Lemmy Family/Transcript

Submission Reel (UK)
Narrator: The Lemmy Family, a family in Liverpool, consisting of mum Audrey and dad Lucas. They have three children, 16-year-old Drake, 11-year-old Fred, and 5-year-old Asuka (pronounced ahs-kah).

Submission Reel
Gloria: Today I'm in Liverpool, England to visit a family. Let's have a look!

'''Audrey: Hello! I'm Audrey, and this is my husband Lucas.'''

'''Lucas: And we're the Lemmy family. We have three children. Drake is 16, Fred is 11, and Asuka is 5.'''

Gloria: This will be interesting.

Audrey: Drake just reached the age of consent in the country, but that means he thinks that he can sneak into local strip clubs with much older men and try to hit on the strippers.

Drake: Oh yeah, throw that ass back!

Gloria: He's too young for that!

Lucas: He also has no respect for us and likes to attack his younger siblings.

[Drake throws a bunch of apples and tomatoes at Fred and Asuka]

''Fred: Hey! Stop that!''

Asuka: LEAVE US ALONE!!!

Gloria: This is absolute madness!

'''Lucas: Fred is a huge Beatles fan. So much so, that he dresses up like them.'''

[Fred puts on a Sgt. Peppers costume]

Gloria: Not gonna lie, those costumes look cool!

Audrey: The problem with that is that Fred is too focus on the Beatles, and he is starting to slack off in school.

''Lucas: All you got in this report card is Ds and Fs! This is even worse than your previous report!''

Gloria: This obsession is starting to get out of hand.

'''Audrey: Asuka is the biggest problem in the house. She curses, assaults people, vandalizes property, and more!'''

[Audrey slams the dishes on the floor, shattering them]

Lucas: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Asuka: I HATE DISHES!!!

Gloria: Oh my goodness...

Lucas: She also likes to listen to brutal death metal, slam death metal, grindcore, goregrind, cybergrind, pornogrind, deathgrind, and gorenoise, despite only being 5.

[Asuka is headbanging to Carcass's "Vomited Anal Tract"]

Gloria: Now that's got to stop!

Lucas: I came from a strict family background, and I am retired Royal Marines soldier. So that discipline is kinda there when I discipline the children.

Lucas: YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR FUCKING ASS TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW OR I WILL SPANK YOUR ASS SO HARD IT WILL BE REDDER THAN STRAWBERRIES!!!

Gloria: What is he doing?!

Audrey: I really hate it when he does that, and we get into arguments because of it.

''Audrey: Lucas! You don't smack your son in the face like that!''

''Lucas: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!! HE WANTS TO CALL ME A FUCKING WANKER, I'LL SHOW HIM A FUCKING WANKER!!!''

Gloria: This is just ridiculous!

'''Lucas: Supernanny, please come to our house. We've tried everything, and it isn't working.

Audrey: Please come! You're our only hope!'''

Gloria: This family has a lot to fix! I'm on my way.

Observation begins
[Gloria arrives at the house and knocks on the door. Aubrey opens the door]

Gloria: Hello! I'm Gloria, and I am Supernanny.

Audrey: Oh thank goodness you're here!

Lucas: Hello. I'm Lucas, and this is my wife Aubrey.

Gloria: Nice to meet you all! And who are those?

Asuka: I'm Asuka, and this is Fred.

Fred: Drake is out with his friends. I'm not sure where exactly he went though.

Gloria: Well today I will observe the family to see how you do things. So continue your lives as normal while I take notes.

Audrey: Okay.

Gloria: A few minutes after I arrived, Drake arrived home.

Gloria: Hello. I'm Supernanny. You must be Drake, correct?

Drake: Yes.

Lucas: And where have you been, mate?

Drake: Just went out with friends.

Lucas: You sure you didn't snuck into the strip club again?

Drake: No!

Gloria: What do you mean by that?

Lucas: Like I said in the Submission Reel, Drake likes to sneak into the strip club. He thinks that because he's in the age of consent means that he can go in the local strip club, but that club requires patrons to be 18 or older. That's why he keeps on sneaking in the back.

Drake: Okay, I may have went there, but I just wanted to see the women dance, that's all!

Aubrey: Yeah right! He even claimed to have lost his virginity to one of the strippers, and when I took him to the doctor, he confirmed that he did have sex with her! He's really lucky to not have any STDs!

'''Gloria: I couldn't believe what I was hearing! He's too young to be doing that, even at the age of consent.'''

Drake: Well if you think I'm too young to go to a strip club, then how about you get the Queen to change the age of consent to 18 then!

[Drake storms off to his room]

Gloria: Was he always like this?

Lucas: No. He used to be good, but we started to see him change for the worse once he turned 14.

Aubrey: He's only getting worse as he gets older.

Fred's Beatles obsession
[Fred is seen listening to "Revolver"]

Gloria: So you must enjoy listening to the Beatles.

Fred: Yes. I love them so much!

'''Gloria: Fred's room might as well be the new Beatles museum. He's got all kinds of Beatles memorabilia.'''

Fred: And this right here is the rare "Yesterday and Today" Beatles album from the United States. This is the first pressing of the album with the butcher cover. This can go for hundreds of dollars.

Gloria: Well that's interesting. And aren't you dressed as John Lennon?

Fred: Yes. This is what John wore when he did his Bed-Ins for Peace with Yoko Ono in 1969.

'''Gloria: This boy had everything in the costume, including the hair, glasses, and beard. A passerby would've thought he was John Lennon himself!'''

Gloria: When did you started getting into the Beatles?

Fred: For as long as I can remember. I've been getting into them more than ever since they are an escape from the chaos from the family.

Gloria: Well don't you think this is taking away time from school?

Fred: Only a little. I've never been the best student anyway.

'''Fred: I don't know why mom and dad think I'm going too far in this obsession. I'm just a normal person who just enjoys listening to the Beatles.'''

Asuka's tantrum and Lucas's extreme discipline
'''Gloria: At lunch, Asuka wanted sushi, but they were having sandwiches instead. This led to her raging.'''

Asuka: I WANT SUSHI!!!

Lucas: Asuka, we're not having sushi. We can have that tomorrow.

Asuka: FUCK NO!!! I DON'T WANNA EAT SHITTY SANDWICHES!!!

Aubrey: Asuka! You're can't say that!

Asuka: I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!!!

'''Gloria: I was appalled by her language. No 5-year-old should be cursing like Asuka.'''

[Asuka smashes the sandwich and throws the pieces in the trash can]

Lucas: ASUKA!!! WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT?!?!

[Lucas smacks Asuka really hard in the buttocks]

Asuka: OW!!!

Lucas: YOU DON'T WASTE MY FUCKING FOOD YA LITTLE SHIT!!!

Gloria: As if that wasn't bad enough, Lucas then went on the spank Asuka and curse at her.

Asuka: I hate it when daddy yells at me!

Aubrey: Lucas! What have I told you! You cannot smack the children!

Lucas: SHE WANTS TO GET VIOLENT, I'LL GET VIOLENT WITH HER!!!

Gloria: I then pulled dad aside to ask him why he disciplines like that.

Lucas: I grew up in a strict home. The discipline I use on my kids is what my parents did to me when I misbehaved. I also dropped out of school at the age of 16 to join the Royal Marines. The boot camp was strict as well, and those combined have made me more of a strict person in terms of discipline.

Gloria: And what has your wife done in terms of discipline?

Lucas: Audrey does nothing but tell the kids no. She sent them to the World's Strictest Parents show at one point, but the kids heavily vandalized the house, assaulted the parents and their children, blasted Carcass's "Necroticism – Descanting the Insalubrious" album when the family took them to the local church (after they practically had to drag the children there), and Drake even stabbed the family's dog to death.

Gloria: Oh my goodness.

Lucas: She also sent the children to a show called "That'll Teach 'Em", where children and teens are sent to a 1950s/60s-styled grammar school. All three of the children were absolutely abominable. Drake kept on sneaking into the girl's dorm and sexually assaulted one of the girls there, as well as skipping classes, disrespecting staff, spray-painting the walls, and even burning his uniform after he got scolded by the headmaster. Fred also snuck into the girl's dorm and stole the girl's panties to do God knows what, as well as flipping chairs and tables, assaulting the teachers, called the matron a whore after she scolded him for an untidy bed, flipped the bird at the headmaster, and shatter multiple windows. Asuka was the worst as she fought a bunch of students. She also destroyed the school materials, cherry-bombed the headmaster's office, raided the speakers and sung the lyrics to Lil Wayne's "Lollipop", destroyed one of the teacher's glasses, and even demolished the entire boy's dorm with all kinds of weapons.

Gloria: That sounds awful.

Lucas: After that shitshow, she sent them to a military school in rural Canada. The kids there were terrible. Drake punched one of the drill instructors, assaulted multiple cadets, peed on one of the female cadets, severely injured one of the guard dogs during an escape attempt, and even started a huge food fight in the cafeteria. It took the janitor almost a week to clean it up, and during that time, Drake was force to do extreme PT, which he refused to do and ended up cussing out the drill instructors. Fred also cried during his entire stay, as the drill instructors didn't allow them to have anything related to the Beatles. He sat on the ground during exercises, refused to eat his food, and was also having nightmares during night time. The higher ups had to put him on suicide watch so he won't kill himself. Asuka also peed on the drill instructors, smashed the exercise equipment, splashed pig blood on other cadets, and even escaped the building, went to the nearby town, and shoplifted almost 5,000 pounds worth of merchandise. As someone who went to military boot camp, I found their behavior disgusting.

Gloria: Oh dear...

Lucas: She then sent them to the Steve Wilkos Show, so Steve can confront the kids on their behavior. None of them wanted to stand up when he told them to, and he practically had to drag Drake out of the chair. Drake also called Steve a "gay try hard" and wished he was shot to death. This pissed off Steve, since he's an ex-Marine and ex-cop, and went up on Drake's face and cussed him out, which didn't faze him at all for some reason. Fred also attempted to "exorcise" Steve by blasting Beatles songs, which led to Steve destroying the speaker. Asuka also threw a chair at Steve, infuriating him so much that multiple security guards had to restrain Steve so he won't murder her. Since it was obvious that Steve's intimidating appearance didn't faze the kids at all, he then took him to a Scared Straight program in the local jail. However, the kids were laughing during the entire program like it was a joke. Drake called one of the inmates the n word, Fred cussed out the correctional officers, and Asuka even opened up the gates and released criminals who were in for murder, armed robbery, child molestation, and other horrible crimes. They were so bad, Steve said that they were the worst guests he's ever had on the show.

Gloria: Poor Steve!

Lucas: After those disasters, she called Nanny 911 and had Nanny Stella arrive. The kids were absolutely horrible with Stella, as they verbally and physically abused her. Drake and Asuka at one point even tied her up, stole the family van, and drove all the way to River Mersey so they can dump her body in the water and drown her. Had we not gotten the police involved, Stella might not have lived to see another day.

'''Gloria: I couldn't believe what I was hearing! The fact that the kids tried to kill one of the nannies from Nanny 911 was shocking. I'd need to watch my back in order to make sure the same doesn't happen to me.'''

Observation continues
'''Gloria: Later in the afternoon, the family decided to go out to shop at the mall. However, during the car ride, the kids were acting up.'''

Fred: Can we change the music to "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by the Beatles?

Drake: He always listen to that shitty band! Let's play "God's Plan" by Drake!

Asuka: No! Let's play Baby Shark!

Drake: We are not listening to Baby Shark because that song is for babies!

[Asuka pulls Drake's hair]

Drake: OW!!! YOU FUCKING WANKER!!!

[Drake retaliates back by smacking Asuka in the face]

Fred: Mom! Dad! Drake and Asuka are fighting!

Lucas: Can you kids knock it off? I'm trying to drive!

Gloria: Then Fred started to kick off after Asuka changed the radio!

[Asuka changes the song to "Baby Shark"]

Fred: Change it back! I hate Baby Shark!

Aubrey: No. It's Asuka's turn.

Fred: NO NO NO!!! THAT SONG IS FOR BABIES!!!

[Fred jumps into the front seat and changes the song to "Getting Better" by the Beatles]

Lucas: Change it back now!

Fred: NO!!! THIS IS GONNA GET BETTER NOW!!!

Lucas: IT'S NOT GETTING BETTER BECAUSE NOW YOU UPSET YOUR LITTLE SISTER!!! NOW CHANGE IT BACK TO BABY FUCKING SHARK BEFORE I CRASH THIS CAR IN A TREE!!!

Fred: DO ME A FAVOR AND CRASH IT!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, DRIVE THIS CAR OFF THE BRIDGE RIGHT NOW!!!

Gloria: Things were so bad, I made dad pull over to calm down so he won't have a road rage.

Gloria: Do the kids misbehave in the car all the time?

Aubrey: Yes. Even Fred can get upset too, as you just saw.

Lucas: They act wild, and I can't focus on driving.

Gloria: We eventually reached the mall, but things didn't get any better.

[Drake runs to Hot Topic bootleg store (since there's no official Hot Topic stores in the UK) and shoplifts a bunch of clothing]

Lucas: Jesus fucking Christ, I thought I told you not to shoplift!

Drake: What's the big deal? I get free stuff!

Fred: But how will the business earn any money?

Drake: No one asked you, smart ass!

[Asuka then knocks down a shelf]

Aubrey: Asuka! Don't do that!

[Fred goes into a vinyl shop and uses his dad's credit card to buy a bunch of Beatles items, then destroys the receipts so they can't return them]

Lucas: Fred! You don't steal my fucking credit card and use them to buy bloody Beatles items!

Fred: I used all of my allowance on the Beatles Apple USB stick! I need more stuff!

Gloria: I find it ironic that Fred has the time to commit credit card fraud, but he can't spend that time on studying and getting his grades up!

Asuka: Can I get a toy?

Lucas: No! You were misbehaving and being naughty, so no toys today.

Asuka: I WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR A FUCKING ANSWER!!! GIVE IT TO ME NOW OR I'LL SCREAM LIKE A CRAZY CHICKEN!!!

Lucas: Do it and I'll beat your ass in front of everyone!

Asuka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Drake: When Asuka screams, she tends to nearly make us deaf.

Aubrey: Okay, Asuka! We'll get you a toy!

Asuka: How about two?

Aubrey: Sure. You can have two.

Lucas: She doesn't deserve shit after that tantrum!

Aubrey: Lucas, if she will shut up, then it's fine!

'''Gloria: Aubrey ends up rewarding Asuka's tantrums by buying her toys. Spoiling at its finest!'''

Gloria: I'm gonna leave now, since it's getting late. We will have a parent meeting tomorrow.

Aubrey: I honestly can't wait to hear what you gotta say!

Lucas: Me too. I just want my family to be happy.

Parent Meeting
Gloria: First off, you have amazing children, and Fred is one of the biggest Beatles fans I've ever met!

Aubrey: Thank you.

Gloria: But, there are problems. Lots of them. Drake thinks that because he is at the age of consent means that he can sneak into strip clubs and lose his virginity there. Can't you put down your foot and stop him?

Lucas: We've tried to do that, but he keeps on sneaking out. I'm worried that one day, he might be seriously injured or even killed.

Gloria: Fred is also problematic. His obsession with the Beatles is going too far, as he is flunking his classes. Do you do anything to stop it?

Aubrey: No. Whenever we take away his Beatles memorabilia, he falls into a deep depression and gets all suicidal and practically forces us to give it back. His whole life revolves around the band, and I don't know what to do with it.

Gloria: Well there needs to be a limit. And Asuka might be one of the worst children I've ever met. She curses, hits, kicks, destructs, and do so many atrocious things. Aubrey, you even spoil her.

Aubrey: I don't. If buying her a new toy means she'll calm down, that's what I'll do.

Gloria: But by doing that, then Asuka will throw a tantrum everytime she wants something. That has to stop! And it all comes down to Lucas. You swear at the children and you physically abuse them.

Lucas: That's how I was raised as a child.

Gloria: But does it work?

Lucas: No.

Gloria: Then why not try something else?

Lucas: Because I've tried other things and it didn't work. Aubrey sent them to the World's Strictest Parents show, That'll Teach 'Em, military school, The Steve Wilkos Show, and brought in one of the nannies from Nanny 911 and nothing worked, no matter how scary it was.

Gloria: But you can try something else. I don't wanna hear "I was raised this way" or "I don't know what else to do" as an excuse to that abusive behavior. There is no excuse to abuse these poor children.

Lucas: I'm not making bloody excuses! I don't sugar-coat it and say "No I don't yell and hit my kids..." Yes I yell and hit my children! But I'm not proud of it!

Gloria: Well are you willing to change your discipline?

Lucas: Yes. I just wanna try something else that will work instead doing the same old yelling and hitting that never does shit!

Gloria: Then we will work on that. Tomorrow, I will begin my teachings.

House Rules
Gloria: Today I will introduce the family to the new house rules to gain some order.

Gloria: The first rule is no shouting or swearing. There is no need to do either of these things.

Drake: Yeah right! As if we'd follow those gay rules!

Gloria: The second rule is to not hit others and play nicely.

Asuka: More like do hit others and play roughly!

Lucas: Asuka, this is serious. It's time you kids stop misbehaving.

Gloria: The third rule is no misbehaving when in public.

Fred: That might be a challenge, especially since I can't contain myself when I see Beatles merchandise on sale.

Aubrey: You have to try.

Gloria: The fourth rule is for Drake. You must never go to the strip club at all until you turn 18. I also called the club and had them ban you, and they will also have extra guards at the back so you can't sneak in.

Drake: Bullshit! Now how will I get laid?

Lucas: You already had your chance before. It's time to take a break.

Gloria: The fifth and final rule is to treat others the way you want to be treated. So if you treat others with kindness, you will be treated with kindness as well.

Drake: Yeah right!

Asuka: Gloria is the greatest comedian in the world if she thinks we're gonna follow all of these shitty ass rules!

Gloria: Parents, when the children misbehave, you will take them to the Naughty Corner, Naughty Blanket, and Naughty Swivel. Asuka gets the corner, Fred gets the blanket, and Drake gets the swivel.

Naughty Corner, Blanket, and Swivel
'''Gloria: Later on, Fred and Drake were watching the Yellow Submarine movie. However, Asuka had other plans...'''

Asuka: I don't want to watch this gay ass Yellow Submarine movie! I want to watch Miracle Star!

Fred: We're not watching Miracle Star because that show is a ripoff to The Amazing World of Gumball. Why don't you sit over there and watch the movie with us?

Asuka: FUCK NO!!! I WANT TO WATCH MIRACLE STAR, YOU FUCKING WANKER!!!

Gloria: Aubrey, I need you to get down on Asuka's level and give her a warning in a low-tone voice.

[Aubrey gets down on Asuka's level]

Aubrey: (in a low-tone voice) Asuka, I'm giving you a warning. Do not shout again or you will go to the Naughty Corner.

Asuka: FUCK THE NAUGHTY CORNER!!! WE ARE WATCHING MIRACLE STAR AND THAT'S FINAL!!!

[Aubrey takes Asuka to the Naughty Corner]

Aubrey: I am placing you on the Naughty Corner because you kept on shouting even when I told you not to. You will stay there for 5 minutes.

Asuka: IN YOUR GODDAMN DREAMS, BITCH!!!

Time: 3 minutes

[Asuka changes the movie to Miracle Star]

Asuka: Finally! We're gonna see some real programming!

Fred: Aren't you suppose to be in timeout?

Time: 8 minutes

[Asuka runs outside and blasts "Fucked Silly" by Artery Eruption with a speaker]

Lucas: You do not run outside and blast brutal death metal music for the neighbors to hear! Now come inside and finish your timeout!

Time: 15 minutes

[Asuka puts Drake's phone in the microwave and turns it on]

Drake: WHAT THE HELL ASUKA?!?! YOU DON'T MICROWAVE MY PHONE!!!

Time: 21 minutes

[Asuka gets a water gun and sprays Gloria with it]

Gloria: You do not spray me with a water gun. Now go back to timeout.

Time: 30 minutes

[Asuka gets into her mom's computer and installs tons of viruses and installs Bonzi Buddy]

Asuka: Take that!

'''Gloria: Mom and dad were doing surprisingly well with the timeout, considering that this is the first time they were doing it. But I didn't know how long they were gonna keep up with it.'''

[Drake and Fred get in a major fight over the last cookie]

Drake: THE COOKIE IS MINE, FUCKTARD!!!

Fred: I WANT TO EAT THE LAST COOKIE, BASTARD!!!

Lucas: Next thing we knew, all the kids were on timeout at once, and the pressure was on.

Time: 40 minutes

[Fred and Drake throw pies, dishes, and eggs at Aubrey, Lucas, and Gloria]

Time: 45 minutes

[Asuka and Drake steal Lucas's iPad Pro and puts Encyclopedia Dramatica as the default search engine for Safari, install a bunch of gorenoise and goregrind albums off illegal websites, and changed the wallpaper to an aborted fetus.

Lucas: Fucking shit! You kids do not steal my iPad and make Encyclopedia Dramatica as the default search engine, install graphic gorenoise and goregrind albums illegally, and change the wallpaper to a bloody aborted fetus! What is wrong with you both?!

Gloria: Lucas, just take them back to their respective timeouts.

Time: 50 minutes

[Fred sneaks into his room, goes on his laptop, and watches "John and Yoko: A Love Story"]

Aubrey: Fred, you're still in timeout. Turn off the computer and go back to the Naughty Blanket.

Time: 60 minutes

Gloria: Around this time, Drake and Fred finally did their time in the Naughty Blanket and Swivel.

Aubrey: I putted you both in timeout because you fought and swore at each other. Now say you're sorry.

Drake: Sorry, mom.

Fred: Sorry.

Aubrey: Thank you.

'''Gloria: That was a great breakthrough for Drake and Fred. However, Asuka was still in the Naughty Corner, misbehaving.'''

Time: 75 minutes

[Asuka knocks down the TV, breaking it]

Lucas: What was that for?!?!

Asuka: THAT WAS FOR NOT LETTING ME WATCH MIRACLE STAR!!!

Time: 88 minutes

[Asuka gets a big speaker outside and blasts the theme song to Coconut "Fred's Fruit Salad Island"]

Gloria: We are not blasting the theme song to Coconut Fred because that show is a ripoff to Spongebob. Now get back to the Naughty Corner now.

Time: 95 minutes

[Asuka runs to the bathroom and locks the door]

Aubrey: Asuka, unlock the bathroom door now!

Asuka: NEVER!!!

[Lucas lock-picks the bathroom door, and Aubrey drags a hysterical Asuka to the Naughty Corner]

Time: 110 minutes

[Asuka runs outside and steals a kid's bike]

Lucas: Asuka, give that kid his bike back and go back to the Naughty Corner.

Time: 125 minutes

Gloria: Asuka finally stayed in the Naughty Corner, but...

Lucas: Are you going to say sorry?

Asuka: I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE YOU FUCKING WANKER!!!

Lucas: By the time 150 minutes rolled around, it was bedtime, and Asuka was still misbehaving.

[Asuka is seen shattering glass vases in the living room]

Aubrey: Asuka, you are going straight to bed, and you will have no privileges for tomorrow morning.

Asuka: What privileges?

Lucas: That means no TV, no video games, no toys, no nothing for the entirety of tomorrow morning. Now go to bed right now or you will have nothing for all of tomorrow.

[Asuka cries as she walks to her bedroom and then slams the door shut]

Toy Confiscation
'''Gloria: The Lemmy family forgot to mention this in their Submission Reel, but the kids had so many toys, and they barely value them at all. So I will be introducing the Toy Confiscation technique.'''

Gloria: Since you kids have so many toys, you need to learn to respect them. So each of you will be limited to 10 toys.

Asuka: FUCK NO!!! I WILL NOT BE LIMITED TO MY TOYS!!! I LOVE THEM ALL AND I RESPECT THEM ALL!!!

Lucas: You're behavior has proven otherwise. The other day, you completely destroyed your Hello Kitty plush because you were upset that Fred got the Beatles Stereo Box Set and we didn't get you anything.

Drake: I also want to keep all of my toys as well! This sucks!

Aubrey: Kids, you have to give these new techniques a try.

Gloria: Eventually, the kids gave in and chose 10 toys they want to keep.

Gloria: As for the rest of the toys, they will go in this giant box. Each time you misbehave, 1 toy will be taken away and put in this box. If you behave in an appropriate manner, you will get 1 new toy from the box.

Lucas: Gabbie, because of your extreme behavior yesterday, you've already lost all of your toys. But if you behave today, you might get some back.

Asuka: NO!!! FUCK NO!!! I'D RATHER EAT HUNDREDS OF HORSE ASSES AND THROW UP WHILE CHOKING ON THEIR DICKS THAN LOSE ALL OF MY TOYS!!! YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE THEM BACK RIGHT NOW OR I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!

'''Lucas: I was absolutely appalled by what Asuka had just said. No 5-year-old should be saying those kinds of stuff.'''

Lucas: Asuka, this is your warning! You keep on shouting and cursing and you will go to the Naughty Corner.

Asuka: NAUGHTY CORNER?!?! MORE LIKE THE WELL BEHAVED ANGLE!!! GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF, WANKER!!!

[Lucas sends Asuka to the Naughty Corner]

Lucas: I am placing you on the Naughty Corner bec-

[Asuka headbutts Lucas, causing him to slap her]

Lucas: YOU DO NOT HEADBUTT ME YOU NAUGHTY LITTLE SHIT!!! YOU ARE NOW STAYING IN THE CORNER FOR 60 MINUTES!!!

Gloria: Lucas! You do not slap Asuka, call her the s word, and make her stay there for 60 minutes! You tell her "Do not headbutt me" in a low-tone voice.

Lucas: NO!!! I CAN'T STAND THIS!!! SHE WAS EXTREMELY RUDE YESTERDAY, AND I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH HER SHIT ANYMORE!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, I REFUSE TO CALL HER MY DAUGHTER!!!

'''Gloria: I was completely disgusted by what Lucas just said. So I took him outside to have some firm words with him.'''

Gloria: Lucas, you and your wife brought me here to help your children behave, and I do not appreciate you acting abusive to your children! What Asuka did was wrong, but that's no excuse to hit and verbally assault her like that!

Lucas: Look, I'm sorry, I just.. I just can't control myself sometimes...

Gloria: Well you need to control yourself and your daughter. Otherwise, what will happen if you don't? By 8 years old, Asuka will be shoving you to places, and by Drake's age...

Lucas: Oh I can't imagine...

Fred
'''Gloria: These next two techniques are going to be for Fred. Since he's a literal maniac for anything Beatles-related, it has taken a toll on his schoolwork.'''

Gloria: In order of Fred to get his grades up, I am introducing the Beatles Time technique.

Fred: What's that?

Gloria: See that clock over here? This tells you when it's time to dress up like the Beatles. If you see an area that's covered in a Beatles album or one of the members, then that mean you can dress up as the Beatles. Otherwise, you can't wear anything Beatles related.

Audrey: So it's 3 PM, and it's time to take off the costume.

Fred: Okay.

[Fred takes off his Paul McCartney costume and puts on a white shirt, blue pants, white socks and black hi-top sneakers]

'''Audrey: Me and Lucas were surprised. This is the first time ever he's willingly taken off his Beatles costume!'''

Gloria: That's fantastic! Now we can move onto the next technique, Diverse Music.

Lucas: How will that work?

Gloria: Since Fred enjoys the Beatles, he should start off by listening to musicians similar to them.

Fred: I'm not sure about that. No other band has the fame and talent as the Fab Four!

Audrey: Speaking of which, there's a band that's literally called the "Fab Four". It's an amazing tribute to the Beatles, and their songs rock!

Lucas: I'd also recommend listening to Pink Floyd, as they're also very successful and have made some amazing albums. The ones you should check out are "The Dark Side of the Moon", "The Wall", and "Wish You Were Here".

Fred: Alright, I'll go give them a try.

[Fred listens to Pink Floyd's "The Dark Side of the Moon"]

Asuka
Audrey: Asuka, you can't be listening to brutal death metal, slam death metal, grindcore, goregrind, cybergrind, pornogrind, deathgrind, and gorenoise all the time. You're too young to be listening to that anyway. We will put the Diverse Music technique on you.

Asuka: What do you mean? I'm happy with my music taste.

Lucas: Why don't you try to listen to tamer metal bands like Metallica, Iron Maiden, Ozzy Osbourne, or even some nu metal bands like Deftones, Limp Bizkit, Slipknot, or Linkin Park?

Asuka: You think those bloody bands are better? They're absolute shit!

Audrey: Well you can listen to the soundtrack to Neon Genesis Evangelion. It is nice.

Asuka: I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO THAT BULLSHIT!!!

Gloria: Asuka, you have to give this technique a try.

[Lucas then pulls out a CD to Aerosmith's "Toys in the Attic"]

Lucas: I recommend you listen to Aerosmith. They're a really good rock band.

Asuka: Well, I guess I'll give them a try.

[Asuka puts the CD in the player and starts to listen to the first track]

[After the album is over...]

Audrey: So, Asuka, what did you think of the album?

[Asuka takes the CD out of the player, then goes outside and puts the CD on a wood plank]

Lucas: Asuka, what are you-

[Asuka grabs a chainsaw and slices the CD in half]

Audrey: OH MY GOD ASUKA!!!

Lucas: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!

[Gloria takes the chainsaw from Asuka and turns it off]

Gloria: Why would you do that?!

Asuka: THAT HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF THE WORST ALBUM I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!! I DIDN'T KNEW THEY LET WANKERS MAKE SHITTY ALBUMS!!!

'''Lucas: It's one thing to dislike an album, but to chainsaw the CD? Why?'''

Gloria leaves
Gloria: Now that I have showed the family the new techniques, it was time for me to go.

Gloria: Remember that in terms of discipline, consistency and following through are your best friends. Fred also seems to be doing well with the Beatles Times, so make sure he keeps that up.

While Gloria is away
[We see Fred doing his homework]

Fred: Hey, I think I'm getting better at these equations.

Audrey: Wow. You've been getting a lot better at doing your homework. I'm so proud of you!

'''Lucas: Fred has done surprisingly well with the Beatles Time. His grades are improving significantly, and now he's getting into several different artists.'''

[Later on, the family is having a movie night]

Audrey: Today we are going to be watching the 1994 hit "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective".

Drake: I heard it's a good movie.

Fred: Yeah. I saw the trailer, and it looks pretty cool.

Asuka: No Jim Carrey!

Lucas: Yes Jim Carrey! Now don't start!

Asuka: You better put on the 1998 film Barney's Great Adventure!

Audrey: We are not watching Barney's Great Adventure because that movie is for babies. Now I'm putting on the movie.

[Audrey puts the VHS in the VCR and presses play]

[The intro starts playing]

[15 minutes into the film...]

Asuka: Oh my god! Why do I have to watch Ace Ventura: Pet Detective? This movie ripped off the 2020 movie Dr. Dolittle, which was way better!

Fred: Seriously? This movie came out in 1994, and Dr. Dolittle came out in 2020. Besides, the 2020 version of Dr. Dolittle was critically panned, having a 14% score on Rotten Tomatoes.

Asuka: You know what? I'm changing the movie to the 2003 movie "The Cat in the Hat"!

[Asuka rips out the Ace Ventura: Pet Detective VHS out of the VCR and replaces it with the Cat in the Hat VHS and presses play]

''The Cat in the Hat: The name S.L.O.W is better than the last name we had. Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.''

''Conrad Walden: Oh! You mean...''

''The Cat in the Hat: Doh! Quick to the Slow!''

Audrey: How dare you change the movie to Cat in the Hat! That movie isn't accurate to the original source and was critically panned by critics and fans.

Fred: Not to mention that Smash Mouth made a horrible cover to the Beatles's "Getting Better"!

Lucas: This is your warning. If you do that again, you will go to timeout.

Audrey: Since Asuka broke the Pet Detective VHS, we will now watch the 1989 film "Kiki's Delivery Service".

Asuka: No Studio Ghibli!

Drake: Yes Studio Ghibli! They're one of the best anime companies of all time!

Asuka: You better start hating on Spirited Away and The Tale of Princess Kaguya and start liking The Happytime Murders!

Lucas: Never, because The Happytime Murders is too inappropriate! Now we're putting on the movie.

[Lucas puts the VHS in the VCR and presses play]

[The intro starts playing]

[20 minutes into the movie...]

Asuka: Oh my god! Why do I have to watch this shit?! This is even worse than Ace Ventura: Pet Detective!

Drake: Trust me, Asuka, this is gonna get great!

Asuka: That's it! I'm changing the movie to the 2012 film "The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure"!

[Asuka yanks the VHS out of the VCR player and then switches it to the Oogieloves movie]

[The Milkshake Moo Moo Song starts playing]

Audrey: How dare you change the movie to The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure! That movie is for babies and was a box office failure! That's it! I'm sending you to the Naughty Corner!

Asuka: OH HELL NO!!!

[Audrey takes Asuka to the Naughty Corner]

Audrey: I'm putting you in the Naughty Corner because you kept on changing the movie. You will stay there for 5 minutes.

Asuka: NO NAUGHTY CORNER!!!

Audrey: Yes Naughty Corner! You're staying there and that's final!

Asuka: START LIKING THE 1980 FILM CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST!!!

Audrey: Never, because that film is too gory!

Lucas: Honey, don't get into an argument. Just walk away and let Asuka do her time.

[Audrey walks away, and Asuka shouts out all kinds of cuss words]

Asuka: I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL!!! I WILL KILL MOMMY, DADDY, DRAKE, FRED, AND THOSE SHITTY ASS NEIGHBORS WHO THINK I'M WEIRD BECAUSE I LISTEN TO BRUTAL DEATH METAL, SLAM DEATH METAL, GRINDCORE, GOREGRIND, CYBERGRIND, PORNOGRIND, DEATHGRIND, AND GORENOISE!!! AND WHEN THAT BLOODY WHORE SUPERNANNY RETURNS I WILL KILL HER AS WELL!!!

Lucas: ASUKA!!! Unless you shut the hell up and stay in the Naughty Corner, I will put all of your toys in the Toy Confiscation bin!

Asuka: I FUCKING DARE YOU, WANKER!!!

[Lucas takes all of Asuka's toys and puts them in the Toy Confiscation bin]

Asuka: SCREW YOUR SLIMY GUTS!!! DRIVING ME FUCKING NUTS!!!

Drake: Did you just quote Mayhem?

Asuka: HELL YEAH I QUOTED MAYHEM!!! AND I'M ABOUT TO GIVE DADDY MAYHEM FOR CONFISCATING ALL OF MY FUCKING TOYS!!!

Lucas: This is your warning! Keep on screaming and I will throw away all of your toys in the trash!

Asuka: DO ME A FAVOR AND DO IT YOU BASTARD!!!

[Enraged, Lucas takes all of Asuka's toys and throws them in the trash can outside]

Lucas: How about that shit?! She thinks I'm playing?! I'll show that slut who gets the last laugh!

[5 minutes later...]

Audrey: I putted you in timeout because you kept on changing the movie. Say you're sorry.

Asuka: Sorry, mommy.

Audrey: Thank you.

[Audrey gives Asuka a hug]

Audrey: After that, I wanted to retrieve Asuka's toys, but Lucas didn't want me to.

Lucas: What the hell are you doing?

Audrey: Bringing back Asuka's toys.

Lucas: After that meltdown of hers? She called me all kinds of names!

Audrey: Still, she deserves a second chance.

Lucas: She gets no more chances! I am following through in throwing away her toys!

[Lucas takes the toys and puts them back in the trash]

DVD Meeting
Gloria: Now that I've been gone for a few days, it's time to see how the parents did during their time alone.

Gloria: So how were you guys while I was gone?

Lucas: It was okay.

Gloria: Well let's go see the footage, shall we?

[We see Fred doing his homework]

Fred: Hey, I think I'm getting better at these equations.

''Audrey: Wow. You've been getting a lot better at doing your homework. I'm so proud of you!''

Gloria: Wow! Fred's doing amazing here.

Audrey: Yes. In fact, Fred has improved the most. He hadn't went into timeout at all during that time.

Gloria: Well that's fantastic! Let's look at more footage.

''Audrey: I'm putting you in the Naughty Corner because you kept on changing the movie. You will stay there for 5 minutes.''

Asuka: NO NAUGHTY CORNER!!!

''Audrey: Yes Naughty Corner! You're staying there and that's final!''

Asuka: START LIKING THE 1980 FILM CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST!!!

Audrey: Never, because that film is too gory!

Gloria: Audrey, what Asuka just did was try to get into an argument with you. Just ignore her and walk away.

Audrey: Okay.

''Asuka: I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL!!! I WILL KILL MOMMY, DADDY, DRAKE, FRED, AND THOSE SHITTY ASS NEIGHBORS WHO THINK I'M WEIRD BECAUSE I LISTEN TO BRUTAL DEATH METAL, SLAM DEATH METAL, GRINDCORE, GOREGRIND, CYBERGRIND, PORNOGRIND, DEATHGRIND, AND GORENOISE!!! AND WHEN THAT BLOODY WHORE SUPERNANNY RETURNS I WILL KILL HER AS WELL!!!''

''Lucas: ASUKA!!! Unless you shut the hell up and stay in the Naughty Corner, I will put all of your toys in the Toy Confiscation bin!''

Asuka: I FUCKING DARE YOU, WANKER!!!

[Lucas takes all of Asuka's toys and puts them in the Toy Confiscation bin]

Gloria: Why did you do that?

Lucas: Because she dared me to do it, so I did.

Gloria: Lucas, what Asuka was trying to do was provoke you. Just ignore her. And you don't take away all of her toys. You take away only one.

''Lucas: This is your warning! Keep on screaming and I will throw away all of your toys in the trash!''

Asuka: DO ME A FAVOR AND DO IT YOU BASTARD!!!

[Enraged, Lucas takes all of Asuka's toys and throws them in the trash can outside]

''Lucas: How about that shit?! She thinks I'm playing?! I'll show that slut who gets the last laugh!''

Gloria: What was all of that?! Why did you threw away her toys?

Lucas: I got really upset, and she kept telling me to throw it away.

Gloria: She doesn't mean it. She's only trying to provoke you. Never give in to demands like that.

Lucas: What the hell are you doing?

Audrey: Bringing back Asuka's toys.

''Lucas: After that meltdown of hers? She called me all kinds of names!''

Audrey: Still, she deserves a second chance.

''Lucas: She gets no more chances! I am following through in throwing away her toys!''

[Lucas takes the toys and puts them back in the trash]

Gloria: Seriously, Lucas? Audrey had a point about giving back her toys.

Audrey: In the end, my husband kept persisting, and we had to throw away her toys.

Lucas: Well you know what? She deserved nothing for that massive tantrum of hers!

Gloria: Lucas! You're taking this way out of proportion! A temper tantrum does not warrant throwing all of her toys away! We are gonna have to work on how you discipline the kids more.

Reinforcements (Asuka's Ultimate Tantrum)
'''Gloria: Today, the family was going shopping for new VHS tapes. However, Asuka and Drake were misbehaving.'''

Asuka: We should get Mississippi Burning on VHS!

Audrey: We are not getting Mississippi Burning because that movie is rated 18 and is too inappropriate for you.

Drake: Hey, we should get Killer Klowns from Outer Space on VHS.

Lucas: We are not getting Killer Klowns from Outer Space because that movie is rated 15 and is too scary for your younger sister.

Drake: For fucks sake! It isn't that bad as Mississippi Burning!

Lucas: Well why not get the rated 12 version? That is more appropriate.

Drake: NEVER!!! THAT VERSION CUTS OFF THE MORE EXTREME PARTS!!!

Asuka: AND MISSISSIPPI BURNING IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHATEVER SHITTY MOVIE YOU WANT US TO WATCH!!!

Fred: Hey, how about we get Monsters, Inc. on VHS?

Audrey: That's a great idea! That movie is rated U and is a really good movie. We will get that.

Asuka: EAT MY GORENOISE ASS RIGHT NOW!!! WE ARE NOT GETTING MONSTERS BLOODY INC ON VHS YOU FUCKING WANKER!!!

Drake: YOU BETTER BUY US KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE RATED 15 VERSION AND MISSISSIPPI BURNING ON VHS RIGHT NOW OR WE'RE FORCING YOU TO START LIKING ADAM SANDLER'S JACK AND JILL MOVIE!!!

'''Gloria: Asuka and Drake were having an extreme meltdown. And since mom and dad weren't doing anything about it, I had to step in.'''

Gloria: (in a low-tone voice) Asuka, Drake, that is enough! We are not getting Killer Klowns from Outer Space Rated 15 Edition and Mississippi Burning on VHS! Behave yourselves or you will go on timeout when we get home.

Gloria: Drake got the message and stopped, but the same couldn't be said for Asuka.

[Asuka knocks down a shelf full of VHS tapes and smashes them]

Aubrey: Asuka, you do not knock down the shelves and smash the VHS tapes! When we get home, you're going straight into the Naughty Corner!

Asuka: BLOODY FUCKING HELL!!! I'D RATHER GET MY CLIT PIERCED BY THOUSANDS OF RUSTY KNIVES THEN GO TO THE NAUGHTY CORNER!!!

Lucas: Too bad! You should've listen to Gloria when she told you to stop.

[When the family got home, Aubrey took Asuka straight to the Naughty Corner]

Aubrey: You're in the Naughty Corner because you threw a tantrum in the store. You will stay there for 5 minutes.

Asuka: How about I stay there for 0 minutes, retard?

[Aubrey ignore this and walks away]

Asuka: HEY DUMBASS!!! I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!

Aubrey: Asuka can call me all the bad names in the English language, but I will ignore her!

[Asuka runs outside and stabs the pool with a sharp needle, causing the water to spill out]

Lucas: You do not stab the pool! Now get inside and go back to the Naughty Corner!

Time: 12 minutes

[Asuka hacks the speakers and plays Mortican's "Chainsaw Dismemberment"]

Asuka: FUCK YOU ALL!!! THIS IS FOR EVERYTHING!!!

Audrey: You do not blast this house with deathgrind music! Go back into the Naughty Corner right now!

Time: 25 minutes

[Asuka throws water balloons at Gloria]

Gloria: You do not attack me with water balloons! Go back to the Naughty Corner right now.

Asuka: EAT MY ASS!!!

Time: 38 minutes

[Asuka hacks the TV and plays the movie "A Serbian Film"]

Fred: No A Serbian Film!

Asuka: YES A SERBIAN FILM!!! THAT MOVIE IS FAMILY FRIENDLY!!!

Drake: I don't know what's so family friendly about raping dead corpses.

Gloria: Asuka, turn off that movie right now and go back to the Naughty Corner!

Gloria: When playing extreme heavy metal music and gory horror movies didn't work, Asuka went to physically abusing her parents.

[Asuka punches Aubrey in the chest]

[Asuka kicks Lucas in the leg]

Lucas: You do not attack me and mommy! Go back to the Naughty Corner right now!

Time: 55 minutes

[Asuka hits Drake in the face]

[Asuka punches Fred in his groin area]

Fred: Ouch! That hurts!

Drake: What did we do to you?!

Asuka: YOU ARE HORRIBLE AND I HATE YOU!!! YOU'RE THE WORST BROTHERS EVER!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BECAME BOOTLICKERS TO GLORIA THE GLORY BLOODY HOLE!!!

Gloria: Asuka, go back to the Naughty Corner right now! I am not tolerating that behavior of yours!

Time: 70 minutes

[Asuka gets a metal baseball bat and destroys the family computer with it]

Lucas: You do not smash the family computer with a baseball bat! Get your butt in the Naughty Corner right now!

Time: 92 minutes

[Asuka splashes fruit punch on Gloria, then sprays her down with a water gun filled with Pepsi]

Gloria: You do not splash me with fruit punch and spray me with Pepsi! Go back to the Naughty Corner now!

Asuka: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE, WANKER!!!

Time: 105 minutes

[Asuka hacks the speakers again and plays Anal Birth's "Infantbutchering" album]

Asuka: GORENOISE, OH GORENOISE, BLESS THIS HOUSE WITH YOUR GORE AND NOISE!!!

Lucas: For fuck sake, Asuka, this hacking thing is getting ridiculous now!

Gloria: Lucas, just put her back into the Naughty Corner.

Time: 115 minutes

[Asuka hacks the TV again and plays the Boss Baby movie]

Audrey: We do not watch the Boss Baby because that movie is critically panned and didn't deserve an Oscar nominee. Go back in the Naughty Corner right now.

Asuka: YOU WANKERS DON'T KNOW REAL ENTERTAINMENT!!!

Time: 128 minutes

[Asuka shatters the kitchen windows with an iron ball]

Lucas: You don't shatter the windows with an iron ball! Now stop misbehaving and go back to the Naughty Corner!

Asuka: NEVER!!!

[Lucas then proceeds to cuff Asuka and drags her to the Naughty Corner]

Gloria: Lucas, we are not going to cuff Asuka. She needs to move her arms.

[Gloria uncuffs Asuka]

Time: 140 minutes

[Asuka gets all of Audrey's Neon Genesis Evangelion VHS tapes and throws them in a bonfire, destroying them]

Audrey: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THREW ALL OF MY NEON GENESIS EVANGELION VHS TAPES IN A BONFIRE!!! THAT COST ME SO MUCH MONEY!!! THAT'S IT!!! SINCE IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR BED, YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO BED RIGHT NOW!!!

Asuka: NEVER!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU CAN GO KILL YOURSELF WITH A RUSTY KNIFE!!!

[Audrey and Lucas drag Asuka straight to bed]

Asuka: I WILL NEVER GO TO BED!!! GLORIA IS NEVER GOING TO WIN THIS BATTLE!!! SHE MAY HAVE CHANGED DRAKE AND FRED, BUT NEVER ME!!!

Fred: (singing) All you need is love...

Asuka: SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR GAY ASS BEATLES SHIT!!!

Audrey: ASUKA STOP!!! (starts crying) Just stop... I can't take your tantrums anymore... (cries hysterically) why can't you behave for once... why do you have to be a pain all of the time...

Asuka: Oh you're crying? That's awesome! Why don't you get some onions and cry even more, bitch?

Lucas: (furious) THAT IS ENOUGH!!! You have lost all of your privileges for a whole week! Go the fuck to sleep right now and stop bullying your mother!

Gloria: At this point, Audrey had lost it.

Audrey: (crying hysterically) I not gonna be able to do this anymore... I'm not strong enough... she thinks I'm the one ruining her life but she's ruining hers... she doesn't like us anymore... how can I get her to change for the better...

Gloria: There there. Tomorrow, I will set up a therapy session with you, your husband, and Asuka. I've never seen a child get this crazy before.

Family Therapy
Gloria: After Audrey had a mental breakdown yesterday, I set up a family therapy for Audrey, Lucas, and Asuka so they can finally get things settled.

Dr. Robo: Good morning. I'm Dr. Robo, and I'm a psychologists who specializes in family issues. How can I help you?

Lucas: Our daughter Asuka has been behaving extremely rude, and despite Supernanny helping us, she still hasn't changed.

Audrey: We fear that she may have a mental disorder.

Dr. Robo: Asuka, what have you been doing?

Asuka: I've been hitting, kicking, cursing, shouting, hacking the speakers, hacking the telly, and doing so much bad things!

Dr. Robo: But why do you act naughty?

Asuka: Because my parents are absolute assholes! They think I'm possessed or something!

Lucas: We don't think you're possessed. I think all that heavy metal music is making you mad.

Dr. Robo: What heavy metal music?

Asuka: I only listen to the most extreme metal! This includes brutal death metal, slam death metal, grindcore, goregrind, cybergrind, pornogrind, deathgrind, and gorenoise!

Audrey: But you're only 5 years old! You're way too young to be listening to that graphic music!

Asuka: No I'm not! I'm never too young to be listening to music!

Dr. Robo: Okay. I will evaluate Asuka to see if she has a mental illness.

[30 minutes later...]

Dr. Robo: After some testing, I've determined that Asuka has Psychopathy.

Lucas: Our daughter's a bloody psychopath?! Now that's just great!

Audrey: What has caused it?

Dr. Robo: The exact cause is currently unknown, but the heavy metal music she's been listening to may be a factor. I recommend you continue to follow Supernanny's advice and try to limit Asuka's heavy metal music.

Getting rid of the albums
Gloria: After the therapy session, the parents were going to immediately get rid of Asuka's extreme metal albums.

Drake: So how did the therapy session go?

Lucas: Your sister Asuka is a diagnosed psychopath.

Fred: Psychopath? At 5-years-old?

Audrey: Yes. We were shocked too. Dr. Robo told us to limit Asuka's heavy metal listening, so we're going to get rid of her brutal death metal, slam death metal, grindcore, goregrind, cybergrind, pornogrind, deathgrind, and gorenoise albums. And you boys are going to help us.

Fred: Sure.

Drake: Can I keep some of them?

Lucas: You can keep some, but only the more tamer albums. The rest will be given away to the local thrift shop.

[Lucas, Audrey, Fred, and Drake all go in Asuka's room. Lucas pulls out a box underneath Asuka's bed]

Lucas: This is where she hides all of the albums. I saw her put away her box once when she thought I wasn't looking.

[Lucas opens the box to find a bunch of brutal death metal, slam death metal, grindcore, goregrind, cybergrind, pornogrind, deathgrind, and gorenoise album CDs. He picks up one, which is Cattle Decapitation's "Human Jerky" EP]

Drake: Bloody hell... who uses a decapitated cow's head for the album cover?

Audrey: Do you want to keep it, Drake?

Drake: Never in my life am I gonna own that!

Lucas: Okay. We'll put that in the donation bin. We'll go through the rest now.

'''Gloria: Everything was going great. The family was working together as a team sorting out all of the albums. But then Asuka saw it...'''

Asuka: What are you all doing?!

Audrey: We are getting rid of all of your extreme metal music because it is causing you to become a psychopath.

Drake: And I get to keep some of your albums!

Asuka: NEVER IN A MILLION FUCKING YEARS ARE YOU ALL GONNA TAKE AWAY MY BRUTAL DEATH METAL, SLAM DEATH METAL, GRINDCORE, GOREGRIND, CYBERGRIND, PORNOGRIND, DEATHGRIND, AND GORENOISE ALBUMS!!! AND DRAKE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE IS ESPECIALLY NOT KEEPING SOME OF THEM!!! THAT IS SO IT!!!

[Asuka grabs the donation bin and dumps all of the albums on Fred's head]

Fred: Ow! I almost got a concussion!

Audrey: Asuka, this is your warning! If you keep on being naughty, then I will take you straight to the Naughty Corner!

Asuka: NO NAUGHTY CORNER!!!

[Asuka then grabs the Human Jerky EP, puts it in the CD player, turns it on, and blasts the music on full blast]

Drake: TURN IT DOWN!!! IT'S TOO LOUD!!!

Asuka: NEVER!!!

[Lucas grabs the CD player and slams it on the ground, breaking it and the CD]

Asuka: YOU DUMBASS!!! YOU BROKE MY FUCKING CD PLAYER!!!

Lucas: If you're gonna act silly like that then you're not gonna have it at all!

Asuka: YOU DON'T DESTROY MY PROPERTY!!!

Lucas: I paid for it, so technically, I destroyed my CD player. Now I'm putting you in timeout.

[Lucas puts Asuka in timeout]

Lucas: I am putting you in timeout because you acted extremely naughty and blasted a goregrind album in the house.

Asuka: PISS OFF, WANKER!!!

[Lucas goes back in the room to finish sorting out the albums]

Drake: Hey, can I keep Napalm Death's "Mentally Murdered"?

Audrey: Sure. I heard that Napalm Death is a really good album.

Lucas: Also Drake, I recommend you hide some of the new albums your getting, so as Asuka won't steal them.

Gloria: We eventually got all of the albums sorted out, but Asuka was still having a tantrum.

[Asuka hacks the TV and plays a scene in the 2018 movie "Lords of Chaos" where vocalist Dead is slitting his wrists and neck, then shooting his head off with a shotgun]

Asuka: (laughing) That is so hilarious!

Lucas: And this is why Dr. Robo diagnosed you as a psychopath! Suicide is not funny! We're going to take your albums to the thrift shop and sell them!

Asuka: Go ahead! I don't give a shit anymore!

Audrey: Go back to the Naughty Corner right now!

[Asuka goes back to the Naughty Corner]

[The family then drives to the nearest thrift store to sell the albums]

Lucas snaps
Lucas: Hello. We're here to sell some music albums.

Clerk: Sure. What kinds of albums do you got?

Audrey: We have some brutal death metal, slam death metal, grindcore, goregrind, cybergrind, pornogrind, deathgrind, and gorenoise albums to sell. I recommend putting a lot of them in the 18+ section due to their graphic covers.

Clerk: Alright. Let me have a look.

[The clerk opens the box, only to find a paper that says "GET REKT LOL UR NEVR SELLIN MEH ALBUMZ!!!!!" in crude, misspelled writing]

Clerk: Is this a joke? There are no albums.

Gloria: What happened to them?

Drake: I think I know what happened. Asuka must've swapped out the boxes when we weren't looking.

Lucas: Oh my god... I'm so sorry about this. I must've left the albums at home. We'll go get them back.

[The family drives back home]

Gloria: When we entered the house, I was shocked by what I saw.

[We see Asuka eating pizza, ice cream, soda, and candies she ordered from GrubHub, Uber Eats, Postmates, and other food-delivering services. She also bought tons of new brutal death metal, slam death metal, grindcore, goregrind, cybergrind, pornogrind, deathgrind, and gorenoise albums. She has Last Days of Humanity's "Putrefaction In Progress" album blasting through the entire house at full volume. She also hacked the TV and is playing the 1997 movie "Cats Don't Dance"]

Audrey: ASUKA LEMMY!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Asuka: I'm tired of the Naughty Corner! I used your credit cards to pay for food, new albums, and even upgraded my hacking skills, so now the telly and speakers will never be shut off!

Fred: And why did you chose Cat's Don't Dance? That movie was a major box office bomb upon first release and has mixed reviews. We should watch the 2019 movie "Yesterday" instead.

Asuka: CAT'S DON'T DANCE IS A GOOD MOVIE, DIPSHIT!!! After this, we will watch the 2020 masterpiece "Artemis Fowl".

Lucas: At that point, I was at my boiling point.

Lucas: THAT IS SO IT, ASUKA!!! THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW!!! YOU'VE BEEN TERRORIZING THIS FAMILY FOR YEARS, AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!

[Lucas grabs a metal baseball bat and destroys the TV and speakers]

Audrey: LUCAS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Lucas: I'M GONNA TEACH THAT LITTLE SHIT A VERY VALUABLE LESSON!!!

[Lucas then proceeds to smash all of the brutal death metal, slam death metal, grindcore, goregrind, cybergrind, pornogrind, deathgrind, and gorenoise albums, including the new ones she had just bought]

Asuka: DADDY STOP!!! YOU'RE WASTING MONEY!!!

Lucas: NO!!! YOU WASTED MY MONEY BUYING THESE BLOODY ALBUMS!!! I HAVE ABSOLUTELY HAD IT!!! THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW!!!

[Lucas then takes the food Asuka had ordered and slams it on the pile of smashed CDs, ruining the food and further destroying the CDs]

Drake: BLOODY HELL, DAD, YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND!!!

Lucas: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE!!! I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THIS FOR A LONG, FUCKING TIME!!!

Gloria: After seeing dad have a mental breakdown, I had to stop him.

Gloria: (raising her voice to extremes) LUCAS!!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT WHEN I TALKED ABOUT YOUR EXTREME DISCIPLINE!!! WE WERE GONNA SELL ALL OF THESE ALBUMS!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DESTROY THEM?!?! AND YOU DIDN'T NEED TO SMASH THE TV, SPEAKERS, OR FOOD EITHER!!! YOU SHOULD'VE TAKEN HER STRAIGHT TO BED!!!

Gloria: This might be the first time I've ever raised my voice like that.

Lucas: OH, YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?! IMAGINE SPENDING YEARS DEALING WITH HER BULLSHIT!!! AT LEAST DRAKE AND FRED ARE IMPROVING, BUT SHE WILL NEVER IMPROVE!!! SHE IS A DIAGNOSED PSYCHOPATH AFTER ALL!!!

Gloria: (calming down) Still, she needs to know what is right and what is wrong! Your extreme methods are only gonna make things worse. I will show you how to properly discipline her.

[Gloria takes Asuka by the hand and takes her to her room]

Gloria: (in a low-tone voice) You are going straight to bed because you swapped the boxes, used mommy and daddy's credit card to pay for food, new albums, and new hacking skills, and hacking the TV and speakers to play a mediocre kids film and more gorenoise music.

Asuka: THIS IS ALL OF YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!! DADDY IS RIGHT!!! NO ONE WILL EVER CHANGE ME!!! NOT EVEN YOU!!!

Gloria: I am not gonna debate this with you! Go to bed right now!

[Asuka goes to bed crying]

Time to say Goodbye
Gloria: Now that I've taught you everything. It is time for me to go.

Audrey: So how did the kids do?

Gloria: Drake and Fred were amazing overall. Fred has controlled his Beatles addiction, and Drake hasn't step foot in the strip club since I've enforced the rules.

Lucas: But what about Asuka?

Gloria: Since Asuka is a psychopath and still misbehaves, she needs more help than what I can offer.

Asuka: HA HA!!! YOU FAILED YOUR MISSION TO CHANGE ME!!! GET REKT, BITCH!!!

Audrey: What do with do with Asuka?

Gloria: I recommend sending her off to a Residential Treatment Center. That way, Asuka can get the proper treatment.

Lucas: I know a RTC in a nearby town called Northwich. We can send her there.

Audrey: That's a great idea! I'll go give them a call.

Family Update
'''Audrey: It's been a month since Gloria left. We sent Asuka to a RTC in Northwich in hopes of getting her psychopathy controlled. However, by two weeks, she was forced to leave.'''

Lucas: What did she do?

''Caller: Asuka has assaulted the staff, terrorized the other patients, kept hacking the telly to play children's movies/shows and inappropriate/gory horror movies, and kept hacking the speakers to play extreme heavy metal music. We can't control her. Come pick her up ASAP!''

Lucas: At this point, our only other option is to send her to an extremely strict boarding school in Somalia. If that doesn't work, then we don't know what will.

Audrey: At least Drake and Fred have improved significantly. Drake is now a mature man who no longer goes to the strip club and hangs around with more appropriate friends.

Lucas: Fred still loves the Beatles, but he's now opened up to more music genres than ever. He says his new favorite music genres besides the Beatles are pop, rap, heavy metal, and EDM.