Smith Family (Season 31)/Transcript

Observation Begins
Diesel: "Eric, wake up, It's time for school."

Eric: Why on Earth do I have to go to stupid school?!"

Diesel" "Because you need to learn your education to get a good job."

Eric: "No, I am not going to school!"

Diesel: "ERIC, YOU ARE GOING TO SCHOOL OR ELSE YOU ARE GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED!"

Eric: "Fine, Dad. I will go to school."

At School
Eric's Teacher: "Good morning. Is everybody here?"

Eric: "Yes, you idiot!"

Eric's Teacher: "Eric, that is so unacceptable! Anyway, I'd like to see your homework, please."

[Everyone takes out their homework except Eric]

Eric's Teacher: "Eric, I don't see you homework."

Eric: "I don't have it because I misbehaved at McDonald's yesterday."

Eric's Teacher: "OK, please pass in your homework. OH! I almost forgot! Today was behavior card day. Let me explain the color legend. [Pulls out a piece of paper] I'll use this white card as an example.

Eric: [Laughs] "It's just a f***ing sheet of paper!"

Eric's Teacher: "Eric, I don't find that amusing. Anyways, purple means 1 year off. Blue means 1 month off. Green means 1 week off. Yellow means a talk after school. Orange means a 2.5 hour detention. Red means detention until school ends. Now pay attention to this card. It's a very bad one. If you receive a black card, you are in dead meat. Here you go."

Zack: "I got a purple card! Thank you sir!"

Eric's Teacher: "Good job Zack! You have been he best student! Go to the principal's office and make him proud!"

Paul: "Uh-oh. I go a yellow card."

Eric's Teacher: "I'm sorry Paul. You're not in trouble, just a little bit. Still, go to the principal's office."

David: " Oh great! Me and Dave got orange cards!"

Eric's Teacher: "That's right David and Dave. You kept doing s****y stuff like farting, chewing gum, using the girl's room, and more! Go to the principal's office pronto!

Dallas: "Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no! Me and Kalya got red cards!"

Eric's Teacher: "That's right Dallas and Kalya! And Dallas, stop repeating everything you say! Go to the principal's office and I hope you learned your strict lesson!"

Brian: "Yes! Me ad Ivy got blue cards!"

Eric's Teacher: "Good job Bran and Ivy! You have been good! Go to the principal's office! See you in a month!"

Simon: "OK. I got a green card. Not bad at all."

Eric's Teacher: "Not too shabby, Simon. Go to the principal's office."

Eric: "Um, I got a black card. Can I have one more chance?"

Eric's Teacher: "ABSOLUTELY NOT! ERIC! YOU HAVE BEEN THE WORST STUDENT EVER! GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE RIGHT NOW!"

Principal's Office
Principal: So Eric, why are you here today?"

Eric: "I got a black card on behavior card day!"

Principal: "OH, SO YOU GOT IN DEAD MEAT, HUH?! THAT'S IT! INSTEAD OF EXPELLING YOU, I WILL HOLD YOU BACK TO LOWER GRADES! SO GO TO 11TH GRADE NOW!"

Mr. Jeanes: "OK class. Take out your homework. Boy in the red and white striped shirt, where's your homework?!"

Eric: "I don't have it because I'm in 12th grade, not 11th."

Mr. Jeanes: "That's it! Go to 10th grade now!"

Mrs. Jakeman: "OK class. Today we will-- HEY! ARE YOU CHEWING GUM?!"

Eric: "No-- I mean, yes!"

Mrs. Jakeman: "Go to 9th grade!"

Mr. Alden: "Class, we will do social studies. What's the capital of Alaska?"

Eric: "Uh, New York?"

Mr. Alden: "Wrong answer! The correct answer is Juneau! Go to 8th grade before I notify your parents! you will go back to middle school!"

Eric: "No!"

Mr. Alden: "GO THERE NOW!"

Eric: "Why did I get held back to middle school?"

Mrs. Dawson: "OK class. Today we will write a 5 page essay on fractions. Julie, no writing with your feet! And young man (Eric), how dare you throw the essay in the trash! Julie, go to detention! And young man, go to 7th grade!"

Mr. Hicks: "Young man, stop crying! Go to 6th grade!"

Mrs. Hooper: "OK class. We are going to take a field trip to see Big Hero 6."

Eric: "Oh, boy! A field trip!"

[Lawrence rubs his face against Salli's soles]

Eric: "Eugh, you can see the weirdest stuff in 6th grade."

Mrs. Hooper: "Lawrence, that's disgusting. Don't do it."

[Steven throws a ball at Mrs. Hooper]

Mrs. Hooper: OK, who threw that? Steven, was that you?"

Steven: "Nope! It was Eric!"

Mrs. Hooper: "Eric, how dare you throw a ball at me! That's it when we get to school, go to 5th grade! And that means you have to go back to elementary school!"

Eric: "Hey Duncan, did you get held back as well?"

Duncan: "Yes. It's because I'm a troublemaker."

Mrs. Hameldon: "Eric and Duncan! No talking during class! Duncan, go to detention! And Eric, go to 4th grade!"

Mrs. Edison: "OK class. Since you were all good, we will listen to some music."

[Eric raises his hand]

Mrs. Edison: "Yes, Eric?"

Eric: "Can I pick out the song?"

Mrs. Edison: "Sure."