Sand Family/Transcript

Before the revolving line of credit
Announcer: "Tonight on Supernanny...."

[Jamie hits Toshio]

Jamie: "STAY OUT OF IT YOU FUCKING JAPANESE G**K!!!!!"

[Toshio cries]

Stacie: "You do NOT hit your younger brother because he got a present from Granny Sand."

Announcer: "Gloria meets a Japanese-American Family with 5 children from Japan, and if you thought Orla Birou was bad and Adelle Remano was violent to animals, Gloria meets the most badly behaved biological children she has ever come across."

[Josephine pushes Satoko against the wall]

Josephine: "GIVE IT TO ME SATOKO!"

Stacie: "JOSEPHINE EMILY SAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Announcer: "Daughter Josephine tortures little Yoshi."

[Josephine hits Yoshi]

[Yoshi cries]

Stacie: "Don't hit Yoshi, sweetie, he's only a baby."

Josephine: "No he not, he's a big kid."

Announcer; "22-month old Yoshi barely spends time with his mom, Sachiko."

[Yoshi screams]

Announcer: "Son Jamie is defiant and constantly tells his younger siblings to do drugs."

Jamie: "DOO DRUGGGGGGGSSSSSSS NOWWWWWWWW!"

Announcer: "Can Gloria stop this unruly biological children from being bad?"

Josephine: "SUPERNANNY IS GONNA FAIL!!!!!"

Submission Reel
Gloria: "You are with me in Boulder, Colorado to meet the most badly behaved kids ever with 100 percent behaved adopted children from Japan."

???: "Hi! I'm Stacie and I'm a stay-at-home mother!"

???: "I'm Joseph."

???: "こんにちは、私は幸子、私は十八よ" (Translation: Hi. I'm Sachiko, I'm 18)

Stacie: "We have 7 children, 5 are from Japan and 1 grandson, Sachiko is 18 and she came from Japan, Akio is 17, Jamie is 12, Satoshi is 9, Toshio is 6, Josephine is 4, Satoko is 2, and Yoshi is 22 months and is Sachiko's son."

Joseph: "The Japanese children are angels and Akio's 18th birthday is coming up."

Stacie: "But not Josephine and Jamie."

Joseph: "Josephine behaves the worst. She is violent to animals, launches birds with a slingshot, lifts fish out of water, pulls raccoons, dogs, and cats by their tails, hits rabbits on the head with a toy hammer, stabs mice, rats, and squirrels with knives, hits ponies, and does all other stuff."

[Josephine screams]

[Josephine hits Stacie]

Stacie: "No! Don't do that Josie!"

Josephine: "SHUT UP MOMMY!!!!!!"

Joseph: "Jamie terroizes Toshio and makes him cry by saying his favorite shows were cancelled."

Jamie:  "All of your favorite shows are cancelled due to Godzilla."

[Toshio screams, cries, and bawls]

Joseph: "IT IS CERTAINLY UNTRUE GODZILLA DESTROYED NINTENDO AND SEGA HEADQUARTERS!!!!"

Stacie: "The children from Japan do not speak english, but I am Japanese-American."

Joseph: "Jamie also refuses to do his homework and forces little Satoko to do drugs."

Jamie: "SATOKO! DO DRUGS! NOW!!!!!!!"

Stacie: "She's only 2! Jamie!"

Jamie: "NO SHE'S NOT!"

Stacie: "Josephine got kicked out of 20 schools while Jamie got kicked out of 6 schools."

[Flashback to Josephine at school]

Josephine: "DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!"

[End of flashback]

Joseph: "And Josephine is bullying almost everybody."

Josephine: "GET OVER HERE!!!"

Stacie: "Nanny 911 failed to stop these two so we are trying Supernanny."

[Jamie bites Toshio]

[Toshio cries]

Stacie: "Jamie! No!"

Stacie: "Jamie's friends' are bad as himself."

Blond haired boy: "Go away! No Asians allowed!"

Black haired boy: "And that means you!"

Red haired boy: "Or you'll be sorry!"

Satoshi: "ジェイミーとジョセフィンは、自分自身を行動されていません" (Translation: Jamie and Josephine are not behaving themselves)

[Jamie kicks Toshio]

[Toshio cries]

[Toshio is watching Digimon: Xros Wars on the laptop]

Josephine: "It's my turn to use the laptop! I want to go on fairy princesses!"

[Josephine pushes Toshio off the laptop]

Toshio: "お母さん！" (Translation: Mom!)

Stacie: "Give Toshio back the laptop."

Josephine: "Hey, Yoshi! Can Mario ride you?!"

Josephine: "I get what I want in the whole world! and i want to use to laptop!"

Stacie: "No, That's Toshio's."

Josephine: "NO!"

Stacie: "Please help Supernanny, we don't want our family falling apart."

Gloria: "I'm on my way."

[Gloria parks the car]

Observation Begins
Josephine: (screeches) "I WANT TO SEEEEEEEE ZOEEEEY, LEAAAAH, AND MEGANNNNNNN!"

Stacie: "No, it's raining today so you'll not be going out."

[Josephine throws her Dora the Explorer plush at Stacie]

Stacie: "Josephine, we do not throw things just because you are angry, do something else instead. Read a book or something."

Josephine: "Drop dead right now!"

[Satoko is looking at Hello Kitty pictures on Sachiko's laptop]

Josephine: "Can I download fairy pictures?"

[Satoko passes a note to Josephine that reads "No, everytime you do that, you corrupt the router." and goes upstairs while Sachiko helps her with the laptop]

Observation Continues
Gloria: "It wasn't long until Josephine wanted to use Toshio's laptop, which he was watching Digimon on it."

Josephine: "Toshio! I want to use the laptop to go on fairy princess. NOW."

[Toshio ignores]

Josephine: "I'm princess Josephine, I get what I want in the whole world, and I want to go on fairy princess, not Digimon: Digital Poopy-head or Poop-Poomon."

Stacie: "Josephine, That's Toshio's computer.

Josephine: "How come I can't use the other computers????"

Stacie: "Because you've broke Akio's by smashing it, put a virus on Toshio's and replaced his Digimon Story (Digimon World DS) poster desktop with a fairy princess image, claimed the laptop as hers and downlodaded NSFW pictures, she broke our 5th router by using all our internet to download fairy pictures on the net."

Gloria: "Oh dear...."

Josephine: "Leave me alone!"

Parent Meeting
Stacie: "Josephine and Jamie also makes fun of Yoshi's name since that name is similar to a character from the Super Mario Bros franchise."

Gloria: "Oh dear."

Stacie: "Our 1st router broke because Josephine disconnected it and threw it downstairs, our 2nd Router broke because Jamie used the entire internet in our house to download too many pictures of Spiderman and Simpsons, our 3rd Router broke because Jamie threw it out of the window, our 4th Router broke because Josephine threw it across the living room, and the 5th Router, Josephine downloaded too many pictures of fairy princesses."

Sand House Rules
[We see a list of rules]

Naughty Platform
Gloria: "When Josephine wanted to watch My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, while Akio was watching Ju-On: The Grudge, and when he said no, she kicked up a tantrum."

Josephine: "Akio. I wanna watch My Little Pony."

Akio: "いいえジョセフィンは、他に何かを探しに行くん" (Translation: No Josephine, Go find something else to do)

Josephine: "I WANT TO WATCH MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Gloria: "Josephine, listen to me, distract your brother, and you will be going into the Naughty Platform and your My Little Pony DVDs are in Toy Jail."

[Josephine hits Akio]

Gloria: "OK. You are going in timeout and you lost your My Little Pony DVDs for the rest of the day."

Reflection Room
Jamie: "Say Yoshi! Can you give Mario a ride to King Bowser's castle so he can save Princess Peach?!"

Stacie: "Jamie Timothy Sand, annoy your nephew again and you're going into the Reflection Room."

Jamie: "YOSHI?! CAN MARIO RIDE YOU?!!"

Stacie: "That does it! You will go to the Reflection Room and I will confiscate your iPod Nano."

[Stacie escorts Jamie to the Reflection Room]

Jamie: "But that's his name, Yoshi. Just like the name of the dinosaur from Super Mario Bros."

Akio's 18th Birthday
Gloria: "It was Akio's 18th birthday and he had a J-horror-themed birthday party and invited his friends from High School."

Ownard
Gloria: "It wasn't long until Josephine snatched Satoko's Mimmy and Kitty White doll off her."

[Satoko is in her room, playing with her Mimmy and Kitty White dolls]

Josephine: "THAT'S MY KITTY AND MIMMY WHITE DOLLIES!!!!"

Satoko: "いいえ、それは私です" (Translation: No. it's mine)

[Josephine pulls on the Kitty White doll's left arm white Satoko pulls on the right]

Josephine: (screeches) "IITTTTT'SSSSSSSS MINNNNNNNNNNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Satoko screams]

Stacie: "What is going on up there?!"

[Stacie goes into Satoko's room to look at Josephine and Satoko fighting over the Kitty White doll]

Stacie: "What's going on?!"

[Satoko bursts into tears, while Josephine is fake-crying]

Satoko: "私のキティホワイト！" (Translation: MY KITTY WHITE!)

Josephine: "MY KITTY WHITE!!!!!!!!!"

Stacie: "Girls, stop fighting."

[Stacie picks up the Kitty White doll and looks at it's sewn tag with the copyright and the name "聡子" meaning Satoko]

Stacie: "Here you go Satoko, and as for you Josephine, you are going to the Naughty Platform for lying to mommy."

Josephine: Naughty girl this, naughty girl that, I think you bitches look constipated and need to take a massive shit!

Gloria: Ignore that, mom.

Satoko: "私は家族に入って来たので、私はハローキティからホワイト双子の人形を持っていた" (Translation: I had the dolls of the White twins from Hello Kitty since I came into the family)