Cloud Family/Transcript

Before the Revolving Line of Credit
Announcer: "Mom's tough love proves challenging."

Hailey: "I hate this family!"

Submission Reel
Annie: "You are with me in Helena, Montana to meet a Chinese-American Family."

???: "Hi, I'm Agatha Sr., and I am a part-time real estate agent."

???: "Hi, I'm John., and I am a paramedic."

???: "Hi, i'm Agatha Jr, but i'm usually called Aggie."

???: "你好，我是嬌" (Translation: Hello, I'm Jiao)

???: "你好，我是宋" (Translation: Hello, I'm Song)

Agatha Sr: "We have 16 kids, 12 are from China and 1 granddaughter, Jiao and Song are 20, Aggie is 19, Baozhai is 18, Zhao is 17, Wei is 16, Mei is 15, Mulan is 14, Morgan is 13, Dongmei is 12, Mingzhui is 11, Jane is 10, Chun is 9, Chen is 8, Ling is 7, Hailey is 6, and out granddaughter Ai is 2 1/2 is Jiao's daughter and her birthday is coming soon."

John: "Aggie, Jane and the Chinese kids are well-behaved, but Hailey and Morgan, but mostly Hailey are far from it, Hailey throws tantrums, screams, and terroizes Ai because she wants to be the baby of the family, Ai and her Chinese uncles and aunts do not speak english, but me and my wife are Chinese-American, Morgan is mostly-behaved but often has a real problem being grateful, other than that, she is well-behaved, and dates her 19-year old boyfriend from China, Xiaoping, despite having a criminal record, he is actually kind to us, he is friends with Aggie, Zhao, and the twins, he stole cars but Morgan doesn't really seem to realize."

Agatha Sr. "Hailey have been kicked out of several schools in the last year, Morgan misbehaves because of Hailey, she feels she is not getting attention."

Morgan: "She ruined Chinese New Year, Zhao's birthday, and many others."

Observation Begins
[Song is watching a Chinese Game Show on his and Jiao's laptop]

Hailey: "LET ME USE THE LAPTOP! SONG, I'M GONNA BEAT YOU TO DEATH!"

Song: "海利，而且，這是我和我的雙胞胎妹妹的筆記本電腦" (Translation: No, Hailey, besides, this is me and my twin sister's laptop)

Hailey: "YOU WERE ON IT ALL (bleep)ING DAY!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME USE IT!!"

Song: "別鬧了，看電視或東西" (Translation: Stop it, watch TV or something)

[Song is listening to Chinese rock]

Hailey: "LET ME USE IT OR I WILL RIP YOUR (bleep)ING STOMACH OPEN! TAKE YOUR INSTESTINES AND USE THEM AS RIBBONS, AND I WILL LOCK YOU IN TO STARVE TO DEATH YOU (bleep)ING ANOREXIC SON OF A (bleep)!"

Agatha Jr.: "What's going on?"

[Song points at Hailey, who's throwing a tantrum]

Agatha Jr.: "What's wrong Song?"

[Song writes a note to Agatha Jr, it says "She wanted to use my laptop, when I said no, she threw a tantrum, she threatened me by saying she will rip my stomach open, take my intestines, and use them as ribbons, really gross, Aggie." and passes it to her]

Agatha Sr.: "Aggie and Jiao have to look after the kids while we are gone, it turns into havoc after a few minutes."

Morgan: "She does it all the time, will she ever stop? I wish mom payed attention to me, but one of Aggie, Song and Jiao's friend at university, Xiaoping understands how I fell, he is quite friendly to the family."

Agatha Jr.: "Hailey Megan, come with me right now."

Hailey: "Fine (bleep)ie!"

[Agatha Jr. takes Hailey to her room]

Agatha Jr.: "You do NOT threaten your siblings because you wanted to use their things, that's a no-no, you aren't allowed to use your brother and sister's things, stay in your room for 6 minutes, then I will come and get you."

[Agatha Jr. leaves the room]

cut to:

[Zhao is drawing Chinese characters with ink]

[John arrives home]

Mall Mayhem
Annie: "When the family was out buying Ai's birthday present, Hailey wanted to go to her friend, Janie's house, when Agatha Sr said no, she kicked up a tantrum."

Hailey: "Can I go to Janie's house?"

Agatha Sr: "Not today, we are buying a birthday present for Ai."

Hailey: "I WANT TO GO TO JANNNNNNNNNNIE'S HOUSSSSSSSSE!"

[Hailey throws a tantrum like a 2-year old]

Hailey: "I WANT JANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Agatha Sr: "You cannot go to Janie's house today because we are buying Ai a birthday present."

Hailey: "YOU ALWAYS CARE ABOUT THOSE STUPID TWINS, AGATHA, THE VET, THE 4 YOUTUBERS, BLONDIE, THOSE CHINESE BRATS, AND THAT GOODY-GOODY 2-YEAR OLD WHO GETS WHAT SHE WANTS MORE THAN ME AND MORGAN!"

Agatha Sr: "Because they have better behaviors, unlike you and Morgan but she is more behaved than you."

Hailey: "IT ALWAYS WHAT AI WANTS! WHEN I GET TO DO SOMETHING IT IS NO, NO, NO! NOT TODAY!!! Ai is a such (bleep)ing goody-goody!, SHE GETS WHAT SHE WANTS AND I DON'T!!! I WILL HAVE MY LITTLE PONY AS THE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME!"

Agatha Sr: "Because she knows how to behave, and she is good enough to get things."

Hailey: "That does it, I'm gonna pee in my pants!"

Wei: "當媽媽也說，倪浩啟蘭為主題的黨，黑利希望我的小馬為主題，黑利踢了一個巨大的發脾氣" (Translation: When Mom also said Ni-Hao Kai-Lan was the theme of the party, Hailey wanted My Little Pony as the theme, Hailey kicked up a huge tantrum)

Agatha Sr: "Ni-Hao Kai-Lan is the theme of the party."

Hailey: "IT'S NOT FAIIIIIIIIIR! I WILL HAVE MY LITTLE PONY NOW!"

[Hailey screams]

Hailey: "I'll pee in my pants right now!"

Hailey: "Chinese people are disgusting cockroaches."

Agatha Sr: "Listen to me Hailey, continue and you will lose your Baby Annabelle dolls for a week, and you'll go in the Reflection Room, It's Ai's decision, not yours."

cut to:

Ai: "媽媽，叔叔的歌，我希望有一個開蘭娃娃" (Translation: Mommy, Uncle Song, I want a Kai-Lan doll)

Song: "我和媽媽將讓你一啟蘭娃娃" (Translation: Me and Mommy will get you a Kai-Lan doll)

Jiao: "觀望" (Translation: Wait and see)

Annie: "The tantrum went on when the family went out to eat at a restaurant."

Agatha Sr.: "Hailey has been kicked out of several schools in the last year. We tried Therapeutic Boarding School for kids who had behavioral problems at home, Behavior Modification Camp, Military School, Boot Camp and Residential Treatment Center. We tried everything."

Annie: "Can you tell me what she has ruined?"

Song: "黑利被踢出了無數的學校在過去一年. 她也毀了很多假期" (Translation: "Hailey was kicked out of countless schools in the previous year. She also has ruined many holidays.")

Morgan: "My 13th birthday which was One Direction-themed was ruined because of her, me and my friends had a Han Dynasty-like dance after the party, it went well for a few minutes until she splatted me with water balloons, how embarrasing and crazy."

Agatha Jr: "Chinese New Year was ruined because of her, we prevented her from going to Janie's house because it was Chinese New Year, and what else? she nearly killed Zhao and Ai, but they were saved, by me and Wei."

Agatha Sr: "Mulan's 14th birthday was ruined because of Hailey, who changed the music to the MLP: Friendship Is Magic theme which Mulan hates, ate the cookies we provoided, and threw the cake at her friends, by piece."

Morgan: "Christmas was horrible. Hailey shoplifted some toys from the department store. In Christmas Eve, she . When it came time to open presents on Christmas morning, Hailey stole presents from her niece Ai and some from her cousins and claimed them as her own."

Ai's 3rd Birthday
Annie: "It was Ai's 3rd Birthday, she was having a Ni-Hao, Kai-Lan-themed birthday which was celebrated at Chuck E. Cheese, she invited her friends from Pre-K and ballet class."

Annie: "They played games like Ye-ye says, Wake Up Mr. Sun, Guess the Chinese word, and more."

[On the banner, it says "有開蘭生日艾！" which means "Have a Kai-Lan birthday Ai!"]

Song and Wei: "我們得到了一個驚喜給你，艾" (Translation: We got a suprise for you, Ai)

Ai: "這是什麼？" (Translation: What is it?)

[Song gives Ai a beautifuly decorated present]

Ai: "它是開蘭嗎？" (Translation: Is it Kai-Lan?)

[Ai unwraps the present revealing a Kai-Lan plush]

Ai: "太棒了！" (Translation: Yay!)

Jane: "You got a Kai-Lan doll, aww."

[Hailey is sulking in the corner]

Hailey: "Why do they like Jane more than me and Morgan!"

Agatha: "Stop complaining."

Hailey: "Where are we going, I wanna go to McDonald's."

Agatha Sr: "We are not going to McDonald's, we are going to Chuck E. Cheese."

Annie: "Hailey then threw a tantrum."

Hailey: "I DON'T LIKE CHUCK E. CHEESE! I WANNA GO TO MCDONALDS!"

Agatha Sr: "No, we are NOT going to McDonalds, we are going to Chuck E. Cheese and that's final!"

Hailey: "That does it, I'm peeing in my pants!"

[Hailey pees in her pants]

Agaths Sr: "You do not pee in your pants. That was bad."

[Jiao comes down to Hailey's height]

Jiao: "天皰瘡，聽我說，愛想為她的生日去查基奶酪，繼續，你會被放置在反射室，你不要做的主題和你想要去的地方" (Translation: Hailey, listen to me, Ai wants to go to Chuck E. Cheese for her birthday, continue and you'll be placed in the Reflection Room, you don't make the theme and where you want to go to)

Hailey: "I WANT MY LITTLE PONY AND MCDONALD'S!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Annie: "The tantrum worsened."

Hailey: "I HATE NI HAO, KAI-LAN AND CHUCK E. CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Jiao grabs Hailey by her hand and puts her in the Reflection Room then writes in english "Stay there for 6 minutes, just because it's someone's birthday doesn't mean you make the theme and what you want to go to for Ai's party, It's Ai's choice, not yours." then leaves]

6 minutes later

Agatha Sr: "Hailey, the reason why Jiao put you in the Reflection Room because you were being spoiled and moody with the theme and where we are going to. Now I'd like an apology."

Hailey: "I'm sorry."

Agatha Sr: "Good girl."

[Agatha hugs and kisses Hailey]

At Chuck E. Cheese
[The family are in their car]

Agatha: "I can't believe our little Ai is turning 3 years old."

Hailey: "I STILL WANNA GO TO MCDONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLD'S!!!!!!!"

cut to:

[The family and Ai and her friends at Chuck. E Cheese]

Giuseppina: "Happy B-Day!!!!!!"

[Ai bows at Giuseppina]

[Feng hugs Ai]

Feng: "祝你生日快樂" (Translation: Happy Birthday)

Agatha Jr: "Ai's classmates, Feng from China, Ryosuke from Japan, Giuseppina from Italy, Sami from the UK, and Coco from France are all her friends and all 3 years old."

Ai: "謝謝！" (Translation: Thank you!)

Jane: "Ai is Feng's female counterpart in so many ways, they are from a Chinese-American Family and never speak english, and they are the best of friends."

Hailey: (mumbles) "Why couldn't I stay home instead?"

[Hailey is carrying a box]

[Hailey pees into the ball pit]

Morgan: "MOM! HAILEY PEED IN THE BALL PIT!"

[Agatha Sr. examines the pee in the ball pit]

[Hailey runs around naked]

[Hailey pees on the costumed characters]

Agatha Sr.: "Hailey Megan, you put your clothes back on this instant before someone sees you!"

[Hailey karate-kicks the Chuck-E Cheese costumed character]

[Hailey throws the pizza at her Chinese siblings]

[Hailey throws the Pulpy Milky orange flavored juice at Song and Wei]

[Hailey presents the box to Ai]

Hailey (sweetly and nastily): "Happy Birthday, Ai!"

[Hailey opens the box, and out come cockroaches]

[Hailey defecates all over the tables]

[Cockroaches crawl all over the tables, the stage, the salad bar, the customers, the rides, the games, the cake and pizzas]

[People scream]

Agatha Jr.: "Mom, Hailey "

[a health inspector arrives]

Hailey (screaming at the top of her lungs): "GO AWAY!"

Health Inspector: "Don't mind me, ma'am, I'm just checking this restaurant out."

[Health inspector sees cockroaches]

Health inspector: "This establishment is being closed down."

Agatha Sr.: "My daughter done this."

[Agatha Jr. gets the cockroaches in a box and puts them outside]

Health Inspector: "Oh, I get it now, your daughter has to be banned from Chuck E. Cheese for life."

Agatha Sr.: "HAILEY MEGAN CLOUD! GET OVER HERE NOW!"

Aftermath
[Ai is crying and bawling all the way home]

Agatha Jr: "There...there...Ai, please don't cry..."

Agatha Sr: "AS FOR YOU, HAILEY MEGAN CLOUD! YOUR BEHAVIOR AT CHUCK E. CHEESE WAS EMBARRASING AND APPALLING! YOU MADE AI CRY BY SAYING CHUCK E WAS KILLED BY GODZILLA ALONGSIDE KAI-LAN, YOU KARATE KICKED CHUCK E, AND YOU NEARLY KILLED GIUSEPPINA BY SNAPPING HER NECK, IT'S STILL GOOD SHE IS STILL FRIENDS WITH AI, MISSY! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DONE THAT, SHE ENJOYED SPENDING TIME WITH HER FRIENDS AND YOU ATTACKED THEM, THEY MIGHT NOT WANT TO GO SEE HER EVER AGAIN!"

Hailey: "That was the point! I was trying to kill her!"

Annie: "Hailey was banned for life from Chuck E. Cheese after this."

Hailey: "SHUT UP AI!"

Ai: "我要回去媽媽！" (Translation: I WANNA GO BACK MOMMY!)

[Hailey starts shaking Ai]

Jiao: "我知道你想回去愛，但您的可怕的阿姨敗壞了黨！" (Translation: I know you want to go back Ai, but your horrid aunt ruined the party!)

Agatha Jr: "Yeah, and she ruined your whole life!"

Morgan: "Awww, did we really have to leave, Mom?"

Agatha: "I'm sorry Morgan, but we had to."

[Jiao is trying to quiet Ai down]

Annie: "Ai just bawled her eyes out, she wanted to go back to Chuck E. Cheese."

Jiao: "你想要去再查基奶酪，奶奶，黑利在反射室，當我們回來，那麼你就會有熱巧克力和溫暖的浴？" (Translation: Would you want to go to Chuck E Cheese again, when grandma puts Hailey in the Reflection Room when we get back then you will have hot chocolate and a nice warm bath?)

Morgan: "May I come, if i'm allowed?"

[Jiao nods]

[Ai stops crying)

Ai: "是媽媽" (Translation: Yes mommy)

Annie: "Then Hailey hit Ai for getting all the attention."

Hailey: "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, MCDONALDS IS HEALTHIER! I DIDN'T WANT TO TRY YUCKY PIZZA ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!"

[Ai cries]

Agatha Sr: "NOW HAILEY MEGAN! YOU ARE BANNED FROM GOING TO JANIE'S FOR 10 WEEKS!"

Hailey: "I WANNNNNNNNT TOOOOOOOO GOOOO TOOOOOOOOOOOO JANNNNNNNNNNNIE'S!!!!!!!!!! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!!! I'LL PEE IN MY PANTS RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

[Hailey begins kicking the seat in front of her]

Agatha Sr: "JUST YOU WAIT 'TIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME YOUNG LADY!"

At home
Agatha Sr. "Jaio, get your father on the phone and tell him to come home immediately and quickly."

[An enraged Agatha Sr physically drags Hailey in the Reflection Room]

Hailey: "GET YOUR F***ING HANDS OFF OF ME, YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!"

[Jaio rushes to the phone and dials John's work number]

[Hailey tries to hit Agatha Sr]

Agatha Sr: "I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR BEHAVIOR! STAY IN FOR 18 MINUTES! I AM DISGUSTED! YOU RUINED AI'S BIRTHDAY, YOU RUINED HER WHOLE LIFE, YOU RUINED HER CHANCE TO TRY PIZZA AND YOU RUINED HER CHANCE TO PLAY WITH HER FRIENDS AND FANG, THEY MIGHT NEVER WANT TO GO NEAR HER EVER AGAIN! THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU ARE EVER GOING TO CHUCK E. CHEESE, YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR 5 MONTHS AND I AM REALLY DISGUSTED! HOW DARE YOU! YOU ARE BANNED FROM PLAYING WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS AFTER SCHOOL FOR 12 WHOLE WEEKS AND YOU ARE BANNED FROM PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND YOUR DOLLS FOR A WHOLE MONTH! NOW GO SIT IN THE CORNER!"

[Agatha Sr forces Hailey on a chair which faces the corner, leaves her in the Reflection Room and slams the door]

Hailey: "GOOD! I'M GLAD I NEVER LIKED IT ANYWAY!"

[Hailey begins screaming, crying and bawling, smashing the furniture, trashing the Reflection Room and peeing in the middle of the floor]

[Hailey smashes Agatha Sr's favorite vase and statues]

[Agatha Sr loses it even more]

Agatha Sr: "SHUT UP, YOU VERY BAD GIRL!"

Hailey: "YOU SHUT THE F*** UP, YOU VERY MEAN OLD B****!"

Hailey (still screaming, crying and bawling): "I HATE YOU AND I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!"

[Agatha Sr loses her temper even more and bursts into the Reflection Room]

Agatha Sr: "JUST SHUT UP!"

Hailey: "YOU SHUT THE F*** UP, YOU STUPID, DISGUSTING, UGLY, FAT B****!"

[Haley spits in Agatha Sr's face and repeatedly slaps her incredibly hard across her face]

[Haley escapes from the front door and runs to Janie's house naked]

Annie: "I'd like you to calmly tell that little girl of yours to return to the house, otherwise she will lose her TV privileges for a week."

Agatha: "Hailey Megan Cloud, come back or you'll lose your TV privileges for week."

[Hailey runs over to Agatha and hits her again, pushes her on to the sidewalk and runs off to Janie's house, still naked]

Agatha Sr: "Now you lost your TV privileges."

Hailey: "TRY TO STOP ME, AND I WILL KILL YOU!"

[Agatha Sr is extremely livid]

[Hailey kicks Agatha Sr in the private parts]

[Hailey grabs a baseball bat and hits Agatha Sr in the legs]

Hailey: "My friends say you're a b****! You're a horrible person to take away my fun!"

[Hailey hits Annie]

[Agatha Sr returns Hailey home as soon as John arrives home]

Agatha Sr: "John, you will not believe what Hailey has done. She threw an enormous tantrum and peed in her pants because she wanted to go to McDonalds but not Chuck E. Cheese and she also wanted My Little Pony as a theme for Ai's party but not Ni-Hao, Kai-Lan. she peed in the ball pit, ran around the place naked, peed on the costumed characters, karate-kicked the Chuck E. Cheese character, threw pizza at her Chinese siblings, threw the Pulpy Milky orange juice at Snog and Wei and when she gave Ai her present, the cockroaches came out and crawled over everywhere and then Hailey took a dump all over the tables and she screamed at the health inspector to go away. After I left Hailey in the Relfection Room, she smashed the furniture, trashed the Reflection Room, peed in the middle of the floor and smashed my favorite vase and some statues, she also spat in my face and slapped me really hard many times before she escapes from the front door and ran to Janie's house with no clothes on. And when I tried to stop her, she slapped me again and pushed me on to the sidewalk and ran off to Janie's house still naked and when I chased her, she kicked me in to private parts and bashed my legs with a baseball bat and she hit Annie across her face."

[John's anger explodes at Hailey]

John: "HAILEY MEGAN CLOUD! I AM VERY ANGRY BECAUSE YOU RUINED AI'S BIRTHDAY! SHE'S ONLY LITTLE! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, YOU ARE BEING PUNISHED AND WE ARE EXTENDING YOUR GROUNDING TIME TO 10 DAYS, SO NO COMIC BOOK READING TONIGHT! YOU ARE BANNED FROM WATCHING TV FOR 2 WEEKS, YOUR VIDEO GAMES AND ALL YOUR DOLLS WILL BE GONE FOR 2 WEEKS, YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOUR FRIENDS FOR 14 DAYS, WE ARE ALSO TAKING AWAY MY LITTLE PONY FOREVER, YOU WILL NEVER PLAY OUTSIDE FOR AS LONG AS YOU SHALL LIVE, YOU WILL BE FORCED TO EAT ALL OF THE PIZZA!"

Mommy and Me
[Ai, Jane, Morgan and Hailey are making some sculptures out of clay]

[Ai is making a dragon]

[Morgan is making a rabbit]

Morgan: "Ahhh...rabbits."

[Hailey is making a pony]

[Jane is making a sheep]

Hailey: "MINE IS BETTER!"

Agatha Sr.: "Oh, Ai. I love your dragon. It is very nice, Morgan, I love your rabbit too."

Agatha Sr.: You are going in the Reflection Room young lady!!!"

Annie: "What happened?"

Agatha Sr.: "Look at what Hailey just did."

Annie: "Come on, Hailey."

[Agatha Sr. and Annie physically drag Hailey straight to the Reflection Room]

[Annie puts Hailey on a chair in the corner]

[Hailey hits Annie]

[Hailey hits Agatha Sr.]

Hailey: "I hate this family!"

Vandal Disposal
[Hailey is on Agatha Sr.'s Facebook page, typing in an entry]

[Hailey types in, "I love to take away Hailey's fun, I am a poo-poo head. I hate Hailey and I hate Annie too!" And presses enter]

[Hailey changes Agatha Sr.'s birthdate to 1768]

Agatha Sr.: "What are you doing?! Ugh, not again!"

[Agatha Sr. looks at her vandalized page]

[Annie moves Hailey away from the computer]

[Agatha Sr deletes the entry]

Annie: "That's better, Agatha, that's better."

Same Page
[John arrives home]

John: "I'm home!"

Thought Box
[Hailey writes some things on paper]

Hailey: "Mummy...is...a...big...fat...meanie,"

[Hailey write something on a piece of paper]

Hailey: "I...hate...mommy..."

[Hailey draws Agatha Sr. looking fat and pudgy]

[Hailey draws a picture of a witch turning Agatha Sr. into a frog]

Morgan and Hailey vs. The Babysitter
Annie: "The parents were going out for dinner, Baozhai was at her job as a vet, Song and Jiao were going out shopping, leaving the kids with a young babysitter named Clarane Dumais."

[Clarane writes the information down in her babysitting notebook]

Clarane: "Who wants to play a game?"

Morgan: "No thanks, I got school tomorrow."

Clarane: "Okay Morgan. Hailey, would you like to play a game?"