Spotlow-Garbiel Family Christmas and St.Nicholas Day

St.Nicholas Day
David: "Kids. Put your shoes out in the front door!"

[The kids put their shoes in the front door]

Nicolette: "At midnight he'll come."

Frank: "Really?"

Andi: "Who?"

December 6
Bridget: "Oh look! I got a few pieces of candy. Not made out of animal products, too! Good."

Andi: "I got an Elmo keychain!"

Jason: "I got some LEGO bricks."

Frank: "Aw shit, a birch in my shoe, again!"

[Frank finds a note from St.Nicholas saying Francis, you've been a bad boy this year]

December 7
Nicolette: "Who wants to pick out the tree?"

Bridget: "Me!"

December 8: The Christmas Play
Nicolette: "Everybody get ready. We'll be leaving to see Andi's Christmas play, A Christmas Peter Pan."

[Andi is dressed in her Tinkerbell costume]

David: "Andi, you look so adorable in your Tinkerbell costume."

Andi: "Thanks daddy!"

December 20
David: "Who wants to decorate the tree?"

Bridget: "I do! I want to help out."

December 21
Nicolette: "Who wants to go shopping?"

Jason: "I do!"

Frank: "SHOPPING IS FOR IDIOTS!!!"

December 22
David: "Who's ready to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, An All Dogs Christmas Carol, Frosty the Snowman, A Pinky and the Brain Christmas, A Muppet Family Christmas and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?"

Frank: "Screw those! I want to watch A Krampus Carol!"

December 23
Nicolette: "Who wants to make the gingerbread house?"

Andi: "Me, me, me, me!"

December 24
David: "Who's ready to go to church, eat dinner, and watch Tom and Jerry in a Nutcracker Tale, Bah, Humduck!, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, The Muppet Christmas Carol and How the Grinch stole Christmas?"

Andi: "Me, me, me!!!"

Nicolette: "Since Andi already been to church, she'll stay with me and help me make the gingerbread train."

Andi: "Oh boy!!!"

[cut to the Old Stone Congreational Church]

[Frank gets out on his PS Vita and plays a Grand Theft Auto game on it]

David: "Frank, put the PS Vita away."

Frank (rapping Gold Digger): "18 years, 18 years. She got one of yo' kids, got you for 18 years."

David: "Shhhh, quiet down. People are listening to the speech."

Frank (speaking German): "Scheiße!" (Translation: "Shit!")

[Frank pees on the pews]

David: "Seriously, stop it!"

Frank (teasing kid with Down syndrome): "You look stupid!" (Laughs)

Down syndrome kid: "Stop it."

Frank: "You're ugly."

Down syndrome kid: "Stop."

[Frank tries to push the kid with Down Syndrome off the seat, but he fails]

Frank: "Crap! That didn't work as I had planned! (smirking devilishly) I got a brilliant idea."

[Frank runs to T.J, Maxx, Kohl's, Lowe's, 7-Eleven, Staples, Target, Dollar Tree, and then CVS and shoplifts from all of them]

[At church]

Bridget (to David): "Dad, where's Frank?"

David: "I assume he went to the bathroom."

[Frank runs back to church with a really huge smirk on his face]

David: "Yep! I see that smirk Francis Malcolm Spotlow-Garbiel!"

[Frank texts a bad message on Bridget's iPhone to Nicolette and then tries to throw it at Bridget but he misses because the priest catches it and returns it to David]

Priest (having strict look at Frank): "Sir, you do not throw phones in church."

Frank: "Can it!"

David: "Francis, if you act rude again,."

[Frank bites a person]

Victim: "OW! That hurt!"

Frank: "Ha ha! I bit your arm! How did you like that?!

[Frank runs away]

David: "Stop it, where are you going?"

[Frank gets some toys and runs back]

David:

Frank:

[Frank runs amok]

Frank (speaking German again):

[1 hour later]

[David, Bridget, Jason and Frank knock on the door]

Jason: "Hey Mom! We're home!"

Frank: "Let's watch Christmas movies!"

David: "I'm afraid not for Frank because he misbehaved."

Nicolette: "Oh! What did he do, David?"

David: "He played Grand Theft Auto on his PS Vita without headphones, rapped a Kanye West song called Gold Digger, said the S word in German, peed on the pews, bullied a kid with Down Syndrome in the church because he thought she was annoying him which she meant stop the behavior, shoplifted from the store where he is not supposed to go to when it's church, texted a bad message on Bridget's iPhone and threw it, bit a person, stole some toys that were meant to be given to Toys for Tots, ran amok and said the f word in German, as well. To Frank, he found it hilarious."

Nicolette (to the kids minus Frank): "Which movie would you like to watch first?"

Andi: "Tom and Jerry: Nutcracker Tale!"

Bridget: "Yeah, I love the Nutcracker ballet!"

Jason: "Yeah, and I like Tom and Jerry!"

Nicolette: "OK, I'll get the snacks."

[Frank tries to enter but David guards him]

David: "Not a chance, pal."

Frank: "Why?"

Nicolette: "You were being very bad at church earlier."

David: "Go to your room and stay there until next morning."

[Frank enters his room and gets on his PS Vita]

David (to Frank): "Can I have the PS Vita, please?"

Frank: "NO! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, CHUMP!!!"

[David takes the PS Vita off of Frank's hands]

Frank: "GIVE ME MY PS VITA BACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

David: "You lost it for tonight."

December 25
At midnight

Opening Presents
David: Time to open presents!

[The kids look in their stockings]

Andi:

Oscar:

Bob: "A new MP3 player, awesome!"

Megan: "A Pinky and the Brain Christmas VHS, Pinky and the Brain volume 1 DVD set, Pinky and the Brain volume 2 DVD set, Pinky and the Brain volume 3 DVD set, Animaniacs volume 1 set, Animaniacs volume 2 set, Animaniacs volume 3 DVD set, Animaniacs volume 4 DVD set..."

Leslie:

Josie:

Frank: "A lump of coal?!"

Aunt Nastazia: "That means, young man, you do not deserve any presents until next year."

[Frank finds a note saying "Frank, you were extremely bad this year. You ruined some occasions. You ruined vacation by being spoiled and selfish, did other bad stuff, swore, attacking your siblings,and playing questionable music. Signed, Santa" in cursive]

Frank: "If I'm not happy, then I'll make sure nobody is."

[Bridget and Jason wake up]

[Bridget and Jason look in their stockings]

Bridget: "Good morning, everyone."

Jason: "Merry Christmas!"

[The kids go to the Christmas tree]

Andi: "Mommy, I can't find my presents!"

Oscar: "Mine are missing!"

Bob: "Did Santa forget to bring me mine?"

Megan: "Someone took my presents!"

Leslie: "I bet it was the Grinch!"

Josie: "My presents are gone!"

[Cut to Jason and Bridget say what they got in their stockings]

Jason: "Wonderful! I got "

Bridget: "Sweet! I got an iPod Nano, an iPhone, a Laptop computer, a donation made to protect the butterfly sanctuary made in my name, a box of Godiva chocolates, an iTunes gift card, an Evanescence CD and The Hunger Games book!"

Christmas Breakfast
David: "Kids, time for breakfast!"

[Andi and Frank, along with their cousins, Oscar, Bob, Leslie, Megan and Josie gather into the dining room]

[On the table, we see cinnamon pancakes, muffins, smoked bacon, fresh fruit, hot cocoa, buttermilk pancakes, Canadian bacon, fruit spreads, blueberry syrup, scones, coffee, breakfast tea, egg cups, blueberry pancakes, maple syrup, fruit juices, waffles and cinnamon rolls]

[Bridget and Jason look for their presents]

[Soon they find them]

Bridget: "Kids, we found your missing presents!"

Jason: "They're all here!"

[Frank flings a waffle at Bridget's face]

Bridget: Excuse me?!

Christmas Afternoon
[Bridget opens up all her presents]

Bridget: "Sweet! A Disney Babies Boo plush doll and personalized blanket!"

[Jason opens up all his presents]

Jason: "Awesome! I got an MP3 player!

[Andi opens up all her presents]

Andi: "Cool! I got a Dora the Explorer doll!"

[Megan opens up all her presents]

Megan: "Sweet! I got a Tiny Toon Adventures DVD set!"

Christmas Night
(Frank throws David's iPad 7 on the stairs and it breaks)

David: "What happened?

(David sees a broken iPad 7)

David: "Francis Malcolm Spotlow-Garbiel!"

Frank: "Yes, dad?!?"

David: "You are banned from watching Rolie Polie Olie, Shaun the Sheep, and Wallace and Gromit for the rest of the year! You lost all of your video games, consoles included! You also lost your play car! You are banned from playing with your friends for the rest of the year!"

Frank: "I WANNA WATCH ROLIE POLIE OLIE, SHAUN THE SHEEP, WALLACE AND GROMIT, PLAY MY VIDEO GAMES, SEE MY FRIENDS, AND MY PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!"

David: "You are also not allowed to listen to Jay Z, Ke$ha, Maroon 5, Nickleback, Green Day and Linkin Park for the rest of the year!"

Nicolette: "David, your iPad 7 came with the full 2-year warranty, so if it broke, they'll cover it."

[Frank screams]

Nicolette: "Now what?"