American Visit/Transcript

Johnny meets Ri Dae-Jung
Sophie: "Okay, Johnny, this is Ri Dae-Jung."

[Johnny looks at a androgynous Korean boy wearing a KPA uniform, complete with officers cap, he is wearing a white surgical mask with his name in Hangul on it, "리대중"]

Johnny: "Why does he look like a girl?"

Sophie: "It's his long hair, which is not a trait in usual North Koreans."

Johnny: "Why is he wearing a white surgical mask?"

Reicheru: "It's cold and flu season, a white surgeon's mask is said to stop colds and flu orally."

[Johnny comes up and tries to shake his hand]

Johnny: "Handshake?"

Ri Dae-Jung: "" (Translation: American f***er, your breath smells like cheeseburgers)

Johnny: "How adorable!"

Reicheru: "Err...... Johnny? He's not complimenting you."

[Johnny tries to take off Ri Dae-Jung's mask, which succeeds]

Ri Dae-Jung: "" (Translation: Hey! Don't do that!)

[Johnny starts to move his fingers on Ri Dae-Jung's sides and stomach, causing him to burst out laughing]

Reicheru: "Don't there's a wound on his stomach that hasn't fully healed yet!"

Ri Dae-Jung: "" (Translation: Hey! Stop it!)

[Johnny continues to tickle Ri Dae-Jung]

Ri Dae-Jung: "" (Translation: S-Stop!)

Johnny: "You like that?"

[Johnny lifts Ri Dae-Jung whilst tickling him while he is laughing]

Ri Dae-Jung: (between laughs) "" (Translation: Stop you American f***er!)

[Ri Dae-Jung turns his head towards Sophie]

Ri Dae-Jung: "" (Translation: Sophie! HELP!)

[Reicheru goes up to the two and yanks Ri Dae-Jung off him, who breathes heavily]

Ri Dae-Jung: "" (Translation: Sophie, HOW THE F*** CAN'T HE UNDERSTAND ME?!)

Sophie: "He doesn't understand Korean too well, and he doesn't know what you are saying."

Johnny meets Michael, Mia and Aofie
[Johnny looks at an Irish-American man and two women]

Reicheru: “Okay, this is Michael McNamara, Keep in mind, Michael is blind at the moment, don’t grab him, It will catch him off guard.”

Johnny meets Mei
Reicheru: "This is Mei, she is 15 years old."

[Johnny looks at a Chinese girl wearing a Chinese PLA uniform, she is playing a Nintendo 3DS, she is sitting on a desk]

Reicheru: "Mei, say hello."

[Mei waves her hand]

[Johnny looks at the game Mei is playing]

Johnny: "What the f*** is this?! Playing the Pokemon ripoff?!"

Mei: "" (Translation: Does not)

Johnny: "What's the d*** point of your little claim?!"

Mei: "" (Translation: I've played it, nothing like it)

Johnny: "SPEAK ENGLISH, D***IT!"

[Mei stands up and slaps Johnny in the face]

Johnny: "OW! YOU'RE F***ING MESSED UP!"

[Jane O'Connel approaches Johnny]

Jane: "Shut up and let her play, this game franchise means so much to her, look, Cuong and me played the game to ensure Dennis it wasn't a Pokemon ripoff, it's nothing like it."

Johnny: "EXPLAIN MORE!"

Johnny meets Dmitry, Natasha and Anna
[Natasha, Anna and Dmitry are seen in a café]

Natasha: "" (Translation: So, what do you want, uncle?)

[Johnny looks at them]

Dmitry: "" (Translation: Maybe the fruit salad, I don't know....)

Johnny: "Speak American."

[The three look at them, Anna looks somewhat offended]

Anna: "Excuse me?"

Johnny: "Speak American, no one can understand that garbled nonsense you speak it."

Anna: "My twin brother only responds in Russian, he doesn't even know English or even how to speak it, he's never heard it before in his life, and he refuses to wear an ear translator."

Johnny: "He should go back to Russia then."

[Dmitry just looks at him]

Anna: "See, he doesn't understand English."

[Natasha then looks at Dmitry]

Natasha: "" (Translation: He says you should go back to Russia)

Johnny meets Mairead and her parents
Sophie: "The schoolgirl is Mairead, she was killed in 2010, her mom was from Dublin, she committed suicide in 2016, and her dad was from Shankhill, Belfast, who died in 2009, her mum is called Sinead, and her father is called William, she has her mother's surname."

[Johnny looks at a man and a woman in their 40's-50's, and a teenage girl of a short height, she wears a school uniform, she is reading her book on Joseph Plunkett, her mother is seen watching her read it]

Mairead: "Hi, my name is Mairead, I am seventeen years old, when my mom died and I saw her again, she gave these nice 1916 souvenirs, she gave me the 16Lives series."

[Mairead picks up her British flag]

Mairead: "Dad got me this from Britain....."

[Mairead then goes back to her book]

Johnny: "Are you a Prod or a Fenian?"

Sinead: "You've got some nerve......"

[Mairead reads her book without looking at him]

Johnny: "Excuse me? What was that?"

Sinead: "You do know those are derogatory insults for Protestants and Catholics, right?"

Johnny: "So what? I bet that everyone in Ireland is either a Prod or a Fenian."

Sinead: "That's not true, numbskull. "

Johnny: "Yes, it is."

Sinead: "Please leave us alone, otherwise you'll be in hot water."

William: "Look, you do not want to know what my wife and daughter went through, without me, my daughter was brutally murdered."

Sophie: (comes into the scene) "What's going on now?"

William: "I'm so sorry about this, orange otter. He wouldn't shut up about Prods and Fenians."

Sophie: "I understand. Just get him out of the situation."

[Mairead gets out her Tamagotchi virtual pet]

Mairead: "And this is my Tamagotchi, the reason I own one is because my mom had allergies to pets and we couldn't have one, so, she brought me a lot of it so I could learn how to be responsible."

Johnny meets Jane and Arthur
Sophie: "This young lady from Ireland is Jane, she's a shy, sweet woman, loves her fellow ghost mates, and generally the mother of the bunch, the soldier is Arthur, or Artie."

[Johnny looks at Jane, who is with Arthur]

Johnny: "Do you have any Guinness?"

Jane: "What?"

Johnny: "Are you kidding me? Every Irish drinks Guinness beer."

Jane: "I don't drink alcoholic drinks, especially Guinness, I got sick at my 18th from it."

Johnny: "Maybe you should start drinking that stuff."

Jane: "I don't want to. Don't make me follow bulls*** stereotypes."

Sophie: "She's right. That would be like forcing me to lay on my back in the water and crack shells with rocks."

Johnny: "Who cares? Maybe Arthur should act like your everyday soldier from London instead of some war soldier a**hole! You know, red outfit, tall black hat!"

Arthur: "F*** no! Don't force me! I do not even like tea, it burns my mouth and tastes a little bland, I am a coffee person."

Johnny: "Everyone from England loves tea!"

Arthur: "Not everyone does, dumb***. I already told you it burns my mouth!"

Johnny: "If you keep refusing, I'll make you drink tea!"

Arthur: "Don't you dare! How about if I spill coffee on your face?"

Johnny: (backs away) "Oh s***."

Johnny meets Cuong and Kim
Sophie: "These two are Cuong, who is the adult male, and Kim is the young girl, Kim and Cuong watch TV, especially Vietnamese dramas. Keep in mind, Cuong has the views of a communist, please be careful."

[Johnny looks at a Vietnamese man of a handsome visage with a slender, yet muscular build, who is wearing nothing but jeans and a Vietnamese girl wearing a blue dress]

Johnny: "The man looks like he could of been a movie or a romance drama star or in a boy band."

Sophie: "Here's is another issue, he hits American tourists if they get too close."

Johnny: "Why?"

Sophie: "He dislikes America, he doesn't hate the normal Americans, he HATES the United States government, even though they are so kind to Vietnam in the present, he never forgave them for dropping Agent Orange, causing horrifling birth defects in future generations yet to come and napalm, which killed him, he's a beautiful but sadistic Viet Cong man, some Vietnamese and Americans during the Vietnam War tend to call him the "the male Apache", "Bishōnen" by soldiers of Japanese descent, after a female Viet Cong sniper who tortured Marines and was infamous for her beauty, he used his beauty to get what he wanted, Cuong often tortured Marines he captured while shirtless and manipulated nurses to do favors for him."

Cuong: "" (Translation: I knew how to manipulate those stupid enemies the same way I know how to manipulate women)

Reicheru: "Before we met him, this sexy Viet Cong soldier often lead women trapped in the nexus he and the other 49 were stuck in to their deaths, at that time, you couldn't touch ghosts."

[Johnny rolls his eyes]

Johnny meets Annie, Dinh, and Rachel.
[Johnny goes into a room with Sophie to see a beautiful Vietnamese woman reading a book called Kẻ Rao Bán Mùa Thu while in an ao dai, a little girl playing with a Barbie and Ken doll in Vietnamese clothing and a Vietnamese man using his computer]

Rachel: "Hello, Sophie! Who's this?"

Sophie: "This is Johnny, he came over from the United States to visit the reclusive North Supernannya, Johnny, this is Rachel, Dinh and Annie, they are a Vietnamese-Canadian family."

Johnny: "What's this you are reading?"

Rachel: " Kẻ Rao Bán Mùa Thu, It's about a woman who meets a man in spring, very beautiful to read."

[Johnny looks at Dinh play a game on his PC]

Dinh: "I'm playing a PC game in my native tongue, want to watch? They are huge in Vietnam."

[Johnny leans down to Annie, who is playing with her dolls]

Annie: "I'm Annie, this doll is Kim and the other one is Bao, Cha got me both for my birthday."

[Johnny gets up]

Johnny: "Oh my god....who the f*** cares, can you do something American?!"

Rachel: "Sophie made it pretty clear that I am Vietnamese-Canadian."

Johnny: "Then why are you celebrating Vietnamese things?! Vietnam is a communist country! America is freedom!"

Dinh: "That's a very common misconception, yes, Vietnam is a communist country, those who escaped Vietnam that refuse to go back is the Vietnamese boat people who fled after the war, and the Vietnamese-American community who usually dislike communism, I am more used to communism because I grew up there! I am also an actor! I started in a movie about the Japanese conquest of Vietnam, and I played as a Japanese officer, the reason was that they were not enough Japanese actors on set, I was originally going to be a civilian, but Satoko made me a soldier instead, what I needed was plenty of Japanese language classes and stuff."

Rachel: "And Vietnam loves America, it really does, it's one of the most pro-American countries in Asia, lots of Vietnamese I met said they loved the Americans, despite the Agent Orange, napalm and crimes Cuong told me."

[Annie gets a Caucasian Ken doll named Tom out of her box wearing American patriot attire, and make the doll move by pretending the doll is moving by holding it and moving it and enters Bao and Kim's house]

Annie: (mimicking an Southern accent for Tom's voice) "Hey, Viet Commies, You are in America, take that attire off!"

Annie: (speaking in a Vietnamese-speaking low toned voice for Bao) "" (Translation: No! I want to wear it!)

Annie: (speaking in a Vietnamese-speaking more higher pitched tone for Kim) "" (Translation: Yeah, We are proud of our culture and roots, please show respect!)

Dinh: "Seems Kim Cuc dislikes the way you are assuming we are communists."

Johnny: "I thought her name was Annie."

Dinh: "Her full Vietnamese name is Nguyen Kim Cuc, me and a friend made the attire for her Kim and Bao dolls."

Johnny: (scoffs) "I wish she was American."

Dinh: "I beg your pardon?"

Johnny: "I WISH SHE WAS AMERICAN INSTEAD OF VIETNAMESE!"

Dinh: "Aw, that's too bad, and besides, America isn't that f***ing great, I went to Vietnam War reenactments, and my brother in law beats up my wife if she gets it wrong because she is so used to her native Vietnam's terms for the Vietnam War, I've even seen Muslim woman that had her hijab ripped off and they are lots of parents that dislike me, mostly because I once starred as an abusive orphanage headmaster and a short termpered man in a family film, because I had a really filthy mouth."

Johnny: "Oh please, America is heaven!"

[Dinh gets up and walks over to Johnny]

Dinh: "This is coming from the pedophile that tickled an 11-year old North Korean boy."

[The family gasp, while Ri Dae-Jung is seen hiding behind the door, looking highly amused]

Rachel: "He wasn't enjoying it, he wasn't complimenting you, and this was even worse than that b**** who tried to kidnap him because he was so adorable."

Dinh: "You heard my wife, ***hat. Leave us alone right now or I'll get the commanders on your ***."

Johnny: "Go right ahead! I don't care if they're on my ***."

Dinh: "You asked for it." (to the commanders) "HEY! OVER HERE, PRONTO!"

[Sophie hears Dinh's call]

Sophie: "Uh oh, he's calling. Come on, Reich!"

Reicheru: "I'm with you, Sophie."

Johnny's Outta Here!
[Cuong and Jane are seen kissing on a bed, both are naked, but are covered by the duvet]

Cuong: "Jane......."

[Johnny walks in, scaring both Cuong and Jane, Jane covers her breasts]

Johnny: "MR VIETMAMESE DUDE!"

Cuong: "ĐI TIÊU! (S***!) WHAT?!"

Johnny: "Jane?!"

Jane: "Um.....hi?"

Cuong: "Ngoài (Out). Johnny."

[Johnny backs out of the room]

[Cuong now looks at Jane, with a lustful smile]

Cuong: "" (Translation: Now....where were we.....)

[Cuong notices that Johnny is still in the room]

Cuong: "What, now, Khốn Mỹ (American b*****d)?"

Johnny: "Let me join you."

Cuong: "" (Translation: NO! JANE'S MINE! GO HAVE SEX WITH THE FATTEST MEMBER!)

Johnny: "Huh?"

A New Ground Rule
Reicheru: "Alright, we have a new rule to establish here."

Sophie: "No tourists are allowed in this base due to the incident we had involving Johnny."

Reicheru: "He wouldn't shut the f*** up about America being the utopia of all countries when it clearly isn't."

Sophie: "Any tourist who approaches this base as of this rule's reinforcement will be immediately banned."