Hendrix Family/Transcript

Submission Reel
Jo: Today I'm off to Roanoke, Virginia to visit another family. Let's have a look!

Stephen: Hello! We're the Hendrix family. I'm Stephen, and this is my wife Jessie.

Jessie: We have four children. Alex (18), Jordan (15), Susie (9), and Cambry (5).

Stephen: Jordan has bipolar disorder, and when he has an episode, he can be very hard to handle.

Jordan: GIVE ME THE ICE CREAM RIGHT NOW OR I WILL STAB YOU TO DEATH WITH THIS KNIFE!!!

Jo: Woah!

Jessie: Susie is even worse. She is bad 24/7. She curses.

Susie: FUCK YOU, HOE!!!

Stephen: She hits.

[Susie slaps Cambry]

Jessie: She destroys stuff.

[Susie smashes a phone]

Stephen: We can't even go out without Susie acting psycho.

Susie: GIVE ME THE ICE CREAM RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!

Jo: Now that is completely unacceptable!

Jessie: Cambry is concerning. She refuses to eat or sleep. This leads to her being tired and malnourished.

[We see Cambry slumped on the couch]

Jo: This is crazy!

Stephen: Alex is the only well-behaved child in the family. He's finishing high school on the computer, and with all the chaos in the family, he doesn't have enough time for himself.

''Alex: Mom and dad are so busy with my younger brother and sisters, they barely even see me. I'm usually in my room doing schoolwork, listening to my music, or watching a movie.''

Jo: Poor Alex!

Jessie: Please come, Supernanny! If we don't change, I don't know what will happen when Jordan and Susie become out of control and Cambry ends up dying from a lack of food and sleep!

Jo: This family really needs my help! Step on it!

Observation begins
[Jo arrives at the family home and knocks on the door. Stephen opens the door]

Jo: Hello! I'm Jo Frost from Supernanny.

Stephen: Thank goodness you're here! I'm Stephen!

Jessie: Thank god! I'm Jessie! I can't explain how glad I am that you're here!

Jessie: Seeing Jo arrive was like a saint entering the home!

Alex: You must be Supernanny, right?

Jo: Yes! I'm Jo, and you must be Alex, correct?

Alex: Yes.

Jordan: Who are you?

Jo: I'm your new nanny! Who are you?

Jordan: I'm Jordan, and this is my little sister Cambry.

Cambry: ugh... can you leave me alone... i'm trying to rest...

Jordan: Well maybe if you ate and slept more often you won't be this tired! Now where's Susie?

[Suddenly, a basketball is thrown at Jo]

Stephen: Who did that?

Susie: THAT WAS ME!!! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, JO FUCK, AND IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT I WILL CHANGE, THEN YOU'RE SO WRONG, THAT YOU SHOULD BE A COMMITTED TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL IF YOU THINK YOU'RE RIGHT!!!

Jessie: Susie, you do not attack the new nanny like that! Say you're sorry.

Susie: Okay! (flips the bird at Jo)

Stephen: Go to your room right now!

[Susie stomps to her room, then slams the door shut]

Jo: Has she always been like this?

Alex: Yeah. It's only getting worse as she gets order. I think she has ADHD or something.

Jessie: We've tested her and everything, and the doctors say that there is nothing wrong with her.

Jo: Well kids, why don't you go play while me and your parents talk?

Jordan: Sure.

[The three kids leave]

Jo: So what have you tried before?

Stephen: The first thing we did was send them to The World's Strictest Parents show. The three were sent to a family in rural India where they did lots of work. Cambry refused to eat or sleep at all and didn't do any farm work at all. Jordan's bipolar episodes were terrible, and he was temporarily put in the local mental institution. Susie was the worst. She abused the animals, destroyed the crops, cussed out the family members, ruined the food, blasted Wesley Willis's songs at night, and nearly burned down their house!

Jo: That's awful.

Jessie: We then sent them to Dr. Phil. The kids were extremely poor during the time there. Alex was good, as he opened up to Phil about how the kids have made his life miserable. However, Cambry had to go to the hospital because of her extreme sleepless state. Jordan and Susie refused to enter the studio, and when they entered, they cussed out Phil, flipped the chairs, and even assaulted one of the audience members! In the end, he sent Jordan and Susie to a camp for bad kids while Cambry was sent to a medical center that deals with malnourished children like her. Cambry had shown little improvement during her visit, and we had to sign a waiver to get her out of there. As for Jordan and Susie, they were abysmal! Jordan ran away to the local town on day one and hid in the alleyways while eating off of leftovers from a restaurant. Susie, meanwhile, assaulted the staff, peed on the kids, started food fights in the cafeteria, beat up the animals in the camp's farm, and even obliterated the room!

Jo: That is completely unacceptable.

Stephen: We then decided to stop sending Cambry to places and focused more on the two. We sent Jordan and Susie to the talk show Maury so he can change their behavior. They cussed Maury out, destroyed the chairs, tied up the security guards, assaulted the audience, and Susie even hacked the speakers to play "Eye of the Storm" by Necrophobic. Maury sent D. West to confront the kids about their behavior. Jordan and Susie weren't phased by West's abrasive behavior at all. In fact, Susie called him the n word and Jordan even threw a chair at him! He then sent the kids to the local jail to further scare the kids. However, the two instead freed all of the prisoners and tied up the correctional officers so they won't stop the fleeing fugitives! Maury said that the two were one of the worst guests he's ever had on the show.

Jo: My word...

Jessie: Most recently, we got Yvonne from Nanny 911 to fix the family. However, Yvonne had water balloons hurled at her, cussed out by Jordan and Susie, failed to get Cambry eating and sleeping, was forced to listen to Merzbow's harsh noise albums by Susie, and she was even thrown off of the roof by Jordan! She had to go to the hospital because of her injuries!

Jo: That is horrendous!

Jo: To hear Jordan and Susie do all of these things were disturbing!

Jo: But what about Cambry? When did she stopped eating and sleeping?

Stephen: When she was 2, she stopped eating and sleeping. Doctors aren't sure why she won't eat or sleep. Our nutritionist is also concerned, saying that at this rate, she may not live to adulthood.

Jessie: (crying) I don't want to see my baby die before she turns 18... I just want her to be happy, but she's only tired and hungry...

Jo: There there. I promise you two that I will help your family.

Jordan's bipolar episode
[Susie is seen watching an episode of "Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers"]

Jo: While Susie was watching TV, Jordan came and had a really bad bipolar episode.

Jordan: I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING WATCH CUCK 'N DICK: RETARDED RANGERS!!! I WANT TO WATCH THE PRECIOUS MOVIE!!!

Susie: Mom! Jordan is having another bipolar episode!

Jordan: I SAID LET ME WATCH PRECIOUS!!!

[Jordan snatches the remote from Susie and changes the show to the 2009 movie "Precious"]

Jessie: Jordan, put Susie's show back on.

Jordan: HOW ABOUT YOU EAT MY ASS, BITCH!!!

[Jordan throws the remote at Jessie's face]

Jessie: OW!!! YOU DON'T THROW THE REMOTE AT ME!!!

Jordan: I DON'T FUCKING CARE!!! YOU SHITHEADS CAN ALL GO DIE IN A FIRE!!!

Susie: PUT BACK CHIP 'N DALE: RESCUE RANGERS BACK ON RIGHT NOW OR I WILL PUT ON KANYE WEST'S "FAMOUS" ON!!!

Jordan: DO IT, WHORE!!!

[Susie pulls out her iPod Touch and plays Kanye West's "Famous"]

Jordan: FUCK YOU!!!

[Jordan runs outside]

Jo: When was Jordan diagnosed with bipolar disorder?

Jessie: Around 12 years old. His episodes have gotten worse.

Susie: I hate it when he changes my show to one of his shitty ass movies! It's fucking stupid!

Alex feels alone amid to the chaos
[Alex is seen watching the 1993 movie "Dennis the Menace"]

Jo: What are you watching?

Alex: I'm watching Dennis the Menace. I just got done with my schoolwork, so I'm taking a break on Netflix.

Jo: Do you get to spend time with your family?

Alex: Barely. Jordan, Susie, and Cambry take up too much of mom and dad's time. In fact, I'm lucky if I get to talk to them. That's why I pretty much isolated myself to my room.

Jo: It was really sad to hear that Alex barely got to spend any time with mom and dad.

Jo: So are you still in high school?

Alex: Yes. Once I finish high school, I will go to college and study film-making.

[Suddenly, Susie comes in the room]

Alex: Please leave. I'm talking to Jo.

Susie: No! I want to watch Stand and Deliver!

Alex: Go watch it somewhere else.

Susie: NO!!! I WANT TO WATCH IT IN YOUR ROOM BECAUSE YOU GOT A BETTER TV!!!

Alex: Not gonna happen. I'm watching Dennis the Menace.

Susie: DENNIS THE MENACE?!?! MORE LIKE DICK THE MAGGOT!!!

[Susie turns off the movie and puts on Stand and Deliver]

Alex: See what I mean? I can't even watch a movie without these brats ruining it!

Susie: QUIET!!! I'M WATCHING THIS!!!

[Alex takes the remote and puts Dennis the Menace back on]

Alex: You're not gonna watch Stand and Deliver in my room. Now please leave.

Susie: FUCK YOU, ALEX!!! I HOPE YOU DIE IN A FIRE!!!

[Susie storms out of the room]

Observation continues
'''Jo: Later on in the day, the family went out to eat at Olive Garden. However, Jordan, Susie, and Cambry weren't the best behaved.'''

Susie: What the flying fuck? I specifically said no vegetables!

Jordan: Yeah! Me and Susie ordered cheese ravioli! Why the shitty ass cum fuck did you give us salad?

Stephen: Don't use that language here. You need to eat something healthy. If you eat your salads, you can have ravioli.

Susie: NO!!! I WANT RAVIOLI!!!

Jordan: ME TOO!!! GIVE US RAVIOLI OR WE'LL FUCK UP THIS TABLE!!!

Jessie: Don't you dare!

[Susie and Jordan slam the salads on the floor, shattering the plate and ruining the food]

Stephen: How dare you two destroy your salads! Now you're not gonna get ravioli at all!

Susie: FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES!!!

Jordan: YEAH!!! HEY EVERYONE!!! LISTEN UP!!! MY PARENTS ARE JACKASSES FOR NOT LETTING US HAVE RAVIOLI!!!

[Susie then pulls out her iPod Touch and blasts Nicki Minaj's "Stupid Hoe"]

Susie: THAT'S WHO OUR PARENTS ARE!!! STUPID HOES!!!

Stephen: Oh my god...

Jessie: Turn off that trashy rap right now and sit back down! You're embarrassing us!

Stephen: And Cambry, please eat your food.

Cambry: no... i wanna rest...

Jessie: You rest everyday. Eat please.

Susie: THIS IS YOUR FAULT, ALEX!!!

Alex: Now what did I do?

Jordan: YOU CONSPIRED WITH PROSTITUTE MOM AND SOY BOY DAD TO GIVE US SALAD YOU BITCH ASS COCKSUCKER!!!

Alex: You two can throw out your colorful cursing all you want, but I did not give you two salad! You shouldn't had ruined it!

[Susie then slams Alex's food on the floor, shattering the plate and ruining the food]

Alex: Hey! I was still eating that!

Susie: FUCK IT!!!

Jordan: FUCK THIS SHIT!!!

[Susie and Jordan flip the table, destroying the food and causing the drinks to splash on the floor]

Stephen: SUSIE AND JORDAN!!!

Jessie: YOU TWO DO NOT FLIP THE TABLE!!!

Susie: SHUT THE FUCK UP, JACKASSES!!! THIS IS ALL OF YOUR FAULT!!!

Jordan: HAD YOU FUCKTARDS GIVEN US RAVIOLI, NONE OF THIS WON'T HAVE HAPPENED!!!

Stephen: WE JUST WANTED YOU TO EAT HEALTHY YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS!!!

'''Alex: This is why my parents are so hesitant to go out, especially with Jordan and Susie. These two always have to start trouble.'''

Waiter: (arriving and seeing the mess the two made) What happened here?

Jessie: ...I think we're gonna take the food to-go.

Stephen: Yeah. I'm so sorry, everyone.

'''Jo: Seeing the restaurant disaster was absolutely appalling. I can't wait to have the meeting!'''

Family Meeting
Jo: Seeing Jordan and Susie throw tantrums are completely unacceptable. Even with Jordan's bipolar disorder, he should learn to control it.

Stephen: We get that, but we can't discipline them.

Jessie: I feel like a failure.

Jo: You also need to work on getting Cambry to eat and sleep, as well as spending more time with Alex.

Alex: That is important, because sometimes, I feel like I'm not part of your lives.

Stephen: You are, son. We don't want you to think that we don't care about you.

Jessie: We promise you that we will spend more time with you.

House Rules
Jo: The first thing I needed to do is add in some house rules.

Jo: The first rule is no hitting or cursing.

Susie: Ha ha ha ha ha! That is so funny!

Jo: The second rule is to respect people's property.

Jordan: How do I do that? All I know is to disrespect people's property.

Jessie: Take this seriously, please!

Jo: The third rule is to behave in public places.

Susie: How do I do that?

Jo: The fourth rule is to eat and sleep. That goes for Cambry.

[Cambry is resting]

Jo: The fifth rule is to respect your siblings.

Jordan: Never in a billion years!

Jo: The six and final rule is to treat others the way you want to be treated.

[Susie and Jordan aren't paying attention at all, as they are watching the 1997 movie "Anastasia" on Susie's iPod Touch]

Jo: Stephen and Jessie, when this kids misbehave you will do the Naughty Swivel for Jordan and the Naughty Platform for Susie and Cambry. Alex doesn't have a timeout since he is well-behaved.

Naughty Swivel and Naughty Platform
Jo: Later on in the day, Jordan and Susie wanted to watch a movie, but there were some issues.

Susie: Me and Jordan want to watch the 2008 movie "The Tale of Despereaux".

Stephen: We're not watching that movie. We're watching Project A-ko.

Jordan: WE DON'T WANT TO WATCH THAT STUPID ANIME!!! WE WANT TO WATCH THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX!!!

Susie: PUT IT ON RIGHT NOW OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!!!

Jo: You need to give them a warning.

Stephen: This is your warning. Continue to shout and scream and you will go on the Naughty Swivel and Naughty Platform.

Jordan: FUCK THE NAUGHTY SWIVEL AND NAUGHTY PLATFORM!!! WE ARE GOING TO WATCH THE TALE OF THE FUCKING DESPEREAUX AND NOT THAT SHITTY ASS COCK-SUCKING ANIME PISSING ASS-KUCKING!!!

Susie: PUT ON OUR MOVIES RIGHT NOW OR ELSE WE WILL KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

[Stephen places Jordan and Susie into the Naughty Swivel and Naughty Platform respectively]

Stephen: You two are in timeout because you kept cursing and screaming like crazy chickens. Susie, you will stay on the Naughty Platform for 9 minutes, and Jordan, you will stay on the Naughty Swivel for 15 minutes.

Jordan: FUCK THAT SHIT!!! LET US OUT!!!

Susie: YEAH!!! LET US OUT RIGHT NOW, FUCKER!!!

Jo: Ignore that.

[Stephen and Jo walk away]

Stephen: However, the two weren't gonna surrender without a fight.

Time: 3 minutes

[Susie shatters the glass vases with a baseball bat]

Jessie: Don't do that.

Time: 10 minutes

[Jordan smashes the family computer with a hammer]

Time: 15 minutes

[Susie and Jordan run outside and spray each other with water guns]

Stephen: This is not the time to play with water guns. Go change and return to your timeout areas.

Time: 22 minutes

[Susie gets her iPod Touch and plays Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion's "WAP"]

Jo: (confiscating the iPod Touch) You are not playing with your iPod because you are in timeout.

Susie: FUCK OFF, WHORE!!!

Time: 30 minutes

[Susie and Jordan run outside to go to the park]

Jordan: We will hide in the park.

Susie: What are we gonna do? I don't have my iPod Touch because Jackass Fuck took it.

Jordan: I got my iPad. We can watch Full House.

Susie: Sure! Let's go!

[The two watch Full House on the iPad]

[10 minutes later, Stephen and Jessie arrive]

Stephen: How dare you two run away to the park! That is naughty behavior!

Jessie: I will be taking your iPad. Now let's go!

Jessie: Despite returning home, the two still fought.

Time: 45 minutes

[Jordan slams the microwave to the floor, breaking it]

Time: 51 minutes

[Susie punches a hole on the wall]

Time: 58 minutes

[Jordan turns on the speakers and plays Artery Eruption's "Shotgun Blast in the Ass"]

Stephen: Turn that death metal off right now!

Time: 66 minutes

[Susie gets her iPod Touch and watches The Buzz on Maggie]

Jessie: You are not watching The Buzz on Maggie right now. You're still in timeout.

Time: 72 minutes

[Jordan and Susie run outside to dismantle the grill]

Time: 80 minutes

[Susie harasses Cambry]

Cambry: leave me alone... i'm trying to rest...

Time: 85 minutes

[Jordan slams the Naughty Swivel, breaking it]

Jo: We're getting another Naughty Swivel, since Jordan broke the other one.

Jordan: NO YOU'RE NOT!!! I'M NOT STAYING IN THE FUCKING NAUGHTY SHITHOLE ANYMORE!!!

[Jo gets another Naughty Swivel]

Time: 95 minutes

[Susie invades Alex's room and jumps on his bed]

Alex: Can you please leave? I'm trying to listen to Eminem!

Susie: FUCK EMINEM!!! CARDI B, NICKI MINAJ, DRAKE, ICP, AND SCARLXRD ARE SO MUCH BETTER!!!

Time: 101 minutes

[Jordan invades Alex's room and puts on Yo Yogi! on Alex's TV]

Alex: You're not gonna watch Yo Yogi! in my room. Especially while you're suppose to be in timeout.

Jordan: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS, ASSHOLE!!!

Time: 110 minutes

[Susie and Jordan smash the living room TV]

Stephen: You do not destroy the TV! Go back to timeout right now!

Time: 120 minutes

[Susie and Jordan flip the dining table and saw off the table legs with a saw]

'''Jo: Their tantrums were epic. It lasted up until bedtime.'''

Jessie: Tell everyone goodnight and then you two are going to bed.

Jo: The others get to stay up, they don't have that privilege tonight.

Susie: I FUCKING HATE THESE SHITTY ASS RULES!!! THEY'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!!

Jordan: I FUCKING PROMISE YOU, JO, YOU MAY HAVE WON THIS BATTLE, BUT YOU WILL NEVER WIN THIS WAR WITH US, SHITASS FUCKER!!!

[Susie and Jordan stomp to their rooms and slam the doors shut]

Lose What You Like and Get What You Hate Charts + One-Strike-and-You're-Out
Jo: Following the epic blowout, I wanted to introduce the Lose What You Like and Get What You Hate charts.

Jo: With these charts, you can lose what you like and get what you hate. Susie and Jordan, since you two were extremely naughty, you've lost your iPod Touch and iPad. Instead, you will do extra chores. Jordan, you have to vacuum the living room, and Susie, you have to clean the dishes.

Jordan: If we do these things, we will get our iPod Touch and iPad back?

Jessie: Yes.

Jordan: Okay.

[Jordan gets the vacuum and vacuums the living room]

'''Jessie: Jordan was more than ready to do his extra chores. Susie, however, was more reluctant.'''

Susie: I am not gonna wash some fucking dishes just so I can get my iPod Touch back! How about you give it to me now!

Stephen: No. We won't give you back your iPod Touch until you do the dishes.

Susie: Okay. I'll do the dishes.

[Susie grabs a dish and slams it on the floor hard, shattering it]

Susie: First one's clean!

[Susie then proceeds to grab every single dish in the house and slams them on the floor, shattering them]

Susie: Mom, dad! I cleaned the dishes!

[Stephen and Jessie come to the kitchen and see the mess Susie had made]

Jessie: OH MY GOD!!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!

Susie: I cleaned the dishes. You just never told me how to clean them.

Stephen: That is completely unacceptable! Now you're gonna clean them!

Susie: FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

[Susie grabs the shattered dish pieces and throws them at Stephen and Jessie]

Jessie: SUSAN HENDRIX!!! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

'''Jo: Susie's tantrum was so extreme, that a simple timeout wasn't going to work. For their more extreme tantrums, I will be introducing the One-Strike-and-You're-Out technique.'''

Jo: You need to leave the kitchen right now because you are being destructive.

Susie: NEVER!!!

[Jo takes Susie away from the kitchen]

Susie: PUT ME BACK RIGHT NOW!!!

Jo: No! Because you are being naughty by throwing shattered dish pieces at your mother and father.

Susie: FUCK OFF, YOU FATASS WHALE!!!

Jo: If she is destructive in another room, tell her to leave that room. Also, you have to ignore her hitting, screaming, cursing, and any other attention-seeking behavior.

Stephen: Meanwhile, Jordan was done with his chores.

Jessie: Wow! You did so well with the vacuum!

Jordan: Does that mean I can get my iPad back?

Stephen: Yes. You can have your iPad back.

[Jordan gets his iPad back and he starts playing Hungry Shark]

[Meanwhile, Susie destroys the lamp]

[Jessie takes her out of the room]

Susie: STOP IGNORING ME!!! ACKNOWLEDGE ME, YOU FUCKING ASSWIPES!!!

[Susie shatters a window]

[Stephen takes her out of the room]

Susie: FUCK YOU!!!

[Susie uses an axe to destroy the computer monitor]

[Jo confiscates the axe and takes her out of the room]

Susie: I FUCKING HATE YOU BITCH ASS SLUTS!!! GO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOURSELF!!!

Jo: Ignore that.

Jessie: This lasted for an hour before Susie finally calmed down.

Essay Order
Jo: After that extreme tantrum, I introduced the Essay Order because she needs to learn that she can't get away with this.

Jessie: You are going to write an essay on what you did wrong and why it was wrong.

Susie: How about no?!

Stephen: You are going to do this and we will supervise you.

Susie: Okay.

[Susie rips the paper in half]

Susie: There, jackass! I did my fucking essay! Now give me my shit back!

Jessie: No! We got hundreds of paper, and if you're gonna be like this, then you will have to do your essay on essayorder.wikia.com.

Susie: How about I write my essay on fuckyouassholesgolickmypussyandeatmyass.there'ssomewhoresinthishouse.com?

Stephen: We will not debate this any further. Now do your essay.

[Susie gets another paper and starts writing her essay]

Jessie: Once Susie was done with the essay, it was time for her to read it to us.

Susie: (reading the essay) More than 100 stealth egg attacks baffle one Euclid homeowner and police (photos and video) EUCLID, Ohio -- An 85-year-old Euclid man's home has become the target of mysterious egging attacks that began in March 2014 and haven't stopped. The continuous onslaught of eggs has baffled police, neighbors and local government officials who have tried and failed to identify the source of the attacks that have ruined the man's home and kept his family on edge. "The accuracy is phenomenal," Albert Clemens, Sr. said. "Because almost every time when it's nice weather and they launch five or six of these at a time, they almost invariably hit the front door." Clemens green two-story house sits on the corner of Wilmore Avenue and East 210th Street. He and his wife bought the home as newlyweds about 60 years ago. Though his wife has since passed away, Clemens still lives there with his 49-year-old daughter and 51-year-old son. The house has been pelted with eggs several times a week -- sometimes more than once a day -- for the past year. The attacks always happen after dark and last around 10 minutes each. The family has been awoken as late as 2 a.m. by what sounds like the crack of a gunshot against the aluminum siding or front door. Clemens and police believe the eggs are being launched from a block or two away. The siding on the front of Clemens' home is destroyed, splattered with dried egg residue that stripped off the paint. Other than a few rogue eggs that hit nearby homes, no other neighbors have been targeted. "Somebody is deeply, deeply angry at somebody in that household for some reason," Euclid Lt. Mitch Houser said. Winter offered a short respite for the family, as the egging became less frequent during the cold weather. But both Clemens and police anticipate the attacks picking back up as the snow and ice thaw. An unsolved mystery Euclid police have not taken the investigation lightly. They've spent a year doing undercover stakeouts, canvassing the neighborhood and even sending eggshells for testing. The department's entire community policing unit was dedicated to tracking down the eggers at one point. Officers respond quickly to every egging call at the home -- which is less than a mile from the police station. Both Clemens and detectives are at a dead end when it comes to suspects. Clemens had suspicions about a young man across the street who confronted him a couple years ago and asked him to stop calling police about suspicious activity in the neighborhood. Clemens said that he had started calling police more often as he noticed more crime -- mostly suspected drug activity. Another neighbor Clemens suspected was ruled out when officers saw him standing outside as an attack occurred in the presence of police. Investigators have taken several different approaches to nabbing the eggers, including installing a surveillance camera on the house. Detectives even collected some eggshell samples and tested them in a crime lab. The eggs were traced back to a local Amish farm, but the trail ended there. Clemens says the culprits either have access to a large supply of eggs or are stealing them from businesses that throw them out when they go bad. Detectives have followed this thread, visiting local restaurants and businesses asking about missing eggs. They've also tried collecting fingerprints from eggshells, but Houser said that's an impossible task. When an egg breaks, it releases proteins that destroy DNA. Officers have gone door to door questioning neighbors and handing out fliers. Nobody has come forward with any tips. "The person or people who are doing it have remained very tight-lipped apparently," Houser said. "I would imagine it would be hard to keep a secret of something that had been done hundreds of times and for nobody to step forward to talk about it." The guilty parties don't appear to be intimidated by police interest in the case. An officer last year was taking a report when a barrage of eggs was launched at the house. One hit him in the foot. Houser said he's never seen this level of vandalism in his 20 years of police work. It's frustrated the whole department, which has dedicated hundreds of hours toward solving the egging mystery. "The man hours put into that investigation were huge and one of the reasons it's so frustrating that we don't have somebody right now that we can criminally charge," Houser said. The culprits will face charges of felony vandalism and criminal damaging, Houser said. Additional charges could be tacked on if investigators find evidence that the attacks are a hate crime. The search continues Clemens is waiting until the perpetrators are caught before he repairs the tarnished siding. His insurance company is refusing to settle a claim until the guilty party is found. He said he used to clean up after each attack, but it became so frequent that he couldn't keep up. Police initially offered a $500 reward for information, but bumped it up to $1,000 after nobody came forward. That money is still up for grabs. "We're not going to let it go," Houser said. "We'll continue to put effort into it until we figure something out." Despite all the torment, Clemens said he'd never consider moving from his beloved home. "I like the neighborhood," Clemens said. "I like the city of Euclid. I would live and die in this house -- but it's been kind of a nightmare."

'''Stephen: Oh my god.. what did I just heard?'''

Stephen: That "essay" you just told us is not acceptable at all. You need to rewrite it.

Susie: NO!!! I WILL NEVER REWRITE THE FUCKING ESSAY!!!

Jessie: Well here's an alternative then. You will not have your iPod Touch for a week, and you will not go to the Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers convention that you wanted to go to.

Susie: WHAT THE FUCK?!?! I WILL HAVE MY IPOD TOUCH, AND YOU WILL TAKE ME TO THE CHIP 'N DALE: RESCUE RANGERS CONVENTION!!! YOU BETTER DO THAT RIGHT NOW, YOU SHITTY FUCKING ASS BITCH HOES!!!

Jo: No, mommy and daddy will not do that. Now go to bed.

Susie: FUCK YOU, JACKASS FUCKFACE!!!

[Susie storms into her room, then slams the door shut]

Thought Box
Jo: I introduced Alex to the Thought Box so he can speak to mom and dad more often.

Jo: With the Thought Box, you can use this to write about your thoughts so that your parents can read it and you can talk about your thoughts.

Getting Cambry to eat and sleep
Jo: In order to get Cambry to eat, I will be needing to introduce some new tactics.

Jessie: We want you to eat this grilled cheese sandwich and drink that cup of apple juice.

Cambry: no... i don't want to eat...

Stephen: You have to try. Here, try a bite.

Cambry: not a bite... not a bite...

[Jessie then pulls out a doll of Morgiana from Magi]

Jessie: Ok look! It's Morgiana!

Cambry: whaa...

Morgiana: (voice being mimicked by Jessie) You have to eat this sandwich! It can make you strong!

Cambry: really...

Morgiana: (voice being mimicked by Jessie) Yes! Why don't you have a bite?!

Cambry: sure...

[Cambry then takes a bite and then eats it]

Stephen: At that point, it was like time just stopped.

Cambry: i... i...

Jessie: Yes?

Cambry: i... I LIKE IT!!!

[Cambry then eats the entire sandwich]

Jo, Jessie, and Stephen: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'''Jessie: This was the first time that she actually enjoyed a sandwich! It was one of the best days of my life!'''

[cut to: Jo leaving]

Jo: I'll be leaving you two for a few days. Remember the techniques, and maintain consistency.

While Jo is Away
[We see Alex and Cambry watching "The Fantastic Adventures of Unico"]

[Susie arrives]

Susie: Change the channel to Disney. Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers is gonna come on very soon.

Alex: No. Go watch it somewhere else.

Susie: WAH!!! I WANT TO WATCH THE NEW EPISODE OF CHIP 'N DALE: RESCUE RANGERS YOU FUCKING ASSWIPES!!!

Cambry: No... Go somewhere else...

Susie: THAT'S IT!!!

[Susie takes the remote and changes the channel to the Disney Channel]

Susie: Just in time! Rescue Rangers is on.

Alex: We are not watching Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers! Me and Cambry were watching The Fantastic Adventures of Unico.

Susie: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING ASSSHITTINGS OF UNICO!!! I AM WATCHING CHIP 'N DALE AND THAT'S FINAL!!!

[Alex takes the remote and switches it back to The Fantastic Adventures of Unico]

Susie: So you don't want me to watch my show, huh? Well then it's time for Plan B!

[Susie gets her iPod Touch and starts playing Whitehouse's "Why You Never Became A Dancer"]

Susie: (singing the lyrics) CAN I SUGGEST YOU: GET FUCKED!!! WHILE YOU LIE ABOUT CHILD-MOLESTING GROPES AND PARKBENCH FLASHERS AND PERVERT CREEPS, AND ANAL VIRGINITY AND POLAROID SNAPS AND VERBAL ABUSE AND BATHROOM RAPES!!!

Cambry: Turn it off... It's so loud...

Alex: I agree. I can barely even hear the movie!

Susie: NOT UNTIL YOU BETA LOSERS PUT CHIP 'N DALE: RESCUE RANGERS BACK ON!!!

[Jessie arrives]

Jessie: What is going on?

Alex: Susie wants to watch her show when we're watching a movie, so she got her iPod Touch and started blasting Whitehouse.

Susie: (singing the lyrics) WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?!?! CERTAINLY NOT RAPED!!!

[Jessie takes the iPod Touch and turns off the music]

Jessie: Susie, you are still grounded! Now go to the Naughty Platform right now!

Susie: FUCK!!!

[Susie goes to the Naughty Platform]

[cut to: The family is shopping at the mall]

Stephen: We need to get a new record player for our vinyls.

[They enter a record store]

Susie: Hey, can I get the vinyl to Dying Fetus's "Reign Supreme"?

Jessie: No. We aren't getting any vinyls right now.

Susie: Okay.

[Susie proceeds to shoplift the vinyl]

Stephen: Susie! Get back here with the vinyl right now!

Susie: FUCK MY ASS WITH A GIANT HORSE COCK COVERED IN SHIT!!! I WILL NEVER PUT IT BACK!!!

[Susie slams the vinyl on the floor and stomps on it, destroying it]

Jessie: How dare you smash the vinyl! You owe the store-owner an apology!

Susie: NEVER!!!

Jessie: As if that wasn't bad enough, Jordan started to act up.

Jordan: I want to go to Hot Topic! I want to get new shirts!

Stephen: No! We are not going to Hot Topic.

Jordan: I WANT TO GO TO HOT TOPIC AND THAT'S FINAL!!!

Stephen: This is your warning. Keep it up and you will go to timeout when we get home,

[Jordan ignores this, and runs to Hot Topic and shoplifts hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise]

Jessie: You two stop this right now!

Store-owner: On top of this, you need to return the shirts.

[Jordan then slaps the store-owner in the face]

Stephen: JORDAN!!! OH MY GOD!!! YOU DO NOT SLAP THE STORE-OWNER IN THE FACE!!!

[Susie and Jordan run away and enter a pizza store]

[Susie steals a cheese pizza and throws it at the wall]

[Jordan shatters the dishes and smashes the kitchen oven]

Jessie: OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! YOU TWO HAVE ABSOLUTELY SNAPPED!!!

Stephen: YOU TWO ARE GOING TO TAKE YOUR BUTTS TO THE NAUGHTY SWIVEL AND NAUGHTY PLATFORM RIGHT NOW!!!

Susie: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU COCK ASS WHORES!!!

DVD Meeting
''Susie: (singing the lyrics) WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?!?! CERTAINLY NOT RAPED!!!''

[Jessie takes the iPod Touch and turns off the music]

''Jessie: Susie, you are still grounded! Now go to the Naughty Platform right now!''

Susie: FUCK!!!

[Susie goes to the Naughty Platform]

Jo: It was great to see you use timeout properly.

Reinforcements
[We see the family go to a movie theater]

Jessie: Today we are going to watch the 2019 movie "Arctic Dogs". They are bringing it back into theaters in hopes to get more money, since they got a big box office box in the first run.

Susie: No fucking way! I wanted to watch the Tooth Fairy 2 movie!

Cambry: And I wanted to watch the 2014 movie "Agent F.O.X.".

Jordan: And I wanted to watch Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls!

Alex: And Arctic Fox was a bad movie anyway. How about we watch the 1997 movie "Princess Mononoke"

Stephen: Sure, Alex! We'll watch Princess Mononoke since that movie is far better.

Cambry: Sure. I guess we can watch that.

Jessie: I'll get the tickets.

Jo: However, Jordan and Susie didn't like that idea.

Susie: FUCK THAT ASS SHIT OF A MOVIE!!! I WANT TO WATCH TOOTH FAIRY 2!!!

Jordan: AND I WILL WATCH ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS, WHETHER YOU BITCH CUCKS LIKE IT OR NOT!!!

Jo: Susie, Jordan, stop the complaining! We are watching Princess Mononoke and that's final!

Jessie: If you two continue to complain, then when we get home, you two will go straight to timeout.

[cut to: The movie trailers start playing]

Susie: Watch, these trailers are gonna be shit!

[The trailer to Kiki's Delivery Service plays]

Susie: Fuck that movie! Kiki was a total bitch!

Jordan: Yeah! And the fact that it's getting a re-release on VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray, plus the soundtrack is getting put on vinyl is shitty and gay!

[The trailer to The Last Unicorn plays]

Susie: Holy motherfucking shit cum! This is why "Shoot Me With a Gun" by Wesley Willis exists!

Jordan: I know. The unicorn's ass is too big and reminds me of Nicki Minaj. Did I mention that there's a scene where the tree shoves Schmendrick up her boobs? Family friendly my ass! The characters need to star in a Dexter's Laboratory porno!

[The trailer to The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland plays]

Susie: The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland? More like The Assfuckings of Emo in Gayshit!

Jordan: I know, right? That movie is a load of ass, and is one of the worst things Elmo has ever done!

[The trailer to The Shining plays]

Susie: How the fuck does this trailer play after Elmo? That's a load of bitch whore cuckings!

Jordan: And it's getting a re-release on VHS? No thank you! The 1997 TV-series by Stephen King was better.

[The trailer to Quest for Camelot plays]

Susie: What a shitty fucking movie that was! It makes Cats Don't Dance and The Iron Giant look like masterpieces!

Jordan: And now they put the soundtrack on vinyl, cassette, CD, AND ON BANDCAMP?! Who else besides shitty indie bands and vaporwave artists put their music on Bandcamp?

[The movie intro starts playing]

Susie: Oh, NOW we get to the movie.

Jordan: This better be good!

[30 minutes into the film..]

Susie: Oh my god! I didn't knew this movie was gonna be so boring!

Jordan: I know, right? I wished we just went and saw Arctic Fox instead!

Stephen: Listen, you two! You've been complaining for the past 30 minutes, and me and your mother have had it!

Jessie: Just shut up and watch the movie!

Susie: Well can we go to the bathroom?

Stephen: Sure, but be quick!

[Susie and Jordan walk out of the theater]

Jordan: That was easy. Now let's go steal a bunch of food!

[Susie and Jordan steal a bunch of candy, popcorn, and soda]

Susie: Now what movie are we gonna watch?

Jordan: Look! They're showing the 2003 movie "Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over"! Wanna watch that?

Susie: Sure! Let's go!

[Susie and Jordan sneak into the showing of Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over]

[45 minutes into that movie...]

Jessie: I cannot believe you two snuck out, stole food and drinks, and snuck into another movie! You know that's illegal!

Stephen: That's it! When we get home, you two will go straight into timeout! Now let's get out of here!

Jordan apologizes and turns over a new leaf
Jordan: I am very sorry for all the bad things I've done. From now on, I'll gain more control on my bipolar episodes and do better.

Time for Jo to leave
Jo: Since my visit, Cambry had improved her eating and sleeping habits, and Jordan is gaining more control on his bipolar episodes.

Stephen: But what about Susie?

Jo: She needs more help than what I can offer.

Susie: Ha ha! Nice try, hoe! Hope you had a shitty time here!

Family Update
Jessie: Since Jo's visit, everything has improved. Jordan is behaving better than ever, Cambry is now normal since she now sleeps and eats well, and Alex gets to spend more time with us.

Stephen: As for Susie, we sent her to her grandfather's farm and have her do farm work so she can learn discipline.

[We cut to Susie doing farm work]

Susie: I fucking hate this so much! Why would mom and dad send me here?