Slater Family Goes Out to Eat at many Restaurant

In the Car
Martha: Today we're going to eat at McDonald's.

Bill: Why there?

Daniel: We're on a budget, and McDonald's has some good food.

Mark: Good food my fucking ass! Did you know that they serve chicken heads at one time?

Bill: Gross!

Arrival
Martha: You kids go play at the PlayPlace while we order your foods.

Mark: Me and Bill are too old to play there. Plus, It's for little kids. I'm not a little kid.

Daniel: Well you need to watch your little sister.

[Martha and Daniel go to order the food]

[We see Stacy sliding down the slide]

Kid: You look stupid with that purple hair!

Stacy: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........

Kid: Why are you growling like that?

[Stacy tackles the kid down and attacks him]

Kid: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! HELP ME!!!

Mark: STACY NO!!!

[Mark and Bill pull Stacy away]

[The kid's parents arrive]

Mom: What happened?

Kid: (crying) She beat me up!

Bill: You son was mocking her!

Dad: Still, she's a wild animal!

Mark: Uh, she has non-verbal autism and has trouble communicating!

Mom: Well your parents need to take her to a mental hospital!

Bill: Fuck off with that nasty gay bullshit!

Dad: Let's go.

[The parents and the kid leaves]

Martha: What in the world happened?

Mark: Stacy assaulted a kid for mocking her hair, and then the parents go and tell us we need to take her to a mental hospital!

Daniel: Well the food is here. Let's go!

[They sit down at a table and eat the food]

Bill: Uh, why do we all have salad?

Mark: And why do we all have water? I said I wanted Coooooke!

Martha: We're gonna eat healthy today.

Daniel: After all, it's good for you!

Bill: I DON'T WANT A GODDAMN FUCKING SALAD!!! I WANT A BIG MAC WITH COKE!!!

Martha: Eat it!

Mark: MORE LIKE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK IIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

[Mark and Bill start a food fight at McDonald's]

Daniel: YOU BOYS STOP THIS!!!

[Mark hijacks the speakers and starts playing Beherit's "The Oath of Black Blood"]

[Bill throws water at the employees and shout out a bunch of racist stuff]

Martha: THAT IS IT!!! WE ARE LEAVING!!!

Aftermath
Martha: We are very disappointed in you boys!

Daniel: You don't raid the McDonald's like that!

Mark: Don't all like you did nothing wrong! You started this shit by giving us all salad and fucking water!

Bill: And besides, Stacy also assaulted a kid, but you let her get away with it!

Martha: Go to your rooms right now!

Daniel: And Bill, don't shout out racist stuff in public again! You're very lucky you didn't get arrested for committing hate crimes!

Bill: Whatever! I hate Mcdonald's!

In the Car
Martha: Today we will be eating at Taco Bell.

Mark: You better not give us salads and water like last time!

Daniel: Don't worry, we learned our lessons on that one!

Bill: Good. I'm carrying my own wallet so in case you pull that shit again, I'll be buying my own food myself!

Arrival
Bill: This is going good so far. We got our own food, and we're actually having a good time for once,

Mark: Yo, is that Devici?!

Devici: Wassup, my brotha?!

[Mark and Devici fist bump]

Martha: Who's Devici?

Mark: One of my friends.

Devici: Yo, I got this vodka from the liquor store next door. Want some?

Mark: Hell yeah! I'm 'bout to get turned the fuck up that shit!

[Mark and Devici consume a bunch of vodka]

Mark: (slurring) Fucking hell... this hits like a fat bitch!

Devici: (slurring) I know, right brotha? This is the shit!

Employee: Excuse me, but you can't have outside food here.

Mark: (slurring) Fuck off, ya bloody cunt!

Bill: Oh my god, Mark's drunk!

Daniel: Marcus Collin Slater! You better drink some water!

Mark: (slurring) FUCK OFF, YA BLOODY CUNT!!!

[Mark proceeds to flip tables and ruin the food]

Martha: NO MARK NO!!! DON'T RUIN THIS!!!

[Mark and Devici then proceed to hold down Bill and Stacy and force them to chug down the remaining vodka]

Daniel: WHAT THE HELL?!?!

Bill: (slurring) Damn... I never felt this fucking good!

Stacy: Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...................

[Bill and Stacy vandalize the store further by throwing food at the walls and windows, harassing customers and employees, and even knocking down the doors]

Mark: (slurring while on the speakers) GHOULS ATTACK THE CHURCH!!! CRUSH THE HOLY SPIRIT!!! TURNING THE CROSS TOWARDS HELL!!! WRITHE IN SATAN'S FLAMES!!!

Martha: Great! Now he's singing Morbid Angel's "Chapel of Ghouls"!

Employee: You need to take your kids and leave! They're wrecking the store!

Martha: We're so sorry about this.

Aftermath
Martha: What were you thinking, Mark?! You and Devici were acting so inappropriate by drinking and wrecking havoc in Taco Bell!

Daniel: Not to mention that you two could've been arrested for letting minors drink!

Mark: (still drunk and slurring) You think I give a dam, ya fat cunt? I'm a mothafucka who doesn't let shitasses like you fuck my shit up, matie!

Bill: (who is now sober) You don't even make sense! Go to your room and chill out!

Mark: (slurring) Whatever, baldy!

In the Car
Martha: Today we're going out to eat at Olive Garden.

Mark: Finally, we're not eating at a fast food restaurant!

Bill: Me and Stacy are gonna raid the ravioli supplies!

Arrival
Waitress: Welcome to Olive Garden, would we like to start off with the drinks?

Bill: Oh, damn! You taken, already?

Daniel: Bill! No!

Mark: I would like Coke.

Bill: I'd sniff Coke together with that bitch!

Waitress: Can you stop?

Bill: Okay, but you know who to call!

[Bill gives the waitress his phone number, and she rips it up and leaves]

Martha: Bill! You don't try to hit on the waitress!

Bill: I'm sorry, but she looks like she goes to my school!

Mark: What kind of school do you go to that has woman in their mid-30s as students?

[The scene cuts to the food arriving]

Bill: Wait, why is their extra cheese?

Martha: Because it's good to have extra cheese. You need dairy.

Bill: Me and Stacy don't want extra cheese! Tell her to take it back!

Mark: Shut the hell up, man. I'm actually behaving for once, and I don't want this sociopathic asshole and autistic brat to ruin it!

Bill: (pointing a knife at Mark) SAY THAT AGAIN!!!

Daniel: Boys, now's not the time to fight!

[Mark tries to take the knife away, but his arm ends up pushing Bill's ravioli away from the table, crashing on the floor and shattering the plate and ruining the food]

Bill: WHAT THE FUCK?!?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!

Mark: You moved my arm!

[Bill snaps and flips the table]

Martha: BILL!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?!

Bill: FUCK YOU!!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT N***A!!!

Martha: LET'S GO BEFORE WE GET BANNED FROM OLIVE GARDEN!!!

Aftermath
Martha: This is the third time in a row you kids ruin our restaurant moment!

Mark: Me and Stacy were actually behaving! Bill was the asshole who was trying to provoke us!

Daniel: Well Bill, you don't act like that!

Bill: I don't care! Everywhere we go always has to end in madness!

In the Car
Martha: Today we are going out to eat at Applebee's.

Daniel: We've said it before and we'll say it again. Behave!

Arrival
Bill: This might not be as fine as Olive Garden, but this is okay.

Mark: Yo, they have a jukebox, and you can play any song?

Martha: Please don't play any inappropriate songs...

Mark: I won't!

[Mark goes to the jukebox and plays Candlemass's "Samarithan"]

Bill: Oh my goodness...

Customer: Get this devil worshiping music out of here!

Mark: Sorry, granny, but black and death metal rules all music!

Customer: No way!

[The customer shuts off the music and proceeds to play Bob Dylan's "Murder Most Foul"]

Martha: Much better.

Daniel: I like Bob Dylan.

Mark: Get this shitty country music outta here!

Customer: No! You teens and your darn metal don't appreciate real music!

Mark: Well this "thing" you call real music is shit!

[Mark then pushes the jukebox down, breaking it]

Martha: MARK!!! DON'T START!!!

Customer: You need to see a priest! The devil has control on your soul!

Mark: YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT THE DEVIL?!?! I'LL SHOW YOU THE DEVIL!!!

[Mark proceeds to flip tables, throw food and drinks all over the place, and even slammed a steak at the customer]

Customer: YOU IDIOT!!! YOU TAKE YOUR BRATS AND LEAVE!!!

Martha: Why do they all have to end in disaster?

Aftermath
Martha: Marcus Collin Slater! You don't try to blast Candlemass in the restaurant and then throw a tantrum just because someone changed it to Bob Dylan!

Mark: You don't understand! She accused me of being controlled by the devil and shit! I'm not gonna put up with that fucking nonsense!

Bill: Well what the hell do you think people are gonna react when they hear you play that?

Daniel: Now go to your room right now! And you're not having any video games, TV, or heavy metal albums for the rest of the day!

In the Car
Martha: Today we're going to a very fancy restaurant.

Daniel: And it is an upscale establishment, so we expect you kids to be on your best behavior.

Mark: No wonder you had us wearing a tuxedo and dress!

Bill: And no wonder you finally got rid of Stacy's purple hair!

Martha: The hair is only temporary. Once we're out of the restaurant, she'll go back to the dyed hair.

Arrival
Daniel: Wow... this is already looking good!

[A prestigious Waiter seats the family to a table]

Mark: Woah! We got water already placed on our tables!

Bill: And look! We got golden utensils!

[They look at the menu]

Mark: I'm not liking any of this food.

Bill: Where's the pizza?

Daniel: We're at a fancy restaurant and you're talking about getting pizza!

Mark: I think I'll go with the T-bone steak.

[Later...]

Mark: When's the food coming?

Martha: Very soon.

Bill: Really? Because it's been 30 fucking minutes, and they still haven't given us shit but bread!

Daniel: Bill! Don't use that language here!

[Stacy throws a fork at a waiter]

Waiter: Please don't do that.

Mark: Fuck this, I'm out!

[Mark pulls out his iPod and plays Death's "Leprosy"]

Martha: You three stop it! You can't start here!

[The waiter then comes with the food]

Bill: The wait have better been worth it!

[Mark and Bill take a bite out of their T-bone steaks]

Mark: Tastes pretty good.

Bill: What are you talking about? IT'S ASS!!!

[Bill's screaming distracts the customers]

Bill: WHO MADE THIS POOR EXCUSE OF FOOD?!?! I DEMAND A FUCKING REFUND!!!

Daniel: BILL, NO!!!

[Bill goes crazy and flips the table, splashing the food everywhere]

Martha: OH MY GOD!!! MY DRESS!!!

[Stacy throws a meltdown and assaults the waiters and other customers with the utensils]

Customer: Stop it!

Waiter: This is unacceptable behavior!

[Mark then hijacks the speakers and blasts his music on it]

Waiter: Is that Death's Leprosy? That music is inappropriate for this restaurant!

[At this point, the manager arrives]

Manager: What in the world is going on?!

Waiter: This party is wrecking havoc in the entire restaurant! And these kids are especially making the customers uncomfortable!

Bill: It's not my fault! The T-bone steak was ass!

Mark: And it wasn't metal enough!

Martha: SHUT UP YOU ALL!!! Sir, we're so sorry about this.

Manager: Get out of my restaurant right now before I call the police!

Aftermath
Martha: WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTIME WE GO OUT TO EAT YOU THREE HAVE TO MISBEHAVE AND EMBARRASS US?!?!

Mark: I don't know! It's Bill that provokes this shit!

Bill: No! It's Mark and Stacy! They're the fuckers that constantly wreck shit!

Daniel: It doesn't matter who started it! You don't behave like monkeys in public!

Martha: You know what? Until you three can behave! No more restaurants!

Mark: WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT?!?! NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL ARE WE GONNA BE BANNED FROM RESTAURANTS!!!

Bill: Yeah! Fuck that shit! We're just going to be getting our food from Grubhub, Uber Eats, and Postmates!

Martha: No you're not! We're gonna blacklist this location so you three can't order from these companies!

Daniel: Now you three go to your rooms right now!

[Mark, Bill, and Stacy stomp to their rooms]