Fairclough-Madetobedead Family/Transcript

Tonight on Supernanny
Announcer: "Tonight on Supernanny..."

Serrena: "I HATE YOU, DADDY!"

Announcer: "Gloria heads to Nunavut to meet a family with one of the worst abusive fathers any Nanny has EVER encountered."

Kidswere: "GET YOUR FAT A**, THAT WEIGHS ABOUT 50 POUNDS, IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Serena: "No!"

Observation begins
[Gloria steps out a 1-story house and rings the doorbell]

[Malvina opens the door]

Gloria: "Hello! What's this?"

[Serrena is trying to kill Kidswere with an axe]

[Kidswere banishes Serrena in the cellar and takes away the axe]

Kidswere: "STAY IN THE CELLAR! YOU ARE STAYING THERE UNTIL YOU'RE 30! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO SCHOOL ANYMORE!"

Observation continues
Serrena: "YOU ARE THE WORST DADDY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!"

Kidswere: "Come with me now."

(Serrena follows Kidswere to the sink. Kidswere fully pumps soap into Serrena's mouth 10 times and pours a whole bottle of tabasco sauce into Serrena's mouth)

(Gloria is severely shocked)

Malvina gets revenge on Dad
Malvina: "DAD, HOW DARE YOU ABUSE US ALL THE TIME FOR STUPID REASONS! YOU KNOW IT'S VERY RUDE TO DO SUCH A THING! THAT'S IT! I'M TELLING THE POLICE ON YOU!"

[Malvina calls the police]

Officer: "Hello?"

Malvina: "Yes, my dad is a very mean person and abuses us all the time. Could you arrest him? And can you be the judge? My baby brother Cam is still missing."

Officer: "Sure. He will be given a death penalty. I will be there shortly."

Malvina: "And make sure his entire body gets fully cremated at temperatures thousands of degrees Celsius! Scatter his ashes in Lake Baikal."

Officer: (chuckles) "Whatever you say, ma'am. But we might have to charge you."

10 minutes later

[The police arrive]

Kidswere: "F*** THE POLICE!"

Officer: "You are under arrest for abusing your children. We also found your infant son Cam in the woods." (Police officer holds out an infant-sized body bag to reveal Cam's corpse)

[The police take away Kidswere]

Malvina: "Ha-Ha!"

In Jail
Officer: "This is your cell! It has no bed, toilet, air conditioner or sink! You will stay here until the day of your execution!"

Kidswere: "D***it! This sucks!"

The Next Day
Officer: "Come with me, Chris! It's time for your execution!"

[Kidswere follows the officer]

[The officer shaves Kidswere's head bald]

Officer: "Follow me to the execution chamber!"

[Kidswere follows the officer]

Officer: "Sit down!"

[Kidswere sits in the electric chair]

Officer: "Any last words?"

Kidswere: "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! NOW GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE!"

Officer: "Now you are really getting a death penalty! Goodbye forever! See you in H***!"

[Malvina gets a front row seat and watches in delight, holding up a sign, reading "BURN IN H***!"]

Kidswere: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!"

[The officer flicks the switch]

[Electricity runs through Kidswere's body]

[Kidswere closes his eyes]

[The officer flicks the switch]

[Kidswere is not responding, moving, or breathing. The officer checks to see if Kidswere is dead]

Officer: "He's dead! And very soon, he will be buried in Lake Baikal."

[Cut to: people outside the jail, cheering for Kidswere's death and execution]

[One lady holds up a sign reading, "No more Kidswere Madetobedead! No more child torture and abuse!"]

[One man holds up a sign reading, "Take that, Kidswere!"]

Cremation and scatter process
Officer: "I hope I have the money to afford Kidswere's cremation."

(Officer calls Malvina)

Malvina: "Hello?"

Officer: "What's the cremation facility you want your father to be cremated in?"

Malvina: " "

Officer: "The temperature has to be 3000 degrees Fahrenheit, right?"

Malvina: "Right."

Officer: "And you want the ashes to be scattered in Lake Baikal, right?"

Malvina: "Right."

Officer: "100% of it?"

Malvina: "Right."

At the cremation facility
[Officer stops at a cremation facility]

[Officer walks in the facility with Kidswere's lifeless body inside of a box]

Facility owner: "Hello, welcome to the funeral home, may I help you?"

Officer: "Yes. I'm here to have Chris Fairclough's body cremated."

Facility owner: "The cremation service will be $1865. Is that clear?"

Later on:

[Two facility workers are carrying Kidswere's body into a room]

[The workers are preparing a box for Kidswere's body]

[The workers place Kidswere's body inside the box]

[The workers add a lid and and tape the edges]

[The workers carry the box into the crematory chamber]

[The workers put Kidswere's body inside the oven and close the lid]

[The worker sets the temperature to 3000 degrees Fahrenheit]

Aftermath
Gloria: "After Kidswere died in an electric chair, his entire body was fully cremated at temperatures 85% hotter than normal and just 27 minutes after the execution. Exactly 100% of his ashes were scattered in Lake Baikal just five hours later. I am still far from nearing my end of the week with this family."

[People start spitting in Kidswere's grave and celebrating his death]

House Rules
Gloria: "As Kidswere's ashes are now in Lake Baikal just less than six hours after his passing, it's time to reveal the brand new house rules."

Serena: "When is daddy's funeral?"

Malvina: "Don't worry, Dad's not getting a funeral. He was well and truly cremated, and his ashes were well and truly scattered in the deepest lake in the world. What matters now is that we are finally free."

Serena: "Will Cam have a funeral?"

[Gloria arrives with a grin from ear to ear]

Gloria: "Hi!"

Malvina: "Hello, Gloria. You seem happy today."

Gloria: "Okay, now that Kidswere is gone, let's start the day with brand new house rules, shall we?"

Serena: "Yay!"