Echeverria-Canburntoashinanincinerator Family/Transcript

Before the revolving line of credit
Thestupidbeehivestate: "Freedom is not free, it never will be free!"

Tess: "Then why is there free in its name? Huh?"

Announcer:

Tess: "I'M NOT A CHILD ANYMORE!!! AND I DID NOT EVEN MEAN TO DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "NO EXCEPTIONS WHATSOEVER!!! ZERO!!! "

Thestupidbeehivestate: “IF YOU’RE SO UPSET, IT’S YOUR PROBLEM! LIVE WITH IT!!”

Submission Reel
Charlotte: "Hello. My name is Charlotte Echeverria. I'm 36."

Thaddeus: "And my name is Thaddeus, her oldest child. I'm 17."

Charlotte: "My husband's first name was Landon, but he changed his legal name to... Thestupidbeehivestate... Canburntoashinanincinerator. He's 40."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Freedom is not free, it never will be free!"

Tess: "Then why is there free in its name? Huh?"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Still not getting it? I will never necessarily stop whipping you with the belt!"

(Joyce gasps)

Thaddeus: "I have six siblings. Tess is the oldest, she's 16..."

Tess (drunk in a wild party in a bar, while the song Killer Queen by Queen is playing): "PARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (crowd screams)

(Joyce gasps again)

Joyce: "This is a killer habit."

Thaddeus: "Leona is 13, Mattie is 11, Niamh is 9, my brother Koger is 7, and Clairene is 4. I did have another one, Konie, but she died at age 1 a little over a year ago because of Shaken Baby Syndrome because of dad."

Charlotte: "We're not calling you on the middle three kids. They're well behaved."

Thaddeus: "So am I, right?"

Charlotte: "Yeah, you're well behaved too."

Thaddeus: "Thanks. But dad disagrees he has even one kid that is."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "I'm getting my belt."

(Thestupidbeehivestate goes upstairs to get his belt)

Tess: "I can do whatever I want, okay?!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Not true, not until you get a full-time middle level job. Do you want to get hit with the belt?!"

(Joyce is disgusted)

Charlotte: "My husband has been a black belt for over 20 years. And he has agreed to not use karate for revenge, only for protection."

(We see a picture of Thestupidbeehivestate holding a black belt he earned)

Thaddeus: "But he'll seriously misuse his reward. He'd rather believe in consequences for everything than in his family."

(Koger spills a glass of water)

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Koger Echeverria, are you kidding me?! Where's my belt?"

Charlotte: "Tess... she's as tall as a parent, so she thinks she's an independent person. Instead of going to school, she'll go to a bar to have a party and drink."

Thaddeus: "Dad will easily punish not just her..."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Where's my belt?"

Tess: "I'M NOT A CHILD ANYMORE!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "It doesn't matter! You're still getting hit with the belt!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "You're grounded for a month. If you spend that month even trying to do what you may have planned to, you'll be grounded forever."

Joyce: (gasps) "You're never gonna get her to take you seriously!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "You're not getting the keys! You try to get them again, you're getting a spanking instead! You understand?!"

Tess: "I HATE YOU! I SWEAR TO GOD, REALLY HATE YOU!!!"

(Tess screams in rage, and storms into her room.)

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Guess that really does it!!"

(Thestupidbeehivestate chases Tess)

Thaddeus: "But everybody else."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Nobody is at the table! Where's my belt? I'm gonna use it on all of them!"

Thaddeus: "A few months ago, I actually managed to convince her to make a personal mother of decisions of them all."

Charlotte: "Yes."

(Tess walks out of her room to see Thaddeus.)

Tess: "You scared me!"

Thaddeus: "Tess, why can't you just go to school?"

Tess: "Because dad makes my life so difficult! He wants me to be this 'perfect girl'..." (starts crying) "I want to make you guys proud, but it's..." (sobs)

Thaddeus: "It's what?"

Tess: "Impossible!" (cries harder, Thestupidbeehivestate hears that.)

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Where's my belt? When the fuck will she learn?"

Thaddeus: "No, it's not. Ever heard of the 27 club? It consists of artists who died at age 27. It's because they made decisions like the ones you made. Go ahead, make the decisions you want to make. But they can get you executed at a young age."

Tess: "Executed at a young age?"

Thaddeus: "Yes, believe me. But they can also make you rich and allow you to enjoy a long retirement."

Thaddeus: "I knew trust was like expensive glass, and that she needed to work on her choices to build it."

Charlotte: "And I was hyperly impressed to see Tess's behavior change so quickly. But Landon, well, Thestupidbeehivestate rather, continued to hit her with a belt, because, you may know, perfection doesn't exist. It's not realistic. And yet she expected it out of her."

(Thestupidbeehivestate attacks Tess with a belt)

Tess: "I thought you would start to like what I was doing!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "This makes you a fucking retarded asshole!!"

Tess: "I should not have been hit with the belt! I thought I was changing my ways!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "That's what you think. It matters what I think! MY HOUSE!!"

Tess: "DAD!!! I DON’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD STILL TREAT ME LIKE THIS!!!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Well, believe it!! How can you not, especially since you're screaming?!"

Tess: “DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!”

Thestupidbeehivestate: “That’s another slap with the belt!” (hits Tess with the belt) “Shut up!”

Joyce: "I like what she did, not what he did."

Thaddeus: "Did you just hear me tell Tess it wasn't impossible? It turns out it is."

Charlotte: "So... she would once again... skip school to drink at bars."

Thaddeus: "Tess, come on! I don't have a normal teenage life!"

Tess: "Then DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE KIDS!!!"

Thaddeus: "I can't just refuse to worry about them if you refuse!"

(cut to inside Tess's room)

Thestupidbeehivestate (to Tess, while holding his belt): "Am I gonna see your ass come home from a school bus? If I don't..."

Charlotte: "My heart had never sank so hard. I even suffered a heart attack and passed out."

Thaddeus: "Me and my other siblings were so scared as we saw our mother get hospitalized."

Joyce: "I feel so bad for her and I'm grateful that I wasn't her."

Charlotte: "Thaddeus, you thought it wasn't impossible?"

Thaddeus: "Yes."

Charlotte: "I don't blame you. And it may have been impossible to make him proud, but not us."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Where is Tess?! I don't see her car where it was. She is so busted."

Charlotte: "She's probably in a bar."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "She's in a WHAT?! I thought she was done with this for good!"

Charlotte: "You're teaching her to return to that bar!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "How am I teaching her to make an abysmal decision for herself?!"

Charlotte: “Since when do you even care about that?”

Thestupidbeehivestate: “I believe in punishment for everything.”

Thaddeus: "Dad also wants Tess to look after the kids, but instead, she chooses to keep partying, so I volunteered to look after them. Heroic, right? But, that leads me to struggle with my grades too, and therefore get hit with the karate belt!"

(Thestupidbeehivestate attacks Thaddeus with his karate belt)

Thestupidbeehivestate: “Stop failing in class!”

Joyce: "This can't keep happening. May God have mercy on his soul!"

'''Charlotte: "Thaddeus is such a nice man." (hugs Thaddeus) "I'm so sorry things have happened to you."'''

Thaddeus: "I'm just impressed he hasn't hit me with the belt for saying it wasn't impossible to avoid it."

(Charlotte stops hugging Thaddeus)

Thaddeus and Charlotte: "Supernanny, please come help our family."

Joyce: "You need my help to say the least, and I am certainly on my way."

Observation
Thestupidbeehivestate: "I've got another stupid idiot to destroy."

Joyce: "So, Thaddeus has volunteered to take care of you and your younger siblings?"

Leona: "Yes. Tess is supposed to do it, but wants to go to a bar to have a party instead. Thaddeus is my hero."

Joyce: "So Tess, why don't you let yourself go to school?"

Tess: "Because I always get bored in the classrooms for nerds, and it's not even like I can do anything right anyway!"

Joyce: "School doesn't have to be boring. And you actually can do right."

Tess: “How do you know? It matters what my dad thinks! He decides what's right!”

Joyce: "Have you frustrated dad?"

Niamh: "It's like none of us can do anything right, especially Tess. This actually got her to just give up. She returned to the bar, where we all agree she is not supposed to go. But she is hard to blame because she basically has no reason not to go."

Joyce: "Turns out dad wasn't close to done with his abusive ways for the day."

Thestupidbeehivestate: “I don’t give ONE damn about ONE intention!!! You get what you deserve based on outcome. DEAL WITH IT!!!”

Tess avoids a so called punishment
Joyce: "We're in the first few hours of a school day. The kids are in their rooms, sleeping. Well, except Tess, who isn't even home."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "I'm getting my belts."

Joyce: "Have you use the belt as discipline on all of the kids?"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Yes."

Joyce: “When do you plan to stop?”

Thestupidbeehivestate: “Never. I mean, they never learn. They never learn, I never stop.”

Joyce: “What did you expect? Have you ever understood that perfection is only theoretical? Would they even need to learn?”

(Tess finally arrives home at 2:30 am)

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Tess, where do you think you've been?"

Tess: "I was at a library studying for a Science test."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "What Science test? Bullshit! How did you know you had a Science test? Your principal called me, not to say that, but what? To say you had two absences in a row? Isn't that what I remember saying?"

(Tess sees the belts)

(Tess runs away into her room, screaming)

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Where do you think you're going, little girl?!" (he chases after Tess)

Tess: "Little girl? I'm not a little girl!!"

(As Tess gets in her room, and closes and locks the door...)

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Yeah, you are until you move out of my house..." (pounds on the door) "OPEN THE DOOR! I'M GONNA MAKE SURE I WHIP YOUR MEATY ASS AS MANY TIMES AS I CAN!! FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!!"

Tess: "Disgusting."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "I'LL SHOW YOU DISGUSTING!!! JUST YOU WAIT!"

Joyce: "Well, can anyone blame Tess for saying that? The screaming and shouting actually managed to wake Charlotte up."

Charlotte: "What is going on?"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Tess finally just got home just a few minutes ago, and I'm trying to whip her sorry as Hell ass with a belt. She's been skipping school twice in a row."

Joyce: "This does need to stop, but, what does the father expect?! Why would anyone expect someone to stick to something that doesn't work out for them at all?!"

Charlotte: "You're teaching her to skip school. Joyce is-"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "I didn't teach her to do SHIT!! This is how she's supposed to learn to do the OPPOSITE!!!"

Tess: “I! Can! HEAR! You!”

Thestupidbeehivestate: “Yes! The fuck! You can!”

Charlotte: "Joyce is gonna take care of everything."

Joyce: "Yes I am, and we're gonna have a parent meeting tomorrow morning. Why don't you guys go back to bed? That means you too, Landon."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "It's not Landon, it's Thestupidbeehivestate!" (hits Joyce with the belt)

Joyce: "My word..."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Maybe you'll use that bit of knowledge next time!"

Joyce: "That is what I'm gonna talk to you about tomorrow."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "No, you won't! It's necessary!"

Joyce: "In your insane mind it is!"

Parent Meeting
Joyce: "Thestupidbeehivestate, the way you treat your kids is disgusting."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "I'm the disgusting one?!"

Joyce: “Yes, you are. You hit your kids with a belt.”

Thestupidbeehivestate: “They’ve got to be good, or that’s I'm gonna do!”

Joyce: “You’re always gonna hit your kids with the belt!”

Thestupidbeehivestate: “If they’re always bad!”

Joyce: "You really think your kids are gonna appreciate you for getting them with a belt? Show appreciation?"

Charlotte: "What do you mean by bad?"

Thestupidbeehivestate:

Joyce: “People make mistakes. They happen. You don’t just discipline them for every single one! You can't expect them to be committed to do what you want if you constantly... what was it you said? Destroy them?!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "They deserve it."

Joyce: "If you want your kids to try to be good, don’t make it next to impossible! Okay? Let’s talk about Tess and her behavior.”

Thestupidbeehivestate: “Tess thinks she knows everything!”

Charlotte: “So do you.”

Thestupidbeehivestate: “I don’t think I know everything, I know I know. I feel like Tess should’ve been out on her sorry ass a long time ago!”

Joyce: “You never know “

Discipline
Joyce: "Charlotte realizes things need to change. So for discipline, I'm going to give the family humane techniques instead of those dastardly belts."

Joyce: "This is the Naughty Platform. No one wants to be on there, right?"

Tess: "Question."

Joyce: "Yes?"

Tess: "What if you're a teen like me? Can you still be taken to the Naughty Platform?"

Joyce: "The answer happens to be no."

Tess: "Alright, finally! Someone is finally making sense!"

Joyce: "But, you can be taken to the Naughty Swivel."

Tess: "The Naughty Swivel?"

Tess: "I took what I said back."

Joyce: "The Naughty Swivel is perfect for Tess because we would like her to make better decisions. She has in the past, but she needs to keep it up."

Tess: "No one's taking me there unless they might as well."

Joyce: "As I explained the techniques, Dad was having none of it."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Are you kidding me?! I'm not putting kids' legs past a stupid toy bridge or Tess in a fucking computer chair! That is the stupidest means of discipline I've ever seen in my life!"

Joyce: "To you, they are, but to me, Thestupidbeehivestate, your so called discipline is pure evil."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "You mean my belt? Where is it? I'll show you pure evil!"

Joyce: "Because of your so called discipline--"

Thestupidbeehivestate: “They’re the evil ones, not me! They deserve what they get from me!”

Joyce: " To you, they do! BUT TO ME, YOU ARE INSANE!! So, don't say anything else!!!"

Joyce: "No! You can get her to follow your rules, but place her on the Naughty Swivel!"

[Tess escapes from the Naughty Swivel and watches the "Dingo Unchained" episode of Harvey Girls Forever!]

Joyce: "Turn the Harvey Girls off! You need to get back to the Naughty Swivel!"

Dad gets a reality check
Joyce: " You need a reality check."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "NO, THEY NEED IT, NOT ME! ESPECIALLY TESS!!!"

Orphanage
7-year old boy: "My mother was decapitated by my father when I was 2. He is now on death row."

Joyce: "I am so sorry for your loss..."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S HER'S! SHE HAD IT COMING!"

9-year old girl: "My dad was killed in a car accident when I was two, and my mom was a larynjectomee for three years before she died when I was seven."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "A larynjectomee? Pathetic! Larynjectomees are so stupid! You people are in la la land! And was it your dad's fault he died in a car accident? YES!"

6-year old kid: "What is your name?"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Thestupidbeehivestate Canburntoashinanincinerator."

6-year old kid: "I asked what is your name."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "That's my name, Thestupidbeehivestate Canburntoashinanincinerator."

Joyce: "That really is his name. He changed his name from Landon Echeverria."

Every kid in the orphanage: "LANDON FRIENDLESS ECHEVERRIA HAS NO FRIENDS AND HE CARES ABOUT HIMSELF!! HE'S THE BIGGEST FATTY BASTARD ON EARTH!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "My name is no longer Landon! My middle name was never Friendless!"

5-year old boy: "Oh yeah? "

(all of the kids laugh at Thestupidbeehivestate)

Thestupidbeehivestate: "Hold on, kids, I'll be back. Let me get my belt."

Joyce: "I have your belt and your kids might going to a place like this if you don't be careful."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "They're not going anywhere, you asshole! School from home, and home from school, that's it! Give me the belt!"

Joyce: "If you insist!" [ties Thestupidbeehivestate's hands and feet to his back with the belt] "Nothing personal! Now if you excuse me, I am calling the police."

Thestupidbeehivestate: "I wouldn't if I were you! I don't break the law!"

Joyce: [calling the police] "Hello, police? Can you pick up Thestupidbeehivestate? He abused his children and pretended to not break the law when in reality he did. Okay? Bye."

Thestupidbeehivestate: “I, didn’t, break, the, law! You’re not gonna get away with this!”

Joyce: [sees the police car approaches] "Too late! Your bad choices have got you in trouble!"

Thestupidbeehivestate: "I'D SOONER EAT MUD! AND TESS’S CHOICES ARE A ZILLION TIMES WORSE! ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE!!"

Policeman: Alright, I find that hard to believe! [drags Thestupidbeehivestate by the feet] Come a long.

Thestupidbeehivestate: "You can't be serious! Say you got so lucky!"

Final Verdict
Judge: "Has the jury reached the verdict?"

Jury: "We the jury find Thestupidbeehivestate guilty of ill treatment."

Family Update
Charlotte: "Guess I needed to get my husband out of here, huh? Since he left, not even the Naughty Swivel has been used on Tess."

Tess: "An improvement in my behavior is finally being acknowledged! And to Dad, to determine if I am a little girl, check the height section, not the residence section!"

Charlotte: "Also, Koger and Clairene were not sent to the Naughty Platform. As for the other kids, they were finally getting the treatment they deserved all along."

Epilogue
Thestupidbeehivestate: There is no way I done something wrong, but the nobody believed me.