Jann Vs Mark Slater, Part 1

(We go to the Slater household, where Mark is in the living room)

Martha (Mark's Mom): Hey Mark, Bill, and Stacy! We are going to see the Simmons family. They are coming over to our house. This family is a devout Catholic. They should teach you guys how to behave, because you need discipline!

Mark: Aw HELL naw! We ain't seein' them! Besides, I was in the middle of listening to some Summoning. I am an atheist, remember?

Bill: And I was trying to watch Hey Arnold!.

Daniel (Mark's Dad): Quiet! Now, I don't want you kids to kick up a huge meltdown like you guys did at the restaurants. I expect all of you to be on your absolute best behavior, or there will be consequences! Is that clear?

(The three nod their heads)

(15 minutes later...)

(The doorbell rings)

Daniel: Who is this, please?

""": This is Jann Simmons!

Martha, Come on in!

(Mark's parents open the door, and Jann Simmons comes in with a ruler, a Bible, holy water, and a match. She is also wearing a bracelet that says "May the Lord rebuke you, Satan!")

Mark: Yo, Simmons! Wassup! Ya want to get drunk wit' me t-night? (snatches a glass of beer)

Jann: Excuse me!? Are you actually supposed to be drinking? Also, how old are you?

Mark: I am 17.

Jann: YOU ARE A SLAVE TO THE DEVIL!

Bill: Woah woah woah! Calm down, man! Don't you think you are handling this too far?

Jann: I AM THE QUEEN OF THIS HOUSE, AND YOU ARE TO DO AS I SAY!!!!!!!

Bill: Hey, you ain't the boss here, woman! Who do you think you are?

Jann: I am a Roman Catholic, and I am the holiest person in the entire state. Unlike the stupid political system that has this nation divided.

Mark: Anyways, I am going to take you on a tour of my room.

(Cut to: Mark's bedroom, which is covering with heavy metal albums, films, and merchandise)

Mark: So as you can see, I am a huge fan of heavy metal. I listen to all kinds of metal, but my favorite genres are death and black metal-- from the screams, to the dark imagery, to the beats, oh, it is sublime! I feel like I am in paradise ever time I blast their music.

Jann: OH MY GOODNESS!!! YOUR PARENTS ARE TEACHING YOU TO WORSHIP SATAN??????!!!!!??

Mark: Oh, you be quiet, you religious bigot!!! This is why I despise religion, because of you idiots trying to control our lives!!!!!! I can't deal with this crap!!!!!!

(Jann spanks Mark with a ruler, and threatens to set one of his Cannibal Corpse albums on fire)

Jann: How about I set this vile album on fire?!?! You are going to burn in the lake of fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark: Correction: It's eternal fire, not lake of fire!!!!!!!!!!

Jann: YOU NEED TO REPENT!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO REPENT OF YOUR REBELLION!

Bill: Mark doesn't need to do anything, you entitled Karen!!!!!!!

Mark: Good one, Bill! You got her GOOD!

Jann: You need to allow Jesus Christ in your life (eyes turn red with rage) AND GIVE UP YOUR SATANIC METAL!!!!!!!!!

(Stacy starts having a violent meltdown in the living room as she hears the commotion. She then breaks the TV)

Bill: Oh, great! Now, my little sister is having a tantrum because of you, Simmons! She has non-verbal autism and is sensitive to loud noises.

(Jann barges outside the room and whips Stacy with the ruler, causing her to scream louder)

Jann (furious with fiery eyes): CRYING PEOPLE ARE CHILDREN OF SATAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW SHUT THE HECK UP BEFORE I DRAG YOU TO THE ATTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark: LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE, YOU PSYCHO!!!

(Stacy throws a vase on Jann's face and Mark tackles her down to the ground and covers her mouth with duct tape)

Jann: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPH! (Get off of me!)

(Mark comes out of his room with a speaker, and blasts Proclamation's "Regurgitated Bibles" at max volume)

https://youtu.be/q08f-7Gr0ug

Mark (in the voice of Dead from Mayhem): WELCOME TO THE FIERY KINGDOM OF SATAN!!!! COME AND TAKE THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT!

Jann: I KNEW IT! YOU'RE A DEVIL-WORSHIPPING SATANIST!!!!

Mark: Dang right I am! And I am proud of it!!!! POWER TO THE DARK KING! (bangs his head on the wall)

(Jann then tries to set the Bluetooth speakers on fire, but fails)

Martha: EVERYBODY! RUN!!! SHE'S GOING NUTS!!!!!!!!

Daniel: WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!? JANN, MARK, WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

Martha: JUST HURRY UP! WE NEED TO GET OUT, AND FAST!

(The family runs outside as Jann chases them)

(Stacy faints, and is now unconscious)

Bill: QUICK! We need an ambulance!

(The EMT successfully revives Stacy)

Martha: Oh thank goodness she's alive!

Daniel: Yeah! Thank you so much for saving her!

(Everyone except Jann hugs her)

Jann: Oh I wish she had died! She needs to go to hell immediately!

Mark: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN RELIGION!!!

Jann: Says the one who worships Satan!!

Mark: SHUT up, IDIOT!!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON!!!!!

Jann:: Shut up! You need to die as well!

Mark: Whatever!

(Suddenly, Armstrongmai911 arrives)

Me (onscreen): ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? How insensitive of this woman! How DARE she say such a horrific thing to an innocent child! She have Autism!!!! She hasn't even HEARD of Christ!!! Yet, Jann has a bracelet rebuking Satan!?!?!?!?!?!? I am SICK and TIRED of this woman attacking everybody, claiming to be a follower of Christ! I am leaving, and I am going to get to the bottom of this. This family is in pain, and she doesn't even bother to love them and show compassion!? This is EVIL!!!! I am going to get to the bottom of this!!!!! Mark my words!

Cop: Jann Simmons! You are under arrest for battery, child abuse, and misusing 911. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law. Now, get in my car! (puts handcuffs on Jann)

Hey guys, I am back. Just to clarify, Mark didn't actually become a Satanist. He disguised himself as Dead from the black metal band Mayhem, and was acting in character. He is still an atheist. So, if you were offended by the comments, I am sorry. This is fanfiction, and was meant for entertainment purposes only. Special thanks to ASKidda92 for this request!!! :)

Up next, Jann Simmons serves ten years in prison. We jump to the year 2030, where I come to expose Jann's hypocrisy, legalism, and her hatred towards those of other faiths. Stay tuned for a revelation of Jann's dark past, and how it has lead her to this state in her life. She will learn that sin is sin, no matter what it is, and that we, alone, are the ones who make choices. Not everyone goes through life in the exact same way. It's all coming up next, on "Simmons Exposed"!