Hudson Family 2031 Funeral for Great-Grandmother Paige

Getting Ready
Aunt Theresa: "Me, my sister, my mother and my nephews and nieces we're ready to get up..."

9:00
Katie: "Kids! Wake up, time for you to get on your funeral clothes!"

Juan: "No! We hate funerals!"

Jose: "Let's stay home and play with our friends!"

Antonio: "We don't want to respect Great-Grandmother Paige! She's dead."

Katie: "Come on, dress up in your funeral clothes! We have only fifty minutes left!"

Jose: "I told you, Great-Grandmother Paige is dead, (bleep)!"

cut to:

[The tridecaplets are eating their breakfast]

9:30
[The tridecaplets finished their breakfast but the triplets didn't finish]

Katie: "Kids! Twenty more minutes left!"

Juan: "Alright!"

(the kids dressed up in funeral clothes)

Dressing Up
[Katie is dressing her 16 children in their funeral clothes, She and the girls are wearing blazers with dresses while the boys are wearing suits and black pants]

Katie: "You guys look so handsome. Your Aunt Theresa told me we have to be there by 9:50."

Aunt Theresa and her family gets ready to go
[Brett and Joel are playing with their grandparents' cat Audrey in their backyard]

Aunt Theresa: "Brett Joshua Hudson and Joel Paul Hudson! Get ready to go to Great-Grandmother's Funeral!"

Brett & Joel: "Okay, Mom!"

Grandma Susie: "Theresa, we decided to leave Audrey with her pet sitter, Jessica while we're at Paige's funeral."

[A 14 year old teenage girl rings the doorbell]

[Grandpa Tom opens the door]

Jessica: "Where's your cat?"

Grandpa Tom: "Jessica, she's playing with her cousins, Brett and Joel."

[Aunt Theresa, Grandma Susie, Grandpa Tom, Brett and Joel leaves the house]

[Jessica goes in the backyard and picks up Audrey]

Meeting Aunt Theresa and her family
Aunt Theresa: "The Hudsons then met me and my family at the funeral."

[Katie parks her van and goes into the funeral]

[Aunt Theresa, Grandma Susie, Grandpa Tom, and the twin cousins Brett and Joel appear in their funeral clothes]

Katie: "Hi! Long time, no see Theresa."

Aunt Theresa: "Long time no see for you."

Brett: "Why did Great-Grandmother Paige passed away?"

Joel: "After a few weeks after her final surgery, which is the heart replacement surgery. We went to the rehab and notice she was gone. I'll tell you the procedure for the heart replacement surgery is grab a scalpel and cut through the skin, use the surgical saw to cut the abdominal wall, check if there's blood, if there's too much or little, remove it, and put the new heart in the person's body, suture the blood vessels and abdominal wall, or either suture or staple the skin."

Milo: "Who told you Great-Grandmother Paige passed away?"

Brett: "Joel and I did after we went to the rehab and notice she was gone."

Grandma Susie: "Mom has been smoking over 250 cigarettes a year and has nonstopped smoking and a few weeks earlier, she has to get her final heart surgery."

At the Church
Aunt Theresa: "At the church service... "

Minister: "We are all here today to bid farewell to Paige Eleanor Wilson who was called home by The Lord. If you have a eulogy you'd like to speak about her, please come forward."

Alice: "Great-Grandma Paige was the most wonderful person in the whole entire world. She was sweet, kind and generous to everybody in need. Whenever I needed her help, she was right there."

[Juan, Jose and Antonio are on their PS Vitas]

Katie: "Shhhh! Don't let the minister or Great-Grandmother Paige hear it."

[Aunt Theresa confiscates the triplets' PS Vitas]

[The family (except Juan, Jose and Antonio) takes bows to Great-Grandmother Paige]

[The minister opens the coffin to reveal Great-Grandmother Paige as a corpse]

Man: "Paige was the most amazing person I have ever met in my life. She was there to help us whenever we had problems."

[Katie runs up to Grandma Susie]

Katie: "Mom, guess who is it?"

Grandma Susie: "I don't know."

Katie: "Grandma!"

Juan: "Ewww, look at her skin. She looks all shriveled up like a prune."

Jose: "You said it, man."

[Juan and Jose high-five each other]

[Antonio tip-toes over and drops Alice's destroyed birthday present into Great-Grandmother Paige's coffin]

[Alice is about to cry]

Katie: "Antonio, what are you up to?"

[Alice bursts in tears]

[Brett soothes Alice]

Brett: "There, there Alice, I'm sorry about your destroyed birthday present which was put in Great-Grandmother Paige's coffin."

Alice: "I know, but Antonio destroyed it!"

Joel: (to Katie, Alice and Brett) "And he was planning to hide the evidence in Great-Grandmother Paige's coffin and have her spend an eternity with the Pillow Pet Dreamlites Rainbow Unicorn."

Katie: "Oh, my god! Antonio, you march over to the coffin and apologize to the poor, dead woman."

Antonio: "Never!"

[Antonio pushes Katie to the wall]

Katie: "RIGHT NOW!"

[Antonio reluctantly follows Katie's directions]

Antonio (sulking): "I'm sorry, Great-Grandmother Paige."

Kate: "If she were alive, she would forgive you."

[Katie returns Alice's destroyed present to Great-Grandmother Paige and asks Aunt Theresa to fix it]

[Brett and Joel returns to their seats plays Candy Crush Saga on their respective iPods and iPads while talking to each other]

Making Presents for Great-Grandmother Paige
Aunt Theresa: "Making presents for Great-Grandmother Paige..."

[Ethan, Ryan, Jonathan, Kyle, Liam, Eric, Abby, Amanda, Milo, Julia, Kelly, Sarah, Alice, Brett and Joel are throwing money in the fire for their Great-Grandmother Paige]

Grandma Susie: "Last week, we all went to the hospital to check how my mother Paige is doing, but now, she's gone."

[Juan, Jose and Antonio destroys the present their tridectuplet siblings made for Great-Grandmother Paige]

[Katie runs up to the coffin]

Katie: "Bye grandma, I will miss you so much even when you are gone. You're still in my heart and I will never forget about you."

[Katie starts to cry]

Joel: "Mom! Our adoptive cousins are destroying our tridectuplet cousins' presents for Great-Grandmother Paige!"

Brett: "Look!"

Grandpa Tom: "Don't worry, daddy is here with you. You will never forget about your grandmother."

Katie (still crying) : "But I'm so sad she's gone!"

Grandpa Tom: "Breathe, count to ten, calm down."

[Katie stops crying and calms down and notices the Mexican triplets destroyed the tridectuplet siblings' present for Great-Grandmother Paige]

[Katie forces the Mexican triplets to the wall]

Katie (calmly): "Three of you, stay there for 12 minutes."

Funeral March
Aunt Theresa: "Funeral match..."

[The tridecaplets, the Mexican triplets, the twins, Katie, Aunt Theresa, Grandma Susie and Grandpa Tom gather around for the funeral march to respect Great-Grandmother Paige]

[The band is playing "Amazing Grace"]

[Juan, Jose and Antonio attack one of the band players]

[Juan makes the band play "Rap God"]

Trumpets: "Uh, summa dumma lumma dumma you assuming I'm a human, What I gotta do to through I'm assuming you, Innovative and I'm made of rubber, So that anything you say is ricocheting off of me and it'll glue to you and, I'm devastatong, more than ever devastating, How to give a motherf**king audience a feeling like it's levatiting, Never fading, and I know the haters are forever waiting, For the day that they can say I fell off, they'll be celebrating, Cause I know the way to get them motivated, I make elevating music, you make elevator music."

Katie: "F(bleep)!"

Grandpa Tom: "S(bleep)!"

Juan: "GO KILL YOURSELF!"

[The band continues playing "Rap God"]

Aftermath
Aunt Theresa: "After me, my sister, my mother and my nephews and nieces left the church services..."

Katie: "Juan, Jose and Antonio! Let's go, we're going home now!"

Jose: "WE WANT TO STAY HERE!"

Katie: "Too bad, when we get home, you will write an essay explaining what you done and sorry letters to the minister, Great-Grandmother Paige and the people at the funeral!"

Antonio: "Duh. Great-Grandma Paige is dead, moron. She can't read anymore."

Katie: "You don't get to stay at the funeral, Brett and Joel do and that's final!"

Aunt Theresa: "Bye!"

Katie: (to the triplets) "Say goodbye to everyone please."

[The Hudson family (except for Grandma Susie, Grandpa Tom, Aunt Theresa, Brett and Joel) goes in Katie's car]

Katie (firmly): "Your behavior at Great-Grandmother Paige's funeral is extremely embarrassing, appalling, destructive and disrespectful. You will not see your friends for a year, screentime for half a dozen, which means six, and playing outside for 3 months. You will also do your homework, especially homeschool work everyday, especially on weekends. Now when we get home, you three will write an essay and sorry notes to everyone at the funeral, especially the minister and your dead great-grandmother! You can forget about going to the movies this weekend."

Writing an Essay
Aunt Theresa: "My nephews were forced to write an essay..."

[Juan's essay says, "Go and suck your (bleep)!"]

[Jose's essay says, "I hate you!"]

[Antonio's essay says, "We don't want to respect Great-Grandma Paige! She's dead!"]

[Juan's sorry letter says, "You're stupid!"]

[Jose's sorry letter says, "Funerals suck!"]

[Antonio's sorry letter says, "I want Great-Grandmother Paige to die from heaven to a higher heaven!"]

Aunt Theresa: Me, my sister, and my mother were were about to spank my triplet nephews for writing bad essays...

Throwback to 2013
[Throwback to 48-year-old parents Susie and Tom, a 13-year-old girl Katie and a 7-year-old girl Theresa]

[Susie is dressing Katie and Theresa in their Christmas clothes]

Susie: "Katie, Theresa, let's meet your father by the train station and see your granny Paige!"

Katie and Theresa: "Okay, mom!"

[At Paige's house]

Grandmother Paige: "Hi Susie! Hi girls!"

Susie: "Hi mom! Long time no see! Now girls, what are you going to say to your grandmother?"

Katie and Theresa: "Hi grandma!"

Grandmother Paige: "Susie, your daughters look so adorable!"

Susie: "Thanks mom. My husband needs to find a parking space."

Grandmother Paige: "Susie, bring your two lovely girls with you and we have some other special guests that we're going to meet."

Susie: "Katie, Theresa, come on in. Grandmother Paige has some new guests that you will meet for the first time. Katie, you meet them when you are little but you might not remember who they are. Theresa, it will be your actual first time meeting them."

[Later, after the guests leave, the family watches a home movie about Great Grandmother Paige's Christmas]

[Home movie shows a 6-year-old Paige watching The Dinah Shore Chevy Show]

Young Paige (singing along to the TV): "See the USA in your Chevrolet. America is asking you to call. Drive your Chevrolet through the USA. America's the greatest land of all. MWAH!"

[Katie laughs]

Susie: "You loved her show, didn't you?"

Grandmother Paige: "Watched it all the time since. Sang that a lot."

Theresa: "Grandma, when will we know all the words to the song?"

Grandmother Paige: "I'll show you girls an old video and I'll teach you all the words. Even demonstrate the kiss."

Theresa: "What kiss?"

Grandmother Paige: "That's how she closed her show. She blew a kiss to her audience."