abdulrahman, Aaliyah, Abdulkareem, Abdullah, Hada, Kimiko, Kuro, Ryuunosuke, Czar and Dima secretly follow Ladonna and Jo]

iPhone voice: "You have 1 new message."

Woman (on recording): "Mrs. Clusturific, this is Lacey and Lucy's teacher, Miss Jodie Fields, at Mobile High School. They both joined the volunteered program and are volunteering at a local animal shelter after school. If you have any questions, you can call them."

[Abdukrahman, Abdulrahman, Dima, Aaliyah, Czar, Abdulkareem, Abdullah, Hada, Kimiko, Kuro and Ryuunosuke sneak into the kitchen]

Aaliyah: "Ryosuke, Platon, Savva, Melora, Konstantin, Irina, Igor, Gavrilla and Anja are staying with Grandma."

[Cut to: Lacey and Lucy volunteering at a local animal shelter after school]

[Cut to: Hada, Kimiko, Kuro, Ryuunosuke, Czar, Abdukrahman, Abdulrahman, Dima, Aaliyah, Abdulkareem and Abdullah helping out at the homeless shelter]

Hada: "Lunch is ready, people! Come and get it! We've got bundt cake!"

Kimiko: "We have Caesar salad!"

Kuro: "Spaghetti and meatballs!"

Ryuunosuke: "Meatloaf is hot and ready, people!"

Aaliyah: "Cold cuts, get your cold cuts!"

Abdukrahman: "Iced tea!"

Abdulkareem: "Fresh salmon and halibut!"

Abdullah: "Roast turkey sandwiches!"

Abdulrahman: "Lasagna's ready!"

Czar: "Soup's on!"

Dima: "We've got bread!"

Jo: "See? Your children take the time to care for others and help out."

(Czar snatches Ladonna's iPhone to play "Keep Away" with the homeless kids)

Czar: "Keep away!"

(Czar tosses his mom's iPhone to a homeless little girl, who passes it to her little brother, then tosses it to his cousin, who passes it to Abdulrahman)

Abdulrahman: "Keep away!"

Family Update
(The kids and John (minus Ladonna) are visiting Andrew's grave)

Jo: "John has divorced and filed a permanent restraining order against Ladonna. John has custody of the kids, Ladonna has now ended up homeless and is now living on the streets of Mobile after the police found 7-month-old Andrew's body in the lake."