Karen Family/Transcript

Submission Reel
Kendra: Today, I'm in the small town of Medford, Oregon to meet a family! Let's have a look!

Steven: Hello. I'm Steven (aged 27). My wife is Karen (aged 40), and our children are Richard (aged 16), Gabbie (aged 12), and Ken (aged 6).

Kendra: The kids look cute!

Steven: My wife is extremely abusive, as she hits the kids and sometimes me.

Karen: HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT HER WITH THOSE SEDUCTIVE EYES!!!

''Steven: I swear, Karen! I didn't!''

Kendra: Now that's got to stop!

Steven: My wife also likes Yoko Ono. She's extremely obsesses with her, as she punishes the kids with her music.

Gabbie is pounding on the door as Yoko Ono's "Why" is playing

''Gabbie: LET ME OUT!!! I HATE THIS MUSIC!!!''

Kendra: Oh my word...

Steven: Ken has Asperger's, and he is really sensitive to sounds and touches. Karen, however, doesn't understand this, and believes he is cursed or something.

Karen: I can't wait to hire an exorcist so I can get the devil out of Ken!

Kendra: This is madness!

Steven: Richard is into heavy metal. His favorite metal bands are Metallica, Black Sabbath, Slayer, Death, Candlemass, Motorhead, Venom, as well as some hard rock and grunge bands. However, he and Karen argue a lot over this.

''Karen: It's all screaming and crap! I hate it!''

Richard: Yoko screams too, and you're okay with that!

Karen: At least she puts effort in her screams!

Kendra: That woman needs a better taste in music!

Steven: Supernanny, please come to our house! I really need you! I can't stand this crazy house anymore!

Kendra: You guys are in a crisis. I'm on my way.

Observation Begins
[Kendra arrives at the house. She knocks on the door, and Steven opens it]

Steven: Supernanny! Thank goodness you're here!

Kendra: Hello! I'm Kendra.

Karen: Who is that?

Steven: That's Supernanny. She's here to fix our problems.

Karen: Whatever!

Richard: I can't believe it! It's Supernanny! I watch your show all the time! It's awesome! I'm Richard by the way.

Kendra: Nice to meet you, Richard. And who are these kids?

Gabbie: I'm Gabbie, and this is Ken!

Ken: (in a low-tone voice) Hello...

Kendra: It's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm here to observe for the day, so continue as normal.

30 minutes later...

Kendra: Later after my arrival, Gabbie got a hold of one of mom's records and she broke it.

Karen: WHAT THE FUCKING ASS FUCK, GABBIE!!! THAT WAS THE RARE FIRST PRESSING OF TWO VIRGINS YOU BROKE YOU FAT FUCK!!!

Steven: Karen! Don't yell and swear at Gabbie!

Karen: SHE'S A FUCKING BITCH!!! SHE DESERVES TO BE YELLED AND CUSSED OUT!!!

Gabbie: I hate it when mommy yells, it upsets me and Ken.

[Karen then spanks Gabbie with a belt]

Gabbie: (crying) STOP!!! I'M SORRY!!!

Karen: SORRY MY ASS!!! YOU OWE ME $100!!!

[Gabbie gets away from Karen and runs to Steven]

Steven: (comforting Gabbie) You have serious issues! If it weren't for the prenup, I'd divorce you!

Karen: Go ahead, but I'd get half of your shit!

Kendra: I pulled Karen aside to talk to her, and what she said to me was shocking.

Kendra: Why do you abuse your family?

Karen: Because they are assholes! I hate them so much! Richard and Gabbie are adopted, and I wish we never did! Richard is a gay metalhead, and Gabbie is a pain in the ass! And don't even get me started on Ken! That boy is possessed, I'm telling you! Steven is using the Asperger's disease as a cover-up! I'm gonna hire an exorcist to get that boy cured!

Kendra: But why also hit your husband?

Karen: Because he always sides with those little shits! I fucking hate it when he does that!

Yoko Ono's Torture Chamber
[Ken is seen drawing on the walls]

Karen: KEVIN KAREN!!! WHAT THE FUCKING SHITTY ASS CUM DROPS ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Ken: (scared) Stop! Loud noise!

Karen: I'LL SHOW YOUR DEVIL ASS LOUD NOISE!!! COME HERE!!!

[Karen drags Ken to the torture chamber and locks it]

Kendra: What are you gonna do now?

Karen: I'm gonna blast this song and teach that little shithead a lesson!

[Karen plays "Cambridge 1969", and it blasts the entire room]

Ken: (banging the door) IT'S TOO LOUD!!! LET ME OUT!!! PLEASE!!! I'M GONNA HAVE A PANIC ATTACK!!!

Karen: FUCK YOUR PANIC ATTACK!!! YOU ARE GONNA LISTEN TO THE ENTIRE THING AS A PUNISHMENT YOU RETARDED FUCK!!!

'''Kendra: Normally, I'd stay away, but this is a special needs child having his disabilities exploited as a "punishment". I couldn't stand by and watch this mother abuse him like this!'''

[Kendra stops the music and unlocks the door, and Ken runs out of the room, crying his eyes out]

Karen: WHAT THE FLYING FUCKTARD?!?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!

Kendra: I'm sorry, but you cannot use the torture chamber for the day. It is child abuse.

Karen: Ok, SJW! Go back to California!

Richard and his heavy metal
[Richard is in his room listening to Ozzy Osbourne's "Diary of a Madman"]

Kendra: It looks like you enjoy some heavy metal.

Richard: Yes ma'am. I've been listening to it since my dad introduced me to Metallica when I was 10.

Kendra: What heavy metal music do you like?

Richard: I enjoy most metal genres, but I'm not into black metal that much. I'm also more open with other genres, so I enjoy hard rock like AC/DC and Guns N' Roses and grunge like Nirvana, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Pearl Jam. I've also recently started getting into the Beatles. My favorite albums from them are "Let it Be" and "Revolver".

Kendra: That's nice. What are your thoughts on Yoko Ono, though?

Richard: I just can't get into it. She is a good singer, but her screaming is something I cannot get used to at all! And I especially can stand the Unfinished Music mom makes us listen to all the time! It barely even qualifies as music!

Observation continues
'''Kendra: We later went out shopping. However, Karen got into a fight with another customer.'''

Karen: I WAS THERE FIRST!!! DON'T CUT!!!

Customer: I had to use the bathroom, so I needed to cut in line.

Karen: THAT'S NO FUCKING EXCUSE!!! GO BACK YOU ASSHOLE!!!

Steven: Karen, please. We'll get kicked out.

Karen: NO!!! HE NEEDS TO GET KICKED OUT!!! SECURITY!!!

'''Steven: I can't take her out at all. She flips out over the littlest of things!'''

[Karen then flips the customer's cart, causing all the items in it to fall on the floor. She then stomps on the items and destroys them, causing a big mess]

Customer: STOP!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Karen: YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR FUCKING ASS IN THE BACK OF THE LINE RIGHT NOW, YOU STUPID FUCKER!!!

[At this point, security comes to escort the family out of the building]

Manager: Don't come back here.

Richard: Aw man! I love shopping here!

Gabbie: Thanks a lot, mommy!

Karen: DON'T BLAME ME FOR THIS!!! HE STARTED IT!!! AND NOW I'M BEING OPPRESSED BECAUSE OF HIM!!!

Steven: No! You started it by throwing a tantrum and causing a huge ruckus for nothing!

[Karen pushes Steven down on the concrete, then begins to kick him]

Steven: OUCH!!! STOP IT!!!

Karen: NO!!! FUCK YOU PIECE OF ASSFUCK!!!

Kendra: At this point, I had enough.

[Kendra separates the two]

Kendra: Karen this has gone way too far! You need to stop it now!

Karen: FUCK OFF YOU FATASS WHORE!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!?!

Kendra: Your husband has called on me to help you. Now tomorrow, I will come back and talk about the problems you have.

Parent Meeting
Kendra: I was appalled by what I saw yesterday. Karen, you take your kids to a torture chamber to blast Yoko Ono music. Why?

Karen: They need to learn! And the only way they'll learn is with screaming vocals from Yoko Ono! I love that punishment!

Kendra: Well I don't! It's abusive! You also mistreat Ken and say he is possessed! He is not possessed! He has Asperger's.

Karen: Yes he is! Asperger's is just a cover-up my shitty husband uses to excuse his behavior! I want that boy cured immediately!

Kendra: Well he can't be cured with your version! And you are also abusive to your husband! Like at the store, you beat him up!

Karen: Well a woman has a right to beat her husband for any reason! She can't be hit by her husband, but her husband can be attacked.

Kendra: Are you serious right now?! You think a woman hitting a man isn't domestic violence?

Karen: Yes! Why else do you think so many anti-domestic violence PSAs focus on relationships where a man is abusive to a woman?

Kendra: Karen, what your doing to Steven is domestic violence!

Karen: Well then can't he just leave? If he hates it, then why can't he go somewhere else?

Kendra: It's not that simple. Some people don't have anywhere else to go!

House Rules
Kendra: Here are the house rules: Kendra: These rules are for your mother: Karen: (laughing) You are so funny if you think I'm gonna follow any of these rules!
 * 1) No fighting
 * 2) No vandalizing
 * 3) Say please and thank you
 * 4) Do as you're told
 * 5) Do your chores
 * 1) NEVER HIT YOUR KIDS OR HUSBAND EVER
 * 2) NEVER USE THE TORTURE CHAMBER TO DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS
 * 3) DON'T USE FOUL LANGUAGE, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE KIDS ARE AROUND
 * 4) NEVER FORCE YOUR FAMILY TO LISTEN TO YOKO ONO
 * 5) NEVER THROW PUBLIC MELTDOWNS

Kendra: Karen, you have to give these rules a try.

Steven: I agree. Let's do this.

Naughty Grid
[Gabbie and Ken are yelling and screaming while playing "Michael Jackson: The Experience" for the Wii]

Steven: Gabbie and Ken. Please stop yelling. Mommy is watching a documentary on Yoko Ono.

[Gabbie and Ken ignore this, and continue to scream]

Karen: (coming out) STOP SCREAMING OR I'LL PUT YOU FUCKTARDS IN THE FUCKING TORTURE CHAMBER!!!

Kendra: Nuh uh uh! We're doing the Naughty Grid. Gabbie, Ken, if you continue to scream, you will go on the Naughty Grid.

Karen: Naughty Grid?

[Since Gabbie and Ken continue to yell like chickens, Kendra tells Steven to put them on the Naughty Grids]

Steven: I'm putting you kids in the Naughty Grid because you continued to yell and scream, even when me, Kendra, and mommy told you not to. (To Kendra) How long should they stay there?

Kendra: Ken gets 6 minutes, and Gabbie gets 12 minutes.

Steven: Okay.

Time: 5 minutes

[Gabbie and Ken go back on their game, and scream louder than ever]

Time: 10 minutes

[Gabbie and Ken raid Karen's room and throw stuffed animals at her]

Karen: GET YOUR ASSES BACK TO THE NAUGHTY GRID NOW!!!

Time: 20 minutes

[Gabbie and Ken run outside and spray each other with water guns]

Time: 30 minutes

[Gabbie and Ken run into Richard's room and blasts Slayer's "Angel of Death" at full volume.

Richard: Get out of my room, please.

Time: 40 minutes

[Gabbie and Ken hack the speakers and blast Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" at full blast]

Karen: NICKI MINAJ IS A BAD INFLUENCE ON YOU ALL!!!

Steven: Look who's talking!

Time: 50 minutes

[Gabbie and Ken get eggs and milk and start a food fight in the kitchen with it, causing a big mess]

Time: 60 minutes

[Gabbie and Ken sneak out the house to go to their friend's house]

Steven: You two need to come home and do your time.

Kendra: After an hour of this, Gabbie and Ken finally stayed in the Naughty Grid, and dad got to finish the punishment.

Steven: You two were in the Naughty Grid because you screamed and yelled too loud while playing a game. Are you going to apologize?

Gabbie: Sorry, dad.

Ken: Sorry.

Steven: Thank you.

[Steven hugs with Gabbie and Ken]

Behave in Public
Kendra: With this tactic, we can work on Karen's behavior when out in public.

Steven: So we need to get some food and clothing. Kids, can you help us?

Richard: Sure!

Gabbie: Yeah!

Ken: Sign me up!

Karen: I don't know if this technique will work...

Diverse Music
'''Kendra: Karen always listens to Yoko Ono. So with this technique, we can at least help her expand on her music tastes.'''

Karen: Give other musicians a chance? In your dreams, fatass!

Kendra: Karen, I'm serious! With this technique, you'll know that there are other good musicians besides Yoko Ono. Let's start off with John Lennon.

Karen: The only ones I like from him are the more avant-garde ones, especially the Unfinished Music albums! The rest are horrible!

Steven: How about the Beatles?

Richard: Yeah. I recommend you check out the "Let it Be" and "Revolver" albums.

Steven: Better yet, you need to listen to "Abbey Road" and the white album!

Karen: THE BEATLES?!?! MORE LIKE THE LOSERS!!! OH. MY. GOD. THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!!! THIS POOR EXCUSE OF A BAND IS A RIPOFF OF ELVIS PRESLEY, WHO WAS WAY BETTER THAN THIS!!! THIS SHITTY ASS BAND INVOLVES TOO MANY MEMBERS, AND THEY LIKE TO MAKE SHITTY SONGS FOR DYKE TEENS AND MUSIC ELITISTS!!! PAUL MCCARTHY IS STUPID!!! GEORGE HARRISON IS DUMB!!! JOHN ASSFUCK LENNON IS A HUGE CRYBABY, AND I BET YOU'RE GOING TO LAUGH AT THIS SHIT!!! WHY!?!? BECAUSE HIS DUMBASS FINALLY GOT ASSASSINATED!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HE DESERVED IT FOR TRYING TO BE A YOKO ONO CLONE!!! BRIAN EPSTEIN IS AN IDIOT!!! AND RINGO STARR? WELL, NOBODY GIVES A CRAP ABOUT HIM, NOT TWO, NOT THREE, NOT FOUR, NOT EVEN 83938429174836173297589174!!! YOU CAN TELL NOBODY GIVES A CRAP ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HIS DRUM SKILLS ARE SHIT, HIS NAME IS SHIT, HIS VOICE IS SHIT, AND HE CAN'T EVEN SIT WITHOUT ACTING AUTISTIC AND SHIT!!! THE CHARACTERS LIKE TO EAT POOP, DRINK PEE, AND HAVE SEX AT NIGHT!!! THE ATROCIOUS BEATLES EVEN GOT A SHITTY SHOW AND SHITTY MOVIES!!! YELLOW SUBMARINE? NO!!! MORE LIKE PISS YELLOW SHIP THAT IS FILLED WITH SEMEN!!! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT DISASTROUS SHOW!!! IT SUCKS!!! THE ANIMATION IS STUPID, THE MUSIC IS OVERRATED, AND THE SONGS ARE DUMB!!! THANK GOD THIS SHOW GOT CANCELED IN 1967!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO LIKES THIS GAY BAND? MICHAEL PEDOPHILE JACKSON!!! HE WANTS TO JOIN THE BAND, BUT THEY CAN'T BECAUSE AS GAY AS THE BEATLES ARE, AT LEAST THEY AREN'T THAT STUPID TO ALLOW A PEDOPHILE TO BE IN THEIR BAND!!! LEAVING NEVERLAND WAS RIGHT!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO HATES THE NADIR OF MUSICIANS? YOKO ONO!!! SHE WANT TO KILL THE CAST, AND SHE SUCCEEDED!!! THANK YOU FOR DESTROYING THIS GAY ASS BAND, YOKO!!! YOU'RE MY HERO!!! SO SCREW THE GAY ASS BEATLES, AND SCREW RICHARD'S VIOLENT ASS HEAVY METAL!!! YOKO ONO IS OVER 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 TIMES BETTER THAN THE BEATLES AND THEIR RETARDED CHILDREN!!!

'''Steven: What... did... I... just... heard...'''

Richard: I think it's safe to say that mom has officially lost her mind, assuming she hadn't lost it already!

[After that, Kendra decides to leave the family for a few days to see what they've learned]

Kendra: Supernanny will leave for a while. You kids need to be on your best behavior, okay?

Gabbie: Sure!

Ken: Bye, Kendra!

Richard: See you soon!

Karen: I won't be missing that bitch!

While Kendra is away
[We see Karen return to the record shop, where she has a vinyl copy of Metallica's "Ride the Lightning"]

Karen: Richard recommended me this album, so I figure I check it out.

[Karen plays the song "Fight Fire with Fire", but after 2 minutes of it...]

Karen: IT FUCKING SUCKS!!!

[Karen rips the vinyl out of the record player and throws it at the fireplace, burning it]

Karen: RICHARD!!! GET YOUR ASS DOWNSTAIRS NOW!!!

[Richard comes downstairs]

Richard: Yes, mom?

Karen: I cannot believe you'd recommend I listen to Ride the Lightning! More like Ride the Big Dildo!

Richard: What was wrong about the album?

Karen: EVERYTHING!!! From the gay vocals, the gay instruments, the gay noise, everything on this album was gay!

Richard: Well did you try to give it a chance?

Karen: I DID, AT IT WAS ASS!!! RECOMMEND ME THAT SHIT AGAIN AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER AND BE FORCED TO LISTEN TO "YOKO ONO/PLASTIC ONO BAND" FROM START TO FINISH!!!

[We then cut to bedtime]

Steven: Come on, Gabbie. It's time to go to bed.

Gabbie: No! I wanna stay up and play Michael Jackson: The Experience!

Steven: You can play that game tomorrow morning. Now go to your room please.

Gabbie: NEVER!!!

[Gabbie throws the game at Steven, hitting him in the face]

Steven: Ow!

Karen: YOU WANNA THROW SHIT AT YOUR FATHER?!?!

[Karen kicks Gabbie in the face]

Gabbie: OW!!!

Steven: No, Karen! You need to give her a warning.

Karen: I just did! She does it again and I'm gonna shove this Wii remote up her ass!

Steven: No! You go down to their level, use a low-tone voice, and say no. Watch.

[Steven goes down to Gabbie's level]

Steven: (in a low-tone voice) Gabbie, you do not throw that game at daddy's face. If you do it again, you will be going to time out. Understand?

Gabbie: Yes. I'm sorry. I will go to bed now.

[Gabbie goes into her room]

Steven: See? If we would've done it your way, it won't have been that easy!

Karen: THAT WAS FUCKING ASS!!! ALL YOU DO IS CODDLE THOSE LITTLE SHITS!!! THEY HAVE TO LEARN THE HARD WAY!!!

Steven: If you want kids to learn the hard way, then you should've became a drill sergeant in a military school!

[The next day, the kids are playing Hasbro Family Game Night 3 on the Wii]

Richard: If I roll a 6, then I will win!

Ken: You won't!

[Richard rolls the dice, and it lands on a 6]

Richard: I did it! I won!

Ken: NO FAIR!!! I WANTED TO WIN!!!

Steven: Now now, Ken. You can try again on the next round and you will win.

Ken: NO!!! HE AND GABBIE ALWAYS WIN!!! OH GOD!!! I FEEL ANXIOUS!!!

Steven: Ken no! It's okay! Don't have a panic attack!

Ken: TOO LATE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ken has a panic attack, and Steven and Richard try to calm him down]

Steven: It's okay, Ken!

Richard: Nothing is attacking you. Take a deep breath.

Ken: GET OFF!!! GET OFF!!!

Karen: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH RIGHT NOW BEFORE I TAKE YOU TO THE FUCKING CHAMBER!!!

Steven: Karen, Ken is having a panic attack. He needs to relax.

Karen: NO!!! I'LL STOP IT MYSELF!!!

[Karen drags Ken to the torture chamber and locks it]

Ken: LET ME OUT!!! I AM SO CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!!

Karen: NEVER!!!

Richard: Mom let him out! Putting him in the torture chamber will only make it worse!

Karen: TOO BAD!!!

[Karen puts on the "Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins" album in the chamber on full blast]

Ken: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO LOUD!!! TURN IT OFF!!!

Karen: NOT UNTIL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SCUM FUCK!!!

Steven: Karen, tell me the new passcode now!

Karen: NEVER!!!

Steven: I'M SERIOUS!!! HE NEEDS TO GET OUT!!!

Karen: FUCK YOU!!!

[Karen begins to beat Steven with a golf club]

Steven: OW OW OW!!! STOP IT!!!

Karen: FUCK YOU YOU STUPID ASS FUCK!!! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR ALWAYS SIDING WITH THESE LITTLE SHITS!!!

Gabbie: (crying) STOP BEATING DADDY!!!

Richard: Come on! Let's go in my room! You'll be safe there!

[Richard and Gabbie run to Richard's room as Karen continues to beat her defenseless husband]

Steven: THAT IS IT!!! THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW!!! I AM LEAVING!!!

Karen: GO AHEAD AND LEAVE!!! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE!!!

[Steven puts his belongings in a luggage and runs to the car]

Steven: (starting up the car) GOODBYE, KAREN!!! SCREW YOU!!!

[As Steven begins to drive away, Karen throws a big rock in the back of the car's window, shattering it]

Karen: FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF CUM PISS!!!

[Karen storms into the room and kicks the TV out of anger, breaking it]

Karen: LISTEN HERE YOU SHITHEADS!!! YOU ARE ALL GROUNDED FOR LIFE!!! NO TV, NO GAMES, NO MUSIC, NO NOTHING!!! YOU WILL ALL STAY IN YOUR ROOMS AND BE FORCED TO LISTEN TO YOKO ONO!!! AND AS FOR YOU, DEVIL CHILD, YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY LOCKED UP IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER AND BE FORCED TO LISTEN TO THE TWO VIRGINS ALBUM FOR YOUR ENTIRE STAY!!! NOW FUCK OFF, CUNTS!!!

Ken: (crying hysterically) I HATE YOU, MOMMY!!! THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE YET!!!

[As Ken cries, the bonus track "Remember Love" begins to play]

Ken: Wait a minute... is that a guitar? An acoustic guitar playing?

Remember love, remember love Love is what it takes to sing

Remember love, remember love Love is what it takes to meet [As the song plays, Ken cries from the beauty of Yoko Ono's voice]

Ken: (crying softly) Oh my god... she can actually sing. She is right. No matter how bad things get, we should always remember love...

DVD Meeting
'''Kendra: It's been three days now. I need to see what the family is up to.'''

[Kendra comes in, and sees that Karen is the only one here]

Kendra: Where's Steven?

Karen: Uh, he went to go see family for a few days. His dad was hospitalized and he needed to go check on him.

Kendra: Well I hope he gets better. Now let's watch the footage, shall we?

''Karen: RICHARD!!! GET YOUR ASS DOWNSTAIRS NOW!!!''

[Richard comes downstairs]

Richard: Yes, mom?

''Karen: I cannot believe you'd recommend I listen to Ride the Lightning! More like Ride the Big Dildo!''

Richard: What was wrong about the album?

''Karen: EVERYTHING!!! From the gay vocals, the gay instruments, the gay noise, everything on this album was gay!''

Richard: Well did you try to give it a chance?

''Karen: I DID, AT IT WAS ASS!!! RECOMMEND ME THAT SHIT AGAIN AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER AND BE FORCED TO LISTEN TO "YOKO ONO/PLASTIC ONO BAND" FROM START TO FINISH!!!''

Kendra: So you decided to give Metallica a listen, and you didn't like it?

Karen: No. I thought it was horrible.

Kendra: Well why did you yell at Richard?

Karen: He recommend me it, and I thought it was bad that he wanted me to listen to it.

Kendra: Karen, you're speaking strange.

Karen: What do you mean?

Kendra: You're speaking all soft and calm. Is everything alright?

Karen: Yes. Everything is fine.

Kendra: Okay. Let's continue.

''Steven: You can play that game tomorrow morning. Now go to your room please.''

Gabbie: NEVER!!!

[Gabbie throws the game at Steven, hitting him in the face]

Steven: Ow!

Karen: YOU WANNA THROW SHIT AT YOUR FATHER?!?!

[Karen kicks Gabbie in the face]

Gabbie: OW!!!

''Steven: No, Karen! You need to give her a warning.''

''Karen: I just did! She does it again and I'm gonna shove this Wii remote up her ass!''

Steven: No! You go down to their level, use a low-tone voice, and say no. Watch.

[Steven goes down to Gabbie's level]

''Steven: (in a low-tone voice) Gabbie, you do not throw that game at daddy's face. If you do it again, you will be going to time out. Understand?''

''Gabbie: Yes. I'm sorry. I will go to bed now.''

Kendra: Karen, you need to work on listening to Richard and do my techniques more often. Threatening to shove a game controller up her behind is not an ideal punishment for a little girl who doesn't want to go to bed.

Karen: But he is always going too easy on the kids. I really want him to be a bit strict on the kids.

Kendra: He isn't. He's just following my techniques, and he is doing fantastic. Trust me, it will work. Now let's continue.

''Ken: GET OFF!!! GET OFF!!!''

Karen: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH RIGHT NOW BEFORE I TAKE YOU TO THE FUCKING CHAMBER!!!

''Steven: Karen, Ken is having a panic attack. He needs to relax.''

''Karen: NO!!! I'LL STOP IT MYSELF!!!''

[Karen drags Ken to the torture chamber and locks it]

''Ken: LET ME OUT!!! I AM SO CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!!''

Karen: NEVER!!!

''Richard: Mom let him out! Putting him in the torture chamber will only make it worse!''

Karen: TOO BAD!!!

[Karen puts on the "Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins" album in the chamber on full blast]

''Ken: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO LOUD!!! TURN IT OFF!!!''

Karen: NOT UNTIL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SCUM FUCK!!!

Kendra: Are you serious right now? Why would you put Ken in the torture chamber when you know he's having a panic attack?

Karen: He won't stop. And I tried the Naughty Grid and it didn't work. The torture chamber was a last resort.

Kendra: That is a lie. You took him straight to the torture chamber and forced him to listen to the Two Virgins album, making his panic attack even worse.

Karen: No it didn't! He was just upset that I was finally gaining control, and was just acting up for attention.

Kendra: Karen, there is no excuse for what you did. Now let's continue.

Steven: Karen, tell me the new passcode now!

Karen: NEVER!!!

''Steven: I'M SERIOUS!!! HE NEEDS TO GET OUT!!!''

Karen: FUCK YOU!!!

[Karen begins to beat Steven with a golf club]

''Steven: OW OW OW!!! STOP IT!!!''

''Karen: FUCK YOU YOU STUPID ASS FUCK!!! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR ALWAYS SIDING WITH THESE LITTLE SHITS!!!''

Gabbie: (crying) STOP BEATING DADDY!!!

Kendra: Karen! I already told you not to beat your husband! Why do you keep on doing it?

Karen: What? I didn't beat my husband. That was edited.

Kendra: Karen. I am this close to calling Child Protective Services and the National Domestic Violence Hotline. This is not a joke! This family environment is unhealthy!

Karen: Well that's your opinion. I think it's alright.

Kendra: I don't want to continue this, but I have to.

''Steven: THAT IS IT!!! THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW!!! I AM LEAVING!!!''

''Karen: GO AHEAD AND LEAVE!!! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE!!!''

[Steven puts his belongings in a luggage and runs to the car]

''Steven: (starting up the car) GOODBYE, KAREN!!! SCREW YOU!!!''

[As Steven begins to drive away, Karen throws a big rock in the back of the car's window, shattering it]

Karen: FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF CUM PISS!!!

Kendra: Oh. My. Word. Karen, didn't you say that Steven left to visit family?

Karen: Yes. Why?

Kendra: You drove him up to a point where he can't handle this abuse anymore! He left! Now it's only a matter of time before you get a divorce!

Karen: He's not gonna divorce me! He always threatens it, but he never follows through with it.

Kendra: Karen, this is serious. This time, he might actually get a divorce.

Karen: HE IS NOT GONNA DIVORCE ME, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! THIS COULD'VE BEEN ALL PREVENTED IF YOU HAVEN'T SHOWED UP AND TRIED TO RUIN OUR LIVES!!!

Kendra: I'm not at fault you. You're bringing all of this on yourself!

Karen: NO I'M NOT!!! YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK OFF!!! I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING SHIT ANYMORE!!!

[Karen flips the table, breaking the DVD player in the process]

Kendra: Karen! What was that for?!

Karen: I'M FUCKING DONE!!! THAT'S WHAT THAT WAS FOR!!!

[Karen storms into her room]

Kendra: At this point, I need to give Karen some space and wait till tomorrow before I can do the reinforcements.

Reinforcements
'''Kendra: Thankfully, Steven came home the next day, so we can continue with the Reinforcements. But first, I need to understand why Karen is so obsessed with Yoko Ono.'''

Karen: It all began when I was 13. My parents forced me to listen to shitty pop singers and atrocious country and rock bands. I hated it so much, and I was worried that I would never like music at all. Then, while we were searching for some more hideous pop albums, I came across a vinyl titled "Unfinished Music No. 2: Life with the Lions". It was made by Yoko Ono and John Lennon. I knew John Lennon, as he was part of the Beatles. My parents made me listen to their shitty albums, and I hated how happy-go-lucky they were! However, he partnered up with Yoko Ono on that project. I haven't heard of Yoko Ono at the time, but she looked like a promising artist. I asked my parents if I can buy it, and they said yes, but only because John Lennon was on it. We went to the clerk, who gave me a strange look for wanting it, but I didn't pay attention to it. We went home, and I went to play it on the first song "Cambridge 1969". Oh. my. fucking. god. This was something I wasn't familiar with. Yoko wasn't singing. She was screaming. And the feedback... oh god the feedback! It was so loud, so random, so unusual. It was an amazing break from all the shitty pop songs my parents made me listen to. I listened to Side 2, and it was just as amazing! Yoko was singing in one song, then we hear a baby's heartbeat, then literal silence, and finally 12 minutes of a radio struggling to stay on. The overall album experience was fantastic. It was so avant-garde, so experimental, so anti-music. From that point on, I decided to check out more of Yoko Ono's works, and I loved every single album she made. I also enjoyed her Grapefruit book and her other art exhibits. We all of this in mind, Yoko Ono still remains one of my favorite artists of all time. I get that her style isn't for everyone, but she will still have a special place in my heart.

Karen VS Gabbie (The Ultimate Meltdown)
[Ken, Gabbie, and Richard are watching Trolls World Tour]

Ken: I love the Techno Trolls!

Richard: My favorite are the Hard Rock Trolls.

Gabbie: This movie sucks!

[Gabbie turns off the movie and puts on South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut]

Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?

Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?

[The class gasps]

Mr. Garrison: (stunned) What did you say?!

''Cartman: Oh, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was... (picks up a bullhorn, turns it on, and speaks) "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"''

Gabbie: (laughing) That's so funny!

Karen: (arriving with Kendra) What the fuck?! Richard, why are you putting on South Park for your younger siblings to watch?!

Richard: That wasn't me. That was Gabbie.

Ken: Yeah. I hate South Park!

Karen: Gabbie, put it back on to whatever they were watching.

Gabbie: No!

Karen: DO IT NOW BEFORE I BEAT YOUR ASS TO A PULP!!!

Kendra: Nuh uh uh! You're gonna do the Naughty Grid.

Karen: No! I don't want to do the Naughty Grid! That's for gay sissies!

Kendra: Karen, you have to try. Otherwise, you'll never gain control of your kids!

Karen: Fine!

[Karen goes down to Gabbie's level]

Karen: (in a low-tone voice) Gabbie, this is your warning. Put back the movie Richard and Ken were watching or you will go on the Naughty Grid.

Gabbie: MAKE ME!!!

[Karen takes Gabbie straight to the Naughty Grid]

Karen: You're on the Naughty Grid because you refuse to turn off South Park and put Richard and Ken's movie back on, even when I told you to. You will be staying on the grid for an hour and will be forced to listen to Yoko Ono's "Why Not" during that time period.

Kendra: No! We are done with that torture chamber! She will stay on the grid for 6 minutes without any Yoko Ono music at all!

[Karen and Kendra step away as Gabbie screams and cries]

Karen: But what if Gabbie tries to run away from the Naughty Grid?

Kendra: In that case, you take her back to the grid without saying a word.

Time: 5 minutes

[Gabbie escapes the grid and puts on South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut]

Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, She a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, She's a bitch to all the boys and girls.

Gabbie: (laughing) This is awesome!

Time: 10 minutes

[Gabbie grabs the vinyl of Yoko Ono's "Season of Glass" and hides it in the oven]

Time: 20 minutes

[Gabbie runs out the house and goes to her friend's house]

Gabbie: I am hiding from my horrible mom! Let's play Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster on your Xbox!

[As Gabbie and her friend are playing, Karen shatters the room's window and comes in]

Karen: GABRIELLE KAREN!!! GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE AND RETURN TO THE NAUGHTY GRID IMMEDIATELY!!!

Gabbie: Aw, come on!

Time: 35 minutes

[Gabbie gets on Steven's computer and goes on YouTube to watch videos about Minerva Mink from Animaniacs]

Gabbie: Minerva Mink is really pretty!

Time: 45 minutes

[Gabbie goes on the TV and opens the app Spotify. She then proceeds to play Lil Wayne's "La La"

Gabbie: This song is so much better than Yoko Ono. A.k.a., Psycho Witch!

Karen: LIL WAYNE IS NEVER BETTER THAN YOKO ONO!!! AND HOW DARE YOU CALL HER PSYCHO WITCH!!!

Kendra: Karen, just take her back to the Naughty Grid. That's all you can do.

Time: 60 minutes

[Gabbie comes in Richard's room and steals his CDs]

Richard: Please give those back.

Gabbie: NEVER!!!

[Gabbie throws the CDs outside, breaking them]

Steven: What was that?

Richard: Gabbie threw my CDs outside. Now they're broken.

Time: 75 minutes

[Gabbie turns on the TV and goes on the app YouTube. She then puts on "Amy The Squirrel: A Walk In The Park"]

Gabbie: This is cool.

Karen: TURN OFF THAT FURRY PORN RIGHT NOW AND GET YOUR ASS BACK INTO THE NAUGHTY GRID RIGHT NOW!!!

Kendra: It's been over an hour since Gabbie was placed into the Naughty Grid, and by this point, Karen was about to give up.

Karen: I'm this close to taking her to the torture chamber! At this point, I can't do it!

Kendra: What are you talking about? You are doing it. Right now, she's just testing you to see if you're serious. Just keep on persisting. It will pay off in the end. I promise.

Time: 90 minutes

[Gabbie gets a water gun and splashes Steven, Richard, and Ken with it]

Steven: Gabbie! You don't do that!

Richard: You ruined my favorite shirt!

Ken: MY ANXIETY LEVELS ARE HIGH RIGHT NOW!!!

Gabbie: (flipping the bird) You deserved it!

Time: 100 minutes

[Gabbie hacks into the speakers and plays Linkin Park's "Somewhere I Belong"]

Gabbie: This song song rocks!

Karen: THIS SONG SUCKS!!! CHESTER BENNINGTON DESERVED TO KILL HIMSELF!!!

Time: 120 minutes

[Gabbie steals Karen's phone and downloads various trojan apps and viruses on it]

Karen: OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! GABBIE YOU DO NOT STEAL PEOPLE'S PHONES AND INSTALL TROJANS AND VIRUSES ON IT!!!

[Karen practically drags Gabbie to the Naughty Grid and slams her on it]

Karen: (grabbing Gabbie's face and moving it up close to her face) Get up again and I will fucking kill you...

Kendra: Maintain your calmness, Karen!

Time: 150 minutes

[Gabbie goes on Karen's computer and installs fake Minecraft games on it, adding in viruses and various amounts of malware on it]

Karen: She fucked my phone, and now she fucked my computer! What is her fucking problem?!

Time: 175 minutes

[Gabbie runs outside and smashes the garden with a hammer]

Time: 180 minutes

[Gabbie goes outside and throws all the toys and books in the pool]

Karen: So I put her in the Naughty Grid at 6 PM. It is now 9 PM and she's still going strong. This is the biggest tantrum I've ever seen my children have. This would've all been prevented had I took her to the torture chamber.

Kendra: Karen, at this time, Gabbie is going straight to bed, and she will lose all privileges tomorrow morning.

[Karen drags Gabbie to her room while she screams and cries]

Karen: Gabbie, because you refused to stay on the Naughty Grid and threw a massive tantrum, you will be going straight to bed and you have lost all of your privileges tomorrow morning.

Gabbie: (covering her ears) I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

Kendra: Even though we put Gabbie in bed, she still had one last trick up her sleeve.

[Gabbie throws all of her toys downstairs and demolishes her room out of rage]

Gabbie: (furious) I HATE YOU MOMMY!!! GO DIE IN A FIRE!!!

Kendra: Ignore that. She's trying to get your attention.

[Karen puts on Yoko Ono's "Warzone" album to drown out Gabbie's tantrum]

Richard: Gabbie's tantrum was still high, and she won't go to bed until 11 PM.

'''Ken: I'm honestly surprised I didn't got a panic attack from Gabbie's screaming. She sounds like a crazy chicken when she screams.'''

Getting rid of the Torture Chamber
Kendra: After Karen got the hang of the Naughty Grid, it was time to get rid of the main source of the abuse.

Kendra: We will get rid of the torture chamber and change it into a mini-play room. This is where you will have more room for your toys and you get to have more fun!

Gabbie: Yay! I love a new play room!

Ken: This is going to be awesome!

[The construction workers begin by getting rid of the door, then start removing the speakers]

Kendra: But just when we were starting the conversion, Karen comes and she is furious.

Karen: WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING?!?!

Kendra: We are getting rid of the torture chamber. It will be turned into a play room for the kids.

Steven: And it's about time.

Karen: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT YOU GAY ASS WHORE?!?!

Kendra: Karen, you've shown me that you can do the Naughty Grid. So therefore, there is no need to keep this thing.

Steven: Besides, that room has been nothing but trouble in this family! It's time we bring down the throne of Yoko Ono!

Karen: IS THAT WHY YOU INVITED HER?!?! SO YOU CAN GET RID OF THIS SHIT?!?!

Steven: Sort of...

'''Karen: I knew I should've never let that bitch in the first time I met her! SHE'S RUINING MY LIFE!!!'''

[Karen grabs eggs and starts to throw them at the construction workers]

Construction Worker: Hey! Stop that!

Karen: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE OR I'M CALLING THE COPS ON YOU FUCKERS FOR TRESPASSING!!!

Kendra: Karen, these people have a right to be here. Now stop throwing eggs at them!

[Karen proceeds to annoy the construction workers even more as she plays Yoko Ono's "You" at full blast]

Karen: I WON'T TURN THIS OFF UNTIL YOU LEAVE!!!

[Steven gets scissors and cuts off the plug for the speakers, rendering it useless]

Karen: YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!

[Karen snatches the knife and starts the chase Steven with them]

Kendra: KAREN, NO!!!

Kendra: We had to stop Karen before she ended up stabbing her husband to death!

[Steven runs inside one of the neighbor's house and hides in their bathroom. Karen barges into the house and stabs the TV]

Karen: WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!

[Karen kicks doors and damages the property of the house]

Kendra: (arriving) KAREN!!! STOP!!!

[Kendra takes the scissors away from Karen]

Karen: GIVE IT BACK!!! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM!!! HE'S RUINING MY LIFE!!!

Kendra: Karen, that is enough! You are not going to kill Steven, and you're especially not gonna obliterate the neighbor's house! Now let's go back!

Kendra: I need to give Karen a wake up call so she can finally realize that domestic violence is not nice.

[By the time the three return to the house, the new play room is finished]

Gabbie: This is awesome! Thank you, Supernanny!

Ken: Now I have a place to play with my Transformers!

Karen gets a wake-up call
Kendra: Because of the constant abuse she gives to Steven, plus denying the fact that males can't be victims of domestic violence, I took her to a program called SDV, short for Stop Domestic Violence.

Karen: SDV? That sounds more like STD!

Kendra: Karen, this is serious! You need to realize that domestic violence is bad, no matter who is the victim!

Karen: Whatever! This is gonna be shit!

[They enter a room of about 15 other people who are in for committing domestic violence as well. In the center of the room is a Hispanic woman named Lucia Higgins, who is dressed up in a fancy pencil skirt suit]

Lucia: Hello. My name is Lucia Higgins, and I'm the director of the SDV program as well as a survivor of domestic violence. Raise your hand if you abused your partner before.

[Everyone (except Kendra and Lucia) raised their hand]

Lucia: You offenders need to realize that domestic violence isn't just a man beating his wife. It can also involve verbal abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse, and more. And not all victims of domestic violence are women.

Kendra: Just when things were starting to get good, Karen had to open her mouth and cause trouble!

Karen: First off, men are NEVER victims of domestic violence. That is the biggest lie I've heard since my son of a bitch of a husband said he was gonna divorce me, and he NEVER EVER EVER follows through!

Lucia: Ma'am, men can be victims of domestic violence. In fact, according to the NCADV, 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, etc. 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence". And 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.

Karen: Wow, if it is common for men to be abused, then why the hell can't they just man up and beat their ass?! Hell, if my husband dared to lay a finger on me, I'd beat the living fuck out of that shithead!

Lucia: You need to understand that today's society frowns upon a man hitting a woman by any means. Even if that means the woman is abusing the man, society deems that it isn't right for him to hit her.

Karen: That's right! Therefore, society also deems that a woman can hit a man at any time!

Kendra: Karen, stop this nonsense right now! Let Lucia speak, or I'm gonna have some firm words with you outside.

Karen: (in a mocking tone) Let Lucia speak, or I'm gonna have some firm words with you outside.

Kendra: That's it.

'''Kendra: I had enough of Karen and her back chatting. So I took her out to have some firm words with her.'''

Kendra: The reason I brought you here is to show you that domestic violence against men is just as terrible as domestic violence against women. You are too close-minded to let Lucia do her presentation, and you keep on denying that such things exist.

Karen: Well, fuck her! And fuck this program! I'm not doing this SDV shit anymore!

[Karen runs to the car as Kendra chases her]

'''Karen: Domestic violence against men is not a fucking thing! I can beat Steven whenever the fuck I want!'''

Kendra: Karen, unlock the car right now or else there will be even bigger consequences.

Karen: FUCK YOU!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!

[Karen turns on the car and proceeds to drive off]

Kendra: KAREN!!! Get back here immediately!

Lucia: (arriving) Is everything alright?

Kendra: Call the police right now. That woman has abused her husband for years, and she also stole my car.

Kendra: At that point, I was going to do anything to get Karen to realize that what she was doing was wrong, even if that meant getting law enforcement involved.

[By the time Karen arrived at her house, there were police cars in her driveway]

Karen: What the fucking shit are these piggies doing here?!

[Karen runs into the house, where she sees Steven and the kids talking with the police]

Karen: What the fuck is going on?!?!

Officer #1: We got a call that you stole someone's car and was in an abusive relationship with Steven Karen? Is this true?

Karen: Yes, I stole that son of a whore's car, but I was in no abusive relationship with my husband! Steven, kids, stop lying to those pigs!

[Steven furiously turns around, holding Karen's suitcases of all her luggage]

Steven: At that point, I just lost it.

Steven: (furious) NO KAREN!!! I WILL NOT STOP "LYING" TO THOSE "PIGS"!!! YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS SHIT TO ME FOR YEARS, AND I'VE ABSOLUTELY HAD IT!!! I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU ARRESTED, AND I WILL HAVE YOU CHARGED WITH EVERY SINGLE CRIME I CAN HAVE YOU CHARGED WITH!!! AND I WILL BE FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH MY DIVORCE!!! NO MORE CRYING, NO MORE PAIN, AND NO MORE ABUSE!!! IT IS TIME YOU GET OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!

[Karen stands in disbelief, realizing that Steven had stood up for himself for the first time]

Karen: (in shock) No... you can't have me arrested...

Officer #2: As a matter of fact, we can. We've already had enough evidence to charge you with domestic violence, as well as the car theft. Now please put your hands behind your back.

[Karen surrenders in defeat, and is arrested]

'''Richard: I'm glad that mom finally got a taste of her own medicine. She deserved to get arrested.'''

Gabbie: Finally, mommy won't torture us with Yoko Ono's crappy music!

Ken: I'm proud of my dad for finally standing up for us.

Time for Kendra to go
Kendra: Since everything has settled, I will be leaving now.

Ken: But will you visit again?

Kendra: Don't worry, I'll be contacting your father every once in a while, so you kids can see me.

Gabbie: Goodbye, Supernanny!

Richard: Thanks for everything!

Family Update
Steven: Since Kendra left, Karen has now been convicted of domestic violence, child abuse, child neglect, destruction of property (from the supermarket meltdowns), grand theft auto (for stealing Kendra's car), and many more charges. She has been sentenced to 30 years in prison and has lost all custody of her children. I also got the divorce finalized and filed a restraining order for me and kids so should she be released from prison, she's not allowed to be close to the children. Long story short, me and the kids won't be seeing her anytime soon.

'''Karen: (in a prison uniform and on the phone) I don't care what charges I've gotten. I still maintain my innocence! At least the prison allowed me to have a cassette player, so I can still listen to Yoko Ono.'''

Richard: Since Kendra's visit, everyone's been a lot better. Ken is gaining more control of his anxiety and is having fewer panic attacks, and Gabbie's respecting us and behaving. Plus, me and dad got to go to a Metallica concert in San Francisco, and it was awesome!

[We see Richard and Steven in the Metallica concert]

Steven: Words cannot explain how grateful I am for Kendra helping me get my life together. Thanks for everything, Supernanny.

Gabbie: Thank you Kendra.